If you fart in the bath

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

Are you washing in poo particles?

[37jan]

ONE MORNING i FARTED IN THE KITCHEN AND MY H FARTED IN THE LIVING ROOM HE CAME OUT AND SAID "IF ALIENS CAME DOWN NOW THEY'D THINK WE WERE TALKING TO EACH OTHER".

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

French onion soup, a mahoosive garlic crouton with toasted cheese and 3 pints of Marstons.

The smell woke us up and DD (3) came in crying because "my nose doesn't like me".

[cherrybombxo]

Coffee No WAY would I have owned up to that, you're a better person than I am! A few months ago I had an upset stomach and let one go while in bed. It was so horrible it woke DP up and when he asked what the hell it was, I blamed it on him

To my shame, he accepted it AND apologised!

[Coffeethrowtrampbitch]

Love this thread.

I can agree an aeroplane is the worst place. I let out the smelliest fart I've ever done on takeoff on our honeymoon. It was awful, but I'm terrified of flying so counted myself lucky I hadnt done worse. Then my new dh whispered to me that someone had done the worst fart he had ever smelled, and I had to confess it was me.

My dsis had a friend who lived in a commune place when she was young, and for some reason they always farted in a jar which they then hastily sealed up. Her mum came to visit and decided to give the place a good clean. When she found and opened the jar, the smell was so bad she was sick [shocked]

[ammy23]

hahahahahahahahahaha fart in the bath or anywhere else, just don't let anyone smell that. ;)

[elQuintoConyo]

At our fancypants all-girls school we used to catch a fart and throw it in someone's face my poor oblivious parents

The first night I spent with then DP (now Dh) at his parents' house, we were sneaking around (they're devout Catholic). Dh snuck into my room and we were cuddling and whispering... when DH let off a huge fart. Not only was it huge, it hit a bedspring at the wrong angle and vibrated, loudly, for a good minute or so we could not stop laughing for about an hour, and all tje next day we could barely look at each other as one would set the other off again. I swear his parents - and multiple siblings - thought we'd been shagging.

I'm still laughing now, 16 years later.
If I have to fart, I do it in a ladylike fashion and warn my husband, "Honeypie, you may need to hold onto the duvet"

[Benedictinemonk]

So many stories, so little time.

I discovered a new friend already knew some old friends of mine. "How well do you know them?" I asked. "We're on farting terms" came the reply.

Riding up in an elevator with my dad when I was a kid. He let an enormous and outrageously smelly fart go. The lift stopped and the doors opened; a man took one step in, a look of horror passed across his face, and he stepped straight out again with a loud "bloody hell". Doors closed and dad and I fell to the floor with uncontrollable fits of the giggles.

I was a teacher for many years. Occasionally I would feel a fart coming on in the classroom. Silently drop it while standing next to a group of kids, then walk smoothly away and listen to them argue amongst themselves over which of them was responsible. A chemistry teacher friend said he always blamed the experiment in progress, but always worried that a kid would write in an exam answer that a particular experiment led to a 'bad smell' when actually it didn't.

I remember also as a 12/13 year old kid, doing an experiment in class where gas was produced and then collected under water in a jar, and realising I could repeat the process in the bath and save the product in a beaker ... and then when I got out of the bath upset my younger sister with a "here, smell this".

Also from teaching days (name changed to protect the 'innocent'). Alone (or so I thought) in the staffroom late one afternoon after school, marking books. Heard a loud fart and knew it wasn't me; I slowly looked round, only one other person there, an old female art teacher (about a year off retirement) called 'Ann Smith'. A few days later, nattering with a couple of close friends and colleagues, including a male member of the art department, I started to tell the story. I got as far as "I slowly looked round" and he said "Ann Smith - she does it all the time in the art room".

My DW always apologised for what she called her "period farts", which were particularly loud and noxious. What I don't understand is why they're just as bad after the menopause.

Riding up on a slow moving chairlift on a dead calm day in a ski resort, me and a friend, with our DWs on the lift behind us, "I've laid an ambush" he announced ... 30 seconds later "Eamonn you bas**rd" from the chair behind/below.

[WilburIsSomePig]

I farted in front of my chickens the other day and they made their distress calls!

Ha ha ha ha god bless your poor chickens!

[kelper]

I've got to page 3 and i can't read anymore, I'm crying with laughter!
I love a good trump (what DS calls them) but they usually want to make an appearance when its quiet/im with other people/im in water/all of the above!

[SheWhoDaresGins]

This made me chuckle, bet they had a lot of beans!!

[cherrybombxo]

I had to stop reading this at work because I was laughing so hard i gave myself a headache

My female manager farts constantly in our office, wafts it at us with bits of paper and says, 'enjoy that, ladies, better out than in!'

My auntie is a nurse and was doing an induction meeting with a group of young student nurses. As she leant over to get something from the other side of her desk, she let out a massive fart and had to bluster something about human bodily functions and them all being medical professionals. What a red face!

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

They're fondly known as love puffs.

Love puffs are fanny farts where I'm from

[Egghead68]

I farted in front of my chickens the other day and they made their distress calls!

[Freebirdy]

I once worked with an anaesthetist who guffed all day. As soon as the patient was asleep... Off he'd go. Rank

[Kakaka]

I used to work with a man who would just let rip all day, every day. Being British, no one said anything.

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

Oh I've discovered this in the small wee waking hours. So have to share...

Dh (then just boyf) and I went on holiday a week or so after getting together. Nothing special, just a camping trip to get away.

One night we'd both gone to the toilet block and dh, being the gent he was, held the tent flap open so I could get in before him. As I bent down I did the most humongous and pongy fart ever. Right in his face as he bent down to follow me in.

We both laughed for a very long time, i have never lived it down as 8 years later it still gets brought up. But it certainly set the scene for not being worried about perfectly natural bodily functions. They're fondly known as love puffs.

[PacificDogwood]

The farting baby: cute, funny visuals AND sound effect
Brilliant every time!

[LemonMousse]

Ah - I do love the farting baby

[lurkingaround]

I have finished reading this thread and howled with laughter, tears, runny nose, couldn't speak, all of it! Hilarious thread.

I'm sure you all know this baby one but here it is again.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

I have just found a new use for my farts. Was rocking baby ds trying to get him to sleep when one slipped out. Ds sniffed and promptly fell fast asleep. Sleeping gas, brilliant! Must remember that when he wakes for the umpteenth time in the night.

[Bogeyface]

I assume vegetarians don't fart.

Wrong! The stinkiest people I know are vegetarians apart from King Stinky who is vegan, never go on a long car journey with him!

What a rude woman! So she doesnt fart then and if she does they smell of roses?!

[Bodberry]

a few years ago at the meat counter, a particularly noxious one slipped out.
small one passing by commented to mummy about the stench.
"yes darling, some people have terribly unhealthy diets don't they"
or something along those lines.

I assume vegetarians don't fart.

[MrsBoldon]

This is reminding me of the Martin Bell interview when he reported that when trying to interview Gaddafi for a serious journalistic piece; Gaddafi kept farting in some kind of aggressive manner to try and put him off and dare him to say something!.

Farts are obviously powerful and can even be part of political machinations!.

How Martin kept a straight face I will never know. I'd have completely lost my professionalism and been very tempted to say 'what's that Sweep?'.

[campocaro]

film

[campocaro]

Family Christmas at my grandmothers´, circa 1967. All cousins, aunts uncles etc etc there and I was one of the youngest .After lunch we were playing a game called -Dumb Crambo It was my turn to act out a fim. I had been given a difficult one and I was standing in the middle of a large circle of relatives trying (hard) to work out what to do. Concentrating so hard that I let out an enormous Christmas fart. I can still remember the embarrassment I felt to this day!