ridiculous topics for marital rows

[whendotheyleavehome]

OK, so I caught myself getting cross at hubby when on family holiday for having fruit and fibre for breakfast as he was 'obviously' trying to engineer more 'me time' on the loo away from the kids.

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one to have picked THE most ludicrous fight? Other examples please....or am I a lone witch?...

Hit report above any post, and put a message in the box that comes up saying you'd like to nominate the thread for classics, PeaceLilly.

We once argued - proper shouting, insulting and flouncing, over whether ice forms at the top or bottom of ponds.

Oh, god, yes!
I once bought a wooden fruit bowl from b&q (I was heavily pg in my defence and it seemed like a good idea at the time) and dh went apeshit in the queue when he found out the price.
That row lasted for days

My mum wouldn't speak to my dad for three days because he was horrible to her in a dream.

Oh god I've just remembered another.

My ex dh was doing that walking into me thing when we were in the shopping centre. I got annoyed and pointed it out.

Cue him yelling he was walking straight

He did it again and I pointed it out. He then decided to skip round me while screaming 'straight, straight, straight'

I walked off and went to the cinema.

Sounds reasonable right?

We were in a shopping centre 2 hours from our house and he had the car keys.

2 hours plus later (the crap film 'Outbreak' was watched by me) I made my way home via a 4 hour train journey to hear the answering machine message say 'I assume you've stropped off, I will be in BHS cafe and will leave Birmingham at 8pm if you're not back'

Nearly 20 years ago, still glad he's my ex husband

We have the great toaster argument... This would vary in intensity, storming off, sulking you name it, it was an ongoing issue!

DH would turn the toaster up so that it would cook faster, so if I used it after my toast would be incinerated as I don't sit there and watch my toast.
The argument being; I felt DH should turn the toaster back down if he had turned it up. He felt I should check the setting and adjust as needed.

We had to get a 4 slice toaster in the end so we each have a separate side. We laugh about it now but it was a bitter time and we still don't agree!

i had a very big argument with my exdp, over himagine not using a wooden or plastic spoon in a non stick pan, i felt he was being a little too hopeful that by using a fork carefully he might not scratch my newly purchased pans, writing this down it seems i may have been quite reasonable but remembering the row you would have thought he'd had an affair with the last 200 women he met!

We manageed to row over tomatoes. A row that lasted 2 days and still pisses me off 6 years later. In fact just typing this has pissed me off all over again

DP and I have one flashpoint which is virtually guaranteed to start a row.

Ready for it?

What will we have for dinner?

DP is a fussy fucker, I know that no matter what I suggest he'll screw his face up and say no, so why fucking ask me?! Then he starts getting stroppy with me because I'm not suggesting anything, I say why the hell should I you won't want it anyway... Add to this the fact that I've usually just walked in from work, and he's a SAHP. It makes me want to throw something at him

we rowed over how our children passed wind!!! I still can't believe it...

An ex once accused me of making up the word "virulent". After I showed him the entry in the dictionary he then said I'd used the word to "trip him up"

Ex.

Many! DH and I had a humdinger over hypochondria - he was convinced it was hydrochondria.

Also OP I get infuriates by me time on the bloody toilet - DH spends HOURS in there ??

Howling at "straight straight straight!"

DH saw we had half a container of Strawberry Nesquik powder left and half a container of Banana Nesquik powder left... so obviously he decided he'd save space by mixing them both together FFS I love strawberry milk and I love banana milk but I would never want strawberry and banana milk together!!!

DIY is also a recipe for huge meltdowns here - we nearly bought a fixer upper if we had we would not be together now. Also yes to the right/wrong way to stack the dishwasher, arguing about clothes airers v tumble dryers - and a lengthy and heated argument about a deleted scene from the superman two movie which DH went to great lengths to prove he was right about.

(Every fucking time we go out for dinner)

Waiter: Would you like to see the desert menu?

Her: No thanks

Me: Actually, I will have look please

Her: I’m stuffed, I could not eat one more mouthful

Me: Sticky toffee pudding please

Her: Ooooooh….that sounds nice, can you bring two spoons please

Me: Erm, why don’t you order you own?

Her: I don’t want a whole one, I just want a few spoons of yours

Me: Well this is the problem, its never ever ‘a few spoons’ you end up scoffing most of it, just order you own and then leave what you don’t want, easy.

Her: But I don’t want a whole one

Me: But I do and that’s not going to happen if I give half of mine away, just order your own????

Her: Well I want to share yours, come on, its all romantic

Me: Its my favourite pudding, I want a whole one, not half of one, a whole one, look, it only costs £3.50, we are not talking about slab of kobe beef here.

Her: Don’t be so mean

Me: I’m not being mean, I just cant see why you cant order one for yourself

Her: Meany

Waiter: Erm so is that two sticky toffee puddings?

Me/Her: Yes/No

Waiter:

Doing the household filing... Oh. My. Goodness. What a fuss has been made over what is a 30 second job. I usually am pottering around happily and he asks if there is anything he do. "Ok" I blithly say "Why don't you put those 3 items (council tax bill, elec bill and HIS pay slip mine being already neatly filed in my own personal filing) into the filing. The house ones live in the blue folder and the payslip in this years envelope"

Cue DH immediately turning back to his phone/tv where he is not doing/watching anything in particular. Half an hour later, I finish my pottering around and see the filing still not done and DH still on said phone/tv/xbox. So I do the filing. It takes me precisly a minute and most of that is because I can't locate the hole punch.

HE then gets in a mood with ME because I did the job I asked him to do in the first place!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL????

First proper argument ensued... all the while me saying "its done now so lets leave it"

good grief... I wonder what life will be like when we actually have kids!!!

PS... also... I love him so much. He really is the best man I have ever known. If he would only do the filing and throw his snap pots away after making beans. Lets not start another!

We had a screaming row about whether a certain star of Top Gun was gay or not. I have no idea why either of us cared.

We also row about whether I should indicate when coming off at the second exit of a small roundabout, which could be viewed as going straight on. We have the exact same argument about once every three weeks. Once, it got so bad that he got out and walked home.

We once argued furiously about whether stick insects have knees or joints, and spent ages weighing up the difference and arguing about not respecting each others' views. We eventually decided that knees sounded human and they had joints, but we didn't speak for about an hour in between.

Ikea. Always.

And we once had a massive row because a very wealthy friend of mine was thinking about going to law school to change careers. Apparently this made me entitled. Still trying to work that one out, tbh.

We had an argument (about whether we needed a bag or not) at the checkout in Ikea.

I now refuse to go to Ikea.

What is it about Ikea and arguments?

My pet theory about Ikea is that we all hate to admit how stressful we find the whole thing - everything from will it fit in the fucking car, to fuck me I have to put this fucker together and I have to find the screw driver.

Plus even though you may need it, it's shit to queue up and spend money on it.

No one wants to admit the fear about putting flat pack together or the irrational hatred for spending weekends doing it because it looks so easy compared to going down t'pit or our day jobs.

So we take our hatred for extra work out on each other. This sets in fairly early on in ikea as you go up the escalator and sigh at what's to come, knowing you're trapped in the one way prison of hell until the hideous queue for the exit.

No amount of tasty meatballs makes up for it.

Our rows in Ikea are mainly down to taste - I have it, he doesn't

He likes brown and our entire house would be decorated and furnished in shades of brown if he had his own way. I don't like brown to quite the same extent.

Last time we were there he wanted to buy some abstract-arty-farty canvas thing. I thought it looked like quite a nasty case of diarrhoea. It got quite heated and insults were thrown from both sides

On the plus side, the nasty diarrhoea-esque thing didn't make its way into our house

My DH and I used to argue a lot. I was learning to drive with a driving school that had minis. We had a mini at home so it would be ideal for practice. On one occasion, my H sat in the passenger seat while I drove. It lasted 100 yards of his not liking what I was doing. I got out and walked home, leaving him to bring the car home.

He's been an X for 20 years....

We argue constantly over which celebrity is dead and which isn't.

Internet was down the other day - hence a 40 minute debate over whether Eric Sykes had shuffled off this mortal coil or not.

ALSO - Pans in the dishwasher.
I maintain that:-
A) Pans take up too much room in the dishwasher - one pan takes as much space as 6 dinner plates.
B) Dishwashers do not clean pans properly. Food remains firmly welded to the pans bottom so muggins me has to rewash the pan the next day.

DH does not agree and repeatedly fills DW with pans.

I remove aforementioned pans and leave for him to wash (Im in charge of the drying/putting away).
He doesn't wash them.
I refuse to wash them - washing is his role in the kitchen.
Days pass.
Pans remain dirty
Evening meals turn into microwave meals which don't require pans.
DH sees error of his ways and washes pans.
Normal cooking resumes and pans get dirty.
DH puts pans in DW
I remove aforementioned pans ..................................et al!!!

SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I