To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

Had to use a public toilet so took DD in with me.I had my period and DD spotted the towel in my pants.Very loudly she said "Mummy why have you got blood in your pants?Have you cut yourself?"....long queue outside when I opened the door!

We were at a party with some friends who are brothers and who look similar. DS (4) kept getting them confused and asked one of them " are you X or Y". He replied " I'm X, Y is the big fat ugly one!!!".
DS the. Turns to another rather large man who X was talking to and said " you must be Y then"!!!! ( he wasn't)

Me aged 4 in the pharmacy across the road from the surgery where my dm was a gp. she was 7 months pregnant with dsis. i turned to her and said at the top of my voice" i didn't see daddy plant that seed inyour tummy"! Cue uproar in the shop and my dm retreating hastily into the dispensary

DS got into a crowded train compartment and said loudly, "I can't believe we're not traveling first class!". We have never travelled first class

In the doctors waiting room. Packed.
Dd2 " mum, you know penises?"
Me: ummm,yes
Dd2: have they got hairs?
Me ( as waiting room drops to silent) umm, yes. Sort of.
Dd2: why?

Man next to me was studiously reading the paper which was shaking with laughter!

Coming out of school and surrounded by a whole lot of children and parents from Dd's year, dd goes:

"Mummy you said I can't ever have X over for a sleepover"

Me: "no I never, X can come whenever"

Dd: "no mummy, you said X's mum told you X still wets the bed and you don't want to clean her wee..."

I screamed inwardly and gave her the "shut. Up" stare. There was a deathly silence all the way home. She knew she did wrong.

DS had a habit of calling the fat controller fat cont when one day we saw a man who looked like the fat controller and DS screamed look it's the fat cont but it sounded like fat cunt.

After being caught short in the great outdoors, DS1 informed the first hiker we passed 'mummy done a wee on the floor'.

At immigration in US in a very crowded queue. DD was looking at the form that asked whether we were bringing in 'livestock' - 'do nits count as livestock Mummy?'

Also in M&S changing rooms. 'Where do babies come from Mummy?' Lots of sniggering from the other cubicles.

Ds2 aged about 4. In a busy department store toy department. I was looking at something with ds1 while Ds2 looked at some stuffed toy rabbits which he loves.

Ds2: 'this is lovely and soft'

Me: 'that's nice dear' or other similarly inane comment

Ds2: 'it feels even nicer on my willy'

Me: looking at ds2 who is indeed rubbing a soft toy rabbit on his willy. With his trousers round his knees
'stop that now ds2'

I think we got away with it...

We were staying at a B&B and decided to pop down to the local shop to get some drinks and snacks. I picked up a six pack of beer when we were in the queue. Cue DD then aged 2, "Mummy juice!". The entire queue cracked up.

Ds2 again. In the swimming pool. In gets a very fat lady and her slim friend. Climbing doyen the steps next to us.

Ds2: (top volume) 'mummy why has that lady got a really big bottom? '

Slim friend:

Me:

'ds you can't say that she might be upset'

At least he didn't say anything else! And we did have a chat after about what is not appropriate to comment on in public!

Love this thread - nominated for classics!

Spent some time discussing the differences between girls and boys with DS when he was about 2.6. The next person we saw was my best (female) friend. He greeted her enthusiastically with "Hello C, you havn't got a willy". She was with her dad. He was trying v hard to stifle a giggle. He failed totally when DS continued with "but I bet you do C's dad".

Had Just strapped ds2 (then 2) into car after a visit to the local park. Doors of car were open and an old lady walks past just as ds pipes up with "ooh sexy lady". Not sure she had ever heard of gangnam style....

My nephew went up to someone and said "my mum doesn't know where you get your money from" ouch!

I blame Bob The Builder for this one. In Tesco with DD1 she started beeping and shouted "wide load ahead" referring to an overweight woman in the aisle. She had terrible speech but of course said that as clear as day.

Waiting to go through immigration at JFK, there were a lot of ladies in full burka(?). DD2 went into hysterics pointing and running away from "the bad ninjas". Apparently that was fron the Sarah Jane Adventures.

They both watched way too much tv.

Harrietspy NewtRipley CaptainHindsight
..... brilliant, just brilliant.
I cannot match any of these - dd comes out with so many random, funny things. But so far (touch wood), nothing embarassing.
HuskyBlueEyes - thanks for starting this thread

DD2, just before she turned two, went through a phase where if we were, say, queueing for something, she'd stick her head under my skirt and yell MUMMY, WHERE KNICKS? NO KNICKS, MUMMY!

DD1, just turned five and playing with the idea of contrasts and opposites, now calls her juice "Kiddy wine".

We came back from a holiday in Italy and a week later we were in a Greasy Spoon caff on the way to visit family.

DS shouts over to me at the counter "mum, tell the man we will have bread and balsamic vinegar to start"

I could tell that everyone there staring at me thought "pretentious twats"

Oh, and incidentally on that holiday DS must have heard me talking to DH in our bedroom as he went out and announced to our friends daughter that "mum can't go in the pool yet because of her spiders legs."

When the ds's were 4 and 2 I went to Tesco on the way to my mums. I'd come from the gym, picked the kids up from DH when my mum phoned and asked me to buy a bottle of vodka for my sister on the way.

So. There's me in my tracksuit and baseball cap. Two kids who looked like urchins as DH had been in the garden with them all day.

I was rushing, so got a trolley and plonked them both in the main part. Got to the vodka and picked a bottle up. I turned my back for a split second and when I turned back ds2 was leaning right over the edge of the trolley at tipping point and had managed to grasp a bottle of wine.

I lunged and grabbed the wine but couldn't save the trolley. As it went over, the bar caught my knee and took me down with it.

When about 36468 people came running from all directions I was flat on my back in my tracksuit with an empty trolley lying half over me, a bottle of wine in one hand and vodka in the other and two grubby toddlers screaming blue murder next to me from the fright of being tipped out (luckily they were both unhurt).

'Humiliated' doesn't come close. I thought they were going to call ss at one point.

Oooh ouch sing

When I was pregnant with dd my dn was just old enough to take an interest and so had asked dsil about how I had got a baby in my tummy, you know the drill, sil obviously hadn't quite gauged things exactly right as dn somehow understood that all women got pregnant with one seed from a man, except very literally a single man - my DH.
When dn's nursery teacher announced her pregnancy this came home to roost with dn very proudly telling the playground parents'X is having a baby, I know how it was made, Uncle Ohbyethen put a seed in her tummy' - there was delighted jokey gossip for weeks! Poor X was told about the misunderstanding and was very gracious about it. I didn't appreciate village life quite so much for a while though.

At a museum recently and my DS aged 5 was playing dress up and had chosen a bee costume. He was running around and buzzing to himself. He then much to my horror started staring at a lady who was sat with her own (much better behaved) son and saying 'Im a bee, I'm going to sting you, bbbbbbbzzzzzzz.' He then proceeded to turn around and back into the poor woman and rub his backside up and down on her arm shouting 'I'm stinging you, IM STINGING YOU, bzzzzzzz.'