To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

DS1 (now 15) came home from school when he was about 6 and told me "I told Mrs A today that you had no hair at all on your twinkle", couldn't look her in the eye for the rest of the year!

DM tells the story of how when I was small, I told a hooker to put some clothes on.

I don't remember it myself, but she sure does. We lived in a rather scuzzy block of flats when I was tiny and apparently, we passed her on our way out and I turned back and noticed how scantily clad she was and said 'It's very cold- you should put some jeans on..'

I was only trying to help! Poor woman didn't know what to do!

We were at an outdoor performance of robin hood, my youngest was sat on my husband's lap, it was a really touching moment, robin was declaring his undying love for Marion it was very quite when she let out the loudest trump I have heard in my life! Everyone in the audience turned to look at my husband who was pointing at the youngest who was looking terribly proud of herself!

The two that spring to mind are "my mummy has a bad in her pants". Said solemnly to the pharmacist in our local pharmacy. She didn't know where to look!
And "mummy why does that lady have a moustache or is she a man" said loudly in the queue at argos while staring and pointing at said lady.

My friend didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she saw a picture on the wall by her Reception-aged son, of a bath with a leg pointing up out of it. The caption said, "my mummy shaves her legs."

Last week I took dd2 (4) for a wee in restaurant toilets. Cubicle next to us was occupied.

Dd2. " what's that noise?"
Me. " its the lady next door flushing the toilet"
Dd2. "Who is she? What's her name?"
Lady next door "she's Jenny.."
Dd2. "has she done a stinky poo?"

Silence

at not believing in God, but believing in wine! My DS now 9 once ran up to a, shall we say defrocked shop mannequin, cupped its jubblies and shouted at the top of his voice "Look, Mummy, BREASTS!". I nearly died

Tears I'm laughing so hard! Thanks for sharing

DD (18 months) regularly decides she's had enough of us visiting someone, brings me my bag and shoes and tells everyone 'bye bye' (sometimes 15 minutes into the visit).

She also greets people with 'bye bye' when I open the front door...

Granny to DS: 'How tall are you now?'
DS to Granny: 'Nearly up to your nipple.'

DS to entire lounge audience in old people's home, on being kissed by ancient relative. "Cor that prickled!"

(Went down a treat, they all folded up laughing.)

Today my DS (just 4) stuck his hand down his trousers at the end playgroup - fortunately just me and a couple of other helpers there - and said: 'Mummy - my willy is getting really big!!'

We were mainly in hysterics, but it was a tad cringeworthy.

Walking along the high street DS 4 ...top of his voice "Mummy are you wearing your ladies nappy?" (Why oh why did I call panty liners that) a few weeks later same high street busy weekend market passing woman with arm amputated at the elbow. " Look Mummy that woman has been stealing " I have no idea where he got that from

Not my DS (mercifully just 2 and not the clearest of talkers) but Dsis (there's a large age gap).

Dsis was quite sharp off her marks speech wise and insisted on calling me "mam" in the post office of my tiny home town. Cue an old dear complimenting me on my little girl. I could have died on the spot as I was 15 and looked 12-13 at best.

Also classic, me as one of the oldest of several bridesmaids, the littlest one pipes up mid-prayer "I've got a big black bogeyman up my nose ".

Mummy has a BEARD in her pants. Not a bad in her pants..

I think I have told this tale before but it IS worth repeating.....

Went to parent's night at Primary School and was directed to look at DD2's featured piece of work pinned on the wall, which went thus.....

We did not do anything at the holiday weekend because Daddy had to do a bank job. We will have a treat another day because Daddy gets a lot of money from bank jobs

This was illustrated with a picture of a very small bearded man, wearing a striped jumper and a mask making a hole in the wall of a big building with a BANK sign above the door.

Actually this was factually correct. DH spent the longer holiday weekends, on triple time, installing Cash Machines in bank buildings. The 'mask' was obviously (to us) his safety glasses. We did explain to the teacher but every parent attending would have seen this and drawn their own conclusions.

Where do I start:
everytime that we go swimming and he yells out, "Hello boobs, it's so good to see you when I'm getting dressed.
when he waved and shouted out "ARSEHOLE" instead of Bonjour everytime to saw someone on holiday in France.
When he toasted the couple at the restaurant by yelling out "cheers bigears". The man actually did have really BIG ears and wasn't amused.
When he invited the carpet fitters to "TICKLE MUMMY'S BOOBS".
When he couldn't resist tickling the elderly carpet fitters testicals as was bent on all fours measuring the stairs.

Am laughing sooo much at the bank job!! Hilarious

Cooperv absolutely laughed my head off! Even did one of those silent laughs I was laughing that hard!!

I agree the bank job one is amazing

My friend was in a corner shop with her son. A 'little person' was at the till and her little boy stood staring for a few moments, before loudly asking his mum "why that little boy had his dad's head on?".
The man was so polite about it all but my friend was MORTIFIED !!!!

Laughing out loud here again. My toddlers haven't done anything too embarrassing yet , but badgerina just reminded me of when I was a teenager in a deprived area. It had a lot of teenage pregnancies, and my dsis is a lot younger than me but looks very similar. One day while mum was out with her an old lady turned to her and said in tones of disgust, "isn't your daughter ashamed of making you look after her baby like that?"
I was only 14 at the time. Like I said it was a deprived area. But I could never walk round without thinking that that was what people thought....

This is hilarious - however my DS was/is preternaturally discreet from the start. Totally trustworthy - though he would ask his questions later when no-one could hear. He is now a teen and still takes in every detail but passes nothing on - except to me and at great length. If his teachers only knew the things he notices... Must be a gene for it!

When my DD was about 3, we were queuing in Tesco behind a short (about 5ft 3) man who happened to be wearing a gold chain.

She said really loudly "Mummy, look - that little man is wearing a necklace!"

Loving this thread! Cooperv, you had me crying with laughter!

DD and DS are being brought up bilingually, as DH is German. When DD first started speaking I was out with her one day when she spotted a bird and started yelling "Vogel". Unfortunately it wasn't very clear and it sounded like she was yelling "f*cker" at everyone we walked past on the high street. Got a few odd looks that day!

'Mom, is that a lady or a man?' She was very young at the time tbf, and it was a woman with a very visible moustache. I apologised.

When my daughter was 2.5, we were going through a department store with her in a buggy. She wanted to get out, but we'd refused as we were in a hurry. She then yelled "Lady, help me!" at the next passer by.

Same child aged 4.5 on hols in Cornwall referred to a chihuahua dog in a very loud voice: "Mummy, look at that silly little dog!"
On seeing a man who was heavily tattooed (all over his face and head): "Mummy, look at that man, he's painted his head!"
In a cafe where there was a very portly man with a bald head:
"Look at the mouse on that man's head"
"What mouse?"
"No, the MOUTH at the back of his head"
(it was then that I noticed that the folds of skin at the back of the mans head/neck looks like a mouth.....)