To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

My sister loudly announced on a quiet bus 'I have a wedgie!' when she was about two

when Ds2 was about 6 one lovely sunny day we went to the old quarter of the place we live for a walk by the harbour which involved sitting outside a couple of pubs. on the way home we joked about taking our son on a pub crawl... at school on parents evening we got to look at his school work, in his diary for that week he wrote mummy and daddy took me on a pub crawl

DS nearly 2yrs was with me in a toilet cubicle. I had no choice but to change my tampon, unfortunatly the wrapper was quite loud coming off, and after persuading my son i had no sweets? he loudly shouts "Mummy did you just put that up your bottom".
Red faced we exited cubicle to a MASSIVE queue of sniggering women

Aged 3 I told my mum that she had better hurry up and die as the cemetery was getting full

Of course this was on the top deck of a crowded bus in that loud voice that only embarrassing children possess!

I was with DS (then 3) at the park, started chatting to the only other parent there who was there with his DD. DS comes up to us and asks "is that my dad?". Cue hugely red face from me- I have no idea why he even asked as his dad, my DH, is a permanent fixture!

DS who was 3 had an interesting conversation with a neighbour who came asking for a baking tray.

DS "'av you been on holiday?"
Neighbour "No. Why."
DS "You're really brown"
Neighbour "No, Im black"
DS wanders off and retrieves a brown crayon and a black crayon and declares "No. Brown" and gave him a consoling pat on the arm.

I was mortified.

CH that has done me in with laughter!

These are great :) Shame I fell asleep before reading!

Decided to take my young children shopping for new clothes, not long after losing a baby late on in pregnancy.
My children held up some baby vests up in the air and shouted across the shop " we could have bought these for the baby if she hadn't died because of you" Try explaining that statement in a non-embarrassing way!

A few years ago whilst out shopping with ds2 we bumped into footballer Richard Wright. I recognise d him and said to ds2 "This man used to be England's goalkeeper and he plays for Ipswich now!"
Ds2 looked RW up and down and said "I like Chelsea!" One very embarrassed Mumma!!

Ha ha ha ha fantastic!!!

I got told by my dd (4) that she spotted me in the shop 'because of my chin sticks out like a witches chin"

Also while staring in to my face lovingly declared " aren't your teeth like bugs bunnys......"

Dd 3ish in the days when the buses had two doors with a double seat in between;we went to get off and dd spotted a very large lady in the seat and took a deep breath. I bent down and quickly picked her up whispering "no, wait til we get home and then tell me!" She nodded solemnly.
Then as we moved to the door leaned over to the woman and said "we are going to talk about you when we get home!"

Oh and another one was when we went into a charity shop and I went into the changing room to try a dress on. When I came out DS2 saw me and put his hand behind his back. I went over and asked him to show me his hand. He brought his hand out bedecked in a 1970's style huge plastic retro ring firmly stuck on his finger...........
We had just left the hospital after his paed's appointment which had overrun. I stood there trying to pull it off surrounded by staff. I kept saying "I'm not going back to hospital with him we have just had two hours there!" The ladies were very sweet and got some handcream on it and it then shot off his finger and under a rack of clothes! I gave profuse thanks and apologies paid for my dress and left dragging ds2 in my wake. Not surprisingly they always remember us when we go in there now!

DS 5yrs whilst going up the Snowdonia mountain train. It was January and low cloud. Added to that, being out of season, the train was full of retired people. We start going up and then end up going through a cloud and DS says very loudly "are we on our way to heaven?". Cue lots of laughter and the lovely couple sat opposite us saying " I really hope not".

Went to my sons "going back to school thingy" after the summer holidays when he was 13, sullen and uncommunicative. I started speaking to the teacher and he piped up "Mum, why are you talking posh" I wanted to crawl under the table slap his face very hard

When dd1 was tiny, we were shopping at the supermarket and she kept pointing to something saying 'chocolate, chocolate'.

She was sat in the trolley and I assumed she would forget about wanting chocolate as we moved isles. Only I realised to my horror she wasn't pointing at a bar of chocolate when she shouted and pointed at someone 'mummy, it's a chocolate man'.
I was mortified

Many many years ago, my DB was in the Christmas choir who were performing at our local church. He was a bit exuberant in his singing and managed to fall off the block he was standing on and lose his song sheets at the same time. So he turned around and started conducting the choir instead. My DM and Aunt were sitting in the pews trying not to laugh too loudly. When they got home they realised that they had taken one of the church's bibles home and so sent my DSis back the next day to return it. Who promptly got a blocking for 'stealing church property'

blocking = bollocking

On a tube with DS aged 2 1/2. We'd been to a crazy museum that afternoon and been naming different animals in the large taxidermy display.

I'm knackered and reading something on my phone, not really paying much attention.

DS starts laughing and pointing and saying something. I do the "yes dear" bit. Then he increases the volume.

"mummy mummy look. The walrus. It's escaped!"

I follow his finger, only to look deep into the eyes of the scariest hell's Angel on the planet. Complete with huge handle bar mustache.

I nearly died. I could feel the woman next to me shaking with laughter.

I lost my leg before having my ds, he is now 6 and in year one of primary school. The subject they were talking about one week was family. DS proceeded to stand in front of his class and tell them I had my leg chopped off by a chainsaw! :0

This was a week before sharing assembly, where each child had to stand up and tell everybody about a member of their family. My ds told me "the teacher said Im not allowed to tell everyone about your leg as you might not like it " so in I went to assembly in my wheelchair, i swear all the class had a good look at my leg :) and i fretted the whole way through the assembly hoping ds would remember not to talk about me :) in the end he told them he loves his daddy as he lets him play computer games!

my teen who organised me to be the neighbourhood watch coordinator, ha bloody ha! as youngsters we had the stranger talk and I said if anyone tries to grab you shout loudly,' get off you're not my mummy/daddy help help'

of course they did just that to me and dh next shopping trip!

seriously little gits..

also aged about 9/10 they started running up the booze isle chanting 'our mom can't live without red wine!!'

hilarious thread. we should really write a mumsnet book.

Putting shopping through the checkout with DS1 and Ds2.
Checkout lady "ooh you're a big help what's your name and how old are you?"
DS1 "Adam, eight."
DS2 " Luke, six".
DS1 gesturing to me...."and mummy, 39!"

When our oldest son was about 2, he saw an Asian man at the mall, pointed, and said, "look, Mommy, Jackie Chan!"

I took my DS (18 months) shopping and we were in the elevator going to the food court when a girl got in wearing a knee length skirt and stood a tad close to DS's buggy whilst I was talking to my DP when I hear "mummy what's that" turned round and his head was up her skirt and is pointing at her vaj-jay! she was mortified trying to put her skirt down! laughed hard when she got out the elevator as did the other woman!

When DS was younger he proceeded to tell my FIL that" Mummy does loud farts and they sound like this" followed by a very loud raspberry noise.......FIL is a bit straitlaced about things like that!