To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

He also pulled down his pants in our local supermarket and proceeded to moon everyone in the aisle whilst doing a little jig!

Near Christmas, when DD was 2yo (a few years ago now, she's nearly 16), we were on the busy High Street, full of Christmas shoppers, in front of Woolworths. I was chatting to a friend, DD was standing next to me. In the way that toddlers do, to get your attention, DD started pulling on my skirt to get me to look at something. I absent-mindedly (as I was chatting) asked her to wait a moment.

The main issue with that was that my skirt had an elasticated waist and DD was tugging on my skirt rather hard to get my attention.

At which point, in a packed High Street, in front of a Woolies with a lovely Christmas window display that lots of people were looking at, my skirt slid down to my ankles, showing off my greying armpit hugger comfy knickers to the world...

I've never worn an elasticated skirt again...

DS then aged 4 was at his first karate lesson, the teacher was black, DS was clearly not paying much attention in the class and eventually busrt out in a loud voice " mum, why are that mans hands so dirty?"

Once when we had gone back home (Ireland) I took DS (who was 4) and DH to show them the local holy well which was in a beauty spot. It is quite a small place but with a giant Virgin Mary statue. There was a couple of old biddies with their rosary beads praying. DS announced loudly 'Who is that scary lady Mum'. And I said 'That's Mary, Jesus's mummy'. At which point DS said 'Who's Jesus? Oh yes he's a friend of Santas'. So marking us out as both Protestant and athiest.
There were some disapproving looks and tutting as I recall.

Not mine but my friend's toddler DS when we were out for a meal. He had a lovely little chat with the waitress when we ordered our food. He asked for some chips. Some time later our food came out, and the waitress said "I'm sorry young man but your chips will be out in a few minutes."

Friend's DS replied VERY loudly "Oh for FUCK'S SAKE!" My friend had serious words with her husband when she got home...

Hello there

We've moved this to Classics now - thanks for the nominations.

Aged about 4 I think, I was taken over the road from my grandmother's house to great aunt Mary's house for tea. She was a dear old maiden aunt with thin veins all over her face, possibly from living by the sea and being out in the gales a lot. There were china tea cups and little cakes and biscuits etc, all quite genteel... I piped up very loudly, "mummy, why has Aunty Mary got a purple face?" Apparently my M tried to get me off the subject, but I wouldn't let it lie "no, but why has she?" [embarrassed]

I love this thread!

When I was little, apparently my poor mother nearly died with embarrassed when (presumably having recently read Snow White and the Seven Dwarves), I spotted a dwarf in town and repeatedly yelled in my best embarrassingly-child voice "Mummy, look at the d-warf (couldn't say it properly either!), it's a d-warf!" I gather I was most excited to discover they didn't only exist in story books....

On another occasion, going into Woolies in my home town, I saw a woman with a ridiculous hat and decided to point her out and announce to everyone "Look at that lady's hat! Look! Look at the hat!" It drew quite a bit of attention and my mam was mortified. Apparently another lady, struggling not to laugh too much when the 'victim' scuttled away, took my mam aside and said that, to be fair, I had a point...

Sorry, but talking of dwarves, my friends little boy asked after a panto, on the way out, so in front of lots of people and in a very loud voice, "mummy, how do they train the dwarfs?"

She was mortified.

Arrived at my parents' tea party with some rather elderly very 'naice' neighbours. Our 2 dss (then about 4 and 6) charged into the room and burst into a very loud song - the lyrics included the immortal words
'And the miner ... in her great big vagina...'

Never heard them sing in public before or since - let alone that song. The naice neighbours continued sipping their tea and we all pretended nothing was happening as my sons sang louder and louder...

In a crowded public toilet, DS2 says (loudly): 'Mummy, are you doing a poo?'
Me lying: 'No.'
DS2: 'Yes you are! It stinks!'

Walking round Asda and dd (4) is counting things goinIn thrthe trolly. Then she grabs my top and says "one boob, two boon... MUMMY WHERE'S YOUR OTHER BOOB GONE? YOU HAD 3 THIS MORNING"

Recently I have been discussing what to do if someone pushes you scenarios with DD aged 7. She has been taught at school never to hit back which is all good, however I explained to her that at my school sometimes you would have to shove someone back and things were a bit different for children back then. Trying to give her a balanced view ( like an idiot)

At carpet time the next day she announces to the class and teacher " mummy went to a very bad school where she was told to hit others if they we're mean to her"

Cheers for that

My dd was clearly listening to the vicars sermon at Christmas, as in the silent bit before the hymn starts, she asked in a clear voice, 'mummy, what's a virgin?'

I think most of DDs finest moments have been in supermarkets.

We were at the checkout, and she was looking at me lovingly then all of a sudden said, loudly, "MUM? WHY ARE YOUR BOOGIES SOOOO BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG"

She used to say boogies instead of boobies, no idea why.

Then another time, as I was unpacking the shopping, I put the whole chicken on the conveyor belt...

DD - Is that a chicken?
Me - Yes DD.
DD - *Looks at it curiously. Where is it's head?!
(At this point the lady behind me, the man in front of me and a man from the check out next to us all looked over giggling)
Me - I'll tell you later.
DD - Tell me now? Mum? Mummy?! MUMMMMMMYYYYYY! mum mum mum mum mum muuuuuu...
Me - They cut it off so they can sell the chicken as food.
DD looked at me, her face went white and she cried ALL the way home telling anyone who would listen, between snotty sobs, that "Mummy cut the chickens head off"

In the p&c loo in posh shop with littlest fuckery. She was about 3 and had just been for a wee. I was desperately trying to have a wee and discreetly change my pad whist she was washing her hands (and the floor) of course she turns around, sees too much and yells " mummy mummy, you're bleeding. Get am'lance!" Opens the push up catch stands in the queue pointing and calling for an ambulance.

Another, in our local sells everything shop, dd and friend running around and hiding. Me and friend hear giggling in the bra aisle as the sprogs come out with a fucking huge bra, a cup on each head and run off around the shop. Shouting "we got mummy's bras"

I remembered it! It was so embarrassing I blanked it from my memory and it wasn't till reading these tyhat it came flooding back to me...

There is a fast food place similar to Macdonalds not far from where I live - I used to go there with my 2 and 4 year olds, as it has an indoor play area behind a huge glass window so parents can watch the kids play while they have a coffee.

I am 8 months pregnant with child no. 3 and enjoying a few minutes to myself while the kids play - when suddenly I hear laughter from the tables around me. I look through the glass window to the play area and there is my toddler, butt naked from the waist down, dancing on the bench in the window, waggling his willy at everyone bold as brass and loving the attention...

I dash in there to get him - when I am struck with the horrific realisation that if he has taken off his trousers, then somewhere in the 2 storey play equipment there must be a dirty nappy. Which I had to recover without anyone noticing... So I start trying to climb up the play fort - it is a staggered series of triangular shelves about 2 foot apart, with a narrow turn around space between each. I am 8 months pregnant, remember... I barely fit between the shelves and really struggled to turn in the gaps. All of which is fully visible through the huge plate glass window. 6 levels of wriggling my way through like a great huffing, puffing walrus... finally I get to the top and locate the offending nappy and trousers... I clean up and then realise I have two choices - the corkscrew tube slide, or the way I came.

I'll never remember how I managed to get out of that slide, it certainly wasn't with dignity or grace. I think the whole restaurant were watching by that point - my son still dancing away with no pants and his bright red whale of a mother, hair on end from the static, skirt somewhere up around her armpits, triumphantly holding up the trousers (and trying to hide the nappy)...

DS aged 4 sang 'gangnam style' at a Asian man in the supermarket then danced down the aisle. DH was with him and said he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He hid in the freezer instead.

We have been doing rather a lot of the 'what's appropriate' chats recently.

My young sons were having a squabble whilst we were shopping in Tesco, one shouts at the other 'I'm gonna get you and I'll make it look like a bloody accident!' All eyes were on me, I was mortified. Turns out they were repeating a line from The Cat in the Hat film. I was petrified they'd say it at school.

Dneff (4), in crowded pub garden: "Uncle Disgrace, is your willy big and hairy like Daddy's?"

DBro: "We don't talk about private bits outdoors. (Sotto voce) At least he didn't pull his out like in Tesco last week".

Dneff: "I heard that Daddy. It was all stiff, wasn't it?"

Me: "His speech has really improved, hasn't it?"

Years ago (for those who won't remember) document copying was done in "Gestetner machines" which ran on some sort of horrible, spirit-based liquid

Teacher OH had remarked he needed some, and was horrfified when DS reminded him, at full volume in front of several elderly shoppers "DADDY, DON'T FORGET TO BUY SPIRITS FOR YOUR CLASS!!!"

Luckily this happened in a town some distance from home, otherwise he'd probably have lost his job ...

Attempted to get in to the Christmas spirit by taking DS carol singing around village (age 6), ending up with mince pies and mulled wine at the vicar's house. As DS is taking proffered drink from Vicar he tells him "My Mum doesn't believe in the God Stories…" and follows it up with his rationale for why he doesn't either - all to do with dinosaurs. I gave up trying to intervene and left him to it. This was on the same day that he went through everything on the "Christmas" rack in the chemist whilst we were in a long queue, loudly announcing "That's crap from China, that's crap from China, so is that crap from China…". Mortified. There was no room to hide!