To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

DS1 had supervised visits with his birth mum twice a week. I'd go for a coffee nearby and then collect him when the time was up. He called me 'Mummy Number Two'.

EVERY time I picked him up, the little bugger would run towards me yelling at the top of his lungs "Mummy Number Two's got BIG BOOBIES!" The first couple of times it was mildly amusing. It swiftly lost its appeal.

DD1 was doing the 'pointing and naming everything we passed' thing, "dog" "tree" "bin" "VERY FAT LADY"

Supermarkets were my nemesis. She was an early talker and learned the word daddy, but applied it to all men as a question. Many horrified looking men as DD1 pointed and "Daddy?" I tried an airy "no silly, daddy is at work" but not one had the look of believing me.

"Why's that lady got a dog in the shop mummy?"
"That's a guide dog DD, he helps the lady as she cant see"
"Cant see is blind mummy, isn't it"
"Yes DD"
WHY IS THAT LADY BLIND MUMMY? DID HER EYES FALL OUT?
"I don't know DD, we don't know that lady, so we wouldn't ask, shh now"
"BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHY THAT DOGLADY HAS NO EYES"

Not as horrifying as my friends experience in the supermarket though. Her daughter, also a tiny early talker, they'd rocked up to the checkout, goods on the conveyor belt, when her DD points and shouts "monkey!" at the black checkout operator. She wanted to DIE, and apologised about 3 million times as the stony faced checkout operator slowly and silently rang through their shopping, and her DD continued to say it.

When DS was aged 3, we spent the afternoon at a friend's communal pool (we lived abroad at the time). DS was being extremely naughty and kept dragging chairs round the pool, the scraping noises were annoying sunbathers and I was getting those sort of looks.

Anyway, I told him that if he did it one more time, we'd be going home. And yes, dear reader, being a 3 year old boy, he did it again. So, (going through a phase of 'sticking to consequences') I bundled him and our things under my arm and strode off to the car.

Cue DS shouting at the top of his voice SOMEONE, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! HELP! SOMEONE!!

Little rascal. Very lucky I was not arrested.

When we had no hot water for days, and took the DC to shower at our local leisure centre, by the pool.

In then men's shower, an older guy strikes up conversation with DS:
"So, did you have a nice swim then?"
"I did not swim, we are only here to have a shower. We have no running water at home, you see, so mum said let's just sneak into the leisure centre. So that's what we are doing."

Silence

Blush cringe

spaghettimonster that's hilarious. No wonder you'd blanked it

This week's supermarket shopping list included Durex. I couldn't find them, so had to ask an assistant for directions. So obviously the walk from aisle 20 back to aisle 12 goes like this...

DS(2): MUMMY, WHAT ARE COM-DOMS?

Me: They're grownup things, come on.

DS: COM-DOMS COM-DOMS COM-DOMS MUMMY WHAT ARE COM-DOMS FOR?

Me: They're for ... making sure there won't be any more babies.

DS: COM-DOMS COM-DOMS COM-DOMS etc ad nauseam.

On the other hand, nobody overhearing would have blamed me for wanting to prevent further pregnancies...

I was in town with my DD (7) last week when she said to me in a very loud voice
'when we get home can we play with your vibrator Mummy?'

A few days before I'd had a new office chair delivered to the house, it is heated and massages and she loves playing with the different functions.

I got some very looks

well i was sitting on the bus wearing a long skirt and no knickers as you do and my tiny son was clambering on and around me and he crept under my skirt and shouted 'ewww mummy you smell'!!!

DD2 (6) asking in her best MC brat voice, as we walked past some nearby estate maisonettes- "those are SO small! I mean, how do you even get into them?"
Really loud and in a much posher accent than she normally uses
Yes, Dear Reader, the residents of many of the homes were well within earshot.
FWIW we live in a normal house 2.5 bedrooms, rather scruffy and the DCs unwillingly share a room - hardly palatial!

When dd was about 3 we went for lunch at the home of DP's friends.

Now their house was a little untidy, and I am a complete clean freak (clean the toilet 3 times a day, that kind of thing) Dp took dd to the downstairs loo while the rest of us stayed seated in the dining room. With in seconds DD's voice as clear as anything

"Daddy this is a very dirty toilet"
DP"shhhh"
DD" but it is a dirty toilet isn't it daddy? don't you think it's a dirty toilet?"
Dp " shhh Hurry up"
DD" mummy doesn't let me go in dirty toilets daddy, shall I ask mummy if this is a dirty toilet? I think it is a VERY dirty toliet"

I nearly died and the host had a face like a smacked dog's bum. Needless to say we have never been invited round again. In dd's defence it was a VERY dirty toilet

My mum has dozens of these stories from when myself and DB were little! we were such a handful!

We lived in a very white area and we were on the bus when I was around 3 when a black man got on. My mum says she could see me gawking at him and she tried everything to distract me but I asked loudly, 'why does that man have a chocolate-y face?'

I also told my gran (dad's mum) that my mum hated her and I wanted all of her money when she died...