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Original poster

To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

211 replies

HuskyBlueEyes · 25/02/2014 00:10

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 25/02/2014 10:13

Age just-3, at library singing and craft session DS threw down his tricky sticking and glueing in despair and exclaimed "Oh f* ". We did really have to leave then, honest!

Jollyphonics · 25/02/2014 10:15

When DS1 was a toddler I crashed the car - skidded on some ice and lost control. It was very scary, car written off etc. DS spent the next few years telling everyone he met about the day Mummy crashed the car. Unbeknown to me, in his version of events I was reading a newspaper while driving, and ever since the crash I learned my lesson and don't read the paper while driving any more. I didn't learn about this version until he was 7, by which time many many people had been told!

And just for the record, I was NOT reading the paper while driving, never have and never would!

ProphetOfDoom · 25/02/2014 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProbablyCaroline · 25/02/2014 10:16

I was smacked on the arse by a boy of about 3 years old in the Supermarket once....he said "NICE BOTTY!" Shock Grin I was torn between feeling flattered and embarrassed! To his Mother's credit she said "We don't touch ladies' bottoms!" Grin

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 10:26

goodness where to start.

on the bus with older dss. aged 4/5. chatting about animals and that fur keeps them warm. older ds then says very loudly ' does all that fur around your bottom keep you warm then mom'.

as teens they intercepted a request for a neighbourhood watch coordinator for our area, filled it in in my name and sent it off. had a very nice old gent call with my name badge and ID card all printed and a list of streets and addressed I was responsible for. Angry

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 10:50

oh and dc 3 on a flight at 7 weeks. was bf more or bloody less the whole way and she suddenly pulled off, milk Kept spurting,as it does,and hit the back of the head of a bald man in front. he rubbed his head and looked confused.

greatly amused male passenger next to me.

DomesticDisgrace · 25/02/2014 11:00

bodybooboo I am splitting my sides here!!

CloverHeart · 25/02/2014 11:11

DS has a knack for this. He once pulled my skirt up and announces loudly in our local shop "Look, Mummy's pink knickers" - of course EVERYONE turned to have look Blush

He also likes to announce that he has found "Mummy's juice" whenever we are in the wine aisle in the supermarket.... Blush

cathpip · 25/02/2014 11:14

My ds aged two at the time pulled out his willy in the bread aisle in morrissons and shout "look mummy my willy is standing up" there were a lot of people in the bread aisle that morning............

muppetthecow · 25/02/2014 11:15

DS1, in Bella Italia, was distracted by the waiter arriving with our food, and pulled off the boob just as I let down. Milk went everywhere and the poor teenage waiter didn't know where to look! We had a different guy after that, so I think the poor lad was afraid to come back Blush

monkeysox · 25/02/2014 11:22

Ds age 3 told a family friend she needed a shave

In living room when financial advisor visited announced his "tail is flying" and showed us

As a table in a restaurant let rip "I did a big bad boff"

Trumped in the dentist waiting room and when I asked him to say excuse me he just laughed omg

glenthebattleostrich · 25/02/2014 11:22

Took dd to the Loo's in a busy shopping centre and unexpectedly had to change my tampon. Dd very loudly asking why I'm shooting a rocket into my bottom. Then told the lady in Starbucks all about it very loudly. And the man on the next table.

On the train one day, the conductor was check in tickets. Dd looked at him very seriously and announced my mummy has very big boobies. The conductor laughed and agreed (he looked very embarrassed) so dd tried to pull down my vest and asked if he'd like to see them.

Or the time she decided she only liked going toilet outside and started waiting until we were out to do poos.

I love my daughter really ...

CaptainFabulous · 25/02/2014 11:23

In Tesco last week "Mummy why does that man have no hair? But whhhhhy? Why does he have no hair?"

I was putting all of my shopping up on the conveyor belt so there was no escape!

BikeRunSki · 25/02/2014 11:26

Age 2.5 ds opened the cubicle door where we were changing after swimming (I was naked), pointed at me to a random other person and shouted "look, my mummy's got a baby In her tummy" ( I was 6 months pg).

ijustwanttobeme · 25/02/2014 11:35

I have several, courtesy of DS:

He told the doctor that I had said to DP upon first meeting him," do you want to come home with me and have a good time?"

At school - a fairly liberal faith school that had recently got a fairly un liberal new head teacher, that," no mum your husband didn't give you those videos (I was dropping some off to office for next week's school fair), as you're not married and you don't have a husband". Cue much hilarity from office staff, but cats bum mouth from said head teacher

heatseeker14 · 25/02/2014 12:06

my neighbour is an ex grounds keeper and mows his lawn with one of those manual grass cutters that makes quite a din, as he goes up and down methodically ever few days or so.
One day DS2 and I are in the garden playing...
Cue DS2 loudly 'what is that noise'
Me 'it's the neighbour cutting his grass'
.....by this time my neighbour has stopped..
DS2 Loudly 'if he doesn't stop cutting his grass it will be bald like our patio!'
Me Shhhh! DS2 whilst trying hard not to laugh....
DS2 then looks through spy hole in the fence and adds....
DS2 'He has no hair....he is bald and grey!!'
Blush Grin Blush

nannynewo · 25/02/2014 12:12

We were at a steam railway as there was a Thomas the tank engine day out. A relative of mine, then aged about 3, pointed and said (very loudly) 'look, there's the fat controller.' Needless to say, he was not the fat controller. Just one of the dads!

senojeel · 25/02/2014 12:20

My DN when he was 6 announced loudly in a crowded car park, he was going to kick me in the nuts... I quietly explained that ladies don't have nuts and he said ' they do and I'm going to kick you in them.....' (he didn't he was only playing but muchos laughing from me :-)

curiousgeorgie · 25/02/2014 12:26

My DH's best friend is from Mauritius and basically lives with us..

My DD (2 at the time) was playing with her happy land and there's one little person who is black, and all the rest are white..

She gets really excited and gives it to DH's best friend saying 'its you X! You're brown and you're in happy land!'

He pissed himself though..

slug · 25/02/2014 12:26

DD sitting in the shopping trolley aged 3. In a booming voice that only toddlers can have.

Mummy shall we have some lime? Daddy likes lime in his gin and tonic

Later in the wine aisle:

Thardonnay (she had a little lisp)
Soving Yon blonk
Bor Dow
Daddy likes Bor Dow

Daddy was a SAHD and had been obviously teaching her wine varieties during shopping sessions. Hmm Meanwhile I am labelled as the alcoholic mummy.

ijustwanttobeme · 25/02/2014 12:29

I have several, courtesy of DS:

He told the doctor that I had said to DP upon first meeting him," do you want to come home with me and have a good time?"

At school - a fairly liberal faith school that had recently got a fairly un liberal new head teacher, that," no mum your husband didn't give you those videos (I was dropping some off to office for next week's school fair), as you're not married and you don't have a husband". Cue much hilarity from office staff, but cats bum mouth from said head teacher

JerseySpud · 25/02/2014 12:31

When DD1 was about 5 we were walking through the BHS sale trying to find something for my mil for Christmas.

My sil held up a top and my DD1 announced 'No thats far too frumpy'

As another lady hurridly put it back and went bright red.

No, i have no idea where DD1 learnt that.

Or DD2 announcing to the entirety of Waitrose that 'I love mummy boobie. soft booby mummy, mwah mwah' whilst yanking down my top. Yes thanks DD2

BearsInMotion · 25/02/2014 12:39

Not DD, but looking after DNephew in the pool at Center Parcs,

"That man is FAT!"
"Shh, DN, that's not nice."
"But he is REALLY fat."
"Shh, we don't say that."
"But he is fat. He must know he's fat, why can't I say he's fat?!" Blush

Also, DN adores my DP, always has. We were all out having dinner and he turned to DP and said thoughtfully, "You do love me more than BearsinMotion, don't you DP?"

coffeehouse · 25/02/2014 12:44

In Primark "Look Mum! You can steal this one, it doesn't have any tags on!"

Trying on jeans in a changing room " Mummy is doing a POOOOO!" Assistant: " I bloody hope she isnt!"

drnoitall · 25/02/2014 12:54

My ds once turned around in his seat at the cinema and said very loudly before the film had started, that man is very FAT!! Very embarrassing.
In tesco, i needs a wee, I needs a wee, muuuuummmmmmmyyyyyyyy ....bit of a pause .. Oh I don't need a wee anymore!! Whilst standing in a puddle. Not nice.

By far theeee most embarrassing was him standing in the open door way of Clarkes, trousers at knees..... Doing a wee on the doorstep for all passers by to see.

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