To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Its 12am, i'm not tired and curious as to what lovely things your DC have done/said which is resulted in severe cringing on your behalf...

4 yr DS announced to the till lady today that she was a "pretend lady because ladies don't have face hair..."

He asked me the other day why I didn't have facial hair like dad and I said women don't get it. This till lady did have a rather noticeable amount of upper lip hair and I packed the items with rather flushed cheeks after a quiet apology. She wasn't very amused, and luckily DS picked up on her facial expression and avoided anymore talking... The shame.

my DS age 3 is a big fan of the cbeebies show Get Well Soon and the lovely Dr Ranj. Once, we were in the supermarket and he points to an Asian man and shouts "it's the doctor, it's the doctor!" I pretended not to hear..

Shameless place marking, these are my favourite threads on here

I promise I will contribute ASAP. DS is only 5 and a half months so it may be a while off

My uncle was called up in to the Army at the start of the war when his DS was tiny and didn't really get to see him again for years. The little boy knew his Dad was a soldier but didn't really know what he looked like. As it happened my Aunt lived very near an air base and one day when they were on the bus in to town, lots of RAF airmen in uniform got on the bus. After a pause the little one piped up, in a voice that carried all over the bus, "Which one is my Daddy, Mummy?"

I once took my 3 dc to the circus. Before going in I rushed all 3 into the toilets. As we were late I let my dc5 & dc4 go in together while I attended to my dd2. Half way through the show the circus master asked for complete silence as the trapeze artist was about to do a very complicated move. The big top went quiet whilst the acrobat powdered his hands and started the trapeze swinging. All of a sudden my dc4 shouted out "MUM, WHEN WE WERE IN TH TOILET FRED (my dc3) HAD A POO AND NEVER WIPED HIS BUM PROPERLY. I BET HE'S GOT SKIDS NOW.."
I sat there and crawled under my seat. We had gone alone so I couldn't even disown him!!

We had to go shopping for bathroom fittings with DC (9, 7, & 7) which was not the easiest of things to do. It was after 4 months of building work, with no family around to help. It was probably one of the most stressful times in my life.

They had already been in trouble for running under the carpet samples at the carpet shop and, after telling them very firmly indeed how I expected them to behave, offered them a bribe of hot chocolate in the cafe of the newly opened diy store when they had behaved nicely.

They were bored by the towel rails etc and I said they could walk round the displays on their own for a few minutes to give DH and me the space to think.

They were returned to me by an officious member of staff. They had been marauding round the bathrooms and jumping in and out of the baths like the three musketeers, with DS in command. I just looked at them, utterly humiliated by their behaviour, and with the tears rolling down my cheeks, said that was it, we could not do shopping any more and would have to go home.

On the way out, the littlest one asked 'Does that mean we don't get any hot chocolate?'

I once took my 3 dc to the circus. Before going in I rushed all 3 into the toilets. As we were late I let my dc5 & dc4 go in together while I attended to my dd2. Half way through the show the circus master asked for complete silence as the trapeze artist was about to do a very complicated move. The big top went quiet whilst the acrobat powdered his hands and started the trapeze swinging. All of a sudden my dc4 shouted out "MUM, WHEN WE WERE IN TH TOILET FRED (my dc3) HAD A POO AND NEVER WIPED HIS BUM PROPERLY. I BET HE'S GOT SKIDS NOW.."
I sat there and crawled under my seat. We had gone alone so I couldn't even disown him!!

I once took my 3 dc to the circus. Before going in I rushed all 3 into the toilets. As we were late I let my dc5 & dc4 go in together while I attended to my dd2. Half way through the show the circus master asked for complete silence as the trapeze artist was about to do a very complicated move. The big top went quiet whilst the acrobat powdered his hands and started the trapeze swinging. All of a sudden my dc4 shouted out "MUM, WHEN WE WERE IN TH TOILET FRED (my dc3) HAD A POO AND NEVER WIPED HIS BUM PROPERLY. I BET HE'S GOT SKIDS NOW.."
I sat there and crawled under my seat. We had gone alone so I couldn't even disown him!!

8 month pregnant, DS1 aged 4 and I, in Tesco loudly holding his nose, "Poo, don't go near my Mummy, she stinks!". I had dropped one and the wee shite let everyone know. I was ashamed but overcome with helpless laughter.

Shopping in M & S with my son and I needed underwear. DS was four at the time. I picked up a pack of black pants and he shouted out excitedly "ooh buy those ones mummy - they'll hide your skid marks!".

When DS was about 3, we were having a meal in a lovely pub with extended family. After finishing his main course DS was getting a bit fidgety in his seat and as the pub was really quiet I let him get down and have a little wander. A waitress came over to us to ask if we wanted pudding. She was mid-20s and quite big with very short hair.
I called over to DS: "DS, would you like to come and tell the lady what you'd like for pudding?"
DS: [Laughs] Mummy, that's not a lady, that's a man!

And when he was about 18 months-2 years, we had a couple of friends round one evening. We were sat with them in the lounge having a nice chat while DS was just having a wander round the flat. And after being in our room he just casually walked into the lounge sucking on a bottle of Durex Play lubricant. OMG, I nearly died of embarrassment!

DD2 aged about 2 yelled at the top of her voice in a packed, silent church at a christening 'BUGGER! BUGGER! BUUUUGGGGEERRRR!!'

DD1 aged 4 at the fruit n veg bit in Tesco which had suddenly become the busiest part of the sodding shop decided to make up a charming song - again very loud, neither of my dds do anything quietly 'mummy has HAIRY HAIRY HAIRY ARMPITS'

I gave my 3yo my handbag to play with out of desperation in the doctors waiting room (they were running really late). She held aloft a tampon to the very full waiting room and asked if I was going to put it up my bottom.

Dd2 was asked at circle time in nursery if she wanted to tell a story to everyone. She got up and said that mummy drank too much wine and fell out of bed, and daddy had to put me back in again. This is absolutely not true but not one of the teachers believed me as I went redder and redder trying to persuade them.

DS2 went through a phase of writing big letters with wooden blocks when he was 4-5. When some very uptight relatives came for tea, I was pleased he was occupying himself productively, until I looked down and he'd written an expletive in foot high letters on the floor and said to our visitor, 'This is a word we're not allowed to say.'

My son is only a week old so hasn't had the chance to humiliate me (yet!) but my brother when he was 6 gave my mum the shock of her life when she visited his classroom and saw a story he had written up on the wall. It said "When my dad goes to work my mummy's boyfriend visits and brings her flowers"!! My poor mother nearly fainted and his teacher had a word with him about the importance of not making up stories like that. Karma's a bitch though as he now has a little girl who wants to always stay up and watch TV with him and his wife and they tell her she can't as they are movies for adults. Cue her then telling me "Mummy and Daddy like to watch adult movies"...

My son when aged 3 announced in a supermarket toilet cubicle "you Don't have a Willy mummy, because girls don't have willies" no, said I, you're right there so he went on to say, very loudly, "if you did have one I wouldn't see it in all that fur on you!!" of course there were loads of people in there when we came out

My three year old DD asked very loudly in the packed Doctors waiting room, "will the Doctor look at your lady bits?"

Never again will I explain why I am going to the doctors.....

We went into tesco and ds was in the buggy reading a magazine we'd bought in the garage. Cue lots of "mummy! We not paid for my newspaper!" Amazed we didn't get stopped by security!

A while ago I had the runs and didn't quite make it to the toilet (which in itself is embarrassing enough). While cleaning myself up my dd aged 4 came in and was delighted that 'mummy poos her pants too'. I told her we were going to keep this a secret and she agreed.

The very next day at nursery she announced to the teacher, in front of ALL the other parents who were getting their own children shoes changed that ' mum pooed her pants'. She even turned to me and said 'didn't you mummy, you pooed your pants?'

The teacher, bless her, tried to distract her and said don't be silly at which point my daughter got upset and started crying 'Im not lying mum did poo her pants !!''

Not my finest hour.

A short man (prob 5 feet 3-ish) walks by and DS, 3, pipes up loudly:
"What a funny little man!"
Didn't know where to look. We had a chat about talking about people in the street.

Omg! Harrietspy! Absolutely pissing myself laughing!

This week my boys came into the office. I was in a packed lift with them and the HR woman said to them, "So you look like mummy and you look like daddy?" To which DS2 said, "No, I look like (the male) Au Pair."

AP was with us in the lift and it was excrutiating while everyone sniggered. Later that afternoon the HR woman came into see me and said (jokingly) "So you're having an affair with the AP??" He would have been very underage at the time...just all very wrong.

And DS2 is the spitting image of his Dad.

I had a the runs and my 6 year old DS told all of his school friends that mummy had diarrhoea cause she ate too many chocolate biscuits. Cheers mate.

When me and my brother was little we went to a Christmas party at the local pub with our mum and my brothers friend.

The entertainment was a magician who asked for a volunteer so we got mum to go up.

He started pulling out those streams of coloured hankies out of her top and at the end of it was the grottiest grayest bra you have ever seen. Needless to say my mum was not amused.

my ds1 at the age of 4 announced to checkout bloke in sainsburys " did u know my mummys got a big minge!)
I nearly died of embarrassment

The Cub (nearly 5) has recently started putting y on the end of colours so red becomes redy and yellow becomes yellowy as in the sound E. He has a black cleaning cloth (long story) which he takes everywhere and cleans everything with. Just as we pass a person of colour he starts looking at the cloth and puts y on the end of black. I wanted to just D.I.E. Cue long conversation (again) about how changing words can change their meaning and upset some people.

HighlyMortifiedTiggaxx

I was in debenhams with my 3 ds, all under 5 and running me ragged.
Ds1 had been working his ticket all day long and decided this shop would be the place of his finale.
Having had enough and sick of the sound of my own voice repeating 'you'd better behave ds1' I grabbed the top of him arm (not tight but enough of a grip to stop him running away), bent down to tell him - 'I've had more than enough of you today, just you wait until you get home, no tv for you, you're going straight up the stairs to your room'
He screamed at the top of his lungs
'OWWWWWW Mummy stop nipping me, I'm not a naughty boy, I don't want to wait until I get home, Nooooooo' :)
twat

Ds2 while at the christmas play to watch ds1. He was nearly 3 and sat lovely watching until the fairies were introduced. At this point he stood up and proudly declared very loudly
'I don't have a fairy, I have a willy because I am a boy and girls have fairys, not me. Don't they mummy, My mummy has a fairy but daddy's got a big willy, hasn't he mummy' :) :)

He didn't live it down, the teachers reminded him many times when he started the school himself.