WWYD? I am NOT a stalker. I am just waiting for my train!

[OooohHorlicks]

So for three days a week I take a train to work. I stand on the platform and wait for the train and don’t really register anything or anyone. I vaguely stand behind a couple that also wait for the train because they stand in the place where the door stops, and it is just in my nature to form a queue.

Anyway this week I was gazing into space and noticed that the woman in front of me kept gesturing towards me. So I tuned in. “I just hate it”, she says to the man. “She always stands behind us.” "Arse, she’s got a point", I think. And I can see how it must be totally disconcerting, but I never really saw it as standing behind them, just as standing where the doors stop, and they usually get to the platform first.

So the following day I resolved to stand to the side of them rather than behind and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had marched further down the platform with the man. Fair enough, I think. Problem solved – you don’t like it, then move. Wait for the train. I turn my head to see it as it pulls in and she is looking at me laughing, and then giving the man a triumphant laugh.

Now I am slightly torn. On the one hand I am thinking she needs to get a life / grip / perspective, is obviously very petty, and for three or four minutes in a morning I am quite happy to ignore the ridiculous behaviour and stand where I please. On the other hand I can actually see why it would be disconcerting to have a random standing behind you every day and I feel slightly aggrieved at being held out to be a stalker when I am barely able to function and just unthinkingly doing what I always do.

So what do I do? It’s a small station and a short train, only 4 carriages. I could wait further along to get on one of the other carriages but they are either ones with a toilet on (grim) or high risk in terms of getting / not getting a seat. But I can’t really be doing with this every morning. I just want a quiet life. Hopefully they will just continue to wait further down the platform but if they get there before me I suspect they will make a point of waiting in their usual space.

So what would you do? Apart from tell me to worry about something worth worrying about?

You lot are TOTALLY not advising in my best interests!

So my plan for Wednesday is to give her the benefit of the doubt on the basis that I am used to travelling from city stations - where queueing is necessary - but am now travelling from a small village platform where I have never actually taken the time to compare. If indeed NO-ONE else stands behind anyone else then I will accept that she may have a point.

If they are in their usual spot when I get there then I will stand to the side of them. If she continues to be unpleasant then yes I will indeed assume that she is a petty, attention-seeking loon and arrive at the platform every morning wearing one item of fancy dress each day.

I will report back.

She is definitely a loon. At my station all the regulars stand in groups around where the doors will stop. This is normal and the most efficient way to get everyone on quickly.

Much as I am loving some of the suggestions on this thread, personally I would just get there a few minutes earlier for the next few days so that she either has to stand behind you or pick another set of doors.

Fucking loon.

You stand where you want to. If she has a problem with it, it's her problem. She sounds like a drama queen and one of those people who things everything is about her.

Ignore the silly tart.

For what it's worth, most people in my area, if you see someone on a regular basis like at a bus stop - the nice thing to do is strike up a conversation - not complain that someone is stood behind you.

Get a photo of her made into a mask and wear it on the back of your head. Catch her eye and revolve slowly.
That should do it.

I am in Surrey too - shall I take the Monday morning shift and stand behind them, someone does Tuesday, you do Wednesday, I can do Thursday and so on???

If it was me I'd be really upset, agonise over the possibility of having ruined someone's day. I'd then start getting an earlier train so I didn't upset her again .

The suggestions above sound a lot healthier, more fun and more practical.

Rush Hour Crush her?

You could make a Boarding a train for dummies book,

step one, Enter the station,

step two, Stand where the doors open,

step three, don't piss off other passengers who have already learnt step two

step four, get on train.

and hand it to her.

I have the best idea ever

Everyone's near the ops station goes. You form a HIGE FLASH MOBBY q behind stalker woman.

You all sing this m.youtube.com/watch?v=OxahtnSAzgU

Take one of those creepy jewellery boxes with the revolving ballerina and wind it up. Dance to the music in the style of the opening credits of 'tales of the unexpected' before cocking your leg and marking your spot. Wear a balaclava. Then just lightheartedly say 'i can smell your sex'. Im fairly sure she will avoid you in future. I have had success with this method in the past.

You could offer her some streaky bacon from your handbag to break the ice if you feel my other suggestion is too full on.

Have you got a couple of large men available? Get them to dress in suits and sunglasses and stand protectively near you, glowering at her with their arms crossed. When the train arrives, they must clear the path for you.

Or, a version of Grandmother's footsteps? Stand behind her, but further back. Every time she looks round or makes a remark, move a step or two closer. Then when you're right behind her, turn your back and just wait it out.

Get your phone out and pretend you're talking to somebody, saying loudly, "That weird woman and her partner are here AGAIN, she's starting to freak me out with the stalker stares and maniacal laugh!" then start talking quieter... tables turned!

I once had someone physically shove me out of the way because I was "standing in her spot". Needless to say we had words. I carried on standing in the same place I always had done and if she was there she would mutter about me. I then observed subsequent incidents on the train where she wanted to stand somewhere others were standing etc. As everyone always gets on the same place it culminated in half the carriage having a conversation about the unreasonable behaviour of this woman. We never saw her again.

Don't move! Doing so will indicate that you are a stalker..

I'm loving this thread

Isn't the easiest solution to arrive before her in the morning (assuming this is compatible with your children's routine) and stand in her spot, so she has to stand behind you?

Sorry if someone's already suggested this. It's just that the amusing aspect of this is that she stands in the same place every day but then has the nerve to find it odd when someone else does.

Write 'fuck off' on your eyelids and blink at her

Genius!

Go go Flash mob!

I am helpless with laughter. I'm not sure of the funniest suggestion

I loved the eyes out of the newspaper, the fuck off on the eyelids, the sitting on his knee...........................brilliant

I was loving this thread and having a quiet chuckle, but the grandmothers footsteps suggestion finished me off. You have to do that. Gradually sneak closer to them, stopping if she looks at you.

Yes! The gradually moving closer plan is genius! Like ninja cat!!

What I'd do is - Stand behind them exactly where you always do, but pulling the most hideous or silly face possible. Rearrange face into perfectly normal expression whenever they look over at you. Hum nonchalantly and look innocent.

You really need to say now which platform on which station at which time so that anyone local can join you and which carriage and where the train originates so that anyone on the train already can make faces through the window.

I'd tell her to get over herself and that you are simply standing in front of the doors and make her look like a complete fool.