WWYD? I am NOT a stalker. I am just waiting for my train!

[OooohHorlicks]

So for three days a week I take a train to work. I stand on the platform and wait for the train and don’t really register anything or anyone. I vaguely stand behind a couple that also wait for the train because they stand in the place where the door stops, and it is just in my nature to form a queue.

Anyway this week I was gazing into space and noticed that the woman in front of me kept gesturing towards me. So I tuned in. “I just hate it”, she says to the man. “She always stands behind us.” "Arse, she’s got a point", I think. And I can see how it must be totally disconcerting, but I never really saw it as standing behind them, just as standing where the doors stop, and they usually get to the platform first.

So the following day I resolved to stand to the side of them rather than behind and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had marched further down the platform with the man. Fair enough, I think. Problem solved – you don’t like it, then move. Wait for the train. I turn my head to see it as it pulls in and she is looking at me laughing, and then giving the man a triumphant laugh.

Now I am slightly torn. On the one hand I am thinking she needs to get a life / grip / perspective, is obviously very petty, and for three or four minutes in a morning I am quite happy to ignore the ridiculous behaviour and stand where I please. On the other hand I can actually see why it would be disconcerting to have a random standing behind you every day and I feel slightly aggrieved at being held out to be a stalker when I am barely able to function and just unthinkingly doing what I always do.

So what do I do? It’s a small station and a short train, only 4 carriages. I could wait further along to get on one of the other carriages but they are either ones with a toilet on (grim) or high risk in terms of getting / not getting a seat. But I can’t really be doing with this every morning. I just want a quiet life. Hopefully they will just continue to wait further down the platform but if they get there before me I suspect they will make a point of waiting in their usual space.

So what would you do? Apart from tell me to worry about something worth worrying about?

Go to the station with a friend, stand near them and then say in a very loud whisper "It's so weird, they always stand really close to me but I didn't think anything of it until they started to stare at me, and she does this really weird face and then laughs. I think they're plotting to do something to me but I don't know what. And the police say they can't help until they do something to me. I really think they are stalking me."

And then you and your friend could both have written 'fuck off' on your eyelids and blink at them when they look over, because that's the best solution ever. Just don't blink at your boss when you get to work

Nessalina it's like the cat version of the weeping angels.

You could learn a lot from Charles Augustus Magnusson in terms of intruding on somebody's personal space.

Try licking, right up the cheek. And then say "Nom Nom".

Try finding their home and peeing in their fire grate.

If all else fails, flick her face, and if you do it with your middle finger, all the better.

not been watching the latest Sherlock lately not at all

Am loving the idea of flashmobs - perhaps ?

I like this one - Have you got a couple of large men available? Get them to dress in suits and sunglasses and stand protectively near you, glowering at her with their arms crossed. When the train arrives, they must clear the path for you.

Wait until you get a day off.

You need a friend who can keep a straight face. You and the friend arrive at station but as if you don't know each other. You both stand next to the man and the woman and say in a loud whisper, "Can you see me? I'm dead!"

One of them will say something and your friend then replies, "Are you talking to me?"

The couple will indicate they are talking to you but your friend acts puzzled and looks around as if you are invisible and says, "I can't see anyone".

You then circle your friend waving your arms up and down wriggling your fingers whilst your friend keeps a straight face as if she cannot see you.

Then you turn to the couple and say in a menacing voice, "I'm watching you, always watching you".

Your friend shakes her head at the couple and walks off down the platfoem to get away from them.

As the train pulls in, watch them get on and see where they sit and meanwhile you will have pulled out from your hand bag a horror mask and just stand there wearing it, pointing at them through the glass as the train pulls out.

genius thread.

In all seriousness, if she said anything i would say " You seem to have the notion that you are vaguely interesting"

to not allow right of reply, put earphones in immediately and ignore.

Collect together a load of local MNers, and have them board the train at earlier stations wearing suits and holding microphones and cameras. Then when you get on the train they can start snapping away and trying to interview you because you're sooo famous. They could also interview your stalkees "Sir! Madam! What's it like sharing a platform with the amazing Horlicks?"

Take their photo and post it on here!

PMSL at some of these

Cough and sneeze near her.

Whenever she looks at you do a double thumbs up and say 'Train friends' Inbetweeners-style

Oh I do love some of the suggestions on here... do them if you're brave!

In all seriousness though, I would probably stick a pair of headphones in, and immerse myself in a newspaper and just totally ignore them.

You're not doing anything out of the ordinary, they are the ones being weird making a fuss out of normal behaviour. Sod them if they think they are going to change your morning routine.

I am the DH of pretty kitty but at what point do people think they Are going to get any sound advice on here?some sound advice on here tbh i think you should pinch her bum and invite her out fora drink and relentlessly follow her afterwards every morning for a week.

Oh god, do Sunday's one.... the horror mask and pointing is genius.

And once you've achieved that, be sure to follow it up by placing yourself at various other stations along that train's route over the course of a few weeks, and stand on the platform in your mask and stare at them as they pass.

Or, why not just get on the train with them as usual. Sit uncomfortably close to them, then follow them off the train right up to their workplace. Once you've noted said workplace, be sure to pop in every now and then during the week, never acknowledging them but making sure they see you...

PrettyKitty'sDH I gave sound advice - headphones, newspaper, ignore!

Lots of people have assured her that she's not doing anything 'weird' so she shouldn't worry.

And then lots of geniuses have come up with way more interesting suggestions!!!

Yes but that what we love about MN it took 9 pages for someone sensible and grown up to come along!!! (DH) it turns out mine HAS to get on the back of the second carriage and sit On the left hand side to see the Buddha in the morning for a daily good luck charm. if you don't stand behind her you may ruin the daily commute for this couple you may be their good luck charm and they will move in front of you!

Isn't it Wednesday yet????

I was waiting for my train this morning and thinking '48 hours til update' and this evening '36ish hours...'

needs to get a life icon

Oh that woman is vile.

Must have felt very uncomfirtable being accused of always making a point of standung begind them.

Custardo has it right. Vaguely interestng retort.

This thread is hilarious!

I love the ninja cat video!

well, next time you catch her eye i would just say good morning, and then continue to ignore.

Get in before them in the morning and place one of those hazard signs they put up in shops when they clean the floor. You could customise it by adding your amusing retort to the sign, like 'fuck off'.

I love this thread. And I gave a very bruised tummy from a stomach upset so laughing isn't good at the moment but unavoidable.

My husband reckons get on a stop earlier and be waiting at the train doors when they open. Priceless!