I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

[Gatekeeper]

...and say "there there"

In meeting today and part of it was a discussion about personal illnesses or conditions each of us has/had. I mentioned that most of my family - female side has an underactive thyroid and that I have yearly blood tests as mine is slowly getting there. I said "Thyroid" about ten times

Only I didn't...

I said "prostate" and wondered why the rest of them were looking at me like this . I clocked what I'd said and said "No, not my prostate, my thryoid. I am actually a women, at least my husband thinks so" ending on a horrible, whinnying haw haw laugh that I haven't heard before.

Ended up doing a comedy wipe of my face, and knocked my glasses off, where they landed on the middle of the floor. I said "shite" when this happened and not quietly either.

Dear God...not one of them cracked a smile or reacted- just looked at me for a split second and then started talking about something else

CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE..I am squirming in my seat just thinking about it

[YooHooCuntImHere]

Come on nonomum spill the beans.

OP I thank you for cheering me up

[DaleyBump]

Oh my god June!!

[cakesonatrain]

"constantly dogging small children"


Trying so hard not to laugh and wake the baby!

[cakesonatrain]

Oh, and there there op :)

[Katekate77]

I didn't think it could get any worse after "my husband thinks so"

You are a comic genius!! No need to cringe, the world needs people like you (and me) to liven the stiffs up!!!

[helzapoppin2]

Not even a snigger? Were they all dead?
I think you're great!

[Spychic]

Why are you not my friends in real life? I feel like I'm the only person I know who does stuff like this.

Mine is always followed by the high pitched laugh too, or worse, a peculiar little girl giggle as though I'm trying to be coy.

[AmberLeaf]

Had I been there OP I would have laughed with you!

Junebugjr That made me guffaw. That is my stock answer for when someone asks me where something is [well not everyone, only people that get my humour]

[Iactuallydothinkso]

Oh this thread has made me laugh so much! If your days didn't happen for any other reason I think you should be grateful they made me laugh!

Thanks!

[Dilash]

I told a customer once, that our phones were 'up the duff'

didn't realise my error until they had left

[Ellisisland]

If it makes you feel better I did something similar today.
Big meeting and my boss asks me what I thought was 'how is your son?' So I reply with a long winded explanation of how he has an ear infection at the moment and has pus pouring out of his ear. I go on and on and then slowly realise everyone is staring at me.
The my boss says 'sorry I said shall we go on?' Gesturing to report I had in my hand, that I had been waving around by talking about pus. It was my turn to present. I was so embarrassed

[Dilash]

I also once got on the escalator in the London Underground, going in the wrong direction. Went arse over tit. Everyone pretended not to notice

[Dilash]

ellis!!!!

did you manage to do your presentation???!

oh my days!! Maybe we should all work together?! A seething mass of inappropriateness

[Tabby1963]

Ellis, if we all worked together we would spend the day giggling and Tena Lady would be on tap in the ladies well it would for me lol.

[CuntyBunty]

Where do you work OP? I am probably being made redundant in the New Year and part of my prospective job requirements are quality colleagues. You sound ace; I'd love to mess about at work work with you.

[TobyLerone]

Are you Miranda?

[stinkingbishop]

Well they're obviously mutants for not laughing. I'd have been crying with you!

The other day I answered the phone and said 'Tim speaking.' I have no idea why I did this. I am most definitely not called Tim. Last time I looked I didn't have a prostate. I actually don't even know any Tims.

I think sometimes when we don't have enough humourous people in our world, our subconscious has to generate it ourselves, in order that we can have a good laugh at ourselves. That is what I am telling myself anyway.

[DeathByLaundry]

Haven't actually sobbed over a thread on here for aaaaaages. I'm meant to be getting ready for work. The DC are all "What's wrong mummy? Why are you sad?"

Have had to wheezily explain I just read something funny. While drying my eyes and blowing bubbles of snot.

Thank you :)

[diddl]

Ooh my goodness that's hilarious There, there!

I once phoned daughter's friend & when the father answered, I asked if I could speak to his wife-unfortunately, I already was

"We all have our cringes to bear"-genius!

[killpeppa]

giggled so much I needed to pee.

[Gatekeeper]

it wasn't at work!! This was a room full of strangers..I was there for an employability course as have been a SAHM for last few years. I really have forgotton how to act amongst people haven't I?

Wonder what the course leaders wrote about me in their paperwork?
"Gatekeeper ought not be let out without supervision"

[SarahAndFuck]

I have told this story before.

I worked for an estate agents. A property had exchanged and completed and the sellers were in the process of loading up the moving van when they realised their cats were missing.

They rang the office to ask me to pass on a message to the buyers, stating that if the cats should turn up later could they please just shoo them outside into the garden and the sellers would drive by later and collect them.

So I rang the buyers and left a cheerful message that ended "...and so they say that if you could shoot the cats in the garden they will collect them later. NO! Don't shoot the cats! Shoo them into the garden. Shoo them out! They don't want you to shoot their cats!"

Buyers came into the office a few days later with wine for us and kept laughing about the message. They were making gun shapes with their fingers and kept saying "Meow, BANG!" to me

[SarahAndFuck]

Although, my colleague once accidentally kissed our area manager as he tried to shake her hand and then another time she picked up the phone as it rang, burped down it as she tried to say hello and just calmly put the phone back down without speaking, so I think my shot cats are not quite as bad as they could have been.

[Dilash]

Oh gawd...iinappropriaye kisses! Ive done them before...horrid!

[BankWadger]

SarahAndFuck. Pure