Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Almighty gaffes you have made

322 replies

LuisSuarezTeeth · 24/07/2013 09:54

I work with the elderly and people with various disabilities. This week I have surpassed myself and made things so much worse by apologising profusely.

To the gentleman without legs: Would you like to go for a walk?

To the partially sighted lady: Yes I see

To the gentleman who has dementia: Do you remember..?

I feel just terrible, wretched and awful. I am normally so tactful, but have had a rotten week. They were all so nice about it and the gentleman with no legs kept cracking his own jokes.

But really, I am so embarrassed.

Please tell me I am not the only one Blush

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 29/07/2013 15:18

'she held her flaps open'
Grin Grin

Original poster
LuisSuarezTeeth · 29/07/2013 17:00

So glad I started this! Grin

OP posts:
KittyLane1 · 29/07/2013 17:35

I still go bright red over that!

awaynboilyurheid · 29/07/2013 18:01

On a cruise with many nationalities we sat next to a very elderly Chinese couple he said something to waitress and I said in a loud voice Good English! where are you from ? California she said ..., of course you are! I said , we did go on to having wee chats on the cruise whenever we met up so she seemed to have forgiven me.

ZingWidge · 29/07/2013 21:02

oh I have one - it involves a black lady and something I almost said about her skin.
It was meant to be nice and complementary, but halfway through my sentence my brain caught up and told me to shut up, just in case she would get offended - and I just couldn't finish what I was saying.
it was very awkward.
there wasn't a dignified way out so I just stood there stunned.
I couldn't explain a thing, which is probably a good thing as I would have dug myself even deeper.

GhostsInSnow · 29/07/2013 21:49

DS was a bit of a genius child (sadly her grew out of it) and could read reasonably well at 3. Unfortunately pronunciation often got the better of him so when he announced to the 'packed with sweet old ladies' garden centre one afternoon that we should buy a 'Fuck Sia' I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
(to this day we dont call them Fuchsias in this house)

Letitsnow9 · 29/07/2013 23:12

Seeing the y for wankiee post, I had an embarrassing moment when I had to give the address of Bristol Children's hospital, sadly it wasn't to a friend as the postcode ends BJ. I can never remember A is for Alpha and use what ever words spring to mind. First one 'b for blow' then 'j for long pause while I try to remember any word starting with J other than the obvious finally jump came to mind, I stated jump 3 times. Elderly lady on the other end of the phone probably thought I was crazy!

Letitsnow9 · 29/07/2013 23:13

I didn't know stars turn things bold, didn't mean to!

Kelziz · 29/07/2013 23:38

Not us but the vet - our cat was admitted to stay for an operation, and the lovely vet - I don't think English was his first language, he was Swiss I think- evidently got DP and the cat mixed up. The voice message to 'Mr Tiddles' I kept for a very long time!

Iactuallydothinkso · 29/07/2013 23:43

Ok...

I'm in the pub with a friend and some others join us that I don't know but friend does.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Says friends friend. "We could come back here because they've got "Penny" on tonight, the singer"

"Fuck no" says I. "She's shit"

Friends friend says "that's my mum"

Kelziz · 29/07/2013 23:46

Actually I have another cat themed one! My Nan was rushed into hospital once, and I volunteered to feed her cat. Me & my cousin popped around on the first day and were scratched and bitten until we bled by massive, furious cat, and called on Nan's good friend and neighbour who'd been very worried. "How is she?" Neighbour asked. "Oh furious! She scratched and bit us and had shat everywhere!" The neighbour turned white as my cousin hissed "She's asking about Nan!"

Ghirly · 30/07/2013 00:27

I go to CBT for my depression and anxiety. I was there today and telling my therapist about the tough week I had previously.

I told him that a friend took me out, phoned and phoned and wouldn't take no for an answer (as he knows me getting out helps my condition)

So therapist replies "so basically you needed a poke"

Don't know how I didn't burst out laughing!!

chipmonkey · 30/07/2013 19:30

Kelziz, that's so funny!Grin She must have thought your poor Nan had been possessed!

lifesgreatquestions · 30/07/2013 22:19

The B J post reminded me, I was in supervision with an attractive male supervisor, no idea how it came about but he mentioned "BJ" as a concept and I didn't realise how naive I was (am!) , but I didn't know what it was short for so made him have too spell it out. We both went red over that. Whenever I hear it now I think of him and I squirm a little bit about how I learned that!

queenofthepirates · 30/07/2013 22:46

I do a lot of sewing repairs and alterations for pin money; one chap when picking up his freshly turned up trousers asked if I repaired leather jackets

'Yes' I replied 'But it will be a handjob'

He literally snorted whilst I struggled to contain myself and explained that I didn't have a leather working sewing machine. Waste of time, he was heaving with laughter.

LilithSternin · 30/07/2013 23:11

Along the lines of some recent posts, I've told many a patient who I need to get blood from or put a cannula into that "Looks like it'll have to be a hand job" ie, you have no veins in your arms, let's try your hands...I never seem to be able to keep that particular phrase from coming out of my mouth. Cheers some people up no end, mind you.

I have also managed to get myself stuck to a patient when applying a plaster after a blood draw...I opened the plaster very neatly and applied it to the lady's hand, at which point, I realised my gloves were stuck on the plaster, which was now stuck on the lady's hand. To make matters worse, I had been called in after one of the students hadn't managed to get any blood, so I had a witness to this. I eventually wiggled one hand free, and intended to cut the plaster at the edge, thus releasing myself. It was not to be. I cut the glove instead, and the lady went home, crying tears of laughter, with a tiny bit of bright blue glove poking out from her plaster. Her husband said it was favouritism and he wanted a multi-coloured plaster next time he had blood taken Grin

chipmonkey · 30/07/2013 23:48

Lilith, our neighbour said it was favouritism when our builders' blunder resulted in us having hot water being flushed into our toilet. He told the site foreman he'd have liked that feature but no-one offered it to him!

M0naLisa · 31/07/2013 01:18

My mum:

  1. January sales, mum goes to Argos:
Hello i want to buy one of those VD players, I've heard the one in the pink box is not very good but the one in the blue box is good as it plays copies. Blush
  1. Mum visiting the Drs:
Hello, I've come to see you because i think i may have hayfever, can i have some of those Amphetamines
M0naLisa · 31/07/2013 01:21

My sister is abit stupid at times and gets frustrated, we once went shopping to supermarket for some bits. I was in one aisle and she was on the next aisle. I hear her shout
DSis: Lisa?
Me: Yeah?
DSis: Whats £2.99 + £2.00?
Me: [walking round to the aisle she's on] Are you serious?
DSis: Yeah whats £2.99 + £2.00?
I jut laughed

DSis was 22 at the time.

kweggie · 31/07/2013 01:57

Okay, just to say that near where I work there's an office equipment company called Bullock and Bosson . Yes really. And if it is your little 'in-joke' to call it something similar but much ruder and snigger about it at work, you should never EVER be stupid enough to be the person who rings them up to place an order. Cringe.

ZingWidge · 31/07/2013 18:55

a few months after I came to England I started going out with an English bloke.
I used to make a lot of mistakes and mixing up words as my English was frankly rubbish back then.

one day when I was eating an apple but wanted to offer him a bite so I asked him if he wanted a nipple....Grin

Stillhopingstillhere · 31/07/2013 18:57

When I was a temp at an office a Mr Gator arrived in reception. I rang through to the guy he was visiting who said oh yes, I think I know him. Is his name Ally?

To which I then put my hand over the speaker part of the phone, turned to the guest and said 'X thinks he knows you, are you Ally Gayor?'

The guy he was visiting couldn't get down the stairs for laughing as he'd heard me ask. It took him did attempts to get down the stairs.

Stillhopingstillhere · 31/07/2013 18:58

Six attempts.

FeralStreep · 31/07/2013 19:03

My mum went into the butcher's and asked for a jar of 'Fuck Dat'.

Bless her.

Lurleene · 31/07/2013 19:12

I used to work in small company with just 5 of us in the office. One of my colleagues was having birthday drinks and I really didn't want to go. My OH e-mailed me at work asking how my morning was going and I e-mailed back ' not bad. Got out of J's drinks, thank God. I made up some crap and he seemed to believe me.'

About an hour later my OH replied to my e-mail ,including a funny joke. Which I then forwarded to everyone else in my office ......