Almighty gaffes you have made

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

I work with the elderly and people with various disabilities. This week I have surpassed myself and made things so much worse by apologising profusely.

To the gentleman without legs: Would you like to go for a walk?

To the partially sighted lady: Yes I see

To the gentleman who has dementia: Do you remember..?

I feel just terrible, wretched and awful. I am normally so tactful, but have had a rotten week. They were all so nice about it and the gentleman with no legs kept cracking his own jokes.

But really, I am so embarrassed.

Please tell me I am not the only one

Job interview:

Interviewer: Do you have any disabilities that might affect the job?

Me: Nope, I'm good.

Interviewer: Yes, well disabled people are good as well.

Me:

Got the job somehow!

I asked my BF how her dad was, several months after he's died.
I meant to ask about how the rest of the family are getting on. I felt awful!!! Luckily she was understanding.

I used to have a lovely German flatmate, who while we lived together was was unfortunately waiting to find about when the day would be when her team would be told whether they were going to be made redundant or not (IYSWIM):

Me, one evening over a shared cuppa & fag on our balcony: "So Flatmate, do you know when D-Day is yet?"

After a slight pause, she very graciously replied "Well, D-Day is...." and told me, but I wasn't able to concentrate on what she was saying as all I could think was, please stop talking so I can run away & hide in my bedroom forever

I once put ECG leads on both prosthetic legs. In my defence it was 3am and I was a very junior student nurse.
Chap whose legs they were said nothing until I noticed and then laughed himself silly.

Out with some friends in my late teens. One guy announced that his dad was suffering from leukemia. I piped up 'my friend's brother died from leukemia.' I got flamed... Just didn't think. What a stupid thing to say..

Glad it's not just me then! Sometimes it's worse when you try too hard. Like laughing at a funeral or something.

I've got a friend who went for an interview for a call centre job, was going really well until they asked her how she felt she'd deal with aggressive people over the phone, she replied "I hate using the phone, I'm much better face to face".

She didn't get the job!

AtYourCervix - good job he saw the funny side.

Feel like I'm giving Prince Phillip a run for his money thus week

I asked a client if the person accompanying her was her son. It was her husband

i got the giggles in a job interview. i had to ask them to stop for a min so i could have a good giggle and get it out of my system! i ask had to say that i wasnt nuts, grinning like a cheshire cat, i just couldnt stop!

got the job tho!

AKiss

I get gender wrong on the phone a lot. That really does seem to cause offence.

Many years ago I worked for Orange, it was around Christmas & my team were diverted from our usual stuff to take calls in the call centre with people registering new pay as you go phones. All fine, no probs then Mr Hoare rings up with a new mobile he would like to register in his wife's name. All fine until I get to the name of the wife, & what I wanted to establish was whether she had the same surname as her husband or whether it was different. What actually came out was 'Is your wife a Hoare'.

Looking at a colleagues wedding photos, one lovely shot with everyone smiling and throwing confetti. There is one lady looking at the camera and no hint of a smile. 'Who's that then, couldn't she crack a smile for the photos' colleague replies 'oh that's Jane, she has Downs syndrome...' As other colleagues stare open mouthed.
Oh the shame. I could have cried.

This morning. At a funeral. Was greeted outside the church door by a member of her family who I don't know, she had even said "thank you for coming" but I still, stupidly, smiled and said "Good Morning". Aaaarrrggghhh

A few weeks ago I took my 8mo ds to my nans funeral. Just as the service was about to start the kindly vicar came up to me and said that if I popped into the vestry (?) there was a box of children's toys, I could get one to keep my ds amused. I did this, picked up a seemingly innocuous toy. Little did I know that if you squeezed it, a loud song would be played, so just as we were kneeling to pray for nan, the song about meatballs all covered in cheese started playing. I quickly ran out of the church with said toy and ds

I had to phone someone who has lost her daughter aged 15 and very suddenly to undiagnosed heart condition.

I was looking at the paperwork as I called and then when the woman picked up I asked for the daughter

There was a terrible silence and all my colleagues realised what I had done and stared in horror.

I was mortified, it still makes me go hot and cold ten years on.

I was speaking to a little boy in a hospital waiting room. He was looking for the person he had come in with and looked a bit lost.

I told him his Grandad was there and pointed him out.

He then informed me he was the boys Dad .

I happened upon a friend of a friend crying because she'd just been told she had breast cancer. What I meant to say was something along the lines of "treatments are so good these days there is every chance you will make a full recovery" what actually came out of my mouth was"it's not the end of the world!" It still makes me cringe to think of it!

In Waitrose admiring the pastries.
I asked for a Penis Danish. In front of the whole queue.
The counter staff were trying & failing not to laugh.

Last year a girl I worked with told me her dp's brother had passed away. She spoke during the next week about the tragic circumstances/funeral arrangements etc and booked the day off work for the funeral.

The day before the funeral her dp brought her some flowers to work and left a bag with her favourite things with me to give her. I called her office and she came to collect the stuff he left and I said "he seems so lovely, does he have a brother?"

Still cringe when I think about it

Many years ago, working as a barmaid, a colleague and I were larking about behind the bar since the place was absolutely dead.
It was standard silly nonsense; just making each other laugh, when quite a plummy voice piped up genially and obviously as a polite way of asking us to stop pissfarting about and serve him "what's going on here then?"
What I planned to say was "just mucking about, what can I get you?" For reasons I will never be able fathom what I actually said was "mutual masturbation."
I think I was more baffled and shocked than him.

I have told this story before on MN. I went to a fancy embassy cocktail party once and was talking the to UK military attaché and his wife, neither of whom I had met before. I asked her if she enjoyed living in [x] country and she replied that she lived in England and was just visiting.

I turned to the military attaché and said 'Oh you have just trafficked her in for sex then?'

Nope. No idea why either. I was only on my first glass too. I have NO idea what the flying fuck I was thinking.

Thank jimminy that happens to other people too sixpack.

literally pmsl @ smarties

sent my exMIL (who i get on very well with) a text saying i was sorry to hear of her mum's death. turned out i'd got the wrong end of the stick and she hadn't actually died.