Almighty gaffes you have made

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

I work with the elderly and people with various disabilities. This week I have surpassed myself and made things so much worse by apologising profusely.

To the gentleman without legs: Would you like to go for a walk?

To the partially sighted lady: Yes I see

To the gentleman who has dementia: Do you remember..?

I feel just terrible, wretched and awful. I am normally so tactful, but have had a rotten week. They were all so nice about it and the gentleman with no legs kept cracking his own jokes.

But really, I am so embarrassed.

Please tell me I am not the only one

swanny

casual sex money? wtf? you have got to elaborate!

it was meant to say casual dress! i also sent a message meant for one person to the whole of the firms uk employees saying "her hair looks like a do-nut"...god, i hate email hahaha

We used to take my late nan out for lunch every Friday. She'd order chicken nearly every time but would never finish it all.
One time she called the waitress over and asked for some cling film "I'm going to take this home, my pussy will love this meat later"

How the waitress kept a straight face I'll never know.

I thought of you lot as soon as I did this;

Buying wool for a baby blanket for a friend, had just chosen the most amazing selection of colours and was discussing how I planned to edge the blanket with the ladies in the shop. One suggested crocheting the border after, to which I replied that it was a great idea, I could wait and see what colour the baby was and choose the border to match

The owner gently pointed out that I probably meant the sex rather than the colour I'd just meant pink or blue as my friend doesn't know what she's having yet!

I casually mentioned to a rather psychotic and unhinged woman that her boyfriend had been telling me all about his cock. She didn't take it well.

In context, we were very young and silly and he was a good friend. We'd just been having a laugh about willies down the pub, as you do when you're that age. Nothing else to it. What on earth possessed me to tell her, I don't know. She stood up and ranted and then got me out of the room and ranted. So much ranting.

She left the gathering and then later on her bf tried to get off with me. So glad I'm not that age any more

emails...we have a good friend, let's call him Tom. he and DH (let's call him Alex) call each other baby, babes etc - it's been a long running joke.

Tom was about to visit us. It's been arranged for months, so DH wanted to confirm his flight details and sent him an email at work saying: "hey Tommy baby, when is your flight tomorrow? blah blah blah, we can't wait to see you.
love, Alex babes"

The next day DH got a reply:
"Dear Alex Babes, we are sorry for any disappointment, but we are obliged to inform you that Tommy baby does not work here anymore...."

Hilarious, this ha got to go to classics!

I do this foot in mouth stuff often...

The crowning glory was a sympathetic conversation with a lady with her leg in plaster...

me " that looks nasty, what happened"
she" broke me ankle... in Iceland"
me " that's terrible, hope it didn't spoil the holiday, did they delay your flight back, I hear they sometimes stop you flying with a cast"
she looking at me as if I'm bonkers " slipped on some spilled frozen chips"

Going to a gay club with some gay friends a while back. It was the usual £5 before 11, £10 after, or something similar so we wanted to get there in good time. I was a bit concerned that we'd be arriving before the place had livened up so I blurted out:

"We don't want to get there too early, there'll be no bugger there."

I'm a teacher. Once in a year 8 class there were two boys at the back messing about, nicking each other's pens, rulers etc. In my best ringing tones I admonished them:
'Boys! Please stop playing with each other's equipment!'
Cue instant hysteria from the whole class. The lesson never really recovered.

Not me but a friend ( who is absolutely the loveliest person you'll ever meet but is the person who won't be able to stop laughing at a funeral out of awkwardness!)

Out for lunch with a few friends and one told us that she'd sadly has a miscarriage last month (phrased as "Ilost my baby"

DF, snorts with laughter and says "you lost a baby?! Where did you leave it?! Har har har...hope you put one of those whistle keyrings on dc1 so you don't lose him to har har"

We all sat there like but you could actually see her realise what she was saying but was unable to stop...it felt like it went on forever

DF was unbelievably mortified but describes it as literally her mouth wouldn't stop....luckily other friend has forgiven her!

Taking the context of the situation aside, it remains one of the funniest most awful moments ever!

Years ago we moved. I have a terrible memory for names and tried very hard to remember the names of all our new neighbours.

It turned out one of them worked in our local corner shop. I went in there with dh. I thought I know this! I can actually remember her name! And proceeded to say hi Jackie, nice to see you Jackie, blah blah Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.

When we got out dh said. She's called Diane you know. I said how do you know that? He said it's on her name badge.

I recently called HMRC to inform them that I changed my name after marriage. I moved my maiden name to my middle name but my work had hyphened my maiden and married name. I tried to explain on the phone that I don't have a hyphen. I accidentally said, "I don't have a hymen". I hung up.

I'm still reading but just remembered on. I was speaking to someone who was struggling to organise things and had placed things in towering piles... so I said "ok, so you have these big piles..." I was horrified that we'd both start laughing so I just plunged on willing more words to come out of my mouth to cover up my saying he had piles!

My DH was having some minor urinary troubles so he had to go to a urologist. He was quite worried about getting his prostate checked.

He was told to get onto the couch.

"On all fours?!" He asked, in horror.

This one is just stupidity, but my neighbours and I were leaving our houses at the same time last weekend so of course we said hello to each other. Neighbours looked to be in a real rush packing the car so I said "heading out for the weekend?" Neighbour told about their plans to attend a christening and that they were late. So I slowed right down in my talking, I suppose to frustrate these nice people, and said "oh... a christening... I just, um... don't know what to say to that... congratulations?" I then just walked away, totally flummoxed about how to behave in public!

My mum has done something like this, she always seems to say the one thing you shouldn't say in any situation.

One that sticks in my min was we were at a party, and were getting ready to leave. My grandad was with us as well and my mum was trying to find him so that we could go, he was away talking to someone. My mum was chatting to a woman she just met, who was German. When I ask my mum where grandad is, she replies 'oh he's away having a council of war with his friends somewhere' then did a big gasp as she realised what she said, German woman just looked at her and walked off. My mum was mortified haha

Working in a call centre speaking to a customer who wanted to return a parcel to us and asked for the company post code.
I gave it using the phonetic alphabet and was doing well until I said "Y for wanker" instead of "Y for Yankee" :o

I was working with a pregnant woman, my job was desk based and her job was packing boxes. One day she was dealing with some fairly heavy stuff, so I helped her out.

She held he box open while I put the heavy stuff in the box, she then sealed and labelled them etc.

After she'd gone home my boss asked if she was ok with the heavy stuff, and I said yes, I gave her a hand, she held her flaps open while I slid it inside...

I realised what I'd said, and could feel myself going redder and redder... Mortifying.

Haha! Just seen your post, phoneticfool.
Not just me who has said this then :)

LOL at Kitty more or less telling them that not only had she got married but that it had definitely been consummated!

It sticks in your min, does it, Riding? Sounds painful.

@ kitty

how is it not in classics yet?