Care to join me in my "Great TV shows they should make, but won't" thread? I'll start.

[lashingsofbingeinghere]

"Escape to Cakes in the Attic".

[LadyMaryCrawley]

Upstairs Downstairs

Not the Edwardian drama based on class divisions, but an extended advert for Stannah Stairlifts.

[TheCunnyFuntWearingAPoppy]

We made it to Classics! Hooray!

[Miggsie]

Strictly Antique Cakes Makeover Surprise Pet Tango Challenge Celebrity Deformity Goes Bad

Strictly Antique Cakes Makeover Surprise Pet Tango Challenge Celebrity Deformity Goes Bad Extra

Strictly Antique Cakes Makeover Surprise Pet Tango Challenge Celebrity Deformity Goes Bad Spun out to unbelievable lengths of banality and job creation for talentless has-beens

Junior Strictly Antique Cakes Makeover Surprise Pet Tango Challenge Celebrity Deformity Goes Bad

My Baby Ate my Breast Milk!

What's my resignation Reason? - BBC Unreality Show

[BellaTheGymnast]

Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Robson Green goes fishing. Oh, hang on...

[Absy]

How I Met Your Brother a rather dull "bumping into someone in a supermarket in reverse" story, about how various people bumped into random acquaintances in supermarkets, recounted in a pub over a nice pint.

[recall]

they ought to do life on mars/ashes to ashes with the Gene Genie arriving in 2012

[openerofjars]

Mr Bloom's Nursery

A fly on the wall docudrama following the trials and tribulations of a gangly but strangely attractive childcare provider. Episode 9: Will Mr Bloom shut up shop following continuing sexual harassment from mothers at pick-up time? Who's been making ratatouille? And just where has Sebastian the aubergine gone?


Justin's House

A chance for nosy people to discover exactly what goes on behind the doors of homes owned by people called Justin. This week: Justin Timberlake lets the cameras in so we can all bitch about his taste for twigs 'n pebbly shite. Next week, Justin Bieber shows us his feature wall and brown leather DFS sofas. You can still catch previous episodes featuring Justin Fletcher's actual house (a bare, minimalist cube with no colours at all and certainly no fucking polka dots anywhere, oh no) and, erm, some ruins reputedly loosely connected with the Roman emperor Justinian. And that's about it, really. Is more a mini-series.

[Shaky]

I'm loving You've been Flamed

Genius!

[TalcAndTurnips]

Yus - Classics!

If I do go for the DG of the BBC, this thread is my fecking CV - I shit you not.

[FellowshipOfFestiveFellows]

Universally Challenged
A group of chavs in their twenties attempt to pass the 11 plus exam, coached by Amy Childs and Mark Wright.

[Absy]

Jake Gyllenhaal naked.

That's the whole show. He may do flexing at some points.

[BellaTheGymnast]

Foo Hospital Channel 4 series where Pixie McKenna tells a selection of viewers' minges that they'd be healthier if only they ate more endamame beans. The minges' consultations take place in a very large modern house clearly not lived in by Pixie, then we see 'after' footage of carefree minges skipping along a windy beach walking dogs and laughing gaily.

[OTheHugeManatee]

Yeastenders Long-running soap about a group of Londoners with thrush.

[TalcAndTurnips]

It's A Knock-Out! - Nope, not the jolly team game show featuring Eddie 'Up and Under' Waring and Stuart Hall asphyxiating - but a whole new concept in ultra-low-budget satellite broadcasting.

Each week night, live from the city streets at chucking-out time, graphic and exciting coverage of the pathetic attempts at bare-knuckled scuffling between inebriated pub punters with an alcohol-fuelled axe to grind. Laugh at their woefully poorly aimed swipes and punches; groan as they miss the edge of the pavement and stumble into parked taxis; cheer as the Old Bill turn up and start loading the detritus up into the back of the van.

Week 9 - Bolton; Gary's girlfriend has chucked him, so he decides to get completely ring-bolted to drown his sorrows. At closing time at the Mucky Duck, Gary thinks that that bloke over there by the fruit machine is looking at him funny - and does he want to step outside to make something of it? Follow Gary's progression from him falling down the steps outside the pub, through A&E as they struggle to contain him on the trolley while he hurls into a cardboard dish - right through to his appearance at the Magistrates' Court, where he is given 120 community service for Public Affray. In HD - subtitled for enhanced swearing

[BellaTheGymnast]

Ooh Talc, that could be a sister show of my Call The Fishwife.
Thinking longevity and franchising opportunities.

[BellaTheGymnast]

It'll Be All Whites On The Night BBC2 in depth look at the history of the meringue.

[TalcAndTurnips]

Ooh yes - you're right, Bella.

They could be marketed as a twin BluRay gift pack for your favourite uncle at Christmas, who enjoys a bit of profanity and low-quality pugilism.

I can actually see the trailers on Channel 5 - fast, flicking film clips, to capture those of a short attention span. Big, brash musical score - lots of drumming and explosions, while angry faces snarl and lots of slo-mo finger-jabbing.

Ternight, on Channel 5...

[BellaTheGymnast]

I think my favourite uncle might actually be in it.

[TalcAndTurnips]

Episode 7 - The King's Head?

He was a beast. The way he started on that traffic bollard, thinking that it insulted him, was priceless television.

[Leithlurker]

CrossRoads. Drama about a school crossing patrol woman called meg, and her illegitimate son Benny:
This eek Benny sees Shug McPhee giving Betty Turtle a good bollicking for fingering his turnovers.
Meg has to make a snap decision about the dodgy bloke on the other side of the crossing.
Benny buys a tea cosy and prefers it to his hat.

[BellaTheGymnast]

That's him.

[Leithlurker]

This is your Life! Heart warming show presented by Eamon Holmes reuniting long demented mothers with their old lives.

[Shaky]

I think a mumsnet type show, like QI but called PO instead.

The siren would go off for using certain words like, pombears, Naice ham, froot shoots, parking, dog poo and greggs sausage rolls.

I would have Katie price, myleene klass, Katie Holmes, Kerry Katona, holly willoughby and Carol Mcgiffin on the panel and sit back and watch the bunfight!

[Absy]

It'll Be All White On The Night a real nailbiter - will Mavis be able to wash her dress proficiently, so that it will be gleaming White on the Night?

[Inertia]

Latch Of The Day - highlights of the day's most secure breastfeeding arrangements.

Latch of The Day 2 - round-up of the weekend's most thrilling door mechanisms.