Care to join me in my "Great TV shows they should make, but won't" thread? I'll start.

[lashingsofbingeinghere]

"Escape to Cakes in the Attic".

Excellent. A fan of Sweeney, are you?

Did I go too far?

Supernanny - celeb special series.

Bitter - no no! Not far enough

Celebrity autopsy.

Each week the phone lines will be opened to vote for Britain's favourite Celebrity Autopsy. The first week the public will be able to choose between Alex Reid (sensing a theme here), Jim Davidson or Katie Hopkins to be dissected live on air.

Dick and Dom to present.

Police, Camera, Donut!

I'd pay double my licence fee to see Claire Sweeney in a pool of crocodiles. That fecking 'size aware, shape sure' advert for cruise liner clothing makes me

Who Do You Think You Were? In episode one, a Buddist psychic reveals that Brian Sewell was a babboon's arse.

Just found this

I'm a Celeriac , Get me Out of Here .

Monty Don , Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall (Dressed up as Cauliflower related foodstuffs ) , An Organic Veg Box and a clutch of reality / little known soap stars are abandoned in an allotment. They have to perform tasks eg pricking out , trimming beans and double digging . The public has to vote for the genuine vegetable & the winner is blanched and served up with a teriyaki sauce before being offered a part (as a finger puppet ) in the reality programme "Made in Etsy"

Countdown

OK I know it has been done but my version is - Strap two crossword addicts into a rocket on a launch pad (with austronaut suits and big gloves . ) Give them one of those space tiny rollerball pens and papers floating round in zero gravity. They have to solve a 24 letter anagram before the 10 , 9 . 8 take off sequence / Otherwise shot into space and the algorithms for getting them back they have to work out from a number piped into the capsule

Monkey Tennis

Alan Partridge said it first but I'd vote for it

Im not as funny as you ladies but they will never make anything where you get a woman above a size 14 playing a romantic lead.

How about Cherry does PND, after all of her (who the fuck is she?) random documentaries about childbirth and hair removal, we find her rocking in a corner, and agonising over choice of anti-depressants.

That other one, Dawn Porter, she did a Lesbian thing and a "I will starve myself for a laugh thing" surely she would be up for a "Dawn does Heroin" or a "Dawn is incontinent" laugh fest.

kurrikurri yours are marvellous, I would watch avidly.

Come Outside (and show us what you're made of) Auntie Mabel and Pippin try out a variety of roles in the security trade.
Episode Three. Pippin is threatened with being put down after losing control and grabbing the bollocks of some unsuspecting punter outside the Chicks'n'Dix nightclub.

Tap Gear - James, Jeremy and the other one review cars through the medium of dance.

I think Talc should be the new DG of the BBC. Shall we start a petition?

Count me in Fiderer.

How about Cuntdown - the words and numbers game for soft porn stars.
Today: Michelle Bass attempts to rearrange the letters r w c t n o m u to read Octochamp status.

I'd like to nominate this thread for classics.

"reach" not "read"

Come Whine With Me - four or five amateur kvetchers host a series of dinner parties competing against the other contestants, to see who is the best at complaining.

Nice Road Fuckers Channel 4 exposé of swinging in Henley

The Festeration Man George Clarke documentary about people who don't wash

Call The Fishwife A prime time Saturday tea time show for all the family, presented by Miranda Hart. Drunk women compete to see who can hurl the vilest insult in the shrillest voice. The winning team wins a holiday to Stoke.

One Born Every Two Days or So - Underpaid midwives work to rule.

Have I Got Shoes For You - Imelda Marcos finally gets her own show.

DIY SOZ - Nick and the team go round to all the owners of houses they have disfigured, and apologise profusely.

Real Housewives of Hull

(No offense to Hull, tried to think of somewhere as polar opposite to NY, OC, Atlanta etc as possible!)

Kim Kardashian: The Marriage Ref - fear not married couples in crisis, your troubles are over, because KK is here to solve all your marriage woes. With a long and happy marriage under her belt, there is no-one better qualified to dish out the advice.

Bob The Builder X-Rated - the post-watershed version where Bob gets it on with Wendy.