Care to join me in my "Great TV shows they should make, but won't" thread? I'll start.

[lashingsofbingeinghere]

"Escape to Cakes in the Attic".

Antiques In Zero Gravity - Tomorrow's World style documentary with Maggie Philbin, examining what happens to artefacts from the past in a elliptic flight path.
Episode 1: This week Maggie looks at a Queen Anne writing desk and an interesting pair of Tang Dynasty footed jars.

Cooking with Dot - EastEnder's June Brown takes viewers through a variety of home-cooked meals; all containing a liberal amount of fag ash and dog-ends.

No takers? Ok,

Embarrassing Cakes Swap

Pimp My Emergency Antiques

One Baked Every Minute

Very nice, TalcAndTurnips - love the production notes touch.

Can I add a serious one? They should serialise a Georgette Heyer; The Foundling would work well, or Regency Buck.

Big Brother Fight To The Death

Yes, yes to Georgette Heyer. Full of antiques, and grand properties, and , er, cakes, and medical emergencies (lleeches! excellent).

Zombie masterchef.

Bargain Hunt with Jeremy Kyle (teams compete against the clock to find the cheapest paternity test).

I'm An Antique - Get Me Out Of Here (anything with Bruce Forsyth in).

999 Emergency Tights - Join the crack squad of hosiers as they respond to the frantic calls of women (and men) suffering sudden ruptures in their tights, stockings and pop socks.
Episode 5: The Principal Boy in Doncaster Civic Theatre's production of Cinderella bends over and rips his gusset. Will that evening's show go ahead?

24-hour Planning Office - Fly-on-the-wall documentary about a busy council planning office, where not a lot happens.
Episode 65: New boy Kevin makes the coffees and Doreen clears a paper jam from the office photocopier. Brian can't find his propelling pencil. A client calls to enquire about the progress of his application to rebuild his garden wall.

This is like a Christmas parlour game

Rick Stein's Fish In The Attic - Join West of England restaurateur Rick Stein as he transforms the lofts of Middle England into slightly smellier lofts.

Oi Baldy - Rebuild My Gaff And Get Me Up The Duff - Phil Spencer and Kevin McCloud visit a variety of young couples looking to transform their properties - and get all the women in the Family Way. And leave them with no money, but just a rather mediocre travertine and chrome bathroom refurb.

Strictly Clay Pigeon Shooting - Z-list slebs fight for survival in a gripping shoot off, partnered by impossibly glamorous gents in tweed and Barbour. From the National Shooting Centre in Bisley.

Kooking with the Kardashians - Scantily dressed orange bimbos microwave a curry.

Newsfight - Jeremy Paxman gets tasty with brass knuckles. Tonight's bouts include veteran MP Sir Peter Tapsell and TV presenter Gloria Hunniford.

Ewww - What The FUCK Is That? - Embarrassed members of the public reveal a variety of orifices, dangling bits, rashes and discharges that you will remember just as you are sitting down to eat your dinner later that evening.

Newsfight

Britain's Got Time Team - Muddy people from Cornwall compete to see whose pottery shards and series of small walls are the most historically significant.

Grand Resigns - top CEOs take turns to flounce off and trouser the biggest pay-off.

Thirded on GeorgetteHeyer!

Question Rhyme. Politicos and pundits answer questions on the important issues of the day. In rhyming couplets.

Dammit Talc , anything I write now will be shite by comparison.

Anyway, I propose ....

They're not fecking celebs, get them out of here - a crack team of men in , um, black suits and gas masks....stick with me.... will gather up the worst offenders of being famous for absolutely fuck all and they will be deported to a faraway island where even the Daily Fail's Side of Shame cannot reach. Once there, they are left to fend for themselves with no fake tan, hair straighteners, fake eyelashes or tooth whitenening kits. A rescue team will be dispatched in 60years. The end.

I propose that for Series One, we have:

Imogen Thomas
Lauren Goodger from TOWIE
That bloody stupid Rosie Webster girl from Corrie
Kirk Norcross - also TOWIE
Jodie Marsh

The Aprentice on Ice - management speaking idiots with over inflated egos show how to seriously fuck up in business, whilst ice skating?

Cooking with Dean Gaffney - Dean shows us how to cook an exciting range of frozen pizzas, oven chips and microwave curries. Tonight's episode includes a handy guide to opening bean tins - and the best way to reheat a takeaway Mushroom Foo Yung.

60 Second Makeover - Interior design gurus attempt to transform a derelict house into a chic family home - all within a minute. A budget of £3.50 adds an extra twist to the challenge. Hosted by Carol Thatcher.

Downton Shabby Challenge - poor but well-born toffs compete for an English Heritage grant to re-lead their roofs and build a ha-ha.

Benefit Scroungers Bake Off

I'm a cabinet minister get me out of here....clearly we are all really complaining about Nadine Dories largely because it is her and not George Osborne or Gove. Can we volunteer them both for some sick jungle challenge as part of Children In Need?

One Born Strictly Come Dancing - Documentary programme showcasing modern rhumbabirthing practices in a Midlands hospital.

Shrieking with laughter at Cooking with Dean Gaffney

My Big Fat Gypsy Masterchef - Fake tanned teenagers go head-to-head over who can bake the largest and most sequinned souffle.