My feed

to access all these features

This forum is the home of Mumsnet classic threads.

Mumsnet classics

The ideal school...

250 replies

alistron1 · 18/09/2011 16:45

Wouldn't have young teachers, (in fact it wouldn't have teachers at all - we all know they are work shy feckers... it would be staffed by proper grown ups),
it would have carrot washing and peeling built into the school day,
would be open for 365 days a year 'cos the hols are very inconvenient and teachers get too many of them,
it would have separate changing rooms with ensuite bathrooms for all kids so that their dignity can be preserved,
it would have enough staff so that every child could be helped to put their trousies on the right way after PE,

I am building my application for the MN Free School/Academy AIBU??

OP posts:
sittinginthesun · 18/09/2011 16:51

And would have a specific team of staff to listen to every child read twice a day and move them up reading levels (obviously not boring ORT) accordingly...

NinkyNonker · 18/09/2011 16:52
BranchingOut · 18/09/2011 16:53

No afterschool clubs that charge anything. ever.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/09/2011 16:55

It probably shouldn't have...

  • Rules about what can go into lunch boxes
  • School gates (parents seem to cause lots of problems at those pesky gates)
  • Committees of any kind
alistron1 · 18/09/2011 16:55

Oh, there'd be a specific team of staff for EACH child. One to proof read all letters home, one to speak to 'mum' in the playground, at length, at hometime, one to whip up a suitable midday meal, one to advise on what to wear on the school run, and a drop off/pick up playground clique mediator.

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/09/2011 16:57

In fact, it probably just shouldn't have other parents. It's always the other parents who are unreasonable.

CBear6 · 18/09/2011 16:58

To cut out the middle man all homework/letters/projects/fancy dress notices will be issued direct to parents at bedtime the day before they are due.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/09/2011 16:58
cat64 · 18/09/2011 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AbigailS · 18/09/2011 17:00

Only employ single teachers without a family or life outside school so they can be on call 24/7 and then they can be available for 7.30pm meeting any night of the week for poor working parents who can't manage a phone meeting or 8am / 4.30pm (not talking about parents evenings here, just a qucik "can I see you this after school" meeting)
Provide 3 course meals that are healthy and tasty, but cost nothing and the staff ensure the children eat every last scrape of the meal even if it's stuff parents can't get them to eat at home.
Ensure every child achieves above average results.

Panzee · 18/09/2011 17:01

The cane for everyone except my own child. :o

alistron1 · 18/09/2011 17:03

I can feel this application getting legs. Have got Mr Gove on the phone as I type.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 18/09/2011 17:05

There was me thinking this might be a serious thread ..... so you don't want to know I'd have tai-chi in the morning? followed by a cross country run, all weathers I'm afraid EVERY DAY, followed by a good rousing sing-songy assembly, rounded off with the Lords Prayer...... and a compulsory attendance to a cadet force of your choice (St Johns Ambulance for the conchiesGrin)

LineRunner · 18/09/2011 17:05

Gove actually thinks that all children should get above average results. Makes you proud to be British.

AbigailS · 18/09/2011 17:05

Don't forget; parents can have as much holiday time as they like and the teachers will provide one-to-one catch up when they get back.

AbigailS · 18/09/2011 17:06

If Gove thinks that we have a real problem with his grasp of maths!

alistron1 · 18/09/2011 17:06

Abigail, I like your thinking. You can be Vice Principle.

Troisgarcons, I think you are getting my free school confused with the chalet school Grin

OP posts:
AbigailS · 18/09/2011 17:08

What's the pension like?

LynetteScavo · 18/09/2011 17:08

There will be special sick room where children can spend the day, even if they have D&V, so parents can still go to work.

alistron1 · 18/09/2011 17:11

Abigail, surely you will never retire?!! We do the job for the love of it, not any sort of renumeration Wink

Lynette, how could I have forgotten that. And not just D+V, but all those pesky kids with chickenpox etc..

OP posts:
LineRunner · 18/09/2011 17:11

I know, Abigail. Your comment was genius! Shall we make Gove milk monitor and tell him all the children are entitled to free milk but his budget is below average? Grin

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 18/09/2011 17:12

There should be a dedicated person whose job it is to locate and return lost property.

alistron1 · 18/09/2011 17:14

Getaway, no. There will be a dedicated person to lovingly label each childs clothes.

OP posts:
AbigailS · 18/09/2011 17:14

And someone to sew name labels in everyone's clothes!
No you don't want to employ me I should be planning now; what a slacker!

marcopront · 18/09/2011 17:15

Don't forget everyone will be on the top table for Maths.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.