The ideal school...

[alistron1]

Wouldn't have young teachers, (in fact it wouldn't have teachers at all - we all know they are work shy feckers... it would be staffed by proper grown ups),
it would have carrot washing and peeling built into the school day,
would be open for 365 days a year 'cos the hols are very inconvenient and teachers get too many of them,
it would have separate changing rooms with ensuite bathrooms for all kids so that their dignity can be preserved,
it would have enough staff so that every child could be helped to put their trousies on the right way after PE,

I am building my application for the MN Free School/Academy AIBU??

[delphinedownunder]

All children will be dried and dressed by teachers after swimming. No item of clothing will ever be left in the changing room. There will be no shouting.

Teachers will lace up every pair of impractical shoes and will shoe horn every foot into too small footwear, taking absolute footwear responsibility at all times.

Children will take days off for any reason they wish and extra work will always be provided. If said work is not done, teachers will smile sweetly and say "Never mind".

Parents are encouraged to drop off children as early as possible in the morning. Classrooms will always be open and manned and stimulating activities and hot drinks will be provided.

Parents may turn up to collect children at their convenience. Creative work will be provided until said parent arrives.

Parents shall select reading books as they know their child's level best.

All readers shall be brand new and perfect. They do not have to be returned.

All teachers and school staff shall speak with RP accents so as not to taint the speech of the children in their care.

The school will encourage competitive games and activities. Everyone will get a cup at prize giving.

Children will wear fancy dress to school if they choose, particularly superman costumes that zip up at the back and cannot be undone by the child when they want a wee.

[delphinedownunder]

Oh yeah, and teachers shall know the whereabouts of every piece of clothing at all times and should have instant recall when asked about "Felix's green fleece".

[alistron1]

Parents will be able to drive right up to the classroom door to drop their kids off. Pedestrians will be banned within half a mile of the building so that parents are not inconvenienced or hindered on the school run.

[livinonaprayer]

I hope the playground will have clearly marked pick up areas for those who wish to discuss their child's every success, those who want to discuss last nights soaps current affairs and those who just want to grab their kid and go!!!

[clam]

Local residents will not mind in the slightest about having their driveways blocked by parents' cars, and the edges of their lawns churned up by careless parking. Better still, they will all offer up theiir driveways as safe and convenient places to park for as long as you want.

[clam]

There will be a flexible start time, so that those precious soldiers who prefer to roll in at half past nine may do so. Others may turn up from 7.30 and have breakfast and stimulating activities provided by the teacher (who won't be troubled by any of her own family commitments).

[HSMM]

Each child's progress will be recorded at the end of every day (or every lesson), so that parents can log on and check that the teacher has it right. This will mean that the time teachers spend writing reports at the end of term will be saved.

Parents can leave feedback on the child's record, so the teacher can respond to any specific individual teaching requirements immediately.

[ThePosieParker]

MONTESSORI. That's it, really.

A little school bus that would pick children up at specific points. Starting at 8.15, for working parents. The school day would be until 4pm with exercise everyday.

The day would start with exercise, preferably in the fresh air, then a calming meditation/writing a sentence or drawing a picture in silence and the children would select their own work. This would be spotted with small group work to check reading/maths levels.

[ThePosieParker]

And school clubs would be free, Chess, lego, maths, etc. Proper fun and educational clubs.

[SanctiMoanyArse]

Ah ds1 and ds2 did Montessori nursery: bloody fantastic.

As well as chess lego etc there would be a GYO class and a school farm with chickens (my school actually had that, until they sent the animals to alsughter anyway- Gordon ramsey was so behind us )

RE would be taught in a room with a two way mirror so parents could check that the teacher ed exec never relayed a single belief of their owna ccidentally or reffered to anything other than in an entirely neutral way.


deating would be popular but every meet would end with a punch up between the freedom of speech crowd and the ones wanting regulation. This would be so normal as to have a dedicated ring (that is what Site Stuff is for isn't it? )

[HSMM]

All ballet, music, football, Gymnastics, etc classes and exams can be taken at school with specialist teachers and no extra cost.

[chill1243]

the Ideal School? Fictional I suppose. All schools are day to day dramas.

Channel 4 have gained admission to an Essex School for 4 episodes starts this thursday. (They may regret it i ) But it will be interesting.

[Ariesgirl]

Oh this is hilarious! I love it.

[Malcontentinthemiddle]

I'm already anxious about the fact that I'm certain my dp is not going to want to watch that Essex school thing. And I am going to want to watch it so I can shout at it. I don't know how we're going to resolve this.

[alistron1]

It's in mumsnet classics?!!

[Malcontentinthemiddle]

No, nana - it was a teacher-bashing-bashing thread

[NanaNina]

Malcontent - maybe you could explain to me exactly what a "teacher-bashing-bashing" thread is - I imagine you mean bashing the "teacher bashers" but I don't think this is what the OP meant. Anyway I'm glad to see that the OPs offensive post about "all male teachers are perverts" has been deleted by MN after I reported it. So can you explain how that comment was a "teacher bashing-bashing thread" and how do you know all posters would see it as a teacher-bashing-bashing thread just because you do.

[Ariesgirl]

NanaNina, I don't want to sound mean or state the obvious, but in order to know, one would read it. It's very obvious that the posters here are supporting teachers and are poking fun at the idiots who suggest they are "work shy feckers" who work six hours a day and have thirteen weeks holiday a year. I am an ex teacher and I'm finding it very funny.

[HSMM]

I agree with Ariesgirl - I think most posters are pointing out the impossible tasks that many parents expect teachers to be able to add to their already busy schedules.

Even some teachers have contributed.

I think most teachers do way more than they are employed to do already, but parents (myself included) still ask for more on a regular basis.

[Malcontentinthemiddle]

I could try, Nana, but I'm not sure there'd be much point. Sorry.

[AnyoneButLulu]

Nananina I suggest you show this thread to your teaching relatives I can guarantee that they will explain to you more politely than we can that it is not a teacher-bashing thread. They may also laugh quite a lot.

[AnyoneButLulu]

Ideal school will have precisely one inset day a year, on a pre-arranged date which is
a) sunny and warm but not too hot
b) not an inset or holiday day for any other school in England
c) when Legoland is open
Other parents will be able to choose an inset day which is appropriate for the theme park of their choice.

DC's school is having an inset day in bloody November! Again! Don't they understand that the only point of staff training days is to let us go to Legoland when there aren't any queues?

[SanctiMoanyArse]

Teacher bashing? like hell! Over precious mummy bashing perhaps. Or indeed, surely. I'd love to be a teacher, did a degree and all the rest but got derailed by family disability.

Why on earth would I bash them?

[SanctiMoanyArse]

'Ideal school will have precisely one inset day a year, on a pre-arranged date which is
a) sunny and warm but not too hot
b) not an inset or holiday day for any other school in England
c) when Legoland is open
Other parents will be able to choose an inset day which is appropriate for the theme park of their choice.

DC's school is having an inset day in bloody November! Again! Don't they understand that the only point of staff training days is to let us go to Legoland when there aren't any queues?




Also whilst conforming to those guidelines parents with children at severals chools must find all the insets onj the same day.


And even when the snow is deep all teahcers must get in, even if like us you live in an area where all routes in are dangerous with the first falling speck. But you must not mind parents who want to go sledging instead.