The ideal school...

[alistron1]

Wouldn't have young teachers, (in fact it wouldn't have teachers at all - we all know they are work shy feckers... it would be staffed by proper grown ups),
it would have carrot washing and peeling built into the school day,
would be open for 365 days a year 'cos the hols are very inconvenient and teachers get too many of them,
it would have separate changing rooms with ensuite bathrooms for all kids so that their dignity can be preserved,
it would have enough staff so that every child could be helped to put their trousies on the right way after PE,

I am building my application for the MN Free School/Academy AIBU??

[unitarian]

Roads where schools are sited will be closed to all traffic at all times so that children can exit parents' cars directly onto the road in complete safety.

[alistron1]

I am a TA and my DP is a secondary school teacher. So there.

[alistron1]

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A JOKEY THREAD, POKING FUN AT THE 'INTERESTING' EXPECTATIONS OF PEOPLE REGARDING SCHOOLS AND TEACHERS.

ANYONE WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT NEEDS TO STAY IN AND DO LINES AT PLAYTIME.

[GetAwayFromHerYouBitch]

Nana- you've got the wrong end of the stick!

[Machakos]

nananina - absolutely love your posts on the fostering thread, but think you've missed the point of this thread. I am a teacher and have really enjoyed this thread.

[LynetteScavo]

NanaNina It's Tongue in cheek! >

[scaevola]

And to try to get the thread back to what it was:

Every classroom will have a totally non-allergenic, but still cute cuddly and nonthreatening pet. IT WILL NEVER DIE!

It will also be completely self-sustaining over the school holidays (so no parent has to take it home, and risk having it die on their watch).

[clam]

Sense of humour failure by NanaNina.

A large proportion of the posts here have been by teachers, myself included. If you don't get it, then hide it, but there's really no need to get all defensive about us. We can stick up for ourselves - as shown by this thread.

[piprabbit]

Primary children will be encouraged to participate in a wide range of craft activities which their parents can't be asked to do at home including painting, papier mache, sticking, felt-tip colouring, clay modelling. They will also be encouraged to participate in outdoors activities which involve gardening, exploring the countryside and searching for mini-beasts.

Their clothes will remain spotless at all times.

[youarekidding]

Just came back here to nominate this for classics after loading it up at school today and a printed copy now doing the rounds.

Yay it's there already!

We added a few of our own but they were very child/ parent specific.

[NanaNina]

OK OK OK - should have read the whol thread I suppose - as you were!

[youarekidding]

NanaNina Really I think you'll find most of the people on this thread are teachers/ LSA's/Ed workers. They are taking the piss out of people who moan about schools/ teachers etc.

[clam]

So can we start a petition to have alistron's post about dodgy male teachers reinstated?

[clam]

My child's year group will get to play football at playtime every day. Even if it's not their turn.

[clam]

All girls will be allowed to wear Ugg boots for PE if they want to.

And "designer" sunglasses if the sun comes out in February. (hayfever, you know)

[youarekidding]

You can if you like! But if you look upthread ^^ nina post has been deleted too for repeating what she asked to be deleted.

[suburbophobe]

Will teach the 3 R's, gym, beauty and kindness to one another.

And spirituality (no, NOT church!)....

[Flisspaps]

Children should not have their work desecrated by teachers marking their books, however they should simultaneously have all their grammatical errors and spelling mistakes corrected on each page as well as a mark out of 10 given or a handwritten comment showing praise and/or targets for future work.

[IntergalacticHussy]

would be state funded, through the local education authority, cover a diverse catchment area and be 10 mins down the road. just like dd1's school at the moment, but god knows how much longer it will last. Fucking tories.

[t0lk13n]

Loving this! Teachers will be allowed to tell little Johnny exactly how they feel about them without getting the sack....if only!!!

[NanaNina]

Look I'm sorry I got the shitty end of the stick and am feeling rather stupid - "look before you leap" comes to mind and had I read the whole thread I would have caught on! Actually I have read it all now, and can see it is very witty and has raised quite a few smiles from me. SO please forgive me and I might even manage a post or two myself.

Yours, a rather embarrassed nananina!

[piprabbit]

Oooh go on Nana, please - I bet you've got some good material .

[Ariesgirl]

:( Nana I know that feeling!

[LadyMaryCrawley]

... will not smell of piss and crayons.

... will have beautifully warm classrooms with underfloor heating and none of these horrible radiators from the 1860s which burn the skin off anyone who touches them whilst utterly failing to heat the centre of the room so everyone on the green table is miserable and shivering from October to April.

... will not serve green chips for lunch.

... will be populated with considerate teachers instead of shrivelled up old chewing-a-wasp-in-a-lemon-catsbummouths who think the main purpose of the children's presence is practising hymns from 8.50 to 10.45 every single morning

[post based on own experiences of school as do not have DC]