Oddest phone call you have ever received from your dcs school?

[Mavend]

Today:"Hello,we are phoning you because a child has thrown one of your dcs shoes over the school fence.We are very sorry.The child in questions parents have been informed and are aware they may have a bill for the shoes.One of the TA's is trying to find the shoe"

Dear mumsnetters,I guess I should have been maybe been a little annoyed but I actually got a fit of the giggles.

I have a vision of this poor,poor TA,cursing and wandering about in the undergrowth searching for a Clarks schoolshoe.

Some of these are sooo funny .

All I've had is a call to tell me the interschool hockey tournament had been cancelled. DS2 has never played hockey . I thanked them for the information in any case.

Beryloflaughs - I was honestly too scared of this woman, who had a reputation for making life difficult for kids whose parents confronted her. She has since retired. And we moved our daughter to another school for Reception :-)

i had a call from the rather po faced head mistress to tell me there had been an incident involving ds - cue terrible things running through my mind involving violence, accident, fire, death

he had typed 'ladies chest area' into google - rook me a while to realise she meant boobies

DD was in reception class. I had a phone call on Christmas dinner day. They were ringing to apologise. They were really, really sorry - DD had gone in for dinner before they'd had chance to pin her vegetarian badge on her and had sat down to a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings. I am fairly relaxed about this and told them not to worry about it. The receptionist told me that if was any consolation, she'd really enjoyed it and eaten the lot!

Thank you , thank you , thank you OP. Best thread of 2011!

LMAO at some of these!

I am really starting to look forward to the possible amusing phonecalls when (18 month old) DS starts school in a few years time!

Brilliant!

Thank God it's not just my child, InfestationOfLannisters.

School secretary: "Ms DBF, can you please come and collect 6yo DBF? She needs a doctor."

What? Why? How? WHAT???!!!

School Secretary: "She's managed to put a piece of rubber in her ear and we can't get it out".

The GP practices nurse subsequently removed not one but two pieces of the front of her trainer from DDs ear... together with a small pebble!

Why she did it is a mystery to me still, 8 years on.

TA:Mrs Dyzzi you DD has been involved in an accident she was behinda a door when a teacher opened it pinning your dd to the wall and the handle seems to have given her a black eye!
Me:OK do I need to pick her up?
TA: She has stopped crying now and is fine but if you want to complain the the Head he is not here later. Your DD has been given a sticker for being brave!
Me: Did the teacher hit her on purpose?
TA: HMMM i don;t think so shall I ask?
Me : No I am sure it was an accident I don't need to speak to the head teacher

I had one completely unaware DD who had no idea that the whole school was terrified I would make a formal complaint.

'Hi can you come and pick your DD up as she has nits and complaining of toothache,she said she told you this morning'

my reply ' no she never said anything to me' que a and a

I go up to the school expecting my DD

'err excuse me this is not my DD'

Reply ' oh it isn't, i'm really sorry....don't suppose you want too take this one home do you'

Phone call from my daughters's y8 teacher at the time, worried that when asked to write down "what she was looking forward to about going into Y9" (one of those touchy-feely type excercises) wrote "The last day of term". I had to go in and see the teacher and head of year together and had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing as that is exactly the sort of thing I would have written. They wanted to know was she unhappy at school, did she need any counselling.......

DD1 on study leave, drop DD2 at school and head home intending to wake up DD1 so she can study before I go on to work, thinking what a good parent am I. School phones "Where is DD1 she should be doing a mock Maths GCSE!" Good lesson for the real ones (she had given me the correct info I had just forgotten it) had to give her a pep talk "don't rely on your mother, I make mistakes sometimes."

DD2 phone call "Don't worry but DD2 has sat on a pencil, don't worry the pencil didn't break (I knew what they meant) but work colleague did say "well as long as the pencil is alright".

Phone call "DD2 has just discovered she has a collection of screwdrivers in her blazer pocket, could you collect them from the school please?" (DIY session at Grandma's the previous evening with DH).

I'm loving these Marking my place!

-'Mrs Chocolate we are very concerned about your child's language'
-'Huh?'
-'She keeps calling her brother a rather unfortunate name'.
-'Really? What's that then'.
-'Well she just keeps saying he's a complete bastard'.
-'Hmm that sounds unlikely'
-'I can assure you she is' 'tell mummy what you said about your brother'.
-'He's a complete pest head'.
-'Umm yes, she has a slight speech delay, he's a pest head. And she's right, he is.'

Secretary; "Hello Mrs Scavo, When you popped into the office earlier to give us your new address, I didn't feel able to ask if all of the family were moving with you."

Me; "Er, yes, all the children are moving house too. "

Secretary; "What I mean is, is your husband moving too?"

Me; "Er, yes, he followed me here."

Secretary; "As my son would say, whatever."

What I didn't say, but thought; I did give you my new address, you know I'm a SAHM, how the hell do you think I could afford the mortgage on this place without DH?

We have to inform you of a serious act of plagiarisim!
He had signed his weekly planner! First thing he had ever done thought it was a slight over reaction.
Especially when she left 'the punishment of choice'?! For me to dish out :-0

Secretary; "Could you please fetch L some knickers to school ASAP?"

Me; Why?

Secretary; L forgot to put her knickers back on after swimming and has come home on the coach without them.

They did try and get her to use one of their spare pairs but she refused to even consider some secondhand knickers.

The Headmistress phoned me to explain that one of the parent helpers had just physically accosted my ds1 in the playground

She was a psycho alpha mum

This has to end up in Classics

Arf at Cointreau Kate

erm, I can't believe I have just, out of academic curiosity, googled ladies chest area

I didn't take the call as such but

I did my A-levels when I was 20, and decided to attend the school full time as a normal student. As I was living partly at my parents and mostly with my BF as he was local to the school and my bar job, and I had no car,I had to put my own contact detail;s down as to who the contact if I didn't turn up, as I was my own legal guardian

One of my teachers was a good friend and I had lent him my mobile phone as his battery was flat to make a call over the lunch time. He still had it during a after noon lesson when it rang, so the cheeky sod answered it in front of everyone

Teach: hello?

Teach: No she's otherwise engaged at the moment can I take a message?

Teach: she's not attended school today? , and you need to her to call in and say why she's absent?

Teach: I've got Mrs on the phone she says you're not here you naughty girl. Hello Mrs Receptionist it's Mr Bloggs how are you. What am I doing? Teaching! No she really is here. Shout hello Honeydragon!

Me: Hi

Teach: Honestly I'm not making this up she's here.

Teach:I borrowed her phone........no I'm not really being appropriate no......Hang on I'll ask Honeydragon were you here this morning too?

and so it went on

As the rest of the class was made up of 16/17 year olds this went down a storm

Had to make a call to a parent from school a couple of months ago:

Me: Hello, Mrs S, I'm afraid your DS has had to be taken to A&E; nothing serious..

Mrs S: Oh fuck, what did he do now?

Me: Well, he was throwing sticks at the seagulls on the pavilion and one of them attacked him.

Mrs S: (Long pause, then...) Tell him he needs a better story than that for when his Dad gets home!

Fourth day back after the Easter Holidays:

Secretary: "I'm just calling to ask where ds is, as he isn't in school"
Me: "No, that's because he left your school at the end of last term and started his new one on Monday"
Secretary: "I'm very sorry to have bothered you."
Me: puts phone down and says to my colleague, "and he wasn't there the last three days either, it's taken them long enough to inform me", then start laughing (well it was kinda surreal, and sums up the whole school in a nutshell)

DD1: Mum, Matron says can you collect me.
Me: Why?
DD1: I've hurt my neck in PE.
Me: How?
DD1: I stood up.