Pirate noises during sex????????????????????

[regularmumsnetter]

Am too embarrassed to reveal my true identity but i am a bit freaked out by my dp. Recently he has begun to put on a strange voice during sex, eg 'Arr matey' in the style of that weird sea captain from the Simpsons?!

The other one is 'Arr, the ship's a-dockin' and 'My lighthouse is tingling'

There are various others along the same lines but i won't go into them all now.

He is not a sailor btw, and has (AFAIK) no connection to seafaring folk;)

Just wondering if i can say how uncomfortable this is making me feel (it's just f*ing weird IMO, but it seems to be turning him on!).

err, seriously???

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Yes! How weird is it!?

Oh lol! Sorry but that is really funny - doesn't he realise? Maybe you should start giggling when he says it?

I'd collapse into hysterics therefore killing the mood, and any further attempts at pirate talk....

I've asked my dh about this and he says your dp is probably doing this because he reckons pirates are dashing and sexy. It's also a bit of fun, says my dh.

Awwww, bless! You have to tell him to cut the pirate bit. It must be wrecking your experience.

I just asked DH how best you could tell him without humiliating him and he said, 'There's no way around that'.
Then he said, 'Offer him a fantastic blow job on the condition he never does pirate noises again.'

I think honestly if i collapsed into giggles he would be really hurt.

Anorak - is this you?

Very weird.
If it was my Dh I would laugh and laugh, and tell him to shut his stupid mouth!

Tell him you'll give him the best blow job of his life, if he promises to cut out the pirate noises for good.

I am not anorak, but i am a reg. Why, does she have a dashing pirate hubby?;)

It is just so bizarre it totally puts me off, but the Bj idea might be good. humiliating it will be i imagine! Maybe i went on about Captain Jack Sparrow a bit too much when we were watching Pirates of the Carribean....

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Oh God what a classic thread title.

You could try making pirate noises back, or shouting pieces of eight, pieces of eight!

Sorry, possibly not very helpful advice there!

If he looks like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean, he can be forgiven

erm...no, sex is normally quite good, and NORMAL!
I think he might be trying too hard to spice things up

How about replying 'Ah, you've found me treasure chest' enthusiastically? ;)

why don't you get a stuffed parrot and put on your headboard.. that should put him off...

I don't know if Anorak's H is a dashing pirate but she did reveal some of his corking one liners a few days ago during the groping in the kitchen thread.
I am howling with laughter and I know I would do the same if anyone said those things to me during sex. How on earth do you maintain your poise RMNer?

God I think I would wet myself laughing - not at all the desired effect I think

Has he been watching any pirate films recently

Sadly he doesn't look like Mr Depp, however he is very sexy, he doesn't need to make pirate noises to turn me on...

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I think the next time when he starts you should just say loudly 'can we cut the long john silver crap - you haven't got a wooden leg and last time I looked there wasn't a parrot on your shoulder'!

That should shut him up!

Or think of something that would turn you on and ask him to substitute

Can you talk to him about it away from actually mid-coitus?

Just ask him why he's started being a pirate in bed.

buy him a parrot for christmas!
yo-ho-ho and abottle o' rum!