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Pirate noises during sex????????????????????

268 replies

regularmumsnetter · 17/10/2005 21:51

Am too embarrassed to reveal my true identity but i am a bit freaked out by my dp. Recently he has begun to put on a strange voice during sex, eg 'Arr matey' in the style of that weird sea captain from the Simpsons?!

The other one is 'Arr, the ship's a-dockin' and 'My lighthouse is tingling'

There are various others along the same lines but i won't go into them all now.

He is not a sailor btw, and has (AFAIK) no connection to seafaring folk;)

Just wondering if i can say how uncomfortable this is making me feel (it's just f*ing weird IMO, but it seems to be turning him on!).

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LadyTophamHatt · 17/10/2005 21:53

err, seriously???

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Aimsmum · 17/10/2005 21:54

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regularmumsnetter · 17/10/2005 21:54

Yes! How weird is it!?

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JanH · 17/10/2005 21:55

Oh lol! Sorry but that is really funny - doesn't he realise? Maybe you should start giggling when he says it?

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fuzzywuzzy · 17/10/2005 21:56

I'd collapse into hysterics therefore killing the mood, and any further attempts at pirate talk....

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spidermama · 17/10/2005 21:56

I've asked my dh about this and he says your dp is probably doing this because he reckons pirates are dashing and sexy. It's also a bit of fun, says my dh.

Awwww, bless! You have to tell him to cut the pirate bit. It must be wrecking your experience.

I just asked DH how best you could tell him without humiliating him and he said, 'There's no way around that'.
Then he said, 'Offer him a fantastic blow job on the condition he never does pirate noises again.'

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regularmumsnetter · 17/10/2005 21:56

I think honestly if i collapsed into giggles he would be really hurt.

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Bugsy2 · 17/10/2005 21:58

Anorak - is this you?

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LadyTophamHatt · 17/10/2005 21:59

Very weird.
If it was my Dh I would laugh and laugh, and tell him to shut his stupid mouth!

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spidermama · 17/10/2005 21:59

Tell him you'll give him the best blow job of his life, if he promises to cut out the pirate noises for good.

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regularmumsnetter · 17/10/2005 22:01

I am not anorak, but i am a reg. Why, does she have a dashing pirate hubby?;)

It is just so bizarre it totally puts me off, but the Bj idea might be good. humiliating it will be i imagine! Maybe i went on about Captain Jack Sparrow a bit too much when we were watching Pirates of the Carribean....

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HappyMumof2 · 17/10/2005 22:01

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Caligula · 17/10/2005 22:02

Oh God what a classic thread title.

You could try making pirate noises back, or shouting pieces of eight, pieces of eight!

Sorry, possibly not very helpful advice there!

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SleepySuzy · 17/10/2005 22:03

If he looks like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean, he can be forgiven

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regularmumsnetter · 17/10/2005 22:03

erm...no, sex is normally quite good, and NORMAL!
I think he might be trying too hard to spice things up

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GeraldGiraffe · 17/10/2005 22:05

How about replying 'Ah, you've found me treasure chest' enthusiastically? ;)

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rummum · 17/10/2005 22:05

why don't you get a stuffed parrot and put on your headboard.. that should put him off...

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Bugsy2 · 17/10/2005 22:06

I don't know if Anorak's H is a dashing pirate but she did reveal some of his corking one liners a few days ago during the groping in the kitchen thread.
I am howling with laughter and I know I would do the same if anyone said those things to me during sex. How on earth do you maintain your poise RMNer?

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soapbox · 17/10/2005 22:06

God I think I would wet myself laughing - not at all the desired effect I think

Has he been watching any pirate films recently

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regularmumsnetter · 17/10/2005 22:08

Sadly he doesn't look like Mr Depp, however he is very sexy, he doesn't need to make pirate noises to turn me on...

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blueteddy · 17/10/2005 22:08

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soapbox · 17/10/2005 22:13

I think the next time when he starts you should just say loudly 'can we cut the long john silver crap - you haven't got a wooden leg and last time I looked there wasn't a parrot on your shoulder'!

That should shut him up!

Or think of something that would turn you on and ask him to substitute

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hunkerpumpkin · 17/10/2005 22:14

Can you talk to him about it away from actually mid-coitus?

Just ask him why he's started being a pirate in bed.

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lockets · 17/10/2005 22:17

This reply has been deleted

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teeavee · 17/10/2005 22:18

buy him a parrot for christmas!
yo-ho-ho and abottle o' rum!

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