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Original poster

Middle Ages Mumsnet

418 replies

AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 16:48

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

OP posts:
Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 23:02

Methinkest that Wandsworth mayest be a wytche. She speeketh in tongues, a sure sign of commune with Beelzebub! Mayhap I shalt denounce her to Master Hopkins.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:02

Sephrenia, but we possesseth not a Bigge Double Endere, ande ye owner of ye locale Private Shoppe was burned as a wytch only ye outher daye. How canne he trye it? If he lyeth with another manne, he maye be stoned (Atte least he maintaineth that it mighte help...).

WilfShelf · 15/01/2011 23:02

Methinks Mistress Boffinmum is showing off and needs a goode ducking Grin

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:03

Methinketh alyke, mistress Saggy.

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 23:06

Mistress whydo, hath thou no beast of burden whych he mayest prevail upon? I was informed by the mydwyfe thatte thys wouldst notte be unusual behaviour inne a husbande and thatte I shouldst turne a blind eye towarde thys behaviour in mine owne husbande.

Doth thys meane I was ill-informed by the mydwyfe?

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 23:10

Mistress Saggy I do heartily agree in the case of Mistress Wandsworth. Usynge such straynge language is most definitely a sygn. While thou getagoodrodgeringfrom pleadeath for us to General Hopkins, denounceth her in our stead!

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:11

Sephrenia, ye onlye Beaste we possessed in ye worlde was One Pigge, and I made ye Pigge into ye Hamme yesterday. I woulde hope my Spouse wouldst not be stickinge his Appendage inne my Hamme.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 23:12

Goodwife Whydobirds, mayhap thy lord husband would most verily profit from procuring a turnype shaped like a thingy for the purpose of his testings.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:14

Verily, Mistress Catpuss, I thinke that may be ye Waye Forwarde.

WilfShelf · 15/01/2011 23:15

Mistress whydo, pray tell it was Nyce Hamme?

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 23:16

Whydo, I agree, 'twould make a most disgustynge dinner. Mistress saggy's suggestion woulde satysfy alle testyng purposes methinks.

I muste saye thatte thy postynge dyd maketh me spew forth mine nightly brewe onto the screene of my postynge contraption atte your replye!

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:16

It was moste cyrtainlie ye Nyce Hamme.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 23:17

Verily, my husbade has sent for the apothecary, in order to help quell the paroxysms if my mirth at mistress whydobirds hamme. [grinneth]

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:19

If it were Nyce Hamme, then even more reasonne for thine husbande notte to stick his appendage therein.....

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:19

Sephrenia, I concurreth. T'would be most vile. Ye Hamme is saltie enough as itte is.
I shalle take ye advice of Goodwyfe Catpuss, ande procure ye Turnippe shaped like ye Thingye.

jugglingjo · 15/01/2011 23:20

MistressSaggyCatte -Surely an parsnip or the newly seen carrote hath an alltogether better shappe for suche testynge than the comely turnipe ( being as fulle rounde as ye harveste moone )

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:20

[winketh]

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:20

Mistress Somuch, mine Husbande thinketh ye Opposite.

SugarMousePink · 15/01/2011 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:21

Or ye cumcumbere.....

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:21

Goodwife Juggling, I supposeth that that dependeth whether or notte mine Spouse hath already tried ye Wronge Hole for himselfe a few times.

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:22

I maketh Ye mistake - I meaneth Cucumbere.....

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:22

Goodwife Sugarmouse, it was ye Nyce Hamme. I have ye Standardes, thou knowest.

purplepidjin · 15/01/2011 23:22

Mystresse Whydo, thou must baketh one pye on the morrow, & allowwe thy husbande to maketh free wyth ytte

BoffinMum · 15/01/2011 23:22

Whence and whither away, Wilshelf?