Middle Ages Mumsnet

[AnyFuleKno]

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

I must away, good ladyes. Mine daughter hath the Pox, and is moste restless.

[grinneth at Mistress Purple's idea]

But Mistress Whydo, does your husbande not thinke that his appendage may ruinne the Nyce Hamme and render it unfytte for humanne consumption>

Goodwife Somuch, you'd thinke so. But You Knoweth What Menne Are Lyke.

I do indeede! They think not about the Nyce Hamme, but more about their owne carnal desires.....

I muste awaye goode sisters afore mine husbande doth become truly impatient at my dithering upon thys goode threade as he wishes fore me to take parte in my wifely duties.

I bid you all good e'en ande wille see ye upon the morrow.

Mistress Sugar, I have hearde it telle that ye Marrowe is pleasentlye mushye Insyde. Partycularlie if thou puttest it in ye Mycrowave firste.

Mistress Sugar, tis perhaps time to finde thyself a Younger Model?

Laydies, I muste away, I was at the market peddling mye pyes and cheese before Dawn thys day. It is time for mye yearly bath, and my lord husband is impatient to away to our chamber. I thynk mayhap he has a gift for me, he muttered somethynge about retiring to bed and a pearl necklace. Mayhap he feels remorseful for the failings of his yuletyde gifts, and seeks to mayke amends...

Mistress Whydo - hath though coverd all spotts withe an goodly tincture of chamomile.
When rested a well bakede pie of finne hamm and leeke may offere goodly sustence to the sickley, if said hamme is stille of good condition.

Whilst I agree-eth with Witch Bibi of Blocksberg hereby stating her merry amusement, I calleth upon all present to agree-eth that this here yarn can be paining ineth the eyes and calleth upon thine imagination to be readeth in a funnyeth accent. I thinketh. eth.

I bid you alle a good nyghte, as I am about to retire to mine bedde. Mine husbande is still watching ye programme (I know notte whych programme) while wearinge ye heddephones. So it will bee a quiete nyghte with only mine Teddye beare for companye....

Wishinge thee all a quiete nighte and a sweete dreame 'ere the morrow.

I thank ye for your advyse Mistress SugarMouse, but I wish a nyghte of sound repose, and I think mine Teddye Beare may grant me this, so I shall leave mine husbande to his programme....

Nyghte nyghte to alle....

be ye kindly thanked for the moste amusing sporte on this threade, and be assured that I now fynde it most troublesome to stoppe talkyng lyke thisse.

May ye rest well and notte suffer too badly from ye fleas and rattes in ye night.