Husband has hid HUGE debts!!!

[Pixiedust70]

I've been married 18 years, and have 2 teenagers. I feel so sick right now, I don't know what to do. I knew he had debt as we renovated a house we bought 4 years ago, but he earns a good wage and I trusted him to manage it. We had no debt moving in here, so in 4 years he's ran up £116,000 in debt. I never thought it was possible to even get that amount of debt. I'm so upset, I don't even know how I feel, I'm just numb. I have lost all trust in him, I'm also a childminder, so if the house goes, so does my job. I'll have nothing 😞
I suppose I just want an outsider perspective because I can't speak to my friends as it's too embarrassing

What’s the debt paid for??

How is the debt arranged? Is it on credit cards? Loans? A mortgage? Are the payments required to service the debt manageable? What is the interest on it?

I'm sure that's a huge shock to you.💐

What is the debt for?

Goodness 😳 That is a huge shock, I'm so sorry, OP.

Is the debt in his name only? It's not secured against the house or anything else like that?

Is there any way he can pay it back, or will it bankrupt him? So sorry you are going through this, I am sure someone will be along with some good advice.

Also... what on.earth did he spend it on?!

It might not be debt. If its a mortgage to relocate the house its quite feasible and totally OK. If its all credit cards and loans that's not ok

I'm really sorry that must be a huge shock.

Make sure to see all bank statements and credit reports. As other debts often emerge.

Then use Step Change or similar. Never any need to pay for debt advice.

Pay priority bills first and always. Cut costs, increase income and get good advice.

Then think about the future ...University? Your relationship. Stop the debt growing first.

You have to get over being embarrassed for his mistakes and get some practical help. Friends will be able to steer you to various places such as local solicitors to get legal advice. It might be time to think about separating finances somehow.

Please do be careful though as men who run up huge family debts often lose the plot and get violent because they spiral and think the family can't survive without them. Make sure you get him some therapy so he isn't ruminating and going down some manosphere hellhole.

Where did you think the money was coming from?

House renovation is brutal at the moment. Did you wash your hands of all budgeting and expense management in the renovation process? What do you mean 'he' had debt because you both renovated the house?

It sounds like you washed your hands of the whole thing and expected him to manage it by himself, now you are upset he didn't do it to your liking. I think that's a bit unreasonable.

OTOH, if you know exactly how much the renovation cost and this is debt he incurred on top due to something like gambling, you are not being unreasonable.

High chance he was gambling and she never saw a penny.

So the £116,000 isn't the cost of renovating the house? That's been put on various credit cards over the years rather than onto the mortgage? Or into one consolidated loan?

"now you are upset he didn't do it to your liking. "
Running up £116k of debt is not purely on renovations. She is upset because he is going to make the family homeless because he lacks impulse control.

That must’ve been such a shock OP. Does he gamble?

Honestly, I'm not sure where it's gone yet, I'm just in shock, its a small house, I made sure to budget, I'm not extravagant at all. The renovations definitely did not cost that amount! I don't know if he gambles, but we certainly don't live in excess. I just don't know how this has happened, that's more than his yearly salary, how is it even possible. The only reason he told me was because he wanted to sell the house and rent, to pay it off, but the equity won't even cover it

It absolutely could be reno costs! I know plenty of people who have spent that and a good bit more.

Interest rates are high. If he overspent 4 years ago and struggled to repay compound interest can rapidly multiply borrowing. He wont have spent £116k, its what he owes now with a load of interest included.

Get on to a debt charity and start working out a reasonable repayment plan . You will find there are all sorts of ways to manage debt like this . Many charities meditate with the companies to reduce the debt so you only pay off a %. They will prefer some repayment rather than none so that’s how it’s arranged.
knowledge is power.

yes I found out this too with my husband. Like you I felt shocked numb and physically sick. But after the shock I insisted he got help.
and we paid off a% over 6 years. We lived like paupers and It will affect his credit rating hideously however if he’s like my husband he will never want to borrow again .

much love and best wishes

I am sure you do know some people who spend like that, however in this case the OP is panicking about losing her house because of that amount of debt. I very much doubt she is in the same wage bracket as your friends.
When you get a property the survey will give you an idea of reasonable renovation costs, which does not sound like what has happened here.

Talk to StepChange.

Get the full details on the spending and how much is owed and how. Discover is this is gambling or just very bad management of money.

Its all on credit cards and loans. That's separate from our mortgage. I'm devastated

We definitely did not spend that on renovations, i estimate around 30,000 at the very most was spent on the house, we had a plan to remortgage and add this in, but this is simply not an option now

Ok so the priority is finding out where the money has gone.

What does he say be spent it on?

Thank you, it's good to know that it's possible to turn around, I'm just so shell shocked at the minute

He hasn't said exactly, he's working away from home just now and he's dropped this on me over the phone, so I can't even get him to show me where it's gone yet.