Conflict with DH regarding my inheritance

[Handbaggez]

Good evening all,

my mum passed away and we are about to receive our inheritance from their estate. This will be split equally between me and my two brothers. I get on extremely well with both of my brothers.

I want to forgo my share of the inheritance and have it split between my two brothers. They have both had it harder than I have and neither of them own their own property yet. I have been fortunate to be able to buy my own and we are now mortgage free and fairly comfortable financially.

DH strongly disagrees and says that we have to take our share of the inheritance. He feels that it’s my brother’s responsibility to sort themselves out. I’m disappointed by his attitude and I still really want to help my brother’s out by allowing them to have my share of the inheritance.

WWYD??

Sorry but I’m with your husband on this. You don’t know what could happen in future. We’ve had serious illnesses and redundancies and although all fine for now we are aware this could happen again in future.

I’ve had inheritance in the past and likely to in future. We can manage without it but it will certainly make life more comfortable for us both and in retirement. DH and I are a team. We’ve both worked to get what we have.Everything is shared. It’s family money.

How much is the inheritance?

This.

It's your money, OP, so your husband doesn't get to decide. It was left to you, not to him.

Take the inheritance. You never know what will happen in the future. You may need that money!

'its half your husbands' on absolute NO planet is that the case, 'if it was the other way round' no, no decent person would be entitled enough to think their husbands inheritance is theirs.

Talk about greedy and gold digging.

Money left in a inheritance is to THAT named person ONLY. They can CHOOSE to use it (once left to them its theirs, OPs mother did not say she must keep it she simply split it equal by the sounds of it) however they like but no one else gets to claim it.

Also just because you seem woefully misguided in divorce inheritance often doesn't count. They are legally classified as 'non matrimonial' assets.

Agreed.

It's a nice thought, OP, but who knows what the future holds for you and your DH? Circumstances can change. I don't mean you splitting up, I mean you might one day find yourselves in a situation where you really kick yourself for not following your DM's wishes.

This and what an amazing woman you are.
So many people are money grabbing when it comes to inheritance and alot of people thrive on getting more 0000000s at the end of their bank account, irrespective of whether they need it or not.
Your mum will be very proud of you

I'm witth your DH here. Unless you're mega milliionaires take the money. I'd be disappointed and rejected if I was your husband, you're putting your brothers before him. And you don't know what the future holds.

But not as much as the brothers.
Life is full of uncertainty but OP has no mortgage which is a big advantage

But why doesn’t she have a mortgage? Why are the brothers less well off?

OP hasn’t given enough to go on tbh

The whole WWYD question cannot really be answered without any idea of the materiality here - how much we are talking about and where that fits in to the grand scheme of things - but this is yet another single provocative OP from someone who has never posted anything else before and it doesn't look like she's coming back.

For what it's worth, I cannot ever imagine making decisions without my spouse. I've recently inherited quite a bit, with much more to come, and have only ever viewed it as our money.

My husband paid for a car for me with most of a small inheritance he had. He had a company car at the time. He paid for it because that is what we needed as a family at the time. I think that if you have a good marriage then all money should be shared as family money. OP, keep the money. If your mother had wanted your brothers to have it then she would not have left it to you. You don’t know what is around the corner.

Yes, family money and OP's 2 brothers are family too

I don't see it as money grabbing to be grateful for an inheritance. I have never been left money/ assets and never will be. I would, however, have been incredibly grateful if anyone had thought enough of me and had the means to remember me. Everything I have has been as a result of hard work, but an inheritance would have made life easier. And there is no way I would have shared it with my brother, who never bought a property but did manage to have 9 kids and whose wife was a SAHM.

I think dh should leave it to you to decide the right thing to do.

But you will set a precedent for down the line.

Thi sis one of the worst ideas I have seen on here in a very long while. Only do it if you want to fall out with your brothers and resent thenm when they blow it all

It's a very difficult one.

When my husbands mum died we were absolutely skint, my husbands business had just gone bust leaving him with debt. He'd had to take a minimum wage job to get us through.

His sister has more than a million in the bank, no mortgage on 3 properties, been retired since she was 50.

The inheritance wasn't much but would have made the world of difference to us at the time but I know there is no way she would have considered letting us have her share. It was small change to her but it was rightly hers.

Things have always been equitable in my marriage so I couldn’t imagine making a decision like this without discussing with DH.

What else is it when you are comfortable financially speaking and dont actually need the inheritance?
He hasn't worked for that money. Its not even from his family . He has put that money above his wife's wishes. And inturn put her in a awkward situation which over time may make her resent him.
So the money is essentially more important to him then how his wife feels about him and his lack of understand/empathy towards her siblings.

I would give it to my brothers.

I wouldn't think it was my mother's wish for me to have the money as such. I would think it's her wish to show us all we are equally loved.

It's literally none of your husband's business.

Oh my goodness OP that is a big call. If my husband did that I would give serious thought to leaving him.

I suppose I'd need clarity over your wealth situation, and how much money we're talking. I suppose if you are have a net worth of £20million with a fair proportion of that being liquid (i.e. not property or businesses) and your brothers are struggling to rub two pennies together, then maybe you have a point.

In my view, a marriage is a partnership and that means you make big decisions like this together. And to deprive your partnership of significant wealth without mutual agreement is a betrayal of that marriage.

Firstly, so sorry for your loss.

If it was the other way round, would your dh make the decision without discussing it with you? Not a judgement either way, just something to consider.

I would hold onto it for now. You don't have to decide now. Give yourself some breathing space.
Also, you never know when you'll need funds for something unexpected. Like you, I'm all for fairness with money regarding family but you have all been left an equal share. Also only you know the circumstances as to why your brothers are in a different financial position to you. They might even refuse it if you offered it anyway. Take care.

The way I see it, you're taking money out of your children's pockets and putting it into your brothers, and I'd feel exactly the same as your DH. Depending on how much money there is, this could pay for them to go to University without needing a loan, or cover a deposit on their first home, or buy a first car. You have no idea yet how tough their life will be.