Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

[Loluk]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

@ArtAndMusic oh no, she's a beautiful lady. She has a pure heart. The problem is, I just don't think she thought about it properly. She had tunnel vision - she wanted me to have it. But don't think she thought of the consequences. But yes it's left me in a rubbish position.

'Will reading' only happens in movies!

But doesn't love her enough to think about the importance of her future relationship with her sister. And her dad. Her GM is setting her up to lose them or at least cause massive problems with them leaving her alone. Is money worth that?

@HowcanIhelp123 no I don't receive any benefits. My husband and I just don't earn alot. Our mortgage has gone up massively and bills etc (like everyone's) so we are struggling massively

Once the money becomes yours, it’s nothing to do with your Nan anymore
It’s entirely your decision, you should give her some of it rather than half if that makes you feel better
That you looked after your grandmother alone is not relevant

This!

Then you should have told her. Money is great, but if you've lost your family for it, not somuch.

Ffs, your sister sounds like a bit of a leech to be honest. She can't even be bothered to see your gran, why on earth should she expect to inherit?

And whatever your mum thought is pretty irrelevant in this situation, if gran had gone first your mum's boyfriend would have got the lot, so your sister still wouldn't have got her hands in any of it.

Unless you have a good relationship with Sid already (which it sounds like you don't, given she has been no support through done pretty bad times), giving her money is not going to change anything, she'll just take it and still be rubbish

*sis

Just to add are your grandmother doing this has caused a horrible heap of lifelong resentment and relationship issues for you your sister and your dad - I know you say she is a beautiful person, but she must have considered this as an adult.
to avoid these relationship issues and if you get on with your sister, give her half unless is happy for you to take all of it
if you don’t make me okay with it in the end, but she may resent you
as for her living rent free at your dad’s are not helping with her grandmother. Have you asked her why ? I live rent free with my dad until I was 36 because I had BPD and ADHD and couldn’t cope on my own

@ArtAndMusic I did tell her not to do it. That's what I originally wrote

@Banana1979 yes she's living rent free with her fiancee so they can save for a house

Sorry, typos, I meant to say, unless it is okay with you having all of the money.
but she may resent you - she may not be able to afford to move out of dads which is same for most people now. It would be mad to get into the rental nightmare. People are mad to move out of parents house without a deposit to get into a rental nightmare just because it’s the mature thing to do to move out of a parents house. This is a western phenomenon
some of the money could help her get a deposit as well

It doesn't matter what you have or haven't done, or who needs it. Split it with your sister. It's morally unambiguous then and you will not have to deal with a family fall-out

Not strongly enough.

In your position, I would share with my sister and be pissed off at my GMs lack of thought for my family relationships when she's gone. I've seen inheritances and people's greed fuck up a few families. It's just not worth it.

It’s your grandmother’s money. The half she wants to give you will become yours - only yours. Your sister isn’t entitled to half of it, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to share it with anyone not entitled to it.

Your self esteem sounds like it needs a helping hand here, OP.

Willing to hand over all your inheritance in order to have a relationship with someone who doesn't care. That's so sad.You can't buy her affection, OP, so be prepared for her to continue to not care about you even when you give her half.

I've two sisters, they're older than me and have resented me since I was born. The lifetime of rejection has been hard to come to terms with, but it's been a long time since I tried to be 'sisters' with them, or thought if I did X or Y they'd start to like me and want to spend time with me.

In your original post, you implied her living rent-free at your dad’s house was a negative thing in regards to her being deserving of the money
. Now you are saying she is living there to save it for a deposit for the house , so what she’s doing is the correct thing
she is basically in a worse position than you are
anyway, you are a good sister in order to think of her in this way it is entirely up to you it’s what your mum wanted, but ultimately this is your money and it’s down to you.
I would give her some if it were me
money isn’t worth running family relationships are you die and you take it with you I think your grandmother and uncle was wrong doing this and putting you in this position

@AFieldGuideToTrees you are projecting your sister new relationships onto the OP who is an entirely different position and relationship with her sister

Sorry, that should say projecting your issues with your sisters onto the OP

Yes, sorry it was pretty shitty of your gran, trying to punish your sister for not spending enough time with her, but keeping it a secret so you would have to deal with the fallout after she's dead.

It’s not a punishment to not bequeath someone money that was never theirs in the first place, and that they are not entitled to.

OP, I really would concentrate on the family you’ve made with your husband and children, and stop allowing yourself to be dictated to by your father.

This

It wasn't her mum's money though, its her grandmother's.
The chickens are coming home to roost for your sister. She hasn't bothered with her grandmother for years so your grandmother doesn't want her to have it. She's made a new will for a reason. If benefactors are going to ignore the wishes of a will, why do we bother writing them?

You don't need to make this decision now. Things could be different by the time you inherit so I would wait until then to make the decision