Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

[Loluk]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

dont be surprised if in a few years she changes her will again and cuts you out as well as your sister lol

The Op’s Gran is currently receiving end of life care

Oops—I missed that fact. That situation is batshit, really. OP, think you’ll need some professional (legal/financial) advice on this. IME your sister should be given a sizable chunk of her half, but the help you’ve given your nan is a consideration along with the fact that your nan wanted you to have more. There will likely be tax considerations too.

Her mum never inherited so it doesn't matter what she wanted. OP can give her sister half of she chooses to maintain peace, but she is under no obligation to as what matters is the will in place when grandma died not what mum would have wanted should she have inherited.

And OPs sister will be a CF if she accepts the half despite not being there for her gran and deciding to cut her off. Shows she's grabby and just after what she can get.

I wouldn’t give her half @Loluk

I did. I bent over backwards with my siblings when it turned out that the agreement they made with my Nana when my grandfather died (I’m the youngest sibling by 10 years and was a child) to give them money at that point and me to be left the flat was going to see me get £2500 more than them. I made sure they weren’t out by a single penny.

But it wasn’t good enough. It was still cast in my face that she left me “everything”. That I thought I was better because I got more etc etc.

In reality I should have kept the extra for my kids because the outcome was the same anyway - bitter angry people are bitter angry people.

If you think your relationship with your sister will recover (and if you want it to) if you give her cash then do. Just be careful you don’t end up with less money and no sister anyway.

This ⬆️

Follow the will to the letter.
Then its up to you what to decide to do with it, as its your money. Personally it would come down to how you feel about your sister. If you want to maintain a relationship with her - then gift her what you see fit (doesn't have to be 50:50). If a relationship with her brings more bad than good, than don't, and be prepared to lose the relationship. Only you can decide whether its worth that or not.

The OP cared for her sister after their mother died. In return, when OP sank into a depression, the sister wasn't interested. Nor did she do anything when OP lost a child. OP says she'd like to have any kind of relationship with her sister, implying that she doesn't.

So how would not giving the sister money drive a wedge into a non existent relationship?

OP seems happy to accept any scraps her sister might throw at her when she has a family of her own who, along with herself, are far more deserving of this gift from a grandmother the sister can't even be bothered to visit.

Also, if I read the OP correctly, dsis is not living with her DF but in his house rent/mortgage and bill free whilst he lives with his partner in her house.

Please don't give your sister half. It's not fair on you or your family of you do. Give her some money, 10k or something. Please don't give her half , it is very clear that you will regret it if you do

It all sounds fucked up op. Everyone in your family (including you) is putting a monetary value on relationships.

You tell us your sister hasn't supported you, is a sponger, and hasn't visited her Gran.

Your late Mother valued her 'new' boyfriend over her daughters.

And for the hat trick. Your Gran cut your sister out when she didn't visit as much as you and wasn't prepared to offer free care.

You manipulating each other. You don't even like your sister so I can't imagine there is a relationship there to loose.

Halve it or keep the lot, just don't apportion blame onto your sister for being cut out of a will. Own your actions.

@AAFieldGuideToTrees it will drive a wedge into other family relationships e.g. OPs father.
Inheritance should never be about who visited most. It should not be pay per visit.
OP should refuse to take part in all the manipulation around Inheritance going on and just split with the sister.
But if greed wins out and OP keeps it, then they need to do so knowing it may lead to no or very strained contact with various family members.

Abide by your Grandmothers wishes, it's her money to leave to who she wants too.

You'll regret it if you give half to your sister.

I don't think you will be any more highly thought of if you do share your inheritance with your sister.

She is still going to be the same unsupportive cow she has always been. I speak from bitter experience.

Personally, I would give her nothing. Why should she benefit from your gran's will when she won't even go to see her?!!!

^^ this

And I would make sure you don't verbally agree to split it now - if you change your mind or don't split it then it will look like you have gone back on your agreement.

It doesn't sit right that your gran is receiving end of life care and your dad and sister are discussing/pressurising you about her will especially if your sister won't see your gran.

Wait a minute. Your sister who doesn't have the stress of keeping bills paid and a roof over her head, hasn't made time to see your gran her more than a handful of times in 5 years, whilst you've cared for her despite having external pressures of life.

And now refuses to see her, but wants 25% of her money when she dies?

Absofucking lately not.

She didn't even feel the need to discuss the issue at hand with Grandma... I went NC with my family, Nan decided she wanted nothing to do with me, until she was dying- too late for me. I recognised in myself that if I chose to not have a relationship with her, that I deserved no recognition in her will. Anything else is pretty damn grabby.

It sounds like your grandmother is grateful for what you've done and wants the best for you.

Would she change the will if you explain how hard this is going to make life for you with your sister and dad ? You can tell her you don't want to lose them over it.

Maybe she could divvy half to your uncle and the other half three ways between your sister, you and your son ? It's equal between the blood relatives on your mum's side but means your sister gets a smaller slice.

your sister is not entitled to anything, don't feel obligated to split if you don't want to
I don't visit my grandmother either, we never had a close relationship
my sister on the other hand, does look after my grandmother very well and is involved with a lot of her care,
if there ever was an inheritance she deserves all of it and I wouldn't expect a penny
I think you're sister is being greedy and entitled, she deserves nothing.

Your grandmother has the right to choose what she does with her own money. You are going against her wishes if you give money to your sister (who sounds very entitled). I would keep it if I were you. If you gave it and your sister squandered it, you would regret betraying your grandmother. Your love for your grandmother comes across very clearly as does the tough time you have had in trying to hold things together.

Just a reminder to some posters, a Will is a public document and anyone can easily obtain a copy.

I would be interested in knowing what your husband thinks about this.

And also what your father’s inheritance plans are? Ie if you don’t give money to your sister, will he supposedly “adjust the balance” in his will?

You could consider giving your sister 25% of the money.

Or you could tell her that you will make provision for her children in your will.

Your gran has her reasons and I would respect them. I’ve had some similar complexities in my family, and a sister who’s just not a nice person.

I think your latter posts changed it for me tbh. I was going to say split but If your sister did nothing when you lost a child then your relationship is already terrible. I suspect it won’t be made better if you feel resentful giving up half the inheritance.

I would give your sister a "gift". Enough to help you not feel bad, that she would appreciate and that would help her, but you deserve to keep the rest.
It's what your Grandmother wanted and you cared for her. Your mother really doesn't come into it.

I can't understand all the posters saying to split with sister. Your nan's money is to be given as to her wishes, no one else's.

I would refuse to discuss the matter with anyone (except privately with your spouse/partner if relevant) until your grandmother dies and any formalities like burial, funeral, etc. are over. She made a decision to change the will and asked you to keep the money; let her die in peace thinking her affairs are settled and respect her memory in the aftermath.

Once the money is yours (and it may take some time for the estate to be settled and house sold if that's what's happening) you can decide whether you want to give some of it to your sister, but that's what it would be, a gift. I'd ignore your dad since the money's nothing to do with him (I assume he and your mother had split up before she died if she had a boyfriend) and I'd give zero fucks about what your mother wanted as she wouldn't have left you or your sister the house if she'd outlived your grandmother. Do what you think is right and don't make any commitments right away; you have time to think it over.

If you're determined to be fair, you could do the following. Calculate the benefit she has received from living rent free and bill free at your fathers. Then calculate what caring responsibilities have cost you (lots of wiggle room here). Deduct these from the inheritance total and keep it. Divide whatever remains in half and give half of that to your sister.

Don't give her half. She doesn't care about you or your grandma. She sounds very uncaring and self-absorbed. She cares more about grandma's money than her actual grandma! Really horrible that she wasn't there for you after the loss of your friend and baby. I hope you're ok.