Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

i know what you meant bluecornflower and im sorry for your loss..
just before my pregnancy was confirmed as a miscarriage, a friend bought a bunch of flowers for me and i was a bit shocked and bluntly asked what this is about as if they already knew my baby is dying/died
the only thing i told them was that either my dates were not right or theres a possibility of a missed mc.
i especially hate it when some ppl think my mc is nothing compared to theirs, if they mc at a later stage..its so hurting
as of now, i only tell my close friends who care for me and do call me at times to see how i am doing. others are like a waste of time n space if you know what i mean..they dont care if u tell them or not.

Hi BCF, sorry to hear about your mc

It is amazing how differently people react isn't it. I have brought it up with a couple of friends who blatantly do not wish to talk about what's happened - maybe it's outside their comfort zone, not sure, but I won't be talking about it with them again. Another friend has been just fantastic - she's never has a mc but somehow has so much empathy that she can put into words how I'm actually feeling when I can't quite explain it myself.

Anyway, I hope you're doing okay, how are you feeling four months on?

just wanted to say how sorry i am about your loss. i lost my baby girl at 34 weeks, i only had a month to go. but i wanted to say that time helps, certainly not to forget, cause that's impossible, but to go on in life. my life changed, but i'm still here with a big smile on my face and i'm not giving up the hope to become a mum one day, when it happened to me i was working in a surgery where i was surrounded by hundreds of babies a day, and i can say that it helped me a lot, cause facing the problem made it possible to talk and share my feelings, and i wasn't alone, 50% of the mums there had had the similar experiences, or had had sisters, cousins etc who had been through some kind of negative experience conceiving, and had become mums, so put a big smile and a brave face, and remember life goes on...IT CAN'T RAIN FOREVER!!!
about you losing your job, well that's terrible, it couldn't have come in a worse time, but i'm sure things will look up for you soon. all the best sweetheart.

Hi all, hope you are all ok. Sorry to all of those that have joined us

Becky- how are you sweets?

CM- sorry to hear about your job- that is sooooo shit its untrue. (((((((hug))))))))

Poopy- hope you are ok hun x

Nandos- my DH can officially join yours in crapness- his answer to all of this is put the house up for sale as if I havent got enough to think about!!

I am plodding along. still bleeding. Told DDs dad about the MC tonight- he was incredibly supportive. He went through something similar although a whole lot worse with an ex. He can be a pain in the bum but he was very supportive. He was very sorry for us but told us to get TTC straight away- he doesnt want his daughter to be an only child. cheeky sod.

Anyway, hugs to everyone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

eek- just re-read that. I meant POPPY. sorry hun

Hi. I have had 3 mc, the latest at 10 weeks. My 1st didn't pass naturally so had to have d & c. It was horrible. My most recent mc was at begining of month. I know all about the lonely empty feeling even if you have the greatest dh in world. It is a cruel cruel world. So sorry to every1 that's going thru this. Xxx Hugs to you all

mummy2olivia are you feeling better now? hope the bleeding will stop soon so you can get on with your ttc
your dh doesnt think of the house as bad luck or anything like that does he?
littleboyblue xx hugs xx to you too hope you feel better soon and do chat with us if u feeling lonely or sad..

All he has said is that he wants a fresh start. and he is looking at a massive house that means no more TTC. Told him this and he put an offer in

Hi everyone. Thanks for your kind words just now it means a lot. mummy2olivia "poopy" possibly the first time I have laughed all day! Thanks.
It is very interesting reading your comments about friends and how they react.I have certainly found out through all this who my true friends are and they are not all people who have been through the same or have any children of their own but just kind individuals who can empathise about our feelings of loss. One of my lovely friends is even cooking and bringing up a meal to my house on friday evening (dh going out). I have another friend who I used to be close to and our dc's were very friendly who last time round called me to see how I was because her dh told her she should (she said so) and said at least we had got 50% of the way there which is more than they had. Tried to take it with a pinch of salt because I don't think harm was meant but the comment hurt a lot. I haven't even called her to say about the mc yet this time. Honestly can't face it.
blueflower and nella so very sorry for your losses.

hello everyone,
mummy2olivia, hope you like that massive house lucky you
today i checked myself with the HPT due' to twingings on my left side and guess what! im negative ..
i dont know why but i feel glad cos' i dont wanna go to the erpc or the epu for scanning again. tired of being prodded n poked with that scan thing
im still scared to go to the conception thread to post anything other than saying hi to my friends there and thats it.
i just wanna be forever in this mc thread if all of you know what i meant i feel like a coward saying n doing that ...

Yo everyone!

I feel much more like my old self today.

Nandos, I dont want to go back to the conception boards either- they depress me actually and make me look for probs that arent there! Perhaps we should start a 'miscarried in May 2008- dont depress me, I'm depressed enough' TTC thread! Although the MC avengers thread is supposed to be very positive. perhaps I'll go there.

I told DH in no uncertain terms last night that we are not getting a bigger house. We are staying here til we have a bairn. thats forever then...

Poppy, hope you are ok hun. Your friend sounds as sensitive as my MIL....

love to all xxxx

lol mummy2olivia i love that thread name if you go to the mc avengers, pls hold my hand i cant go there by myself ..
i will hang around here for a bit more for now..

Hello everyone. Thanks especially to Charliesmum and Nandos for your kind words last night. Meant a lot. It IS comforting that WE understand each other even if others don't! Not that I would wish this on anyone.

When I told one friend about the mc, she let me talk about it (over the phone) but really didn't want me to get emotional about it. I just thought what if her husband died or something - wouldn't she like friends she could be honest with and cry with if she had to? I have backed off from her too!

Still, at least there are other people who have been fantastic!

Hope everyone has got some good friends who can help you through this...

Hello! Feeling much brighter today too - maybe it's the shitty weather

Poppy, your friend should feel very bad for having said that. Some people don't put their brain into gear before opening their mouths... I told a friend y'day what had happened - they are ttc dc2 and no luck after 4 months, she told me I was lucky for having got pregnant Didn't know quite what to say.

m2o + nandos, I think you should defo start a thread by that name! I feel like I want to go onto the MC avengers thread too (more hand holding needed please ) but then that would be a big step and not sure I'm ready for it yet. Makes it very real, would rather stay on here too!

nella, you sound like a very strong lady. So sorry to hear about you losing your baby. 'It can't rain forever' is going to become my new mantra, let's hope it's true.

littleboyblue, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses too. Please come back and chat if you need to...

Hi Everyone

HtheH , blueflower, bluecornflower and Poppy so sorry for your losses too We're all have such sad stories.
Nella so sorry to hear your story as well. You sound so strong. I like your IT CAN'T RAIN FOREVER philosophy. That's how I feel too. There is just too much rain in this house at the moment!

Poppy on Tuesday I had a rough couple of hours with heavy bleeding in the afternoon (TMI alert) and I just sat on the toilet and it felt like it was gushing out of me, although I'm sure it wasn't that bad, and then later in the bath and the 'products' came out of me in the same way as you describe in your situation and I could feel that my cervix was opened. It was bizarre. DH buried the 'products' in the garden last night while I was at my sister's. Although it was harrowing to go through I am kind of glad it happened like it did. It was like a mini-labour and afterwards I felt physically much better and emotionally very odd but kind of better in that I had had the chance to say goodbye to this nearly baby which had been huge part of my life for 3 months.

I have a scan tomorrow, presumably to confirm that it is all gone. I'm pretty sure it mostly is. I'm still bleeding but not huge amounts.

mummy2olivia don't let your DH sell your house! We've just been through all that and still are and it is just too stressful.

Off to watch Brothers and Sisters with a nice cup of tea now.

Hi BCF, crossed posts so didn't say hello in the last one... I'm glad you came back to see us. It's a shame that some people aren't more understanding, but then I suppose if someone hasn't been through this then they can't possibly imagine how devastating it is, or the feelings of loss and grief that we are left with. Although it is so so sad that we all have this in common, we are very lucky that we are here for each other...

Please come back for a chat any time you need to, am so glad that we were able to provide a bit of comfort x

Thanks Charliesmum. Appreciate you! Where would we be without MN?!! (Going mad in the corner...)

Sorry blueflower should have read littleboyblue. What can I say, it's nearly my bedtime and my neurons are rubbish in the evening!

Sorry too to Habbibu to read your story .

Just off to bed, but wanted to wish Becky good luck for tomorrow. I hope the scan shows that everything has gone, and that there are no problems. Sorry for you that you had to go through what you went through on Tuesday, hope you're okay x

Hello everyone, thoroughly recommend going to see Sex and the City, it made me laugh more than anything else for the last couple of weeks. May sound a bit frivolous - and yes there are difficult moments with Charlotte being pregnant e.t.c - but it really was the light relief I needed. My ERPC has been brought forward to tomorrow, so a bit nervous and apprenhensive, but looking forward to being able to move on. Not looking forward to it at all, but really think I will be able to get my head around things once it is all over, and looking forward to being able to TTC again. Thank you everyone for all your kind words and my thoughts are with you all. We will all get through this and hopefully all have happier tales to tell soon. Good luck everyone and stay positive, the only thing we can control in all of this is our ability to stay strong and keep fighting. We all deserve the very best and I truly believe that positive thoughts and embracing life is the way to move forward. Lots of love x

Beakas, so so sorry. You have been through a terrible, shocking time.
I had two miscarriages between DD1 (now 3 and DD2 (18 wks). I felt utterly broken. At times mad with raw emotion and sadness. Especially in early weeks afterwards, I think as well hormones added to the overwhelming waves of feeling I experienced.
Give yourself time, 16 wks is a well established pregnancy and you and your body were ready to mother your baby. I remember feeling desperate. My DP couldn't share this pain with me I think my sadness scared him, but friends helped and I was amazed with how many other women had experienced similar stories to my own, so although the owrld was full of PG women I realised it was also sadly full of those who had lost. Do talk whenever you need to. LOL and thinking of you.

Good luck tomorrow Becky. It sounds like an awful thing to say but I hope everything has gone- its horrible for anything to be left. But then its horrible for it all to be gone too. cant win can you??!!

Nandos, charliesmum- am gonna make a thread just for us on the conception boards. I will codename it so we can stay in touch. I will pop into MC avengers too but really want to stay in touch with you two during TTC again- you keep me sane!!! And of course if anyone else wants to join us they can!!! Its gonna be called 'lets support eachother again- you know who you are'. I think it is important that we integrate into the MC avengers and yes I will hold your hands, both of you, but I also think its important that we keep in touch as we have here. I hope others will want to join us soon that have shared their stories on this thread. We have all had a sad time together just lately but we must keep eachother positive.

Where is beakas? have I missed her posts or has she vanished?

later amigos xxx

oh and just to say- am still bleeding, bit achey but defo back to work monday. I need to get back to normality.

hope everything goes well for tmr's scan becky and the erpc for HtheH too.
mummy2olivia, if we are keeping u sane, u r keeping us strong
beakas, do join us whenever u r ready as well as the rest here..
gd nite

Hi everyone can't believe I'm still awake! Fell asleep on the sofa and am meant to be switching computer off not reading and posting!
Good luck tomorrow with the scan becky and HtheH for your op. Hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

Just wondering if anyone else has been finding very tender bits to touch on their tummy. My mc began early hours of sun morning and I am still bleeding fairly heavily with some clots still coming but my tummy looks quite swollen and feels hard and there are a couple of bits that are sore to touch. Is this normal. Can't face going to docs to be poked and told it is to be expected etc.
The new thread sounds a lovely idea and I hope you wouldn't mind if I joined in as well. I also don't feel ready for ttc threads. Just want to let this pass first. I think my main worry after two consecutive mcs would be how to stay preg and not go mad worrying again.
night all

My tummy is a little tender as well and it does look swollen (and feels big). I'll ask the doctor today when I see them for my scan and see what they say. I feel really bloated still. I am still bleeding but for me it is much lighter than before, now just like a regular period.

The 'lets support each other' thread sounds lovely. I hope you don't mind if I join in too . I wasn't going to go on any gung-ho TTC threads yet I just want to take it as easy as we can and just go with the flow (much easier said than done I know!). I'm trying not to think about it too much, ie those awful 'will I be pregnant by September / Christmas / next year?' thoughts.

I'm really grateful to everyone who has posted here. I always check 'sad and miserable' every time I log on. You all have been a huge source of support to me. The last time I had a MC I didn't know MN existed then and I really wish someone had told me! It's been a lifeline this time around