Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@NphysT I’m so sorry - this is completely awful. I don’t understand why your hospital won’t offer surgery. I was told there’s a limit for MVA (my pregnancy was too far along for this) and I can see that they (and you) might be cautious about medical management when a pregnancy is well developed, placenta is attached etc, but I don’t understand why they wouldn’t do surgery. Surely a hospital is a better place to manage any risks of excessive bleeding etc than a BPAS clinic? And to offer general anaesthetic safely? The faff with your GP is ridiculous but I’d be pursuing this with the hospital first of all.

@NphysT I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the difficulties you're now having getting treatment - what an awful experience and not what you need at a time like this. I agree with PPs that you should push hard with the hospital to get the surgery - they shouldn't be fobbing you off and telling you to go elsewhere for it, you're under their care first and foremost. I really hope you can get this sorted soon.

@NphysT I am so so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am also having a MMC at the moment and waiting for treatment but am not as far along as you (am 8-9w). I cannot understand why the hospital has a cut off of 12 weeks and agree with others that the hospital is what you should be pursuing. Do you have anyone else that can come
wjrh you to advocate? It is so hard when we are in this emotional and highly vulnerable state to also need to be fighting for humane and reasonable treatment.
I really hope this gets sorted for you very soon, take care xx

Hospital told me they don't offer the surgical management after 12 weeks which I don't understand why. EPU have been calling me regularly to check in and see how things are progressing with BPAS but are only able to offer me medical management. 12 weeks is the cut off and I'm only 1 day past that cut off so don't understand why an exception couldn't be made.

Thank you all, I will try calling the epu and see if I can get them to do the surgery. I'd much prefer for it to be done at the hospital too but tbh when we 1st were told 2 weeks ago I wasn't in the state of mind to question anything they were saying

Have just called EPU and they have told me I should never have been referred to bpas and that they only offer medical management due to surgical skill. They couldn't tell me if this was something that was the case in this hospital or all hospitals or whether it was safe to get surgical management from bpas. Am feeling quite confused and unsure as to what I should do now. I would still prefer to have the surgical management but am unsure whether this will get done now. Not sure why it was given to me as an option in the 1st place given that it wasn't 1 at the hospital

@NphysT that sounds completely mad doesn’t it. An arbitrary cut off point. Is there another (bigger?) hospital near you or that you could get to? Just trying to think what I might do in this situation. I am so sorry you are going through this, on top of all you are contending with emotionally right now x

Hi @NphysT - firstly I am so sorry for your loss. Just so terrible. Be kind to yourself.

I’m also astounded your hospital has said they can’t do surgery at 12 weeks. Is it a small one? Could you go elsewhere?

I was 11+5 so not quite as far but even my fairly crap hospital (eventually) offered me surgery.

Unfortunately you have to really fight for everything which is obviously the last thing you have energy for at the moment.

Take care x

No, this is the big 1 and this plus those around me all require improvement in terms of maternity.

The woman I spoke to also asked me if I was offered a second scan since there was a heartbeat 2 days earlier which I wasn't but I'm assuming that's because if baby is measuring 12 weeks and there's no heartbeat then there's no need for another scan? Anyone had experience of this?

@SnookyPook I was so alarmed to see you on here and I’m so so pleased that your scan was good and baby looks fine! Spotting is worrying but often completely fine, i’m glad you’ve got another scan in 2 weeks for more reassurance

@NphysT So so sorry for your loss. You absolutely should have the surgical option and quickly. I had a MMC with twins at 10 weeks and surgery 2 days later. So sorry for all you’re going through, thinking of you

@Oxalis00 I also have my scan tmw, I’m not hopeful but still praying for a miracle. I’ll be thinking of you and hope it goes so well

@NphysT afraid I don’t have any experience if the first nhs scan identifies a MMC beyond 6/7 weeks I don’t see why another is needed, but not sure of protocols. I am being asked to come back a week after a private scan showed no heartbeat but from what I’ve read this is just because the initial scan wasn’t nhs. I don’t see why they need to delay at all in your case.

@SnookyPook I'm so glad to read your scan went well and also that they have said they'll scan you again in 2 weeks. I'm keeping everything crossed that this is your rainbow 🌈🩷

@Oxalis00 @warmbutteredtoast good luck for your scans tomorrow. Again, I'll be keeping everything crossed that it's positive news.

@NphysT im so sorry you're having to go through this and even worse having to fight for treatment. When my MMC was diagnosed at 9+2, I only had one scan. The sonography told me she there wasn't a heartbeat and then got another sonographer in to double check who confirmed it. They said because I was so far along and had had a previous scan with a heartbeat, they were confident that they were correct. I hope you're able to get the treatment you need soon and the option you want. I'm so sorry for your loss 🩷

A week on from my first private scan where they found a small fetal pole and no heartbeat, my symptoms are back? Don’t understand why - I guess it is my mind just playing tricks on me. I had some fairly strong cramping a couple of nights after the scan then nothing since. Yesterday I’ve had the nausea, tender boobs etc all over again despite them disappearing for a few days. It feels so cruel. I just want to wallow and eat chocolate but it’s disgusting to me 😭

@CurlyWurly1991 oh that's really tough. Apologies if this is no help at all but is there any chance that the pregnancy was earlier on than you thought? Have your EPU seen you since the private scan? (Apologies if you've already said). Sending big hugs and hope you get clarity and closure soon. Xx

Hi @SnookyPook no chance dates were wrong, i temp, track etc so it was pretty confirmed. Plus I had a strong positive at 14dpo. I think it’s just residual hormones from the sac. During the private scan the sonographer said the sac was large (I guess size expected for nearly 8 weeks) I guess it’s still growing. I’ve not had any spotting etc (yet). Seeing EPU tomorrow for the first time. Thanks for asking after me x

@CurlyWurly1991 I think one of the cruellest things about miscarriage is still feeling the physical symptoms even if you know the pregnancy isn't viable - I never had very strong symptoms when I was pregnant but was still getting the nausea even after I had a scan that confirmed no heartbeat, and things like sore boobs didn't go away until after I'd had the surgery. It's really hard because you feel like your body is playing tricks on you. Take care of yourself and I hope you get some clarity when you see the EPU tomorrow.

Thank you @CluelessInLondon i really need that second scan for some closure. Now the symptoms are back I’ve started questioning myself … could the first scan have been wrong? The sonographer said I needed a TV scan which they didn’t offer (I have a tilted uterus) and I’m clutching at straws all of a sudden. Ridiculous really as I know deep down it’s over but the symptoms make me question it. MMCs send you a bit crazy , don’t they.

@CurlyWurly1991 it's just horrible being in any kind of limbo and of course you clutch at whatever straws you can. Hopefully EPU will give you that clarity and closure that you need. Sending a massive hug ❤️

Thanks again for the thoughts and well-wishes. Just a quick update from me: scan showed 6w5d embryo - which is as I’d expect from ovulation tracking - and a heartbeat. I can’t/don’t really believe it…

My MMC last year was found at 12 week scan with baby measuring 9 something I still feel very nervous that there’s lots of uncertainty ahead. What’s most clear to me though is that I have to work on my mental health - there will always be something to worry about, and I need to find ways to keep living day to day. Tips welcome!

@Oxalis00 that's wonderful news! Still working on the mental health side myself. Going to msg you separately 💗

@Oxalis00 so pleased for you. It's so hard to stay positive when we can't control the outcome. But today things are good, and I hope you can enjoy that.

@Oxalis00 So pleased to hear all is looking good! Really hoping this is your rainbow baby

Sadly my scan confirmed what we suspected. Baby didn't make it, stopped growing at 7+3. Although I was expecting this it is still a shock and it's just the worst feeling isn't it. All those hopes and dreams. I've got the op booked next Wednesday but I have a feeling I won't make it that long, I think taking progesterone might have been delaying the miscarriage starting. I'm nervous about it happening naturally but lucky to have my husband to support me and do all the childcare. I've got pads, painkillers & hot water bottles ready 😔

@warmbutteredtoast I'm so sorry to hear this. How rough. Sending you big hugs. I hope you get lots of time off afterwards to recover emotionally and physically.

I’m so sorry to hear this sad news @warmbutteredtoast - even if you expect it and have a bit of warning the waves of shock and grief are real. I hope the staff have been kind and gentle with you. I know you were worried about the physical process of MC. From what I’ve read on here people’s experiences seem to vary quite considerably. But from my own experience of having had medical management (a bit further along, measuring 9 something) it wasn’t as bad as I feared, and it wasn’t painful at all. Make sure you have support - someone at home to be with you - and call your EPU if you’re worried at any point. Do ask any questions here, too. You’re not alone.

@warmbutteredtoast I'm so sorry my lovely. I know you were braced for it but it doesn't make the actual reality of it any easier. Sending you the most massive hug.

Trigger warning - describing my miscarriage

For my MMC last April I found out on a Friday and they booked me for surgery the following Tuesday but I miscarried naturally over the weekend. Mine had stopped developing at 7+5. So a very similar gestation. I remember feeling daunted about the prospect of going through the loss at home so in case it helps, my experience of the physical loss wasn't too bad. The pain was bearable with hot water bottle and normal painkillers. I found it equivalent to early stage labour. I spent a lot of the two days I was actively miscarrying on the toilet as I did flood a couple of pads when I was up and about and it just felt more comfortable to me to sit there. I was quite scared of seeing the baby, and also felt weird about it going down the toilet. When it came to it, I never did see anything that I could be certain was 'it'. At one point though I had a real emotional wrench as I felt one large clot come out and I'm pretty certain that must have been it. I said a little goodbye and tried to see the flushing away as almost a kind of ceremonial thing. It worked for me. It was less stressful than trying to catch all clots etc and try for a proper burial etc. I found it sort of comforting to think of it all as my last bit of journey with that little baby. An intense experience we were sharing as a final goodbye. Not sure others would feel the same but it comforted me in a weird way.

I still had my pre-op appointment booked for the Monday and they told me to go in so they could check how things were looking. They did another scan and we're able to confirm that I had passed the whole pregnancy. It was very poignant but also a relief. Once I knew there was no hope I just wanted that part done with. I found I was so focused on the physical loss that the emotional side only really hit once that was done.

Apologies if any of that was too much but hopefully it has helped a little to make it less daunting. Personally I found it quite helpful to hear other accounts when I was going through it.

Sending you so much love. It's a horrible thing to go through. We're all here with you. 💕