Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@warmbutteredtoast I am so so sorry to hear your news. I hope you have support around you and can take time to just process and sit with this. It is such a horrible thing to go through, and the emotion seems to just bubble up from nowhere for me so having as little demands as possible on you will be helpful.

@SnookyPook thank you for sharing your experience. It’s really helpful to hear accounts of what some people have gone through. I have probably paid a lot of attention to the most scary stories and it has then really ramped up my fear about a worse case scenario, which is probably unhelpful to think about.

Thanks so much for your replies everyone, so nice to have a bit of support on here. @SnookyPook thank you for your miscarriage description it's really helpful to hear what it might be like. It's a horrible waiting period between finding out and having the miscarriage, I've just cancelled all plans and will stay near to home. @CurlyWurly1991 How are you doing? Have you got EPU today?

@warmbutteredtoast agree the waiting is awful. I too have cancelled everything for the next couple of weeks, lots of social stuff I was looking forward to and my daughter (10) is disappointed we won’t be doing. I am at the EPAU now.

@CurlyWurly1991 Aw I’m sorry you’ve had to cancel fun stuff. That sucks. Make sure you put something lovely in the diary with your daughter for February. I hope the EPU is helpful today xx

@warmbutteredtoast I'm sorry to hear your news - even when it's expected it can still feel like a terrible shock. I'm glad that you have support at home and that you are feeling as prepared as you can be, and if you do end up having the surgery I hope it goes well (I had surgical management for my MC in September so if there's anything you want to know about that I am happy to answer any questions/share my experience). Take care of yourself. ❤

@CurlyWurly1991 Good luck today and I hope that you can at least come away with some clarity and assurance on what happens next.

@CluelessInLondon Thank you. I had surgical management with my twin MMC and it was a really 'good' experience so I'm hoping for that again.

I'm feeling so rubbish today. I've got a covid-like infection which is making me feel really poorly, plus pregnancy nausea/fatigue/constant hunger, it's a horrible combination! No cramps yet which I'm grateful for don't think I could cope with that as well. Very much looking forward to the pregnancy symptoms going away though. Ironically I've stopped bleeding the last few days 🙄

@CurlyWurly1991 hope it's going ok today x

@warmbutteredtoast How are you doing today?
Im glad you had a relatively ‘good’ experience with the surgical management previously. I have been offered this and am due to go to hospital on Monday. Glad to have a plan but a bit nervous of GA. It did seem the least ‘worst’ option when the nurse explained it to me. She was so lovely and kind.

@CurlyWurly1991 I'm so glad you've got a plan and a date, and that they were kind. Have you had a GA before? I've had 3 all fertility related and I actually really like it because you just have this deep sleep and it's all over it what feels like a second. I will be thinking of you on Monday 💛

I'm feeling rubbish with sinusitis but I've taken all the medicine I couldn't take when pregnant and feeling better than I was earlier. I've had a small bleed but no cramps 🤷‍♀️

Hi how is everyone doing? I'm kind of struggling. I'm 5 weeks today or I think so. I'm feeling so anxious and I realised I'm kind of just waiting for the worst to happen. I kind of fell down a rabbit hole with testing as my tests are progressing I have been assuming that this won't work out. Not really sure how to change my mindset after what I went through last time around.

@WolfMother326 first of all, congratulations! Re mindset, it's really hard. I'm almost at 9 weeks and have had two positive scans and I'm still feeling very wary of it all. I think the best you can do is just take it moment by moment. Pregnancy after loss is unfortunately completely different and I don't think we can escape that fear. However, there is every chance that this new pregnancy will work out. I would recommend seeing if your EPU offer any kind of mental health support - I've had a couple of chats with a mental health support midwife which has been helpful. Other than that, try and dare to hope. It won't actually change anything whether we pass the days in fear and sadness or hope... A loss would still be devastating either way. Feel free to PM if you'd like to chat more. 💗

@WolfMother326 Congratulations! I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious, the first trimester after loss is a nightmare. The days and weeks crawl by dont they.

With my 2 pregnancies since my first miscarriage I've done testing for weeks after BFP, bloods, early scans, everything you can think of really! And I've only just realised that it makes no difference to the outcome whatsoever (1 baby and 1 more miscarriage in my case). I know that's a weird thing to have not realised before but I'm just hoping if I'm ever pregnant again I can just relax more and have a 'what will be will be' mentality. I'm not sure if this is helpful at all, please disregard it if it isn't! I really really hope this is a lovely smooth pregnancy for you 🙏

Thank you @SnookyPook, congratulations to you too. I'm glad things are going well for you. It's so hard right now, but I know I can't control things by worrying. I am actually seeing a counsellor through the local health visiting postnatal team, but she's been on holiday so I haven't been able to connect with her since mid December. But I know she'd tell me to focus on the fact that it's up to my body and no amount of testing will change anything.

@warmbutteredtoast thank you for sharing your experience. I've just had a calming thought which is that I do have a wonderful little boy and my family are fine as we are, even if this foesnt work out (I hope it will obviously). I will try to keep that in my mind and try to stop testing (I have 2 more....)

@WolfMother326 Definitely good to focus on the lovely things in your life. I totally totally understand the need to test, it’s really nice to see the tests getting darker. I wouldn’t test much beyond 5 weeks though, I took a test yesterday just to see if it’s getting lighter so I could be prepared for the miscarriage happening soon, and it was the darkest test I’ve had so I think positive tests mean nothing after a certain point. Wishing you a calm and hopeful week x

@CurlyWurly1991 Thinking of you for tomorrow and hope it all goes so well. You will feel better when it's over, and I do think surgical management is the best route.

Looks like my miscarriage is happening tonight, cramps since 2pm which are ramping up and bleeding like day 1 of period. Just taken dihydrocodeine which is helping. Hope it doesn't take too long 😔

Oh @warmbutteredtoast I hope you are doing OK and it passes quickly and as painlessly as possible xxx sending love to you

@warmbutteredtoast thinking of you my love. I hope all is going ok and that you're not in too much pain or fear. You've got this. 💕 Sending loads of love your way.

@CurlyWurly1991 thinking of you for tomorrow. Hope all goes smoothly. Sending loads of love to you as well 💕

Thanks so much @SnookyPook & @CurlyWurly1991. Cramps ramped up from 2pm to 10pm when they were like contractions at the beginning of labour then suddenly stopped. Bleeding like a heavy period with some clots and pain is back to normal period, pretty manageable. I don't feel like much actual 'stuff' has come out yet though so I feel like there's lots more to come. Unsure whether to go get blood test today for op on Wednesday still. I'll ring EPU and see what they say. Sounds like it was pretty obvious in most people's experience when they passed the actual pregnancy?

@CurlyWurly1991 Thinking of you this morning xx

@CurlyWurly1991 thinking of you today.

Just a little update from me. After hospital said they definitely are not able to offer me the surgical management, Bpas have called me this morning to give me an appointment tomorrow at 9am to collect medication to take and then an appointment on Wednesday to have the surgery. I have to have it with conscious sedation and not GA as that would mean travelling out 2.5 hours or more to a larger clinic and I didn't want that.

Anyone got and experience of the surgical management with conscious sedation?

I have no prior miscarriage experience but I'd still get the blood test. From what I've read if everything hasn't passed they're still able to do the surgical option. Sending lots of love to you x

@warmbutteredtoast yes I think I'd agree with @NphysT - when I had mine they told me to keep my pre-op appointment so they could check where things were up to. I think had I not passed everything they may have still gone in or at least offered extra monitoring over the next few days. Sounds like you're doing really well. You've reminded me that after my first day of cramps/bleeding, it all calmed overnight. I had quite a good night's sleep and was just beginning to think maybe that had been it, when around 11am the next day I suddenly flooded a pad and it ramped up again. However, by the end of that afternoon it was pretty much done. That second afternoon was when I passed a few larger clots, including the one that caused an emotional lurch as it left my body, and I'm fairly certain that must have been the baby. Hope you're doing ok still. 💗

@CurlyWurly1991 💕

@warmbutteredtoast Hope you are doing okay - like others, I would keep the appointment so they can check what's happening and give you treatment if you need it, but I hope you get some clear advice from EPU this morning.

@CurlyWurly1991 Sending you support for today and I hope the surgery goes smoothly and the physical recovery is quick for you. ❤

@NphysT Sorry that you've had such a tough time getting clarity on what treatment you can have - I had GA for my surgery so can't comment on the experience but just wanted to send you a hand-hold and I hope it goes okay this week.

@NphysT sorry meant to say - no relevant experience here either but I'm glad that you are able to access the surgical option after all and I hope all goes as smoothly as possible. I'm sure the staff will be brilliant and talk you through everything. Hope all goes as well as it can and that you are able to start moving forwards from the physical part of the loss very soon. 💕

Thanks everyone, they've asked me to come in for a scan which I'm sure will show I haven't miscarried everything. I'll then get the blood test for Wednesday. @NphysT I had sedation for egg collection with IVF and found it identical to a GA, except much quicker waking up/recovery. But completely unconscious for the procedure, so I think it sounds like a good option

Hi all, we've just had our 12 week scan, report says highly likely failing pregnancy :( got another scan in 7-10 days to confirm but not looking good. Just looking over at the picture and not seeing anything. Didn't think it would happen to us

@Sunnydays12340987 So sorry to hear this, what an awful shock at your 12 week scan. Did they see a heartbeat? Thinking of you