Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@JC084 aww I'm so sorry to hear of your losses sweet. I've had 3 in 12 months and now what you mean about feeling lost. It leaves you numb sometimes. I too know the heartache when you feel so certain it will stick. You can stay strong Hun. One thing this process has taught me is that all of us are much stronger than we ever thought. Offering you a hand hold and a massive 🤗💐 feel free to DM if you want to Hun. Everyone on here is so lovely and we're all on this journey together. Try to find something to make you smile today lovely 🌹

It's such a jarring experience isn't it, to go from absolute elation and excitement to the depths of despair. I think that's what makes it extra awful. I'm so, so sorry to hear of all your losses. I also feel that time is running out.

@JC084 i am so sorry to hear of your losses, you must be so strong to get through all that. Sending so much hugs. It completely changes your perspective on things doesnt it.

I myself and I think a lot of the ladies on here completely get you on the times running out thing. Im nearly 36 but this would have been my first child and my husband is significantly older so I was so happy when we finally conceived after a year. But its happened and it had a lesson in it, or at least I am telling myself that. People definitely conceive after loss and definitely after 40 so its not the end of the road. I was in a meditation class last week and the teacher said how much happier we all would be if we removed the strict expectations on our lives and learned to live more flexibly. I went straight back into TTC as i was so desperate to get back on the same timeline and it was such a bad idea, i drove myself mad.

What is helping is therapy (which was for the PTSD aspect of it originally) and luckily my referral for fertility at the hospital. I am also really focusing living well to improve my egg health and starting acupuncture and thats all helping me feel like im moving forward with things.

Really hope your days get better and you treat yourself a lot in the mean time xxxx

@UrsulaSings123 @californiacooper @jellyfish2 @Figtree11
Thank you all for your kind words and for checking in. All things considered, the surgery went great. The team at the Portland Hospital was amazing and I was very well taken care of. I was alone because my partner had to look after our daughter but they helped me not feel too alone. And maybe it was best to be alone anyway as it's so personal and, although he's been great, he can't really understand what it's like. It was quick and when I woke up it was all over and my pregnancy symptoms were gone immediately. The recovery is going well so far. The drop in hormones is brutal though... Now I'm taking it one day at a time, (not so) patiently waiting to take a pregnancy test after 3 weeks.

Yes, I'm glad someone warned me about the drop in hormones. I experienced that lovely hormone drop on mothers day - worst possible combination.

Sorry to hear you had to be on your own. Hope you recover quickly. I was surprised at the physical recovery tbh, I didn't feel back to 'normal' until probably 5 days afterwards.

I tested yesterday (1 week 2 days after) and was surprised to see it was v v faint, and that my lh seems to be on the rise, so I'm wondering whether I'm going to ovulate in the next week or so, or whether lh is usually a bit raised with hcg still around? I dont know? We have decided to TTC straight away without waiting. Hope I don't regret that decision if it all goes wrong...

@MisssMarion glad to hear it all went well. I found I recovered quickly too, I felt back to normalish a few days after but of course had moments where I just broke down sadly. I was glad that my pregnancy symptoms disappeared straight away.
@UrsulaSings123 I think the lh is just your HCG as this happened to me too. I had a vvvfl and tried an ovulation test and it was pretty high but when my pregnancy tests were definitely negative around two and a half weeks later they were faint. I ovulated on Tuesday and we decided to just try again straight away as that was 4 weeks and 5 days that I ovulated after surgery! I can't believe how long it took so no period for me as yet. Just waiting to pregnancy test but I'm not holding out much hope as I'm not sure my body will be ready but who knows.

Thanks that's useful to know. It's difficult knowing what's going on in my body at the moment! Good luck for this month. I'd love to hear if it turns out well. Need hope at the moment!

@UrsulaSings123 I will let you know. I know I was surprised at how long it's taken for my body to ovulate compared with other people. The consultant told me my period would return within 4 weeks! Ha.

Yeah I just don't want to be waiting around for weeks on end as I already feel like I've lost a few months.

Thank you all for your lovely responses. They have helped me.
I'm feeling up and down. One minute I'm ok, and life seems to be as normal, then suddenly I think about it all and find myself sitting sobbing.
I was meant to be at my close friends baby shower today but for obvious reasons didn't go. She found out she was pregnant just after I had my first loss in August and now here we are 7 months and a total of 4 losses later.
I'm so happy for her but I have a lot of people close to me who are expecting - and it's a constant reminder of what I'm finding so hard to achieve.

Do they rescan you before the procedure at hospital? Im in that denial stage of "what if they got it wrong and actually all is ok"
My dates were all up in the air anyway as I didn't have a period since my last loss. I conceived again almost immediately. So, the dates weren't that much of a worry to me as I couldn't be sure of it all. However, I know that them not being able to see a heartbeat is fairly conclusive.

It's just so hard isn't it.
I guess I just need to go with it and experience all the emotions.
My husband has had to go out this afternoon and so I'm on my own with my little girl. I feel awful as I just keep crying and she's bringing me teddy bears to help cheer me up 💔

That's exactly how I feel too. Fingers crossed we get our BFPs soon.

Hi everyone,

Ive found this thread and wanted to share my story. A few weeks ago I though I had miscarried at 6 weeks. I was very upset by it but tried to stay strong and at the age of 41 was semi expecting it. Then I kept getting gushes of blood every few days, had a scan and learnt the miscarriage was t complete. I was told I could manage at home unless I wanted surgery but the nurses advised against it. Ended up in hospital last Saturday after 2 days of heavy bleeding, had a D&E and blood transfusion.
First time I have experienced this, all very scary and also scared to try again after the experience atm.
hearing all your stories has really helped me this week. So scared to even try. Did you feel scared?

This sounds awful, I'm really sorry you went through this! I'm just a few days post surgical management so i can't help much but I just wanted to say you're not alone, as you can see with this thread!! Sending you hugs!

@Livefreely im so sorry to hear about your experience. I ended up passing at home after medical failed (at how far along i was they shouldn't have really offered me it) and it really is something else so I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. Definitely up there in terms of trauma due to the pain and just unknown of what the hell was happening.

We are trying again now, currently on my second full period since and its been terrifying and disappointing it didnt work straight away. We struggled to conceive before so it adds extra pressure but I wish I had waited and given myself mentally a bit of time to heal. I am lucky to have Bupa so I am in therapy now for this and its helping. I guess i think its totally normal to feel scared and to really take time to mentally be in the right place. And also to not blame yourself if it doesn't happen straight away.

I had my surgery yesterday and just wanted to share my experience for anyone needing to have the same.
I went in at 7.30am yesterday morning and got home about 9pm last night. They actually managed to get me into theatre before lunch which was unexpected, but then needed to keep me in to do more bloods to check my iron levels, as I lost a bit more blood than they would want.
All ok though and got to go home last night.
Everyone was so lovely. I honestly cannot fault the nhs care one bit.
I was so scared, but everyone I saw / spoke to was so kind and really put my mind at ease.
I'm now back on the list for the recurring miscarriage clinic (last time my place got cancelled as I got pregnant again) and she's said they'll aim to see me quite quickly. Also having the removed tissue tested to see if I can get any answers.
Feeling achy, tired and emotional today but also relieved that it's done and I'm not in too much pain. Think I definitely made the right choice.
I also asked to be scanned again yesterday morning jn EPAU which they were happy to do. When they told me there was no heartbeat the other day it all feels like such a blur, and I don't think I had time to process it or ask the questions I wanted to, then suddenly I was on my way home. I got a very clear image yesterday, and whilst it was heartbreaking to see there was no heartbeat, I think it's helped me mentally to process it all. Don't ever be afraid to ask is what I'm saying - it's really given me peace of mind and means I don't have that 'what if' hanging over me x

Sorry we all find ourselves here (presuming people aren’t hanging round on this thread for kicks).

My story….

Missed miscarriage diagnosed at dating scan (should have been 12+5) two weeks ago. No fetal pole or heartbeat, just a large sac.

Had been for private scan at 8+3 which showed an intrauterine pregnancy with a heartbeat but don’t feel like anyone involved in my NHS care believes there was ever anything there so just feel like a complete fraud.

Managed surgically the following Monday morning (hospital recommendation and my preference) and home at lunchtime. I’m so grateful for the care I received and that I didn’t have to go through a prolonged wait or a miscarriage at home I’m still struggling and heartbroken and there’s not much psychological support available in our area.

This was my first pregnancy, I’m 33, and it was so very wanted and planned. Still bleeding and cramping - very mild and improving but enough to keep reminding me of what’s happened

Feel guilty for so many things…

My body failing (and failing to even notice it was failing)
Daring to drink the odd cup of coffee (despite religiously counting caffeine mg everyday and staying under the 200)
Sharing the news too early with my parents and sister (maybe I jinxed it)
My penchant for a properly hot bath
Running myself into the ground (first trimester tiredness got to the point of napping halfway home from work just to get home safe)
Waiting so long to start trying in the first place
Being a complete emotional wreck & not ‘coping better’
Being off work (see above)
Not being able to see/spend time with/be happy for friends who are pregnant or have newborns.

Oversharing over & out. Sending hugs to anyone going through this, it f-ing sucks x

@JC084 @cruelsummer56 sorry for your losses and that you are posting on here. I had surgery 2 weeks ago today and am feeling so much better emotionally already. Take care both of you, @cruelsummer56 it's not your fault, 80% of miscarriages in 1st trimester are because of chromosome problems apparently and there is nothing that can be done for that. Be kind to yourself and take all the time off work you need.

Hi all, hope it’s ok to join this thread and reaching out for support.
i had my second MMC last week. Had had 2 early scans at 5.5 and 8 weeks and both were fine with visible heartbeat. Had another reassurance scan at 10 weeks which showed no growth or hearbeat. I had surgical management on Friday.
I feel absolutely devastated. I can’t stop crying and I feel absolutely desperate. My other half has a very demanding nhs job and went back to work on Monday. I feel like I’m struggling through it by myself at home.
im 37 and desperate to have our baby. I worry it’s never going to happen. Desperate to try again but terrified of miscarrying again. After the positive scan at 8 weeks I had dared let myself believe everything was going to be ok. I just feel like everything is black and I can’t feel positive, everything is so triggering.
my pregnancy tests are still positive. Desperate to get my period and ovulate so we can try and get pregnant again but just so scared it won’t happen. Any advice or support greatly received 💔

@ByLivelyDreamer I'm so sorry for your loss. I am pretty much in the same boat and really do feel your pain. I've been at home on my own yesterday and today after surgical management on Tuesday. Really struggling. This is my 4th loss in 7/8 months and this one has truly broken me. Saw heartbeat a few weeks ago, went back 2 weeks later for next scan blissfully unaware that they would hit me with the news they could no longer find it 💔
Would have been 10 weeks on Tuesday.
Please feel free to message me x

@ByLivelyDreamer I'm so so sorry. I completely understand the heartbreak. It must be even harder seeing the heartbeat only a couple of weeks before. I had a MMC last month and found out at my 12 week scan. I also had surgical management. I didn't ovulate until last week. Like you I felt so desperate to be pregnant again. I think a lot of it was hormones as I'm feeling a bit better about and although I do want to be pregnant again I don't feel the desperation I did straight after the loss. We TTC straight away and I'm now in the tww. I would like it to happen this time but I'm not sure it will.
Are they going to do any tests since that's the second one? It's just so awful, I think talking about it, crying and just giving yourself time to grieve is so important. And of course be kind to yourself 🩷

@JC084 thank you. I really do feel heartbroken. Had been so anxious all the way through but was starting to allow myself to think ahead. Had also read that if you have a healthy scan at 8 weeks you have a 95% chance of all being ok. It just feels so unfair and I don’t know how to pick myself back up x

@ByLivelyDreamer I totally get this. I felt the same. I'd had some bleeding after my first Internal scan and ended up at a&e but it turned out it was all ok, so we assumed just irritation after the scan. Then when I saw that heartbeat I was over the moon, and you just can't help but plan ahead can you...
was put on progesterone and it all just seemed to be falling into place. Took me totally by surprise on Friday as for the first time going into a scan I wasn't feeling nervous ... then those few words that changed it all.
I'm heartbroken and I wish I could say something to help us both.
I'm feeling so uncomfortable today which I think is making it all worse. I felt better yesterday strangely x

@jellyfish2 thank you. I convinced myself I was ovulating the last couple of days and was testing even though I knew it was super early. My ovulation test was sky high on Tuesday and had cramping very specifically on my right side and small amounts of what seemed liked egg white mucus. Tests last 2 days were half the reading so not sure if it as an LH spike or it’s just the HCG and it had dropped dramatically over 24 hrs?! My other half has hardly been home from work so couldn’t act on it anyway and probably shouldn’t as I’ve still been in pain although bleeding has largely stopped. Went in for a scab today to check all ok due to severe cramps and there was nothing left behind from the surgery. I asked her to check if it looked like I’d just ovulated but she said there was no sign (not sure there would be 2 days later?). I know I should just wait now until I get a negative pregnancy test but it’s so hard and I keep reading about people getting pregnant soon afterwards.
we had been referred to fertility clinic but actually fell pregnant naturally (found out on day of our first appt 😢). Felt so lucky but now it’s all been ripped away. They have been amazingly supportive though and we’re doing the reassurance scans for me. They have agreed to see me in recurrent miscarriage clinic even though normally you need to have had 3. I don’t know how long that wait is though which is making me anxious. I saw GP on Tuesday and asked if they would do all the bloods in preparation but they refused 😢.
sorry for the monster message. Just don’t know what to do with myself x

@JC084 i was also on progesterone this time round after a little early bleeding at 5 weeks. Was another thing giving me hope that things would be different this time tound💔

Can I join please?

I’ve had a miscarriage this week at 6+2. Went to hospital on Tues with some bleeding but when they scanned me they couldn’t see a baby in a sac. They weren’t sure if it was just too early so had bloods done, results showed my HCG and progesterone were very low for my gestation and had repeats taken today.

In that time I have been bleeding more heavily, passing clots now and today passed something that I think was the sac etc - it was greyish and definitely not a clot.

I feel like an emotional mess though. My fiancée has taken some time off work because I can’t be alone, I start to panic and cry if he’s not with me - is this normal?? I’m usually an independent person but I feel so clingy and needy right now.

It’s like if I’m alone I start thinking and if I think then I cry 😢