Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@ByLivelyDreamer I completely understand so don't worry about the big message, it really does help to get it out. I think it'll be leftover HCG on the ovulation tests. If it's only a week since surgery then it'll be too soon for ovulation I'd imagine. Mine were positive and then went down quickly and I only had faint pregnancy tests when the lg was high. I kept doing ovulation tests when I got the negative pregnancy test and they got darker again and I had ewcm. It's awful seeing the positive tests too isn't it. I'm glad they're seeing you in the recurrent miscarriage clinic.
I did read about people getting pregnant straight away which is why we tried to see what would happen. My friend got pregnant after her MMC before she had a period too so it definitely is possible.

@AFeastForCrows so sorry to hear you are struggling so much too. Please know you are not alone in what you are going through and it’s completely understandable that you need your other half. I feel exactly the same. I have not stopped crying, including through every appointment I have been to.

sending you love and hope you are not in too much pain/discomfort. Make sure you get checked out again. They will probably want to scan you to make sure everything has passed. So so sorry for your loss x

@jellyfish2 you are probably right and I’m sure it’s too soon. I was still measuring at 8 weeks at my 10 week scan so not entirely sure when I actually miscarried but the actual surgery was only Friday. The thought of going back to tracking ovulation and just TTC generally is just soul destroying. I really hoped it would be different this time. I miss my little bean so much 😢

@ByLivelyDreamer it's just so heartbreaking. Your little one will always be with you and you'll never forget them. We got the remains back and the hospital gave us them in a lovely wooden box with a butterfly. We buried it in the garden and have sown some seeds over the top 🩷 I'm not sure if you are able to get the remains back (seems to be dependent on where you are) but you could maybe plant something in memory? It's helped me a little x

@jellyfish2 we werent given that option. We have discussed doing/buying something to have as a memory but I can’t really work through that at the moment. I’m very grateful we have scan pics but they are just too painful to look at at the moment and I’m fixating on just not being able to understand what went wrong after our last scan x

Thank you 🩷 I should get results from todays bloods back tomorrow and then they’ll decide what to do next - might be more bloods on Saturday or wait for things to progress at home. Then if pregnancy tests are still positive I might need another scan to see if everything has happened as it should.

it’s so cruel isn’t it that all this has to happen to our bodies after our minds already know what is happening ☹️

@AFeastForCrows it really is. I would take any physical pain over this, it’s just awful. Take care x

@AFeastForCrows and @ByLivelyDreamer so sorry for your losses. It's so brutal. I cried for weeks (7 weeks since my MMC discovered at 12.5 weeks). I am also 37 and straight back to TTC because I don't feel like I have time to lose. It's such a head fuck. Give yourselves as much grace as you can. It will take time to feel normal again. I am not there yet but I have brighter times in between the saddest times now.

@jellyfish2 also in my TWW first period after loss. Good luck to us both...

@Orlahoping thank you 🩷 I hope we all get our happy ever after. Good luck with the TWW x

@Orlahoping I'm sorry to hear about your MC. Fingers crossed for us!

@ByLivelyDreamer @AFeastForCrows @cruelsummer56
I'm so sorry to see new faces joining this thread every few days. As others have said, you're not alone and everything you're feeling is valid. Take the time you need to heal, there's no rule for how long it takes to start feeling normal again. And take as much time you need off work! I took a week off and I don't regret it one bit! Work was the last thing I wanted to think about...
I had a MMC at around 6 weeks we think but we only found out at a private 8 week scan, and it was devastating. I had surgery Wednesday last week and I'm already feeling a bit better mentally. I'm still really sad but I try to focus on other things and keep busy until it's time to start trying again... (I'm already stressed about how anxious I'll be for every scan the next time I get pregnant though). I think once the pregnancy hormones leave the body it's easier to heal also as we're a bit less emotional (although the hormones drop post surgery felt brutal!). I'm 38 myself and although I am lucky to already have a daughter, I am freaking out as I didn't want to have my second baby after turning 40 (pressure from society?) which seems unavoidable now.
All that to say, you're definitely not alone as you can see from all the responses 😌

@jellyfish2 @Orlahoping Fingers crossed for the TWW!!! This thread needs some good news 🌈

I wish I could bring some good news. Feeling down this morning as I have been told I might have "mild" PCOS and then I made the fateful error of Googling it and apparently it massively increases the risk of miscarriage :(. I don't wanna go through this again...

Hi guys so glad this thread is here but sad that it needs to be. I went to A&E with a bleed a week ago when I should have been 10weeks pregnant a scan showed a pregnancy sack but nothing close to the size it should be. Had an internal scan then in EPAU on Wednesday where they saw a foetal pole and large pregnancy sack but only 3mm and no heartbeat. She said if it was 7mm with no heartbeat then they could confirm miscarriage and give me something to help it along but because it's so small they have to wait 2 more weeks to scan again to check there's no growth. For this to be a viable pregnancy it would have meant I had conceived after having my positive tests so it obviously is a miscarriage so just seems cruel that I have to wait another 2 weeks for any help if my body doesn't miscarry naturally. I just feel stuck in limbo at the moment. Lots of love to all of you going through this it's horrible.

@pinkbeanie so sorry you’re in that horrible limbo. Given the way your dates etc would work out 2 weeks sounds like an upsettingly long time to wait.

NICE guidelines say a minimum of 7 days interval for rescan in circumstances you have described - could have a chat with EPU about possibility of earlier scan so you can then move forwards if this is what you want? Although everyone is different & may be a clinical reason in your case that they have suggested longer (in which case if they can explain this reason then that might help you to process it all).

Sending lots of love, so sorry you are going through this x

Oh @pinkbeanie I'm so sorry you're going through this... I went through something a bit similar and found it so cruel as once I found out the baby had passed all I wanted was for it to end quickly... I went to EPU at 8+2 after finding out at 8 weeks at a private reassurance scan that the baby measured 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat. Although their measurement was even less than 6 weeks, they told me the exact same thing they told you, if less than 7mm we need to rescan in a week (from their first scan, they wouldn't even consider the private scan as the first scan). I think that's because you could always be wrong with your dates. But like you it would have meant I got a positive test around the same time I had conceived which made no sense...

As @cruelsummer56 said, try and talk to them as it should be 1 week, not 2!

@Orlahoping i have been told the same thing. It took me a while to get pregnant as my cycles were irregular and I was ovulating very late in my cycle. This along with high follicle count is how they have given me the diagnosis as bloods all normal and I don’t have any of the ‘classic’ PCOS symptoms re.weight, skin, hair growth etc. this is my second miscarriage and the stats terrify me. I desperately want a baby and to be pregnant again but the thought of going through this again is terrifying. I’m being referred in to recurrent miscarriage clinic and will definitely be exploring anything I can do to minimise the risk. Am already being extremely careful with diet etc but I was anyway… so difficult to digest everything you read but I guess we have to try and stay positive. My friend had PCOS and has had 2 successful pregnancies. Sending you love and her if you need to talk x

I had my D&E almost two weeks ago. Took a pregnancy test and still a faint positive. Can I ask how long it took you to have a negative after the surgery?

@ByLivelyDreamer it's infuriating to not have full answers isn't it? I have been furiously googling all day because one medical professional says I do and one does I don't! I only have the blood markers (just out of range high testosterone). My antral follicle count was 15 on one ovary and 6 on another. Some places say anything more than 12 on one ovary is PCOS but some say it's total across both being more than 25. I am driving myself mad wondering if this is the cause.

As you say, we can only hope. I am going to work on my diet, even though all I want to do right now is eat chocolate!

It was 3.5 weeks for me, but I ended up passing naturally on the morning of my planned D&C

@Orlahoping its so hard not having answers. I had a load of private fertility tests before I got pregnant, My follicle count was 42! As all my bloods were normal and I had no other symptoms the consultant at the time felt I just had a very healthy follicle count for my age and specifically said she didn’t think I had PCOS. However after 6 months of trying my cycles were always at least 33 days and over and my LH readings were all over the place, so she then said she thought it was likely I do have it. If Ihave any other bloods or advice through the recurrent miscarriage clinic which is helpful I will let you know (no idea when I’ll be seen). My last miscarriage was 4 years ago (previous partner) and I had a few years out from trying so I have no idea if they are linked and the PCOS had contributed or I have just been very unlucky :(

@ByLivelyDreamer we spent thousands on fertility tests before I got pregnant. I was trying to future proof myself from issues because I am aware I am not getting any younger! I did actually then conceive just after sinking a load a money.

I hope the wait for the recurrent miscarriage clinic isn't too long. I am sorry you have been through this twice, but glad the clinic has agree to see you after two. I think it's barbaric the guidelines are that you have to have 3. I was just watching a webinar by Dr Shehata and even he said it was "very mean", especially when women have spent time waiting until they are in the right position to try for a baby (i.e. a bit older).

@Orlahoping so true, it really is! Yes same on the tests and then actually falling naturally, I felt so lucky at the time. Thank you. Sending lots of love to you and wishing we both have a happy story next time x