Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@californiacooper NO!!!! I am absolutely gutted to see you here!!! I am so sorry 😭😭😭
Please don’t rush back to work, it’s easier said than done I know but you really need to concentrate on your physical and mental health 💐
When I went for my follow-up appointment to book in for surgery she automatically signed me off for 2 weeks so it’ll likely be the same for you too

@californiacooper personally when I had surgical management for my mmc I went back to work 1 week later, ended up crying my eyes out mid shift and took a month off to recover! It was more the mental side than the physical! I worked through both of my CPs and then I took another month off for my ectopic a few months ago!

Oh wow that's a lot I'm definitely not going to be able to do that.
Also I am a business owner so signing me off literally means nothing 🤣🤣 i work in healthcare so I have patients to see 4 days a week, and the other day, evenings and weekends I do virtual consultations, patient planning, business and HR admin, and compliance. I genuinely cannot take time off. Maybe a weekend. I'll just have to stock up on pads and spare scrubs in case I bleed through 😨. And I have to be outwardly happy and chill for my staff and for the patients. This is going to be fun 🤓
Silly idea trying to have a baby at all really. Half the reason I left it so late.

@californiacooper im so so sorry you have found yourself on this thread.
I had medical management when I was meant to be 10wks with baby measuring at 8wks. I did it at home on a Wednesday. Had a day at home Thursday. Worked from home Friday. Back in the office on Monday.
Everyone is different, but for me I found being at work helped to distract me as I felt physically ok to be back

@nearly8 thanks for checking up - I am doing ok this weekend thank you.
Had a tough day on Friday, but saw a friend & family yesterday which lifted my spirits.
Trying not to get consumed with TTC again & try live in the moment a bit more. Until the next wobble 😆

How are you doing?

@MrsB2019x im sorry you had such a rough night xx

@Figtree11 thank you for your input, I'm just hoping it's as smooth as possible and as quick as possible so I can move on. I'm 37 soon and feel like the time has well and truly ran out. I'm today gutted that I was even pregnant at all as we'd now be in the tww after embryo transfer which is now I presume going to be several months away. :(

@californiacooper you’re welcome, it’s always good to get a range of different experiences as it’s just a personal thing.
I also felt the same about wanting it to be over with which is why I opted for medical management. It all went fine for me, and the bleeding only really lasted over the weekend & wasn’t heavy.

It is such a dark time, and I’m truly sorry. The early days following a MC are just horrendous. I too have worried about age before, but so many people go on to have successful pregnancies after loss & in their late 30s/ early 40s. But at the moment it is difficult to think like that & I completely understand.
Sending you lots of love x

@Figtree11 ahh no I know I have subfertility, I have low ovarian reserve, the only reason I conceived naturally was because I had 3 weeks before finished ivf stimulation. IVF with low reserve is poor responding, so we only got 2 day 3 embryos out of the whole round. They are frozen but v low chance of them
Being successful when implanted (I think I was told maybe 15%). But that's the next step, as soon as I can get myself ready for it. I just can see this is going to be a tough year that may well end up in sadness and emptiness anyway.
Take care of yourself x

Oh I’m sorry @californiacooper i didn’t realise. I hope these next few days go as smoothly as possible for you x

How are you doing today @californiacooper?

Thank you for checking in. Just about coping. Had a few little cries and big sobs at work. I've got EPU on Wednesday, they booked me tomorrow but I can't take time off then. I've had a little bit of cramping today. Tbh not much different from the last week or so (which I thought was my little bean growing) so I don't know if it's still the yolk sac getting bigger or if it's the start of the end. I really want ERCP and don't want it to start on its own... oh well what will be will be, I guess.
How are you??

@MrsB2019x sorry forgot to tag

I’ve found my coping mechanism I think. I have spent all day sorting stuff - putting clothes on Vinted, organising my wardrobe, even washing fucking walls..?! But it’s kept my brain busy. Someone from work dropped me off flowers and chocolate this afternoon which was just so lovely 🥰

Hope you’re all doing okay xx

@MrsB2019x sorry I'm only replying now. Yesterday was my only day off and it's DD2s birthday today so yesterday was just a complete rush around. It's no worry about keeping you company on Saturday isn't that why we're all here? To love and support each other. Even if it is only virtual 🤣 Hope you are feeling better today 💐
@californiacooper hope you are feeling ok today sweet. With regard to time off I never took any but I'm not really a good benchmark as everyone says I'm a bit crazy. I found it hard to take the time off but I also find that in stressful times I don't like to have time on my hands so I actually found it useful being at work. With my last two MCs I passed the worst literally 2-3 hours before 11 and 14 hour shifts. I'm not necessarily saying it's advisable I'm just giving my input to show it can be done if needed. Prepare yourself with maternity thick pads (I put two in so they reach all the way up past the front and all the way up the back of your pants to prevent leakage). Hope all goes well tomorrow. 💐💐

@jellyfish2 @ForestWren @Figtree11 I hope you ladies are ok 💐💐

Hi @nearly8 thanks for checking in 🥰 sorry been a busy time. I'm doing much better thanks, I'm back at work. Had a bit of a wobble chatting to a colleague about my experience but it was nice as she had gone through a similar thing so we chatted about both our experiences. I'm glad to be back and focusing on something else.
We got our baby back and had a nice burial in the garden which was sad but nice and feel I can now move on a little. Also heard back from the hospital who confirmed it was pregnancy tissue, ie. Nothing concerning which is reassuring.

How are you doing?

@jellyfish2 don't worry Hun I've been pretty busy too tbf. I'm so glad you feel you can move on slightly now you have had your ceremony. It really was/is a lovely idea. Also good news they didn't find anything wrong, although I understand how frustrating that also is. I'm ok. Still a bit wobbly. Have been able to keep it private any time I've been really emotional but sometimes just find myself staring into space and just not really with it. Was DD2s bday yesterday so nobody really noticed at home they were all having a whale of a time so that was nice. I'm so busy with work ATM it has become a welcome distraction. Have you got any plans for the weekend? It's my sister's bday today and she wants me to come out this evening but I'm not sure I'm up to putting on a pretence when I have been doing it all day at work. She doesn't know about my MCs so might just give it a miss. Take care sweet please keep me updated 💐💐

@ForestWren @Figtree11 how are you ladies getting on? Hope you are ok 💐💐

Hi @nearly8 thanks for checking in. I’m doing ok thanks. I’m abroad with work this week so have been busy & it’s actually done me the world of good to step away from TTC.

I’m still concerned though that I’ve only had 1 period since the MC, and that was 6 weeks ago now. Just worried the TTC journey will be a long one.

I’ve got my first reflexology appt booked next week, so I’m interested to see how that goes.

I’m sorry that you have been a bit wobbly. It’s so hard to try & maintain being positive. I find each day I can have a different emotion!

Hi @nearly8 - I’m doing ok! Sorry you’re struggling a bit. It hits in waves doesn’t it! Do you not feel like telling your sister would be useful? Totally understand if not - I told my sister but not my brothers. It can feel a bit out of control if lots of people know.

I keep worrying about the fact that I talked about thinking my dh would be a good dad in my vows at our wedding last year. Keep thinking - oh god people will be waiting to hear we’re pregnant and if we’re not, they’ll think there’s something wrong. I’m sure no one remembers it but it’s on my mind!

Ive just come out of a weird session at the osteopath. He's into Native American rituals (I didn’t know til today!) and did a sort of… ritual over my womb. Not touching, just over the area. I burst into tears, so maybe it did something. But tbh I think anyone placing a hand over my womb and gently asking about the MC would make me burst into tears atm!

My acupuncturist is also trying out some interesting stuff (I’m at the ‘throw money at it’ stage of TTC) so let’s see if either work. At least they can feel good and take credit if it does!

@Figtree11 glad to hear you are doing well. Although you're essentially working abroad I bet it's nice to be somewhere else. Are you somewhere hot? That sounds amazing right now. I wouldn't worry so much about the period situation Hun it can take a while to settle in. Have you done a test though just in case? Please let me know how the reflexology goes. Sounds interesting. And yes I have different emotions every day too. It's very exhausting to say the least. Keep smiling sweet 💐💐

@ForestWren glad you are ok too sweet. No I don't want to tell my sister because I don't want her to go into big sister mode and think she needs to look after me. It helps me to keep as many relationships as normal as possible as the mundaneness and innocence of it is better than it being tinged with sadness and people feeling like they need to step on eggshells around me.
I'm sure nobody is thinking that Hun. Just cause you mentioned that he would be a good dad doesn't mean you would be trying straight away. My brother got married in 2021 and he's only having his first now. Baby is due mid April.
Your experience at the osteopath is quite strange but I'm a big believer in alternative and spiritual healing so if it helps great, if not it won't have done you any harm. Same with the acupuncture. the one thing both of these things will have done is help you be less stressed and more relaxed and that's definitely a good thing.
Look after yourself Hun and keep me updated 💐💐

Having a really low day today. How do you cope trying to parent a toddler when you feel so low? She keeps wanting her Dad today which isn’t helping, I feel like I’ve been rejected by two babies 😢 which I know is completely irrational but that’s the sort of state my brain is in today. I’m struggling to keep a face on it today in front of her.

I am experiencing the same thing. Had a mmc and waiting for surgical option on Wednesday. Are there any friends or family that can look after your daughter even for a few hours today? Does she like watching TV? If there's noone that can have her for a bit then I would honestly just stick her in front of the TV. I know there can be this big feeling of guilt that you're not parenting the way you want to right now, but it's only for a very short period of time that will mean nothing in the grand scheme. Just do what you need to do to get through. Its normal to have feelings and even if she sees her mummy upset, she will also see her mummy coping with it and knowing its ok to be upset. Sometimes I tell myself 'only x hours until DP is home', or if I'm on my own, 'only x hours until bed'. And try and break it down into chunks.

Sending you a hand hold today and thinking of all you ladies in this awful position.

Also if I'm upset I will say 'mummy's not feeling very well today and is a bit upset, but it's nothing to do with you and I will be OK again, it's OK to be upset' to kind of reassure a bit. I think sometimes we think we need to be happy playful mummy all the time, but it can also be a really good lesson for children to see their parents upset and getting through it. Sadness is a normal human emotion that they will feel themselves so having a positive role model to model self care and being OK with feelings I think can be a good thing. Obviously depends on age as to how much you're able to say. My son is 3.5 but I've spoken to him that way since he was little. They understand a lot more than they can speak and even the tone if your voice can be reassuring.

Sorry if that's not helpful, just sharing my take on how I deal with parenting whilst sad about something.

@MrsB2019x parenting a toddler when you're feeling down is bloody hard work. Quite frankly do what you need to - snacks/ screen/ palm off to friends and family. Sometimes it's just about getting through the day, and that is success x

Hi @nearly8 i was in Central Europe, still very cold there!
I was absolutely fine when I was there, felt a bit relieved to not be on the TTC train for a week. But now that I’m back home I feel the same as before, feeling pretty desperate to be pregnant again & then fed up that I’m not.
I did a test but it’s still negative - not sure the doctors would be interested in hearing that it’s 6/7 weeks since my last period, but I don’t see how this is normal.
How are you doing? I hope you are feeling a little better.

@MrsB2019x im sorry you are feeling so low. I don’t have any experience of managing that while having a child too, but I do know how rubbish I felt in those early few weeks. It’s so awful. Sending my thoughts to you

@Figtree11 unfortunately it is pretty normal, sometimes it plays havoc with your cycle so it's another waiting game. As if we haven't already done enough waiting around. I'm ok. Ish. Been so so busy at work haven't really had time to process any emotions. Which is kind of a good thing. Still not had my period either and I'm a bit scared of taking a test as I'll be disappointed if it's negative and shitting myself if by a long shot its positive. So I'm just burying my head. Might not be the best idea but hey ho. Have you got any plans this weekend? Take care sweet 💐💐