Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@ThelastRolo20 I really hope things are okay and nothing is retained 🤞

@FullMoon1917 sending you positive vibes whatever the outcome! Xxxx

@jellyfish2 I’m so sorry that you’re having to join us, there’s nothing any of us can say that will make anything better but I did find it comforting venting and talking to other kind caring people on here. It’s all so incredibly raw right now that I imagine it is so hard to process, I hope tomorrow goes okay will be thinking of you.

on a separate note- to all of you, when I was really struggling I found myself a lot on Instagram and a page came up which is a business owned by a woman who had A miscarriage last year and designs rings as a memory for a pregnancy lost before 12 weeks as often there isn’t much tangible to keep as a memory. It’s a different design for how many weeks you are, I bought one and I just really love it and find it helps me feel quite connected even though I’m ’moving On’ ( well not really but you know what I mean)
theres probably loads of similar ones and maybe a little pricey but I’d not even thought of a piece of jewellery before and found it gave me something to look forward to ( it arriving)

edited to take away name of business as didn’t mean to promote and not sure I am even allowed to do that!!

@jellyfish2 I’m so so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is an utter shock. MMC is totally cruel, no signs, nothing. Our bodies keep plodding on with the pregnancy unaware. It might take a while for the news to sink in. Have you got support around you, people you will tell about the miscarriage?
I also had surgical management under GA just over 4 weeks ago now. Many of us have been through it. I can only speak for my experience and that was very positive, I felt very cared for and looked after during the day I went into hospital. The emotional side has of course been tough, but physically I feel recovered now and my pregnancy tests are negative. I have never celebrated a BFN before but this one meant we could have some closure on the horrible experience and hopefully look forward to meeting our rainbow baby one day.

Thank you, it's just scary how many people have been and are going through the same. To get put into that side room after the scan when you're just waiting to get the scan picture and tell everyone the great news it's torturous. I feel like I jinxed it by getting a big brother tshirt for my little boy. I just hope he gets to wear it soon (and that it'll fit him).

I'll have a search to see if I can find the page for the rings.

Can I ask has anyone that had surgical management taken the baby home? I'm not sure if this is an option everywhere but it says on my leaflet that they will give us it in a box and it's our responsibility after that.

@jellyfish2 I'm sorry about your MC, we also found out at 12 weeks baby had passed at 9 weeks, then I had another miscarriage at a few months later but baby never made it to 6 weeks, I'm two weeks passed my surgery for that

I saw on another thread that all the women before you that have had a MC are holding your hand right now, I found that a comforting thought ❤️

Thank you, that is a lovely thought. My boobs are killing me and I feel so sick, I just feel like they have it wrong. I know they won't have but I just can't shake how my body has failed me so much and how I've failed my baby.

How are you now?

@jellyfish2 your body has not failed you, and you did not jinx anything xxx as sad as this is, nothing you have done/ could have done could have changed the outcome. You need to be kinder to yourself have you got family around you. I had a wonderful kind doctor who reiterated that to me, that it was nothing I did, and how hideously common this is that means that you may never know the reason
You will go through a process , and it will never be okay, as this is so unfair, but I promise without making light of any of this, it will get easier with time xxxxxx

@jellyfish2 I absolutely promise you it's nothing you did, your body did its absolute best and carried on going - that's a great sign that your body can carry a pregnancy. In the vast majority of cases it's a chromosome issue, it's most likely between 6 and 8 weeks.

Be kind to yourself, it's hard enough without adding self blame ❤️

Sorry I had missed your message. I have since basically told everyone about it as I think it's so important to get it out there, I might help someone else who otherwise wouldn't say anything. I have lots of friends and family who have been amazing and messaging me. A couple of my friends want to visit the day after surgery but I've said I'll see how I am.

Did you take long off from work? I've been told I'll be given a sickline but not sure how long for.
Can I ask how long it took for your negative test? I feel like I want to try again straight away but not sure if I'll change my mind after surgery. It's just a devastating situation isnt it. I'm sorry you and others know it only too well also.

@jellyfish2 I'm so so sorry that you're having to go through the same. Absolutely with you and please don't feel alone xx

May I ask a really silly and graphic question in terms of the bleed for those who had a long 4-6 week miscarriage? I'm currently bleeding like a normal period, had 6-7 clots yesterday but can that be it in terms of "tissue"? Am I just waiting for the sac now? I swear the first time I saw big chunks of things falling out of me before the sac! Sorry to ask such an awfully detailed question but there is no other thread or real life person I can turn to with this. Really appreciate the responses! You're all amazing.

@ThelastRolo20 @Lemonyfire thank you so much both. You've both made me shed tears with some reassurance. I'm telling myself it had to be a chromosomal issue to make it slightly less painful. My friend had her third miscarriage confirmed as a chromosome issue and she then went on to have two healthy children.

Hi all,
It's been 4 weeks since I passed my baby and I went back to work this week. I feel like I made the worst mistake coming back. My manager has been very supportive but I was not completely prepared for everyone asking how I am, why I was off and endless other questions and people just not taking the hint that I do not want to talk. I used to be someone who would talk to everyone, check in on them to see if they were ok when I knew they'd have a difficult day, have a gossip in the staff room, etc. I feel like I'm now no longer that person, I'm no longer care about gossip and having conversations in general and I'm not emotionally available to anyone. Does anyone else feel like their miscarriage has changed them?

I am currently contemplating calling in sick tomorrow because I just cannot mentally do a repeat of today. All week I have cried at work when I've been alone (although I cry everyday anyway). Since passing my baby in the most traumatic way, I am having nightmares and constant flashbacks. Part of me feels like maybe I should be over it by now but I just can't.

Sorry for this being so long, I feel as though as much as my husband tries, he just doesn't understand and I need a place to just vent.

@jellyfish2 it is so unbelievably common and the vast likelihood is we'll go on to have another child ❤️
@NphysT I'm sorry it was so tough, well done for getting through the day though. Can you work from home at all? Or can you agree with your manager about some messaging to colleagues that can go out about giving you some space for a while? But if you need more time off then please do, work can always wait x

I can't work from home in my job unfortunately. I don't think they can do that as its mainly colleagues from other departments and it would just add fuel to the fire for them.

Hi
I have a thread below but going through same thing. Back to work today after my week off. Feel so shit and overwhelmed. I only passed the baby on Saturday morning. Why do we live in a world where this is not more talked about. I should feel comfortable telling my company I had a miscarriage and having the leave. But I don't. So I power through. Wine helps tonight x

@Lemonyfire thank you and hope you get your good outcome soon too. The ring sounds a beautiful idea and i will look it up, could you PM the name please?xx

@jellyfish2 i am so sorry youre going through this, i also had a MMC baby stopped developing at 8.5 found out at 10.5, medical failed and everything came out naturally at 15 weeks. I like you felt like a failure but was told it was a good thing my body kept the pregnancy so long and that this was likely a chromosome issue and nothing that i did xx

@ThelastRolo20 that was me! I am so glad its comforted you. I just think how many people have gone through this and have come out the otherside. And how much strength we all have inside xx

@MamaBear878 mine was further along but in total i bled a LOT with a lot of 'stuff' i was surprised how much tbh. Are you still cramping at all?

@NphysT i am so sorry to hear you are struggling. Have you thought about therapy to help? I had a lot of dissociation due to the trauma and have a referral for help. I am probably not the best person to ask about this though as i think I've coped by dissociating and pushing it all down 😅 i did feel unable to contribute in conversations for a while but its lifted a lot now, but i guess thats the beauty of time xxx

@FullMoon1917 thank you. I had period-like cramps yesterday but no discernible clots. Still heavy bleeding however. I hate myself for still having a small amount of hope. I cannot believe I am doing this to myself! The consultant was so eager showing us the HB ...just cannot believe that it would be over straight after coming home! Though I have to remember it's not a HB...it's an "electrical impulse" where a heart would have eventually formed...

I have thought about therapy but am in 2 minds about it as I'm very selective about who I share how I feel with and don't know if I'm going to find it hard to talk to a complete stranger about. I'm glad things are getting easier and I think dissociating is probably pretty common as a coping mechanism

Don't beat yourself up about giving and wanting some hope that everything may or could be ok. I had my 12 week scan where we say our baby moving and with a heartbeat and 2 days later was told there was no heartbeat from the fetal medicine consultant. I was convinced they'd made a mistake until I delivered my baby 3 weeks later and went into complete shock. So please be kind to yourself, we have all been through this and are with you.

@FullMoon1917 thank you. It does help to hear other people's experiences and it's reassuring to know what the doctor told you too.

Thank you to everyone, although I've cried reading your responses, they definitely help. Just want today over with 💔

Hi all
Just to update - I've passed the sac now. I knew it was going to happen yet the shock of seeing it was too much...
@NphysT hope you're okay. I'm so sorry you went through that x

Hello,
I have been reading through this thread, and a few others. Thought I would join as I need to be able to talk to others that understand miscarriage, as no one I know has experienced it, so makes it difficult to talk to them. I have had 2 miscarriages. First was a missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan in 2019, and my second was at the end of January at 12 weeks before my scan. I did have a baby in 2020, so I try to be hopeful that I will have another baby.
I am so sorry for all of your experiences with loss. It is a difficult and heartbreaking journey.

@MamaBear878 sending so many hugs its just insane isnt it when it actually happens xxxx

@Cherryblossom9220 I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm two miscarriages too with a living child. Has everything passed naturally? I'm two weeks post surgery. I hope you're doing okay ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 Yes all passed naturally. Its been 2 weeks and I'm still bleeding, although not as heavy. Just wishing it would hurry up and finish so I can try to move on. How are you recovering after the surgery?