Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@CurlyWurly1991 sounds like a plan 😊 hoping you get a positive OPK soon! I'm having a few months off and retrying from April - it's quite nice not thinking about it and I'm thinking as cycles will be back to normal that I won't track ovulation - too many sticks to pee on 😂

@ThelastRolo20 ooh a few months off sounds lovely, I would quite like that. Definitely good for our mental health. I feel my biological clock ticking and have set a time limit on TTC due to age, so can’t spare any time. It can become all consuming though, can’t it?

Hello can I please join this thread, I found out yesterday at 6+4 the baby had stopped growing with no hb ( should have been 8+4) have known something was wrong the whole time and had several scans showing things were progressing very slowly, I had an appointment at EPU anyway yesterday for spotting but lost all symptoms 2 days ago. It was devastating but I was already expecting it and had been somewhat grieving for weeks in anticipation as crazy as that sounds . I’d been spotting for 10 days ( unrelated) but an hour after I found out I started bleeding almost like my body let go and this morning woke up to it properly. The cramps are very intense though and have been in bed most of the day :( having waves of tears but generally okay. It’s my second mc( last one was in between my two children ) just feel in the thick of it and I’m grateful that things have happened naturally rather than medical management but the whole thing just really really sucks. I go back next week for another scan to confirm

@CurlyWurly1991 it really can be all consuming. We're pausing for a couple reasons - allowing time for me to take far too many vitamins for my own good/ allowing time for my cycle to get back to normal without becoming frustrated/ my husband wants to avoid another baby smack bang in the middle of year end (he's an accountant and our 2 year old was born on 3rd Jan 😂). So it all makes sense (although I'm ridiculously impatient so it's as long as I'm willing to wait!).

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I'm 34, husband is 38 so hoping we're still in with a good chance of a positive outcome x

@Lemonyfire I'm so sorry, it really does suck. I also had the slow growth thing but my body really hangs onto pregnancy it seems! Not a spot in sight 🤦‍♀️

My first MC in October (9.5 weeks at 12 week scan) I miscarried naturally the next day. Funny how that happens isn't it. No such luck this time and I had surgery on Tuesday just gone.

Are you planning on trying again soon, or just focusing on recovery? ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 so sorry for your loss too, and also that you’ve had to go through the surgery, it’s been intense enough for me today that I think by my scan next week it will have all passed.

i’m really torn about trying again soon, on one hand , I’ve got an 11 and 8yr old and had wanted a smaller gap, we tried for around 19/20 months for this baby, and I’m now 36 and husband is 37 so I know that’s not on our side, on the other hand it’s just all so traumatic and I’m anxious.
I’m also anxious it will take another 19 months. I did read you’re more likely to have a successful pregnancy if conceiving within a few months of a mc, and that happened with my daughter- who knows. Sorry this was a bit of an offload, what about you?

@Lemonyfire I also heard it a good to get pregnant after a MC, which I did in November but miscarried again this month so sod that 😂😂 two missed miscarriages in 3 months feels a bit too cruel. I'm just lumping them in together though and moving on.

I'm 34 and husband is 38 but as our daughter has only just turned 2 we will probably try our best to get baby 2 until she's 5 or so. We seem to get pregnant easily enough so I'm sure it's just a matter of luck x

@Lemonyfire I’m sorry to hear your story. It is incredibly tough. I think you need time to grieve, in some ways the natural spacing of time after a MMC allows this. I anticipate though that you started this process a while ago, as it sounds like you had a sense that the pregnancy wasn’t going to work out.
@ThelastRolo20 We are a bit older, I’m 37 and my DH is 46. We have a 10 year old already so going back to baby stuff is a bit scary but also very exciting.
best of luck to you both xxx

@ThelastRolo20 2 Mmc in 3 months is incredibly cruel, I’m so sorry. There’s nothing anyone can say that makes this any easier, but hopefully your time frame allows to you take some pressure off.

@CurlyWurly1991 you’re absolutely right, genuinely as soon as I found out I was pregnant I had a bad feeling, we ended up paying for 2 early scans and then having the one at the EPU, it was a month of anxiety and impending doom, and after I broke down in the Drs room, I went home to process and this may sound awful but I had almost some closure and relief and my entire body relaxed, I’d been holding on even though I knew how it was going to end, sometimes our bodies do know.

@Lemonyfire oh I’m sorry that sounds so hard. I also had a ‘feeling’ about this MMC from about the time the baby stopped developing between 6-7 weeks. Was hard to put my finger on as I still had pregnancy symptoms up until the surgical management at just over 9 weeks. It’s hard to pinpoint the feeling but totally get what you mean by ‘impending doom’.

@Lemonyfire so sorry to hear this, i know what you mean with thinking you've had time to come to terms with it (my process was a bit drawn out too) but when it actually happens physically it really made me take several steps back in the process mentally. I am a week today from when i passed everything naturally but that was nearly a month since we found out about the MMC.

We also took some time to conceive - 13 months, but we think we figured out why it took so long for us, this was our first pregnancy together. Unfortunately we got into an evening wine habit during lockdown and we conceived immediately when we went completely sober for a bit so I am hoping that was our issue even though my husband has or had low morphology. Do you know if you did anything different the cycle you conceived?

@ThelastRolo20 i get you on wanting to take a break, the idea of trying again tears me up inside but i am turning 36 this year and my AMH is apparently low so we wouldn't be good candidates for IVF. My husband is also considerably older and this would be our first child together. So just need to take every chance we can get.

@CurlyWurly1991 i am planning on not letting this process become all consuming but taking comfort in the fact i got pregnant and there was a heartbeat so if we've done it once, we can do it again. We think this all happened because of an incredibly bad fever i had just as i found out i was pregnant, so next time once if i am lucky enough to conceive i think ill not leave the house for the first 3 months so i dont catch anything 😅

@FullMoon1917 I’m glad you’ve found something that worked for you! For us we didn’t do anything different ( we had Covid so we actually didn’t really even try and I t track so it was probably being relaxed but that’s hard to replicate! )

out of interest to you and others, how bad was the pain and how long did it last? I’ve just posted another thread asking this as the pain has been bad since yesterday and I just feel completely unprepared despite this being my second one, feel like the EPU just let me go with absolutely no information and warning

@Lemonyfire the pain was really bad to be honest. I had two episodes of intense i assume labour like pain, the second of which the sac came out. That time honestly it felt like someone had taken pliers and was twisting my insides, while there was a heavy brick on my lower back. Pain relief and hot water bottle did nothing and I was mostly rocking on all fours crying. But, it was pain for a reason and my body was finally doing what it was supposed to. Weirdly a shower helped but that was mostly as i needed to wash out a hair mask i had put in before this all started and didnt want to ruin my pillow if i went back to bed 😅

The first time was at 3am and i wasn't up for sitting in A&E in pain waiting for ages but when i told the EPU this after the fact they said I should have gone in. The second time there was no way I could move to even get to the hospital and I think my husband wanted to call an ambulance. I had moderate cramps on and off for about 10 days before these two episodes.

I really hope that doesn't scare you but just to say it can be horrible but unless you are flooding for an extended amount of time I think it can be normal? Honestly I had no idea it would be as painful as it was and I felt like no one warned me but the two bad episodes didnt last longer than 2 hours thankfully.

I also want to add, I haven't given birth before so I could just be a wimp.....

@FullMoon1917 let me start by saying you are not a wimp. And everything I have read from others as well as been in line with it being incredibly painful like contractions. I had nearly a 30 hour labour with my daughter and this is on par to be honest. And the pain you’re describing is what it feels like for me too. I’ve not had very heavy bleeding, it’s been heavier than a period but not soaking pads/period pants. I took some high strength co codamol and that has really taken the edge off so I’m really hoping that will help everything to pass with less pain. I’ve got a scan next Thursday with EPU so will know if everything’s gone then

thank you!

@Lemonyfire I think it really varies! I was so lucky (is that the term?!) When I miscarried at 12 weeks (baby was 10), I had a couple of bad cramps and then it was pretty much painless. I think that's rare though. I just ended up sitting on the toilet for 4/5 hours doing the crossword! 🤦‍♀️

@FullMoon1917@Lemonyfire Im so sorry to hear about the pain you experienced. I’ve heard it can be just like labour, I was lucky that it didn’t start before I went in for surgical management. You are both absolute troopers going through that. I gave birth to my daughter without pain relief but could not face the idea of suffering through the miscarriage. It must be traumatic in combination with the emotional loss. I hope you are both ok xx

@FullMoon1917 like you I think the MMC was caused by a fever, in my case from covid around 6 weeks. The dates align in terms of when the baby stopped developing. It’s heartbreaking to think if I had just got the vaccination earlier, or not caught covid at that time, things might be different. Like you I’m a bit older and have an older partner (he’s 46). We conceived before and we will do again 🤞

@CurlyWurly1991 interestingly I have COVID in the couple of months before my first MC which messed up my cycles. I always wondered if it had had an effect. I am fully vaccinated though so who knows

Just an update from me and thanks for all your advice and support the last couple of days- I took co codamol at 8 and it definitely helped with the pain, anyway- in the last 2 hours things have shifted and I’ve just been left with a dull ache and I cannot articulate the relief. I’ve been able to get up and have a shower and just feel 1000x better. I hope this lasts and I’m over the worst now. Thinking of you all xx

@Lemonyfire I'm really pleased it's calmed down, sounds like it's been really tough - well done for getting through it. I hope you can rest for the rest of the weekend ❤️

@Lemonyfire so glad to hear things are calming down. Hopefully that would have moved things along. It such a scary process and sending you so many virtual hugs.

@CurlyWurly1991 my fever was from covid too! My FIL caught it while in hospital and unfortunately passed away from it. I was really unwell but when we had the first scan at 7.5 weeks everything seemed fine if a few days behind schedule, but then things stopped by 9 weeks. I had even asked my midwife at the booking appointment if things would be ok and she said they know now it doesn't do anything. But from what I have seen online theres studies showing a correlation. I am hoping I have some level of immunity for a while and we can conceive during that time.

I think I'm having a weird day due to a hormone crash (I recognise this from last time!).

I keep switching between thinking April/ May (when we're planning on restarting) is a million miles away. But then I think if we did start after my next period, and it didn't go well again, then I'd just regret not allowing time for vitamins to fully take effect. Is waiting the right thing? I wish March wouldn't end up with a Christmas baby otherwise I'd be tempted to start then 🤦‍♀️

Really doesn't help that my SIL keeps texting me saying how difficult things are with her newborn and other child. I know it's tough, but I'd do anything to be in her position right now. She knows about the MC but I know I'm just being overly sensitive.

@ThelastRolo20 totally understand your dilemma! Why have you decided on April out of interest? I think you said but I can’t remember.

Also have sympathy with your SIL situation. Some people are so clueless. My bf keeps sending me baby pics and videos and it’s fine… but also… wish she’d go a bit easy! Izzy Judd is quite good on that sensitivity/envy topic on podcasts etc.

We’ve decided to just keep trying (well dh just says he’ll go along with whatever I want ha). Temps are a bit all over the place but signs point to me having ovulated over last few days, and we did dtd a couple of times O-3 and O-1. I want it to work. BUT I’m also aware we’ve both just started some lifestyle changes that won’t have any effect on a pregnancy if we catch quickly. I’m not sure if I’ll be angry at myself for not waiting if we MC again. Or if I’d be more annoyed for ‘wasting time’. 🤷‍♀️

@ForestWren well I want a normal period first just to reset so that'll be at least late Feb, then March would be a December birthday which isn't ideal. Our daughter's birthday is 3rd Jan which is right in the midst of my husband's busiest time of the year at work (he's an accountant) and he'd rather not have another between mid Dec to mid Jan for that reason. So if my April cycle starts too early it means we have to delay to May 💔.

I always want to take vitamins etc to give eggs the best chance. I suppose if I got pregnant straight away again and it was another MC I'd always wonder if I'd had a different outcome if I'd given it another cycle or something. But I hate the thought of having to wait 3/4 months

Hello everyone. I haven't been on this thread lately because my anxiety has been so high I've tried not to feed it but I hope everyone is doing well. I'm struggling so much. I'm 8w tomorrow and I'm in the same range where I lost the last pregnancy. I have lost my nausea again. I keep thinking that a MMC is really unlikely to happen twice in a row but also I feel like I'm just unlikely to be unlucky or something. Just struggling to sleep or function I'm so worried.

@WolfMother326 I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious, it's very understandable.

It can happen, it did to me, but it's so very very unlikely and I'm hoping I've taken the bad luck for everyone! The odds are always in our favour ❤️ and remember symptoms come and go.

When's your next scan?