Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

Hi ladies

Sending love to you all .

I'm 38 with one toddler. I have endometriosis so she was a miracle .When I had her I was very sick after having her i nearlydied. A few weeks later she got quite ill & we spent weeks in & out of hospital. Docs told us it would be difficult to conceive again & if we did the baby may not survive as it could have a more severe version of the genetic condition our daughter has.

I found out I was pregnant at Christmas I started bleeding on Wednesday & went to hospital. There was no heartbeat & the baby was measuring 3 weeks behind to where it should have been

I have been heavily bleeding since & think I passed some of the sac last night. I am traumatised and heartbroken . The bleeding is still bad & I think it could do with my endometriosis as its from both ends I have to wait until Tuesday to go back to the hospital.

My sister also had a baby on the day I lost mine. I'm delighted for her but so heartbroken mine is gone. I still can't believe it

@Duffy23 oh I’m so, so sorry to hear your sad news. What a hard time for you all. What are the hospital proposing for Tuesday? I hope you are being looked after xx

@Duffy23 I am so so sorry to hear your story. How heartbreaking 💔 The bleeding sounds intense, I hope it eases off soon.

@WolfMother326So sorry to hear you're so anxious. The first few weeks are just awful, I was the same with the pregnancy that worked out and the ones that didn't. Sending a big hug x

Hi ladies

I know that the sac has passed its an image ill never forget.
I feel so sad & traumatised I hope in a way I get a D&C as endometriosis is so bad I can't handle more bleeding.

I just can't believe I saw what's left of my baby in the bathroom so upsetting 😢

@Duffy23 I'm so sorry for your experience. My miscarriage at 12 weeks also happened at home and I saw the sac being passed. The only thing I could think to do was flush it down the toilet and the thought stays with me

@ThelastRolo20 I did the exact same & felt so guilty. I then went downstairs & was shaking & crying My toddler came up & hugged me & ill I could think was of what had just happened.

I'm so sorry you experienced this horrible event also x ❤️

@Duffy23 thank you..not quite the same by my SIL had her baby two weeks after and that was also tough. And a friend got pregnant about a month later and (thankfully) hers is going smoothly but it makes my heart ache when I see her ❤️

I hope your appt goes well on Tuesday. We're taking time out until April before trying again (coincides with a holiday so figured may as well wait until then!)

@WolfMother326 so sorry you're feeling anxious and i would be exact same in your position. Sending positive vibes and hope it ends up ok.

@Duffy23 so sorry to hear you're going through this. I passed my sac last Saturday and I was definitely in shock for ages but things will get better, its just a horrible traumatic experience. I didn't flush mine but thats because it was so large (my sac grew to 15 weeks) i thought it would block the loo. However three weeks before i had medical management and passed quite a lot of 'stuff' which i did flush so i think i was somewhat hardened and prepared if that makes any sense? Really hope your appointment goes well and your pain isn't too bad xx

Hi everyone just after some advice. I’m now 3 weeks on from surgical management of a MMC . Only spotting now and had quite a few days with no bleeding at all, haven’t needed a pad for at least a week. Pregnancy tests are now very very faint.

am I ok to go to spa and swimming pool tomorrow? I’m desperate to have some R&R but can’t remember what I was told by the nurse about how long I needed to wait before public swimming. Risk of infection… do I need to wait until after my first period , or is swimming and sex both ok after you’ve mainly stopped bleeding and have no pain?

thanks xx

@CurlyWurly1991 generally after two weeks, and if the bleeding has stopped you're good to crack on 😊 by now I'd suspect the risk of infection to be very low so I say go for it ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 thanks ! That is what I wanted to hear !

@FullMoon1917 It's horrible isn't it.

My endometriosis is quite bad & I always bleed from both ends during my period. When I go to the appointment I might ask for a D&C i feel I need one especially with my endometriosis.

On another note my BIL is blaming me for not eating well enough

@Duffy23 well I think I can say on behalf of all of us your BIL is an ass and should be eternally grateful for never having to experience periods/ endo/ pregnancy or miscarriage.

Tell him to shove his lettuce and healthy eating up his ass

@FullMoon1917 thanks for the message. I definitely went in a spiral of doom but I think I'm out of it now. I'm finding these early weeks so so hard. Not sure when I'll be able to relax.

Definitely @CurlyWurly1991 you can swim! As soon as the bleeding stops. I love swimming, I hope it brings you some good quiet time and stress relief.

@WolfMother326 I hope you’re doing okay. The anxiety with a pregnancy after loss is horrendous , and never really leaves you. I was a bundle of nerves with my successful PAL, and if I conceive again I know I will again.

@Duffy23 I also have endo and wonder if that is what is making my bleeding worse.

I genuinely don’t know what is normal 6 .5 weeks ( should have been 8.5) bleeding, EPAU didn’t gltell me anything and I my last mc was 9 years ago and can’t remember, I’m now on day 5, heavy over the last 3 days, no pain since Saturday and still passing clots and just generally a fair amount of blood.
I called GP for advice and a locum called me and was so brutal, her first words were “ you’ve had a spontaneous miscarriage yes? And you’ve bled for less than a week, well that’s totally normal you’ll bleed for about 3 weeks” zero compassion. I felt really stupid as I know that- I just wanted general advice and also, to have it recorded that I have miscarried, I know EPU confirmed no hb and it was imminent but it hadn’t happened yet, and I know I’m back there on Thursday but it just felt like this massive thing has happened and my Dr should know.
I feel like I’m so up and down with my emotions, I haven’t left the house since Thursday as worried I will bleed through , my husband is awesome and works from home and is doing all the school/club runs and I’m off work this week, just feel a bit useless and that I want to feel ‘normal again’ and whenever I do I feel a gush of blood and it just reminds me :(

@Lemonyfire I am the exact same. I dropped my daughter off at school this morning and almost fainted the blood loss is relentless its from both ends too I feel so sick no appetite and so heartbroken I've my hospital appointment tomorrow and going to ask for a d&,c as I need one I can't believe that my baby is gone 💔

@Lemonyfire Also sending you a massive hug xxx

@Duffy23 I’m so sorry and hope you get the treatment that helps. As has been said before on here- I really think the trauma and physical and emotional symptoms are downplayed by professionals ❤️

@Lemonyfire They, really are. Especially when it's a male doctor too.They just don't understand 😒 x

Thanks @Lemonyfire. I'm not great. My nausea is gone pretty much just like my previous MMC. I'm still taking progesterone so maybe it's keeping me from bleeding. I have zero symptoms. I am debating whether to have a private scan on Friday when I'm home or just wait for my scan at the EPU on Thursday 8th. It feels like a long time to wait, but if I find out bad news I doubt they'll see me before then anyway. I've kind of convinced myself this isn't going to end well.

@Lemonyfire @Duffy23 it's so hard recovering from as miscarriage, especially like you say when you have very unsympathetic healthcare.

If you're worried please do push for some further advice, maybe try EPU? X

@Lemonyfire and @Duffy23 i am so sorry you are both going through this and that the medical care you are getting is so unhelpful! I have been really lucky that Kingston where i am were lovely and saw me as soon as they could. I only ever rang the GP when i needed the initial referral because i thought well they can't scan me or give me pain meds so why bother.

Can you go to A&E if its this bad? That was the advice i was given if the pain or bleeding was unmanageable. Bleeding was a pad in 20 mins for more than an hour or feeling faint?

But obviously depends on how long they keep you waiting etc. My dad seemed to think if you're bleeding they see you quickly (he was very annoyed i didn't go after i finally passed the sac).

Each miscarriage is so different, and i think you only really get it if you've been through it. Womens health isnt a priority in healthcare and its so bad.

I actually went in to my GP yesterday to get a flu jab (they thought i was still pregnant) and to get a referral for private counselling through bupa. I had to tell them everything so clearly the EPU didnt send anything through. My doctor was so lovely and she even said she will put me forward for the fertility help we were due for when i got pregnant.

@WolfMother326 i found out about my MMC at a private scan and i am glad as it was round the corner from my house and i could deal with it better than finding out in the hospital where there was so many people and unfortunately in my case women with babies. But as it was the 23rd of Dec and i wasn't bleeding the EPU couldnt see me till the 28th so i then had ages waiting but with the knowledge so i actually don't know if that was better 😅

I am sending you all so many hugs and to say you all have so much strength and can handle this xxxx

The care has been shit. I was told nothing about what to expect, and was just told to come back in a week. It's really crap.Today is that day. 💔

I passed the sac & it was traumatic. A friend of mine had told me what to expect other then that I'd have genuinely collapsed. I hope they agree to the D&C as my endometriosis is so bad

I just feel numb and so heartbroken. I have to force myself to eat too & and look like a lump of shit.

@Duffy23 i am so so so sorry babe. It IS shit and traumatic and horrible. Be kind to yourself and try and comfort yourself the best way you can. Mine was watching mind numbing tv (vanderpump rules) with wine and chocolates.

I really hope you get a D&C and your symptoms improve and you feel a bit brighter soon xxxx