Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

Thank you guys, it's going slowly at the moment but got scan Monday so hopefully will be offered medical management to speed it a long

@Sunnydays12340987 how did your scan go today? Hope you’re doing ok 💐

Hey, thank you, I thought it was definitive as a missed miscarriage and that's what it seemed like from what the sonographer said. However I think they must have reviewed it with last weeks as they said they can't be 100 percent at this stage. I appreciate them being thorough, so another week to wait for next scan, got provisionally booked in for medical management on same day. Still slight discharge / old blood when wiping, no pain.

Hi all, sorry I’ve not updated. I’ve never felt so low in all my life.
i had my scan last Tuesday 9th after bleeding. And was confirmed miscarriage.
I had already accepted it after the bleeding started on the 8th. So I was ok at hospital.
since then I’ve just been up and down majorly.
one minute I feel fine the next I’m so low.
i am meant to be going back to work later on today - I’m a hairdresser so you can imagine how exhausting my job is. Having to talk and make everyone feel good when I feel like utter shit.
honestly I feel like cancelling my clients. I know they’ll understand but apart of me wants to get back into routine too.

how long does the emotional trauma of this last where you can pretend you’re okay without breaking down? I am exhausted.

my husband is terrible at supporting me through this - I love him and I know he loves me and he is there for me - but he is a typical man and has no clue how to make me feel better or what to say.

sorry to rant and make this whole message all about me. I truly hope you are all okay too. Just need to vent to people who understand ❤️💔❤️💔

@LottieW93 I’m so sorry. It does get better, but it’s not a straight line, more like ripples from where this massive rock has been dropped into your life. There should be links to some online resources on the first page of the thread, there’s one aimed at men which may help your husband to talk with other men about their experience and how he can support you?

It does help to get it all out, especially in a place like this where you know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to pretend to be ok. 💐

I’m so sorry @LottieW93 it’s just all totally crap isn’t it. My husband has been a bit crap at times too. Feel like he’s picked the wrong time to have a bit of a breakdown himself - can we just focus on one thing at a time please?! I hope yours pulls his socks up.

Really feel for you having to work one to one and chat to your clients. I really hope you’ve found it easier than expected. I bet lots of your clients have been through it themselves but I understand you might not want to tell them.

I’m back at work today and was dreading it. I felt awful this morning. It felt like i was ok when i could be in a kind of ‘emergency situation’ - off work, going to dr appointments - But now I have to try and be normal it feels unfair.

However - as much as I hate to admit it, it has been nice to take my mind off things. And it’s made the day go quicker. I just wish everything hadn’t gone quite so totally to pot there since I left! Oh well.

Hoping you’ll feel better soon, and that you get some answers soon too @Sunnydays12340987

I can really relate to what you’re saying @LottieW93 @ForestWren
i am kind of willing time to go faster so that work people I haven’t seen in a while stop asking if I had a good Christmas and NY. It’s been awful!! Instead I’ve had to make small talk and smile and it’s just horrible.

Yes @CurlyWurly1991 ! Especially if they’ve been told you were ‘ill’ and ask if you’re all better now..!

Sending lots of love xx

@LottieW93 I'm so sorry you've gone through this. I did a mindfulness course related to miscarriage shortly after I had mine and the thing that resonated most was when they said that it cannot be cured, only carried. As @Sunbird24 said it gets easier to live with, but it will always be a part of your life. I'm almost 5 months out from mine and it still affects me quite deeply at times but the darkness has lifted.

I understand what you mean with others not getting it. My DH was ready to move on quite quickly and I just couldn't shift it. I think as it's happened to our bodies it affects us in a different and deeper way. Unless you've been through it I don't think you can really understand, so having support on here is so helpful. We are here for you x

@LottieW93 I'm so sorry to hear how low you have been feeling, and you can rest assured that everyone on this thread understands. It's totally natural that you are desperately wanting to get back on an even keel emotionally, but also completely normal that you're finding that hard. I saw a really good description on the previous version of this thread by another poster, who talked about the grief as being like waves - initially you feel like you're drowning in it and you can't get your head above water, then over time they gradually get further from the shore. They will still crash over you sometimes, but less often. That metaphor really resonated and stuck with me, and it has proven to be true for me - I'm 4 months on from my MC and whilst I'm okay most of the time, sometimes I just break down and have a good sob, and I let myself do that because it's okay that I'm still grieving.

I've attached a graphic that I think serves as a useful reminder that as much as we all want to "get over it and move on", it just doesn't work like that in practice. Hopefully it's helpful just to glance at when you feel frustrated about still feeling sad. Sending you and everyone going through this at the moment lots of love. ❤

I do think having a miscarriage around Christmas is particularly hard. Like someone else said, people ask you how Christmas and new year was for ages into Jan. Last time I didn't open up much about my miscarriage, this time I've told anyone who asked how I am (unless it's the postman or someone!) and I've actually found that a lot easier. People have been very kind and I dont have to pretend to be ok. It's a very personal choice who you tell though, and it's scary being vulnerable. A couple of friends have then opened up about their miscarriages which has been great for mutual support.

@LottieW93 so sorry it's been so tough, I'm thinking of you. I find being thankful for 1 small thing a day helps a bit. It will get easier but it's such a tough road to travel along.

I'm still bleeding and still have a positive test. It's a bit frustrating that it's taking a while but I'm feeling back to normal which is a relief

Sending lots of love to you all ✨️
Had big clots, bleeding and strong cramps today, think it might have passed, have scan on Monday. Hit me last night at 2am, think physically going through it hit me.

@Sunnydays12340987 Really hope the worst is over for you and your scan shows all has passed. Thinking of you at this horrible time x

Thank you ❤️ xx

I experienced a miscarriage on Tuesday started spotting last weekend , had a private scan on Monday baby only measured 5 weeks and should have been 9+4 by Tuesday bleeding g became heavier and I was passing clots went to hospital stayed two nights , had a smear type suction performed and two scans , by Thursday scan showed most was gone and I was discharged, I just feel numb and empty, was starting to get excited. I have a 7 month old and would have been 14 months between tgee we m both was just getting round to the idea and so thankful for her she’s still just a baby I have her and two older children so I really do appreciate them and that I am a mum but I wanted this wee one too this wee one was as important and I loved them I didn’t get to feel them grow or see whom they would become but il never forget them , don’t think il ever be the same again now

@Pantherc86 So so sorry to read what you've been through. What a horrible shock. Sending you love and hope you can find some time and space to grieve and feel what you need to feel xx

@Pantherc86 so sorry to hear your news. It is such a hard time. Take the time you need to process the loss 💐

Hello lovely ladies, I am so sorry to read all your stories and am heartened by how supportive you all are to each other.

I just passed an intact sac around midday today while waiting for my surgical intervention scheduled for Tuesday, at what would be 14 weeks. Medical management from three weeks ago apparently failed (although at the time it certainly felt like everything had cleared out if you get what I mean!), and a scan on Wednesday after severe was I assume were labour like pains showed 'little one', as the sonographer put it, was still in there and the sac had elongated across the entire uterus and deeply embedded.

This morning, when I obviously had a fun day of activities planned in London, the pain and bleeding started, and I do not think I have ever in my life experienced that level of pain. If its an insight into what labour will be like I'd opt for all the drugs 😅 Eventually the sac came out and the level of fear and confusion I felt peaked, before I realised I needed to fish it out of the toilet as it was no joke the size of my hand (the sonographer had said it had extended on the scan) otherwise it could risk a blockage, plus it just felt wrong. Luckily i have a stash of nitrile gloves from when i used to dye my hair!

We are hoping the hospital will test if it was a molar, or really just help us do something with it as it can't stay forever in the fridge (apologies if this is gruesome but I think I am still in some shock).

I was just wondering if any of you had any experience with miscarrying at home then taking it in to get tested?

Also just sending virtual hugs to all of you, this has been such a horrible 4 weeks since finding out baby had stopped developing and I had no idea what kind of trauma this would be!

Luckily we had 2 private scans (last one found the MMC) so we had at least one at 7.5 weeks where a little heart beat was seen so we have some nice visuals to keep

Sending lots of love xx

So sorry to hear this 😞❤️

Hi everyone - wasn't expecting to be back on this thread so soon! I was here in Oct after a MMC at 12 weeks (9.5 for baby).

Found out today it's another MMC (I'm 9.5, baby never got to 6).

Having surgery tomorrow and then having a few months off until April/ May but thought it'd be nice to connect with people going through the same. Not sure if people find the same but I hate having to deal with other people's sad faces and all the I'm sorrys when I see them - I know it sucks, I don't need reminding 😂

@ThelastRolo20 I'm so sorry you find yourself here again. I think you may have been on the due in August group with me? How utterly rubbish you have to go through it all again. Good you've got the surgery tmw, I hope it all goes as well as it can, did you have surgery last time? I know what you mean about all the sympathy, I think we've told most people now so through that, but it was hard x

@warmbutteredtoast yes I was on that thread! Sorry you've found yourself here too - I've been expecting it for a few weeks as I was measuring quite far behind so really it was a matter of time. They only had one sonogropher in today and so they tried to say I had to go back on Wednesday for a second scan - I put my foot down, there had been no growth for two weeks and no HB. Luckily the consultant was there and agreed to scan me so I could get booked in tomorrow.

Last time I actually miscarried naturally the day after my 12 week scan so didn't have any medical intervention..I'm hoping tomorrow goes smoothly and I can just move on x

@ThelastRolo20 Oh well done for putting your foot down. That's hard to wait weeks knowing it's probably not going to end well,(but hoping it might) it was the same for me although at least there isn't a horrible big shock i suppose. I think I was 'lucky' in that it was very obviously a miscarriage, had a heartbeat, then didn't. It's good you don't have to wait around for second scans. I hope it goes really smoothly tmw, my first MMC I had the surgery and I'd definitely recommend it x