Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@ForestWren That's good, it's a relief to hear the main bit is over isn't it. I've had heavy bleeding with small clots today, wonder how long it will go on for. Not feeling very well tbh but know it will take some time. Hope everyone else is feeling ok as can be today

Thanks @CluelessInLondon and sorry you’re feeling lousy @warmbutteredtoast ❤️

I forgot to say - they said it was extremely unlikely the laxative had anything to do with it and said the discomfort/ constipation feeling I had was very likely the start of the miscarriage. Also that it would take a lot more than that to harm a healthy pregnancy. Looking back on the timing and how quickly it all started I think they’re right. So I’m going to leave that worry behind now.

@ForestWren That's great that you've had that reassurance and aren't worrying about it - it's so easy with a miscarriage to jump to anxiety that you've done something wrong when that's almost never the case.

@CluelessInLondon thank you for the kind welcome! I hope you are doing ok too. The bleeding is very stop/start which is so frustrating, along with sporadic cramps. But it only started on Monday so I guess I should be patient…

@ForestWren really pleased to hear you have some closure and clarity. Take care of yourself and don’t rush back to work too soon. Small talk can be hard! 🤍

@warmbutteredtoast hope you are doing ok and you feel less unwell soon! Just want to say your username is so comforting!

I hope everyone is doing ok as they can be today. Well I’m bleeding very heavily with big clots so at least it’s not on/off anymore. Glad it’s progressing faster now.

Hi everyone. I hope you are doing ok @optimistictobin @ForestWren @warmbutteredtoast and sorry to anyone I have forgotten who has been through this lately. Sadly this thread moves fast… too many losses 😔

I’m just under 2 weeks on from learning about the MMC. Three days on from surgical management. Physical side is much better, today is the first day I don’t really feel pregnant (which is bittersweet, glad not to have the nausea but sad about that too). I am lucky I haven’t had much pain and very little bleeding.

I would agree with other posters who have said the emotional impact takes longer to hit you. I just felt very tearful last night out of nowhere and my concentration is just not there today.

Realistically it could be quite a while until I feel myself again, I think. We are probably not TTC anymore which causes additional sadness, of course. That’s another topic entirely, but processing this loss still feels so big. Sending love to everyone ❤️

@CurlyWurly1991 I was told before my surgery that there would be a big crash 2-3 days afterwards when my hormone levels started to return to normal and it sounds like that's probably what you've been going through the last day or so. I found that the day after the surgery I felt okay and then by the end of the day after that I was just in floods of tears - it was still horrible to experience but I felt reassured from what the nurse at the EGU had said that it was normal and I wasn't suddenly going crazy! I think you just have to take your time and allow yourself to feel however you feel at any given time - I really tried to lean into my feelings after my miscarriage, so that I felt like I was getting the upset out of my system when I needed to and so that I could really enjoy the times where I felt happy too.

@CluelessInLondon thank you, that makes a lot of sense. I think that’s what has happened - it’s the crashing hcg. I feel much steadier today. I’m trying to do the same re ‘leaning in’ to feelings. It helps me to write things (like a journal). I also want to have some ‘artefact’ of the pregnancy, a record of what we felt and when, because otherwise this just drifts into nothingness and I want it to be marked in some way. Not sure if that makes much sense… perhaps we will buy a plant or something in memory… for me and DH. Perhaps that blooms when the due date would have been.

Sending lots of love ❤️ I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of a dandelion with a seed floating off it to commemorate. Also thinking of planning a short break so we have something to look forward to

@optimistictobin Yes I looove warm buttered toast I've been having a lot of it recently! Thats good things are progressing naturally for you, I hope it isn't too painful?

@CurlyWurly1991 Sorry to hear you had an emotional day yesterday. Good to get it out. Are you having next week off work? Aw it is another layer of sadness of you're not planning on trying again isn't it. I'm not sure what we are doing. We're also 37 and I'm feeling like I can't get back into TTC it's too stressful. We do have a frozen embryo so considering just trying that little one then calling it a day. But I'd be so scared of another miscarriage so I don't know.

I'm feeling better than yesterday today. Bleeding has slowed. I've got my toddler back full time as DH can't have any more time off work so that's been full on today but he is a good distraction. I think I'll be back at work next week, I mainly WFH so should be ok

So lovey to remember the pregnancy in some way, and also helps with healing. When is your due date @CurlyWurly1991 it must be close to mine- 12th August?

@warmbutteredtoast today has been pretty rough but hopefully through the worst of it. TMI but was pouring out of me on the toilet and felt so faint. Phoned EPU who were lovely and said if I get excessive bleeding / massive clots again to go to A&E. Fingers crossed it won’t get really bad again!

So glad to hear you’re feeling better today, I hope it continues! 🤍

@CurlyWurly1991 oh this is so so lovely re the dandelion, and made me tear up. What a beautiful way to remember your little one. 🤍

@ForestWren how are you doing today? Hope you’re doing ok! 🤍

@Sunnydays12340987 and @CurlyWurly1991 those are lovely ideas to commemorate your pregnancies. Hadn’t thought of doing that. I might plant some spring bulbs or maybe get something more permanent.

@optimistictobin - so sorry you’ve had horrible bleeding. No wonder you felt faint! It’s so important to rest and eat well if you can. I hope you’ve been able to forget the rest of the world and haven’t had any other responsibilities. Have you told friends and family?

I’m doing ok thanks - felt a bit low today and my partner was away for work which didnt help. I think it’s all sinking in a bit after the adrenaline. Have been in a bit of a ‘right I have to lose weight right now and partner has to drink less’ kick which isn’t really healthy so soon.

I’m also so sick of bleeding. And it sounds silly but I HATE wearing pads, have been a mooncup person forever and can’t stand dealing with all the mess etc.

Im also meant to go to a baby shower on Sunday. But I don’t think I want to go. If it was a birthday I could manage it but I’m scared of being blindsided by something. D’you think it’s ok for me to tell my friend what’s happened and cancel? I hate flaking but I’m sure she’ll understand. It’s her second so maybe feels slightly more ok…

Feel like I write an essay every message sorry!

@ForestWren Yes absolutely ok to not go to a baby shower! I would find that really hard, I'm sure your friend will understand. I am also sick of bleeding and pads 😒 I've been bleeding for a month now, so so done.

@optimistictobin Sorry to hear it's been heavy today. You sound like you're dealing with it really well. I hope it settles down but do go to a&e if you need to

Sorry for all of your losses, it really is heartbreaking.

@ForestWren it's absolutely ok not go and I can really relate with how you're feeling. I've been very distant with my friend who has recently had a baby as it feels to difficult. It makes me feel bad. I haven't told her but I think I will in time.

I had a MMC back in September and whilst I feel much more normal, the miscarriage has deeply changed me and feels very raw at times. Was also my first pregnancy - I'm in my early 30's so I know I have some time, but I am so desperate to be pregnant again and to start a family.

@ForestWren Absolutely it's okay for you not to go to the baby shower - and I'm sure your friend will understand it's hard for you and be supportive. One thing that really blew me away after my MC was just how much love and support I got from my friends - I didn't tell all of them but those I did tell were just incredible in sharing in the grief and being there if I needed them. Don't be afraid to be honest with her.

@Sunnydays12340987 I definitely recommend booking a trip away, even if just for a weekend. My husband and I had a weekend away at a really posh spa hotel about a month after my surgery and it was so needed.

Update - I've started to have brown discharge, kind of wanted it to happen naturally so relieved in a way. Called gynae unit and they said to call back if I'm bleeding and a & e if heavy bleeding. Got follow up scan Monday so not too long to wait. Week has gone quick thankfully

Hopefully it happens quickly and with as little pain as possible for you. Ibuprofen and a hot water bottle helped a little for me so when you start to get cramps even if they're not bad I'd take it then because it takes time for the ibuprofen to kick in. I was expecting heavy bleeding and it hasn't been that bad so hopefully the same goes for you as that was 1 of my big worries.

Thank you xx

@warmbutteredtoast - sorry you’ve been bleeding for a month! You poor thing. I suppose I should prepare myself for that too. Bought another pack of pads today, bring it on 😬 really want it to stop so I can get back to cold water swimming which I find so helpful. Stopped while I was pregnant, so being able to go again is a tiny silver lining.

Thanks @13lucy and @CluelessInLondon - I let my friend know what’s happened and of course they totally understand. But I did worry I might feel strange surrounded by baby chat. I hope you can open up to your friend too @13lucy - @CluelessInLondon is right, my friends have been very supportive when I’ve told them, even if they don’t quite know what to say.

@Sunnydays12340987 I hope you’re doing ok ❤️

@warmbutteredtoast please make sure you get checked over if the bleeding doesn’t stop soon. I bled for 6 weeks on and off after my mc, it almost stopped completely a couple of times then would get heavier. I was testing negative for pregnancy by week 4. I had assumed I was having my first period but called the epu as I felt something was wrong and when they scanned me, they found there was still pregnancy tissue and I ended up needing surgical management. They told me I definitely shouldn’t have bled for as long as I did

@Sunnydays12340987 Hope it's going ok and you're not in too much pain.

@ForestWren & @Bcec Thank you. I should clarify; I've been bleeding for a month because I was bleeding for over 2 weeks before the miscarriage- not heavy just annoying. I actually haven't bled for 2 days now but I'm not letting my guard down, pretty sure it'll start up again...