Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

Hi all - so sorry for all your losses. You’re all being so brilliant in supporting each other.

Im in the process of waiting for an appointment at the EPU. Started bleeding Sunday evening at seven weeks (first pregnancy). Had cramps and fairly heavy red bleeding with clots, and my breasts felt back to normal next day so I’m sure it was a MC. Saw doctor yesterday and she referred me but said it could take 48 hours for EPU to call.

I'm devastated of course. Have ok moments and very dark moments. I’m so worried I caused it and would love some reassurance.

We had sex on the Thursday night (I know that won’t cause it) then Friday morning I had what I thought was constipation and trapped wind, which I never have. Didn’t really go away and was so uncomfortable and nearly painful. Saturday night I stupidly took a dulcolax as I read online it was safe. Then had bleeding Sunday evening. Now I look online it says in some places that it might not be safe for pregnancy.

I’m trying to reassure myself that if the pregnancy was viable it would take more than one laxative and some constipation pressure to harm it, or that the constipation was the start of the MC anyway, but until I can ask at EPU my mind is going into overdrive.

Also I don’t feel like I’ve passed any tissue yet, so either the pregnancy stopped weeks ago, or there’s more to come as the heavy bleeding and cramps eased off fairly quickly (although I’m still bleeding).

Sorry for the essay, I’m just feeling very alone with this all. Don’t expect anyone to have answers. Sending love to all.

@ForestWren so sorry you're going through this. Please don't torture yourself, I'm sure 1 laxative wouldn't have caused a miscarriage. Hope they are kind to you at your appointment

@CurlyWurly1991 My night was actually ok, mild cramps and moderate bleeding. One more day to go can't wait for this to be over. How are you feeling? How's the bleeding?

@warmbutteredtoast Glad to hear you are doing okay this morning, I hope everything stays manageable for you today until you can get in for surgery tomorrow.

@CurlyWurly1991 How are you this morning? Hope you are feeling okay and not too much bleeding after the surgery.

@LottieW93 @ForestWren Welcome and I'm so sorry that you both find yourself here - it really is the worst club to be part of, but I hope you'll find it helpful and supportive to be here.

@LottieW93 I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel helped or supported by the EPU when you called them - I think sometimes the hospital staff forget that they are dealing with individuals and that what they see day in, day out is new and scary to the person experiencing it. I hope they look after you better this morning - please let us know how you get on, if you feel up to it.

@ForestWren You mustn't beat yourself up over anything you did or didn't do - I'm not going to pretend to have any medical expertise, but it's a fact that in almost all cases miscarriages aren't caused by anything the mother has done, and there's also usually not much that can be done to prevent it either. It's understandable that you want some reassurance though, so I hope the EPU can help with that once you speak to them, and I hope it doesn't take too long for them to call.

Hi all, little update, woke up this morning with brown discharge, sorry TMI, which put me in a complete panic as I don't feel mentally prepared for this to happen naturally. Have had my appointment with bpas and taken my mifepristone tablet to soften cervix and got antibiotics and sickness tablets to take tonight. Surgery is scheduled for around 9:45-10am tomorrow so hoping the miscarriage won't happen naturally until then.

Am feeling very anxious and very scared about it all and just don't know how to relax. I'm not sure if any of you have also felt this way, but I feel like given we saw baby moving and the heartbeat 2 days before being told 2 days later there's no longer a heartbeat has made me more anxious in general about losing the people I love. Every morning when my dh leaves for work it just hits me and I can't relax until he's messaged to say he's at work. I've never had this before what happened.

@NphysT I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through.

It is completely natural to become acutely aware of loss - of those we love - after learning about the loss of your baby. I have had the same feelings over the past few weeks, terrible worries about losing my daughter or my husband. It’s important to do whatever will help you feel secure and safe, if it’s frequent messages then so be it. Look after yourself.

With the brown discharge, I’m no expert as my MMC didn’t start naturally but from what I’ve heard from nurses and anecdotally it tends to start very slowly and build up gradually, so I would expect you will still be fine for your surgery tomorrow. Did they advise you to call if the bleeding became heavy? I hope you have someone with you and are well supported, it’s such a hard time xx

This is a bit intense and graphic so don't read on if you'd rather not hear that kind of thing

I just went for a little walk to the corner shop with my toddler and my baby in it's sac fell out of me. No pain or blood, just felt it come out. Managed to get back and now I don't know what to do with it, I never imagined I'd have it in front of me, I thought it would either go down the toilet or be taken out in surgery. Has this happened to anyone else? I think I'm in shock

@warmbutteredtoast you must be in shock. Do you have anyone else with you? I’m so sorry this has happened unexpectedly like this. You might want to put the sac to one side in case you wish to have a burial or send to the hospital? Up to you of course, perhaps speak to the EPU for advice. Hope you are ok xxx

That must have been such a shock @warmbutteredtoast - and so hard to be put in a position when you have to make the decision. I think you can put as much or as little importance on the sac as feels right - it’s not one of those situations where there’s a ‘wrong’ answer. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you too @NphysT - it seems like a very natural anxiety to response to me. It will pass. 100% worth booking in with a counsellor when you have the headspace. Something my sister tells me is to try and ‘complete’ my feelings rather than push them down. If these thoughts arise, let yourself feel them fully (painful I know), rather than trying to rationalise them away, and they will probably begin to get less painful over time.

My update is that I finally have my scan booked in with the EPU early tomorrow morning. Looking forward to getting some answers and knowing what the next few days hold.

It blows my mind how much women have to come up close and personal with the gore of life and death. And we’re supposed to be the ‘weaker sex’!

Thanks so much for all the support everyone. I just had another scan at EPU, so glad mine is a walk in. Confirmed I passed the pregnancy and there's a bit more lining to come but she said it will be like a heavy period. I'm so relieved the main part of the miscarriage is over. It was totally unlike what I expected. No big clots, no massively heavy bleeding and not unmanageable painful. I hope this gives hope to others going through similar. It was exactly 48 hours between first cramps and passing the pregnancy, doesn't seem that long when I write it down but certainly felt long. Pleased I don't need surgery and can now start to recover emotionally.

@ForestWren Glad you've got an appointment booked, thinking of you tomorrow

@NphysT Totally understandable to have those fears after what you've been through. You will feel better with time, hang in there x

Thanks @CurlyWurly1991 yes my DH is with me. I think we will take it up to where we had a little memorial thing for our twins and bury it there, seems fitting. We scattered rose petals for them and my mum & sister just sent me roses so we can use those petals for this bub 🥲

Hi everyone! Hope it’s ok to post. I had heavy bleeding yesterday. 111 referred me to A&E and then EPU. Confirmed blighted ovum (was 11w but stopped growing at 5/6w). Bleeding is on/off which is annoying. Have to update EPU in a week and if no progress, will try medical management.

This seems like such a lovely group so wanted to post 💕 Mid-30s, first miscarriage and no children (so far).

So sorry about your news @optimistictobin ❤️ I’m 33, first MC, no kids yet so in a similar boat. Hoping for better luck for us in the future.

I hope things move quickly for you over the few days. Can I ask what they mean by ‘progress’? Do they mean whether you feel you’ve had enough bleeding/ have passed tissue? Seems so hard to know when it’s done.

@ForestWren thank you, sorry for your loss too! We will get there. Have you been trying long?

Good question, it’s pretty unclear to me too. The nurse said it would be ‘very heavy and crampy’ but it hasn’t been like that… at least yet. I think I will ask to be scanned again next week at some point before taking the tablets. It’s so subjective!

SO subjective - one person’s ‘heavy’ will be another person’s regular period! I think another scan is a good idea. Mine was crampy and heavy I guess. Heavier than a regular period, although I think I’ve had worse cramps so it doesn’t seem bad enough compared to others to be ‘done’. I do know that my symptoms were gone immediately so I have no hope that it’s still progressing. Hopefully scan tomorrow will tell me more. I really feel for you getting this news at 11 weeks ❤️

I’m lucky that we actually got pregnant in our second proper month TTC. How about you? I was amazed and hopeful that we’d have an easy run of it. But MCs are just so common aren’t they. Touch wood we’ll both conceive again quickly after this without complications.

Trigger warning - tmi -

I think I passed the sac with the baby in. Can't be sure but had horrific cramps for the last few hours. Stood up just now and felt something odd and went to the toilet and something the size of the palm of my hand fell out. I'm in shock. Is this the baby? Do I still go tomorrow for my appointment for the surgery? I can't stop shaking

@ForestWren appreciate you sharing your experience! I hope your scan gives you clarity either way - keep me posted 💕 Yeah I didn’t have any private ‘reassurance’ scans, so this is a shock. Part of the journey, I guess!

Hopefully we’ll conceive again soon! ☺️TTC journey is PCOS, 3 years with some long medical waiting times for referral and polyp removal…

@NphysT hope you’re doing ok. No experience here, but it may be worth going to the appointment and getting scanned to be doubly sure everything has passed. Take care 💕

@NphysT sorry for the delay in responding. This happened to me before I had to go in for my medical management so I know how much shock you are in just now. I still went in and was scanned to make sure I'd passed everything. I still had a few clots left so it was worth going in. I'm so sorry for your loss 🩷

@NphysT Goodness that must have been a real shock. How are you feeling in yourself? I hope that the worst of the physical side is now over and EPU are supportive with the next steps xxx

@NphysT oh no. I was told that after 9 weeks you’d know if you passed a foetus as it would look like one. Pale and in that shape. I’m not sure how true it is as mine didn’t come out but that’s what the EPU told me.

If you can bear to, keep it and put it in the fridge. Still go for a scan as retained tissue is no fun. They may send the foetus away for testing, they may not. But you can then decide what you want to do with it, hospital can dispose if you don’t feel you can.

I’m so sorry. What a shit time. xx

@NphysT I'm so sorry what a horrible shock. This happened to me yesterday. For me it was very obviously a sac shape about the size of a plum. I went for a scan just to confirm the pregnancy had come out and it had. I'd advise getting a scan to check. Thinking of you, such a horrible time xx

Thank you all, went in for a scan and they confirmed that the whole pregnancy had passed. They did an internal too and said they were confident that there was no retained tissue and they don't think I need to do a pregnancy test in 3 weeks.

Bleeding hasn't been too heavy which I've been surprised about since baby was 12 weeks and 1 day but they did say they could see some blood and clots that still need to pass and would over the next 2 weeks.

I feel strangely calm, not sure if it's the fact that the shock hasn't fully worn off or if I'm just relieved that after 3 weeks of being in limbo it's finally over

@NphysT Really pleased to hear you don't need the surgery and that the worse part physically is probably over. I hope there isn't too much more bleeding for you. Take it slow x

Pleased it’s all pretty much cleared for you @NphysT and @warmbutteredtoast - hope you can hold onto that calmness and that your recoveries are quick and easy ❤️

Had my scan this morning and they confirmed everything (bar some last blood and clots like you @NphysT ) has passed too. Told me to take a test in two weeks and call if it’s still positive. Feel so much better knowing it’s all over.

The nurse also said that 1 in 3 first pregnancies end in MC which I didn’t know. Goes to 1 in 4 after that. She said it’s often because the body isn’t used to supporting a pregnancy. She said if she could she’d give everyone progesterone from their first positive test. So I think I’ll get some privately when I next conceive 🤞 I know it won’t prevent the inevitable, but worth a try.

Also got a two week doctor’s note. Not sure how much time I’ll take off.

@warmbutteredtoast Your idea to bury your little one at the memorial for your twins sounds absolutely perfect - it sounds like a lovely space to remember them. I hope you are feeling okay today. ❤

@optimistictobin Welcome - I am sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. Look after yourself and use this space as you need to ask questions, share how you feel or just vent whatever's in your head.

@NphysT I'm glad you were able to get scanned today and get the confirmation that the pregnancy has passed - that must have been really distressing for you. I hope you don't have to deal with too much more bleeding and that you can focus on the emotional and physical recovery.

@ForestWren I'm glad you are feeling better for having some closure on the pregnancy - the limbo of knowing you are miscarrying and waiting for something to happen is really hard. I hope you got some reassurance at EPU as well about your worries that anything you did was the cause?