Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Evening all, hope everyone’s doing ok, thank you for all looking after each other so well. I’ll set up a new thread so that it’s ready for when this one is full 💐

@Sunbird24 thank you, this thread has been a wonderful support

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4932692-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-8-all-welcome

Here you go - feel free to either fill this one up first or start on the new one.

@Sunbird24 Thank you for setting up the new thread - this group has been the most amazing support and reassurance to me over the last several weeks, I'm so glad it was here. ❤

Being able to talk about everything with other women who really understand how you feel is so important when you’re going through the trauma. Being able to support others is also surprisingly cathartic!

@Sunbird24 Thank you for the new thread! It really has been such a lifeline having this space to chat and vent with others in the same boat xx
@CluelessInLondon Yay to period returning! Who would have thought we would be cheering periods hey!? But at least you know your cycle is kicking back in and you can look to the future and hopefully a lovely sticky bean xx

@Sunbird24 thank you so much - I honestly don’t know how I’d have coped over the last week or so if I hadn’t found this thread and been able to have a good vent / read through other women’s stories and know I’m not alone

@SnookyPook knew I’d missed someone 🙈 glad to hear your body’s catching up but sorry it’s causing you sadness - I still can’t get over the mixed emotions of taking a pregnancy test every day, I want the line to be fainter or gone but I also desperately don’t as that means it’s really gone ❤️

do people have views on whether it’s best to wait for your first period before you start ttc again? I know it’s better for dating but are there any other reasons it’s best to wait?

@SnookyPook that’s great news they’ve ruled out ectopic. At least that’s one less challenge to deal with. That said, I can imagine the bleeding feels tough - you’ve been so focused on working out whether it’s ectopic i imagine you haven’t given much thought to the actual loss 😞 I’m so sorry you’re going through this again. It feels so unfair. I hope the physical side of things goes ok (well as ok as these things can be!) and you get a referral to the MC clinic quickly. Thinking of you xx
@Jess1997 what a weird one for you - I really feel for you stuck in limbo. I hope Thursday gives you a clearer picture and the doctors are able to give you a plan of action 🤞🏻 x
@w1azrdingabout12345 Im so glad you took the other girls’ advice and called your EPU. I really felt for you reading your post. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and scared of the hospital but please don’t worry- just keep telling yourself they are there to help you xx
@Longbarn5 im sorry you find yourself here - it’s a rubbish situation to be in but rest assured we all understand your pain and it’s a great place of support xx

@PADonk totally with you - you want the tests to fade but at the same time a negative test means it’s all well and truly over ☹️
I conceived straight after my MC a few years back. I was told to wait one cycle but I didn’t (thinking it probably wouldn’t happen I just threw caution to the wind!). Yes it was tricky for the EPU to date it but I knew when I’d conceived so I could roughly date it in my head. That pregnancy led to my gorgeous little one and I didn’t have any issues (aside from being a bit of an anxious mare!) x

@CrazyMILonthecase well the crippling anxiety is a given regardless 😂 - thank you, that’s super encouraging to hear 🙏🏼 xx

This is absolutely true - if anything good has come from my MC, it's being able to help other women navigate their way through the confusion and pain that goes with it.

@CrazyMILonthecase I think my period coming back is probably the maddest thing I've ever celebrated. 😂But we have to take the small wins in this situation, right?!

@PADonk Other than dating, the other reason I was given for waiting a cycle to try again was so that the body can "clear out" all of the old blood from the pregnancy uterine lining. It's not harmful or anything like that, but the way the nurse put it to me was that it's kind of like having a "better quality" lining that's all new blood. I had loads of old blood at the start of my period a few days ago so I can kind of see what she meant. Waiting a cycle has also worked for me from an emotional/psychological perspective, just having a bit of time to process, deal with the emotions and feel more physically normal again before diving back into TTC.

@CluelessInLondon totally get that, and I’m definitely still getting the odd bit of brown. Psychologically though I’m just desperate to jump straight back in again. It probably would be healthier to stop and let myself take stock but I’m just not sure I have the mental fortitude right now. Took us a while last time so the odds are pretty small anyways x

@PADonk fwiw, I didn't wait before trying again. I wish I could've had time to breathe and get my head together more, but time isn't on my side, I'm with a fertility clinic and only had one more embryo. So, I had to push on.

My advice to those trying naturally and soon after mc is to try and take pressure off yourself by not tracking, testing etc for at least 6 months and just try to relax and naturally enjoy your partner. It will do wonders for your mental health and your relationship. Just my thoughts. We put so much pressure in ourselves. My journey has been fraught with anxiety and I know everyone on this thread feels it, too, and understands. 🩷

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you. I really do wish I could chill but my age and family situation mean I can’t see myself being properly able to relax until/ if I ever hit 12 weeks of pregnancy. It’s just this giant all-consuming black cloud all of the time.

Are you in the TWW? Absolute best of luck if so xxx

@PADonk I get it. It's relentless. 💐

@PADonk I'm with you on the not waiting! I think it's more about mentally moving on by trying again than anything else. There's no medical reason not to, apart from then being a bit unsure on dates so I'm going to give it a go I think. I doubt anything will happen before the new year in any case

@PADonk I didn’t wait after the MC bleeding stopped. We are no longer tracking as I can’t get afford mentally to get obsessive - I need to feel stress free. We just had lots of sex.

I have since just finished a period so clearly didn’t get pregnant - but I’m old so no surprises there - basically I say if you feel up to trying straight away, go for it. Just try not to expect too much immediately xxx

@Noodles4Me @ThelastRolo20 @CrazyMILonthecase @CluelessInLondon @Mumtobabyhavoc thanks all so much - so helpful. Just got a solid smiley on a clear blue so will see how we’re feeling tonight. I am very envious of those who don’t track and just have super regular sex but lots of potentially unfruitful shagging just sounds like added stress to me 😂

@PADonk that's great! I've still got faint positives on pregnancy tests, and the blankest OPK 😞 it's so hard waiting for my body to move on

@ThelastRolo20 bless you, really hoping it won’t be long now. Do you normally have a sudden or gradual peak? My opks have all also been nonexistent before today, hence why I treat myself to some clearblues as they track estrogen too so let you know it’s at least coming a bit sooner xxx

@PADonk To be fair it peaked very quickly before. I had only done them for one cycle though as that's when I fell pregnant. But I'm assuming if I'm still getting faint positives my body won't attempt ovulation anyway? I think that's why these tests are really annoying me! Today's is at the bottom but hasn't really moved in 3 or so days 😞

@ThelastRolo20 mine looked like that right up until yesterday, I definitely wouldn’t assume it means you won’t ovulate. Hang in there! I started getting flashy smileys before my pregnancy test was blank yesterday, there’s absolutely no reason to believe it’s not right around the corner xxxx

@PADonk thanks love, these are the pregnancy tests rather than the OPKs though. The OPKs are literally blank - so I'm far away from ovulating I think unfortunately

@ThelastRolo20 ha yeah I realised the second I pressed send 🙈 haven’t had my single coffee allowance yet this morning! Have edited as still think you’ve got every reason to assume it’ll come xxx

@PADonk I'm on my second coffee 😂 can't function beforehand. Thank you - that's good to know, because I'm obsessed with POAS I've redone the tests now - for absolutely no reason other than to scratch an itch haha.