Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@Sunbird24 That's what they said the last time I was pregnant before I miscarried. I am 5 weeks now and haven't seen anyone yet 🙂.

Sorry for the confusion.

Ah ok, with you now. I know you can’t help worrying, so I’ll just say keep doing all the right things and book a scan for a couple of weeks from now. Good luck!

@Phoenixwings1989 I completely understand your anxiety but try to keep your mind busy on other things if it’s at all possible. Nausea can kick in later and some people don’t feel it as strongly . I know some people on the pregnancy thread I was on previously paid to book private scans at around 8 weeks for reassurance . it’s early days but I hope this works out for you

@Sunbird24 unfortunately I’m having to have an mva tomorrow. This was my own reluctant decision as I haven’t told my children , and if I went for GA i would need to cancel my 7 year olds birthday party (they do the procedures on different days ) and I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint him. But if it goes ok I’ll post about my experience for anyone else who looks up information. Thankfully it’s only meant to last a short time

@Jetlaggedgirl thats a very good reason for making that choice, and I’m sure you will be really well looked after. It’s supposed to feel quite similar to a smear, if that helps at all. I used to visualise myself lying on a beach when I was having ivf stuff done, so trying to focus on the sound of the waves and seabirds, and the feeling of sun on my skin and sand in my toes. Whatever works!

how was your appointment today @CA91 ?

Hi @Jetlaggedgirl hope you’re doing okay?
So the scan came back inconclusive, he said it was really difficult to tell the difference if it was blood vessels or retained products 😩 so they took more bloods and I’ve to go back tomorrow for another blood test to determine if my hcg is falling or steady. If it’s steady then they will hopefully consider surgery. So still a bit in the unknown area unfortunately! He also mentioned the corpus letium cyst the pregnancy would have came from is still still in my right ovary and not resorbed so this will need to be monitored but he said wouldn’t be causing a positive test
Praying for some answers Wednesday now 🙏🏼

Hello. I'm new.

I've just returned from EPU having been told that I'm measuring just under 6 weeks when I should be 8+4, and they could see a lot of blood around baby but couldn't see a heartbeat.

There was also an empty sac (twin).

I had a private scan at 7+1 weeks where I saw the heartbeat which was strong, although measuring 6+1. We could also see the empty twin sac.

I went to EPU because of brown spotting which started Sunday, which turned to dark red and a bit heavier but still lighter than a usual period. Cervix was closed on exam yesterday

Since last night I've had dragging aches/mild pain.

The doctor I saw has booked me for another scan next week, but I think I am miscarrying. I can't see how having seen a heartbeat at 7 weeks that one couldn't be seen today, and measurements are barely different. My sore boobs have disappeared too. The doctor said its possible I ovulated late but the last time we dtd was 24th December and even if that was the case should be further along. I think they just try to be nice/hopeful.

I didn't want another speculum exam today, I just wanted to go home and cry.

We have been ttc for over 3 years and I feel like I've lost all hope.

I'm sorry for the long post, I just wanted to get it all out to someone who might understand and has been through similar.

@treehousethunderstorm i’m so sorry The bit where you sit in limbo is the worst to deal with I think. Make sure you look after yourselves and each other.

@treehousethunderstorm I am so so sorry, I can't imagine how heartbreaking this is. And so cruel to have heard the heartbeat at 7 weeks. I think this will be the hardest part - it was for me (not knowing, having some hope but mostly dread). Once things got going and I knew I was miscarrying I felt some relief at least that I knew where I was. Then it was time to grieve. Sending you love.

@treehousethunderstorm whatever happens this time don’t loose hope for the next . The in between week is hard. I had my appt on the Sunday and was waiting for a rescan 8 days later, but nature ran its course in the meantime on the Wednesday (not fully but enough to know). I’m on this thread because I’ve just had a miscarriage but ive also had successful pregnancies too. So what is now, isn’t always forever x

Thank you for replying. Getting it all down has helped somewhat. Just waiting for it to happen now

My loss was confirmed in hospital this morning, but I had an ultrasound in hospital yesterday that was inconclusive (Baby there; no heartbeat.). Had internal ultrasound this morning and loss was confirmed. I had had some bright red bleeding and a brief mild cramp. After the ultrasound yesterday I knew it was correct. 10w5d. I'm shattered. I'm completely broken right now. Surgery is on Thursday. I opted for quick resolution as I feel too traumatized to wait for a natural conclusion. Pathology will be done to try and determine cause. I feel so stupid for having shared my pregnancy news early. I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Was it stress? The antibiotics I needed for a uti? Did I overexert myself? Was it because I had to stop taking prenatals when I had bad nausea for a few weeks? Was I too happy to be pregnant? Too excited? Too proud?
I sobbed uncontrollably in emergency; doubled over; shaking. I didn't care how loud I was. I wanted to scream. Then all I kept saying was "Oh, no. No. Oh, no." Over and over.
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I am in a terrible, terrible dream.

@Mumtobabyhavoc i promise you, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes there’s a genetic problem with baby, sometimes there just seems to be no reason at all, which is really hard to accept. This is something that has happened to you, not because of you. You’re dealing with massive shock and grief right now, but self-blame is a rabbit hole you mustn’t go down - please believe me, I’ve been there 5 times. Be kind to yourself, let your loved ones look after you because they’ll want to help and come and talk on here whenever you need. Sometimes the emotions will feel too big to share with people face to face and see their reactions, but you may be able to put them in words for a little group of faceless strangers who have felt exactly how you feel.

@Sunbird24 Thank you. I'm truly sorry for all the loss you have experienced.
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
I'm still crying. It stops for a while then tears again. I'm exhausted.

@Mumtobabyhavoc that’s totally normal, and it’ll take a while to stop - it’s like it comes in waves, but eventually the tide goes out, almost so slowly that you don’t notice, and the waves get less powerful and further apart. You don’t exactly get over it, but it becomes something bearable over time.

hi unfortunately I'm joining this thread. I've had a few days of spotting which has now actually stopped. but had a scan at epu tomorrow and diagnosed with a mmc. I've to go back tomorrow for bloods then having an mva on Friday dreading it already.

@krissy12 I’m so sorry, as you can see you are very much not alone

@Sunbird24 @krissy12
Thank you again for your kind words of support. I feel it.
Krissy, I'm so sorry. I share your pain and I'm sending you strength. I'll keep you in my thoughts. 🌹

I had a lovely chat with my obgyn today. She was so compassionate, reassuring and supportive. Her colleague will be doing my surgery tomorrow. The part I am dreading is taking custody of my baby and delivering it to the lab at another hospital for pathology. Unfortunately, in order to expedite pathology and because it is another unaffiliated clinic that has ordered it, I need to do this after I am discharged from hospital tomorrow. I had read on another forum that some women take possession for burial. I was thinking cremation, so I am going to see if this is possible at this earlier stage (10w5). >Has anyone heard about this?<
I'm also struggling to reconcile the date of loss. I first had symptoms at 10w5d. It was confirmed the next day at 10w6d. My baby measured 20mm which correlates to my 9week scan and I surmised baby passed shortly after that to my obgyn and she agreed it was probably in week 9.
>How would any of you reconcile loss date?<
I am numb for tomorrow. I am getting a script for sleep meds and anti anxiety meds to help me get through the next couple of weeks as I suffer depression, anxiety and panic attacks which I had been off meds for due to pregnancy and previous breastfeeding other DC. I also have a list of counsellors to try.
I'm starting to get cramping and I want to cry that my body is now recognizing the loss. It is making this more real. It's awful. It's so fucking awful.

@Mumtobabyhavoc ir sounds hard having to do the transfer yourself. I had 3 go for genetic testing, they did ask if I wanted to bring them home afterwards but I didn’t - I understand the hospital had a sensitive way of dealing with the remains, potentially cremation with other tiny ones lost that early. Of my five only number 4 still had a heartbeat at 8 weeks (I did see a heartbeat on one of the two for number 3 at just over 6 weeks but it didn’t last), although the final one looked a little bigger than the others from the scans, but I preferred not to see them even at that size. You know what will be right for you and your little family. Some people have chosen to plant a rose in a pot and have a little burial.

I don’t think the actual date they stopped growing is worth getting too focused on, because when they don’t grow according to plan you can never be exactly sure when that was. It’s likely my last one gave up around Christmas day (2021, feels so long ago now) but I keep their due dates instead.

@Sunbird24 your pain must be immeasurable. I'm crying reading your post.
Again, thank you for your support. I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me. 🌹

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you, but now my whole fertility journey is at an end (barring miracles) I’m at peace with it all. It was hard while I was going through it, but I guess parenthood was just not meant for me for some reason. Because I tried everything I could, I have no regrets. People suggest adoption, and I’ve got friends who either have or are considering it - some with bio kids already and some who had a very similar experience to me. I just don’t feel like it’s right for me.

@Sunbird24 Sometimes the right choice is the choice you can bear at that time. It's so emotionally exhausting.

I had the procedure done. My baby was taken from my body and put into a specimen jar. The container was put into a bag with the paperwork for the lab to do pathology and given to me. I wrapped the bag in a soft baby blanket and tucked a little stuffed zebra inside. It was my other DC's newborn stuffed animal, so I felt like my baby had some love and care. The people at the lab at the other hospital were lovely. I attached a handwritten note to the bag explaining my baby was loved and wanted and now deeply grieved and asked they treat my baby with care and compassion. I was hugged and assured they would. They will phone me when the tests are done and I will pick up my baby's remains for cremation. After that I will keep the ashes until spring/summer so I have time to decide if I want to bury them or scatter them. Everyone at the hospital treated me very kindly and with compassion and care. I am grateful for that.
Thank you @Sunbird24 for this space so I can get it all out.

@krissy12 I'm keeping you my thoughts for your procedure. I know how awful all of this is. There are no words to adequately describe it and I know I can't say anything to make things better. Please know I'm so sorry this has happened to you. 🌹

thank you so much @Mumtobabyhavoc I'm thinking of you to its such a horrible time