Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Hi all, been a while since I posted but have been reading through posts and sending love to all newcomers to this forum and existing members also, whatever you have going on know you are in a safe space ❤️.

Tw-pregnancy.

So I just found out I am pregnant again after the MMC in May. I didn't have any symptoms really until last weekend and even had "af" on the date expected albeit shorter than usual. I took a test Tues and yep, clear as day so I'm about 7 and a half weeks.

Thursday I start to experience light bleeding for over 24 hours, followed by lower left side cramping which is what happened before my MMC was detected. I went to my gp yesterday who referred to EPAU as my shoulder also started hurting as well.

Due to it being Friday and time getting on, all the sonographers had left for the weekend. they took bloods and said wait for them to come back but they were admitting me in case bloods show something that needs urgent attention. 3 hours later I get told hcg is 85,000 so they highly doubt ectopic but a scan will confirm whatever and no one to scan until Monday so I can go home. I've got a scan in for wednesday so am now in limbo.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm having a difficult day today. It's been 24 days since MVA to remove retained tissue and I seem to be starting my period early. My BBT has decreased and I've got light spotting/bleeding but nowhere near full flow. Feeling worried the a short cycle length as I'm usually regular/long and also why it's so light! Has anyone had similar? Hopefully it's just because it's the first day of it, but it's stressing me out!

@Gt1986 that must be so worrying for you - everything crossed for you that the scan goes well on Wednesday.

@13lucy sorry to hear you're having a tough day, they sometimes come out of nowhere. It can take a while for our bodies to get back in the swing of things, it's so hard but we have to give it time (coming from an incredibly impatient person!) X

@SnookyPook hope everything went ok this afternoon with your bloods - keeping everything crossed they rule out ectopic but if not, you’re in the best possible place xx
@Jess1997 im sorry you’ve had 3 losses too. I’ve had two chemicals and a MC at 8 weeks all in the space of 6 months and it feels a LOT. Really hope everything goes ok for you too on Monday xx

@Gt1986 oh how scary you for. Such a pain that they can’t scan you until next week and you’re left in limbo just worrying 😞 I really hope the pain has subsided and the bleeding is just normal bleeding and fingers crossed you get to see a lovely little heartbeat on Wednesday x
@@13lucy my first cycle after my MC was really short too - I think about 23 days which is unheard of for me! My ovulation seemed to return to normal this month and I fell pregnant but turned out to be a chemical. I think you just need to be patient (much MUCH easier said than done I know!!) Your body will get there. My periods are always fairly heavy but I do know friends who had lighter periods post MC and also bled less with chemicals than with their normal period which is the opposite to me so I think we are all so different and there’s no “right” way. Annoyingly!! But try not to panic 😊 x

@ThelastRolo20 @CrazyMILonthecase thanks for your messages. I've been feeling much better recently but it's hit me again with my period starting and it feeling out of whack. Really struggling with trusting my body! All the waiting and being unable to do anything else but be patient is so tough!

I think with it being my first pregnancy I'm desperate to know whether I can have a child. I know the odds are high that it will be ok but I won't know until I can try again!

@SnookyPook Just checking in and so sorry to see the rollercoaster of this week. The thought of ectopic must be so scary, on top of the loss of a pregnancy and potential baby. Really glad you seem to be getting good care and communications from the hospital. Take care. I’m thinking of you x

@CrazyMILonthecase @Oxalis00 thank you 💕

A bit of good news this evening - the HCG has started dropping. They've called it a 'suboptimal drop' so may still want to give something to speed the process up, but prior to doing that, they will scan me Monday morning, have a senior review, take yet more bloods (!!) and then take it from there. It most likely is ectopic from the evidence they have but fingers crossed it may have started resolving of its own accord... I'm kind of running on adrenaline right now and just focusing on getting this part over with so I think that's taken priority over mourning the loss too much just yet. I do feel better knowing the HCG isn't still rising though - less scared of a rupture.

@Gt1986 I'm so sorry you find yourself in limbo. I'm keeping everything crossed for you that all is ok 🤞🏻🙏 Please update us on Monday if you want to share. 💕

Hi all

@SnookyPook glad to hear you’ve got a bit more clarity and hope tomorrow goes well

Sorry for all those who are having a crap time at the minute - it’s so reassuring to read through and see people are going through the same thing, and the amount of support here is just amazing 💕

I’m having a bit of a hard time today, my twin has given birth and I’m happy for her but obviously it’s still just incredibly difficult - I should have really had a 6 week old myself now and then I had another mc just 10 days ago. What’s really hard though is that no one in my family has dropped me a message to acknowledge it must be tough - it’s been nonstop WhatsApp all weekend asking for updates and then super excited now the baby’s here, and I’m just so hurt that not a single person has thought for a second to check in with me. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, I think it’s just the culmination of months of feeling like they’re avoiding me / not asking if I’m ok. My due date came and went without any acknowledgment and this just feels like an obvious milestone that should have prompted at least one person so think, oh shit this is probably a bit tough for her. Sorry for the ramble, just needed to unload. Loads of love to everyone xxx

@SnookyPook I'm really sorry you're going through this. Your list of positives is really good and I hope it gives you some comfort💜

@Gt1986 keep us posted, I hope the scan goes better than you hope. Sounds really stressful

@CluelessInLondon I totally understand your feelings. I have up and downs so often and keep thinking I should be x number of weeks pregnant. Any sign of your period?

We've just gotten through our first cycle trying again. I had some real emotional lows but my husband was really pragmatic and also made it kind of fun and light hearted. We've been having movie dates after our son goes to sleep and trying not to focus on ttc schedules too much although we did aim for certain days. Some of the time I'm desperate for another baby and sometimes I don't even want to try again. I'm hoping it happens quickly and trying to stay positive despite all the hard feelings.

@PADonk that sounds so difficult, I'm sorry. I don't think people realise how impactful miscarriages are if they haven't had one, I think people just move on. To us it stays very real for a very long time, it won't be because they don't care, they just haven't lived it xx

If you're close to any particular family member perhaps confide in them?

@WolfMother326 fingers crossed for you - I’m waiting to ovulate for the 1st time since the mc and hoping we can make it as relaxed as possible, movie nights sound 👌🏼

@ThelastRolo20 thank you 🙏🏼 my brother and SIL have had a couple of mcs in the past so I was particularly surprised for them to be so emphatic and not hear a word from them on the side. I probably am being a bit unfair and overthinking it, I just think everyone knows how much we want a baby, and we’re now like the childless pariahs while they’re all just comparing baby weights on the family chat. I also semi had it out with my sisters a few months ago as they’d just stopped texting me altogether and they basically just said they found the whole situation stressful and that was that. Just another shit bit of this whole journey.

@PADonk I think if they've been through it themselves that's really tough. I have the same with my SIL talking to me about her symptoms (she's giving birth tomorrow) - really tough but when she went through it, no one in the family was about to give birth - so she doesn't have the same circumstances.

It's hard as no one has walked in your shoes. And it sucks. And people can be rubbish at empathising. All I would do is focus on self preservation, mute the groups, step back, focus on you xx

@PADonk it's not just you. That does sound like they're all being extremely insensitive. I think @ThelastRolo20 has some good advice. Hard as it is, step back a little and focus on your own mental health and wellbeing. But it is so hard when part of that is wanting support from those closest to you, and they are the ones letting you down. Sending you a massive hug. Know that, at least you have us, and we get it. You can feel sad and rant etc here without having to justify or caveat anything.

Has anyone here had an ectopic? I'm not quite sure what to expect in terms of the bleeding etc? Lots of questions to ask at my appointment tomorrow but just wondered if anyone would mind shedding some light? If you have methotrexate do you just start bleeding shortly after? I just don't know at this point!

@ThelastRolo20 @SnookyPook thanks both, really appreciate that and you’re 100% right. No good comes from stewing.

@ThelastRolo20 has your SIL got any better? Hope tomorrow isn’t too rough xx

@SnookyPook i haven’t so no wisdom to share I’m afraid, hope they can give you all the info you need xxx

@SnookyPook thats great news your HCG is dropping. I hope the scan tomorrow goes well and isn’t too stressful / anxiety-inducing. I HATE Scans now after all this ☹️ Fingers crossed you can avoid any treatment 🤞🏻 let us know how it goes if you feel up to it x
@PADonk Oh that must be incredibly tough for you - a harsh reminder of what you’ve lost. I’m so sorry. I agree with others that unless you’ve had a MC I don’t think these things register. People don’t mean to be dismissive or nasty (I hope anyway!) but they don’t fully understand the impact of baby loss and I’ve found that many people think it’s something you have a cry over them get over within days 🙄 Feel free to vent here and maybe mute the family chat for a few days to protect your own well-being? X

@PADonk @CrazyMILonthecase thank you. At least with this scan I already know the outcome is bad so it's not as nerve-wracking although will be very poignant I'm sure 😌

Morning ladies, just catching up on all the weekend posts - I went away for the weekend and decided to resist the temptation to be on emails, social media etc. and it was really relaxing. You don't realise how much you need a break until you get one!

@SnookyPook I'm so sorry that things haven't progressed as hoped - it feels really unfair after the other losses you've suffered. I hope you're at least able to get some clarity on what's going on and this can be resolved without too much stress on your body. Maybe like you say this just isn't your year and next year will be the one.

@Jess1997 I hope your appointment goes okay and you're able to figure out what's going on. Good idea to take someone with you who's good at asking questions too - it can feel so pressurised in the moment during a medical apointment when you're trying to absorb information and work out what else you need to know! Good luck.

@Gt1986 Sorry to hear that you're having a worrying time right now, that feeling of being in limbo is horrible. Keeping fingers crossed for you that it's a false alarm and your scan gives you some reassurance.

@13lucy I haven't had personal experience of the short cycle after MC, but I think our bodies are pretty weird for a while afterwards and it can take a couple of cycles for the hormones to properly regulate back into a rhythm, so hopefully it's just that for you. I've been trying to read up on it a bit recently and everything I've seen suggests that your cycle should ultimately go back to how it was before, but it might take 2-3 months to get there.

@PADonk I'm sorry to hear about the family dynamic being difficult right now with a new baby arriving. I can sort of understand people who have never experienced MC not really understanding how profound and long-term the effects are - I can honestly say I had no idea until last month - but it's strange that your brother and SIL haven't thought to be more sensitive to you having had losses of their own. Maybe they are just too caught up in the excitement of it all? If you haven't already, maybe just mute the family chat for a few days to give yourself some distance from it and to give your emotions a break. ❤

@WolfMother326 Thanks for checking in on me. 😊Good news from my weekend is that my period is back! Bit heavier than usual for a couple of days (started with very dark blood/discharge which I guess was old lining from the pregnancy, then by Saturday night it was more like a normal period) but not painful which I'm glad about as I was worried it would be really painful and would ruin my weekend away! Interestingly it came bang on 2 weeks after the highest result I got on an OPK test so maybe I did ovulate, or at least my body tried to. Going to get back onto the TTC wagon this cycle, although I've told my husband to be strict with me about not putting too much pressure on myself and not stressing about the idea of getting pregnant again first time round (you read so many stories about people getting pregnant first cycle trying after MC and start to become convinced it should happen to you too!). Your approach sounds really good as a way to try and keep it relaxed and not too pressured.

Wow that was a long post! Sorry if I missed anybody - I hope you are all doing okay heading into another week. 🌼

Hi everyone - hope appointments go well today for those having them.

I've been doing okay but struggling today. My SIL is in to have her baby delivered, messages are flying around all the groups. She's even messaging me directly updating me on the ward etc. I imagine baby will come this morning and I'm so happy for them but just feel crap.

Still no negative pregnancy test so I don't even feel I can move on yet. It's all just so rubbish

@ThelastRolo20 I would definitely mute family chats and your SIL's messages, if I were you - she is being massively insensitive and surely she has other people she can message? I don't think anybody could complain if you wanted to just take a step away from all of the baby chat right now.

Am I right in thinking you're a couple of weeks on from your MC? That's still fairly early for a negative test so try not to get too disheartened - it will come.

@CluelessInLondon thank you for the message. At least as it was a planned section I've had time to get my head around it.

Yes, 2 weeks tomorrow since the miscarriage. It's faint, but I just want it gone! It's the bottom one, top one was yesterday's.

@CluelessInLondon thanks, I know you’re right. Glad you’ve got your period back and it’s not been too bad, and also you’re not putting too much pressure on yourself for this month. I know people mean well when they say it but it can just be an added pressure you really don’t need. Will try and channel your positive approach when we get there 🙏🏼

@ThelastRolo20 sending you massive massive hugs right now. Weirdly enough this landed in my inbox this morning and has been really helpful, even to just let you know other people have had the same experiences of people being insensitive and the same reactions to it: https://jennieagg.substack.com/p/how-to-stay-friends-after-babies?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
my mc was 2 weeks ago on weds and also still getting lines, totally get how crap it is to see them pop up day after day. We’ll get there xxxx

Thinking of everyone with appointments today and hoping for the best ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 Those tests are definitely getting lighter - hang in there, you'll have that negative soon. 🌻

Just back from hospital. Was extremely poignant being there on my due date and having to pass by the birthing unit etc. But some good news, no obvious sign of ectopic and they are happy to avoid methotrexate as HCG has come down again. I can expect to bleed soon and they want me to do a home pregnancy test in 3weeks. All being well, that will be the end of this chapter. 😌

@SnookyPook ah I'm so pleased you don't have to take the meds/ your body is doing it itself. It must have been really hard being there today - look after yourself x