First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@3204ECL I'm so so happy for you! Massive congrats!!

I really admire how you were able to forget about the TWW and then get a lovely BFP as a surprise because you were late. I am a bit jealous, tbh, because I have been torturing myself over here during this TWW and no matter how hard I try I can't relax or think about other things. I wish I could be more like you!

Which brings me to this ladies - I hate to say it, but I really think I have to step away from the thread for at least a week or two. The anxiety of this waiting has been killing me so much and FF just changed my O date to cd17 for some reason, putting me back at 6 dpo rather than 8. I'm so frustrated with the fact that I didn't bd as much as I wanted to, even though the only thing I want in life right now is a BFP. I want it too much and feel so depressed about missing it this month and then also the next when DH is away. It's been eight months now since I was first pregnant and I have absolutely nothing to show for it except some scars on my face and on my heart. I've hated myself every day since the mmc in February, I felt the world ended with the partial molar, and now I'm still not pregnant. I feel I am just wasting time and counting the days away each month. Life is just passing me by while I wait for something that might not even happen to me. Sorry this is so dark, I guess I didn't realise the pressure I would feel ttc after the partial molar and not being allowed to for so long. I hope you all have more amazing news when I get back - particularly you @catconfusion and @bananamonkey! I know this is your month. I just don't feel like it's mine and I have to stop thinking about it for now. Sendings hugs to you all at all the different stages of recovery and wishing you @3204ECL and you @Amanda81 a very healthy and happy pregnancy! Xxx

@sadtoday21 so sorry you're feeling this way. Hopefully some time away will help. It did for me, it wasn't through choice as I lost my phone but it helped me to relax a bit and think about other things and then I stopped temping as well which helped me think about things less. Sending hugs and love to you and I really hope you feel better soon. This whole process is so very difficult at every stage but it will hopefully be worth it for us all in the end ❤️ xxx

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's so awful what mmc does to self esteem. Please don't feel hate towards yourself (she says having felt similar). You have a lovely personality and seem a great person with so much love for everyone on this group. I'm sure we'd be friends if we knew each other in real life. Know you did nothing wrong and this wasn't your fault. It was a tragic accident. Have you considered counselling? I'm currently feeling like I might need it. I had another dark day yesterday and felt awful.

As for FF f@*k it! I don't agree with the changed date. Even if it was later you're well covered with bd. I can relate to being scared about how you'll feel if it's not a bfp but you are so strong and I know you'll be ok either way and it will come to you at the right time. It's so hard to get life back to any sort of normal after loss and it's something I'm trying hard to do. I don't want to look back on this time and feel sad about all the other stuff I lost and missed out on because of how I was feeling.

I completely understand your reasons for taking a break from MN. It is a great source of support but it can keep focusing the mind back on the sadness. It's healthy I think to have a break during the TWW to try and take your mind off things. I really hope you get that bfp and I think you've got a really good chance this cycle. This thread will always be here when you're ready. Xx

After a 38 day cycle AF is here finally

@Rainbow8bubbles that’s fab that it’s here finally for you!

@sadtoday21 totally understand you stepping away for a bit. It can be quite consuming this whole process and you can forget to just enjoy life. I hope the break does you some good 💗

I totally get it @sadtoday21, I’ve stepped back myself sometimes as I found it too much when I’ve started to get obsessive over the whole process. As I said earlier when the charts piss you off remember it’s just an algorithm and a tool, it doesn’t truly know what’s going on in your body. Hope you can step back and find a bit of peace, counselling is a great suggestion. Be kind to yourself, you’ve done everything right every step of the way

Great news @Rainbow8bubbles

I think this cycle is definitely out for me, had a bit of brown spotting earlier and I’m finding my acne is really getting me down, I’ve suffered my whole life and the only thing that works is taking the pill, it means I’ve managed to have clear skin for years. Currently it’s the worst it’s been since I was teenager, it’s painful and I look awful, I’m 37 FFS.

Third day of flashing smileys on the opk! Guess this is a good thing, hoping to see a peak at some point this week. Fingers crossed 🤞

Thanks so much for your kind words @3204ECL and @Catconfusion. You guys have also made me feel a lot better @bananamonkey and @Kiki061190. I think I was just having a really rough day and overthinking everything (of course). I'm still feeling really up and down and nervous, but trying to just stay focused on other things atm.

I've tried to blog in a lighthearted away about this experience to make myself feel a bit better. You guys can check it out here: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/trying-to-conceive-again

Had a quick chance to catch up on the threat (couldn't resist, even though I am trying to). Sorry to hear that AF is coming @bananamonkey - I really hope it is just implantation bleeding. How is O coming along @Catconfusion? I hope you are both doing well @Amanda81 (isn't the scan coming up soon?) and you @3204ECL, as you are probably still absorbing the news.

That's all from me for now - really hoping I won't be back on here tomorrow upset because I've finally done the POAS and got a BFN :(.

oh and congrats on the flashies @Kiki061190 - that is wonderful news! Xxx

@sadtoday21 glad you are feeling a bit better today. The ups and downs in the TWW are so hard and like nothing I've personally ever experienced before. Sorry about a BFN, it's so hard. When is AF due?

Still very much sinking in here. Was very nauseous this morning which was pretty grim. Much worse than anything I experienced last time. Trying desperately not to compare anything though as I know every pregnancy is different. I've booked a doctors appointment for next Monday so very much seeing that as a mini milestone.

@Amanda81 all the best for your scan

@Kiki061190 fingers crosses for peak smiley soon

Hope everyone else is doing well.

xxx

Hey @sadtoday21 - I read your post yesterday and felt so sad for you. My family have only just gone about an hour ago and was meaning to send a post to you. I hope you are doing okay, it sounds like yesterday you became quite overwhelmed by it all and the darkness flooded your thoughts. I hope today is a better day! The ttc process should not be underestimated after loss, it can cause so many anxieties and stresses that there is no wonder days like you experienced yesterday come along. In the early days of my trying again, I felt the pressure, especially as I was still learning my cycles, but I found that trying to concentrate on other positive things in my life a real helpful way of refocusing.

I am doing okay, thanks for asking after me @sadtoday21 and @3204ECL - I have had a few rough days of feeling nauseous and very tired, which was a shame as family were visiting. We went out to a local Italian last night and I had to step away from the table at one point to get some fresh air. Today I do feel better, so perhaps it was another day of surges. My scan is tomorrow evening, so fingers crossed all is okay in there. Can't help but let the worry creep in, but I don't think this is how I cope with it all. I should be 10+3 (ish) tomorrow which will be further along than the first. Really really hoping all is okay. I will let you know.

If it is a BFN tomorrow @sadtoday21, please don't be too hard on yourself. Have you had anything to go by? Any symptoms? I recall my first few attempts after the MMC and I really couldn't tell either way, as everything was so much more sensitive down there. However, when I was a couple of cycles along and was more in tune with my body the signs where there.

Really sorry to hear about the spotting @bananamonkey - fingers crossed it doesn't progress in to full on AF.

Hope all is okay with you @Catconfusion

Has the news set in yet @3204ECL ??

@sadtoday21 crossing fingers for you. I got a faint positive at 10dpo last time but I was pregnant with twins and the hormones were a lot higher! Don’t get down if it’s a negative because that doesn’t mean it’s over this month 💗

4th day of flashing smileys ladies! How may days did yous have before you got a non flashing one?

Thanks @Amanda81, appreciate it. I thought I had all the symptoms before, but the chart is telling a different story with depressingly flat temps. Anyway, I had a bfn this morning so I am out this month :(. Really gutted, even though I was expecting it. I'll be out next month too so just feeling a lot lost right now.

Good luck for your scan today, I know you must be really nervous but everything is going to be ok! Hope you see a beautiful pic of the little one. Xxx

@sadtoday21 sorry about the BFN but don’t let it get your hopes down! You’ve tested early so you’re not quite out for this month yet 💗

Thanks @Kiki061190, I really appreciated your message. I also just don't "feel" pregnant though and the temps are really stable. I know it's a bit early at 8-10 dpo, but it just felt really definitive for me. Intuitively, I just think I know that we didn't succeed this month.

Forgot to say that I had three days of flashy smileys before the solid one, but as I said earlier most ladies seem to have 4-6, so you are still well within the normal range! Hoping you get your solid :) soon!

@Catconfusion also thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok! Xxx

@sadtoday21 so sorry about the BFN, hope you are doing ok. I actually had a BFN at 10dpo this cycle so don't give up just yet ❤️

@Amanda81 wishing you the best of luck with your scan this evening. Thinking of you

xxx

Sorry about your BFN @sadtoday21, I know they’re depressing to see but as others said it’s v early and you’re still not out yet x

@Kiki061190 I had 7 days of flashies but I don’t think that’s a good sign! I didn’t O till day 25 so having a long cycle

How are you feeling today @3204ECL?

Hope your scan goes well @Amanda81

Hey @Kiki061190 - I have a 28 day cycle and usually got between 4 and 6 flashing smiley faces before the static. Hope this helps.

Sorry to hear about he BFN @sadtoday21 - you are not out yet though! Keep positive and it will happen.

Just got back from the scan. It was dancing around so much and the heartbeat was beating very well. It has grown 12mm in the last 8 days and I am measuring at 38.3mm/10+5 days. The due date is jumping around all over the place and is currently placed as Boxing Day. So very happy and relieved, especially after the experience of brown spotting last Tuesday. The difference in scan images between the two most recent scans is immense, it actually looks like a baby as opposed to a blob. We have also booked the harmony test for next Monday. All feeling a little real now, but still trying to not get my hopes up to much until I get out of the dreaded first trimester.

Hope everyone is doing okay xxx

@Amanda81 amazing news, so glad to hear the scan went well. Not long left now until you're out of the first trimester. Have you got a date for your 12 week scan?

@bananamonkey thanks for asking. I'm doing ok, still very nauseous and tired! How are you doing?

xxx

Hey @3204ECL - yes the 12 week scan is on the 18th June (2 weeks today). I was super nervous before I went in to the scanning room today, but all the sonographers have been lovely and so understanding. Feeling slightly obsessive about the amount of scans that I've had, but don't think I would be able to control the anxiety any other way. Sorry to hear you are feeling nauseous and tired, how far on do you think you are? Xx

@Amanda81 only 4 weeks 2 days so seems early for nausea but it's been awful! Have you had private scans for did you manage to get them through your GP? I've booked a doctors appointment for Monday then was planning to book a private scan at 6/7 weeks. xxx

I'm so sorry @sadtoday21 please don't give up hope. So much of it is out of our hands! It's a shame though and I can appreciate you're feeling sad. Hopefully AF won't come and it's a false negative.

Arh congrats @Amanda81 you're doing so well to manage the anxiety as well as you are. So lovely you're getting close to the end of the first third of pregnancy. Not long to twelve weeks.

So I think I might have ovulated. We went out in London last night and I had a few drinks so there's a chance the alcohol raised my temps. I haven't drank much in ages and just thought life's too short. We had a lovely time and I've come home feeling much more chilled out about ttc. Xx

@3204ECL we had 2 NHS scans initially (6 wk and 8wk) and have had 2 private scans. When I met with the midwife she could see how anxious I was and she booked me in for blood tests to check HCg levels and the first scan. The sonographer then asked to see me again to check progress. I don't think it was normal to get the scans, but because I've had 2 MC in the space of 5 months I think they took pity on me. I hope you get the same treatment as it really helps to have the support. Xx

Hey @Catconfusion getting away sounds like it has done the world of good! Fingers crossed this is O for you and you entering the tww. Alcohol has never raised my temps like that before, so it's looking very hopeful. Have you had spikes before due to alcohol? Xx