First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@Catconfusion you go girl! Spray some nice light perfume/aftershave and off you go 😂

Sadly sex on a hot night will always be gross to an extent, but think how many extra calories you'll burn! Xx

@Kiki061190 Thanks! It feels like a million years since mine and DH's last good dtd sesh, I mean how long can one go without?! 😂

That's good you're busy, time will fly and your hols will be here in no time! Wind down just before you go, it's always nice to start off chilled & make the most of it from day one 😊 xx

I just had surgery on 13/7/19 after my 2nd mmc I had my first about 12 years ago then had 2 normal pregnancies and have 2 beautiful daughters but while pregnant with my 2nd lg my mum found out she had cancer and passed away so her first year I feel I didn’t really get to enjoy she is now nearly 9 and me and my oh decided we would try again and I fell straight away had a scan at 6 weeks saw it’s little heart beating went on holiday @ 9 weeks and 2 days before we flew home @ 11 weeks had some light bleeding so booked in for emergency scan the morning we returned but my baby’s heartbeat had stopped at 8 weeks 4 days so I went in on the Saturday to have it removed I feel devastated and can’t wait to try again😢 I hope it happens soon and my cycle is normal ❤️

Hi everyone I just wanted to join this group because today we went to find the heartbeat at eight weeks and there was no heartbeat and I have had no signs of miscarriage no bleeding no cramping so now I need to abort the baby apparently they died right after my first early scan at six weeks and I am beyond heartbroken I have hope knowing that I can actually get pregnant so I’m hoping that in a couple months will try again and hopefully will have a miracle baby that is healthy

Can anybody give me some insight as to what’s going to happen next once I take these pills and will have the actual miscarriage ? I just feel so broken hearted we both do it was her first pregnancy

Hi @EPSpartyof3 I’m so sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Also I’m so sorry for your loss. It really is heartbreaking. I had surgery when I had my missed miscarriage so I can’t speak first hand about what happens now. My understanding is it varies greatly. If you’re not at the hospital though and you’re not coping call epau and get admitted.

I too lost my first pregnancy at a similar stage but didn’t know until 10 weeks. With the surgery at 12 weeks. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go though. It’s a long road ahead but if you give your body and mind time to heal you’ll get there. Sadly the pain will probably never completely go but you’ll learn to cope and move forwards with it.

Please know there’s some lovely ladies on this thread and we’re happy to offer support. Xx

@catconfusion
Thank you so much for getting back to me it’s nice to know other people are out there and understand what we go thru. I am hoping to clear my body of this get back to our routine and when the time is right get pregnant again. I have a ton of faith that things happens the way they are supposed to and it doesn’t take the pain and sadness away but it helps me cope. I wonder why I didn’t need a D&C? I think they believe what they gave me will work - it it gets unbearable I will go to the hospital
I cannot believe how common it truly is and especially your first ... I never knew so many people experienced this .. thank you so much for the support ..
has anyone had successful pregnancies after MMC?
How long did it take?
I know that some people it can happens immediately just gives me hope 🙏🏻
I’m 35 and this was out first
I have ENDO which made it hard to conceive - or at least I thought it did ... but it happened and hoping praying it will happen again

@EPSpartyof3 so sorry for your loss!

I am also 35 and also lost our first baby. At 9 weeks (but my d&c wasn't until the 14 week mark as I tried to wait for it to pass naturally but it didn't).

I've just been cleared to try again, and just like you I'm hopeful the next baby will be a sticky one! Remember we have been pregnant, we are fertile... I think this is what gives me most comfort! And miscarriages are unfortunately so common, just look at this thread.

Take care of yourself x

@EPSpartyof3 they usually offer surgical and medical options. There’s sometimes a wait list for surgery so might be why they suggested medical. I was very weak after being very sick with hypermesis so the surgery seemed best as no signs of it passing naturally. I hope it goes ok for you and it’s over quickly.

Bear in mind that although mc is very common, a mmc is far less likely. It’s about 1% of pregnancies. I think sometimes when people try to console you by saying it’s common, it detracts from the added layer of trauma a mmc brings. You thought your baby was healthy and ok but it wasn’t. Most ladies mc before 6 weeks.

Let us know how you’re getting on! Xx

@SunStruck I’m sorry for your loss too - that gives me hope too my body knows how to get pregnant 💗 so it will happen again - it’s crazy esp when I thought I wasn’t! Which was why I felt lonely was such an blessing and miracle ! I have endo and we ever almost start IVF we did like 5 months of testing and work and it ended up being @50,000 and we couldn’t - so we said if nothing happens in a few years we will adopt and like two months later - bam!
I didn’t want it to pass naturally I wanted to remove ASAP but now it’s diffcult bc I need to watch everything and if it’s not enough they maybe need to go In.. I want to try as soon as we can

@catconfusion thank you I do as well.. it’s 2 am over here and it’s been rough but I took tramadol and that’s helps - painful very ! -
I don’t know if mine was an mmc? I guess bc my body still thought I was pregnant ? And if I had waited until 10 week original appointment then I may have pass on my own ? Who knows what could have happened

Thank you all again for the support it’s tough and it’s amazing to be able to with everyone who understands loss

@EPSpartyof3 Hi, I too am so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage and been through medical management myself.

Firstly, all options should have been discussed with you. Some are more or less suitable in particular circumstances. I wanted to have an op but the wait was 2 weeks, so effectively I was forced to decide to go ahead with medical management. It was not my preference as I knew going through it and "seeing" everything would traumatise me when I was coping fine(-ish) at the time. But here we are, in reality, I had no choice.

I will be completely honest with you, because this is the only thing a woman facing this deserves - it's very hard. You are given 4 pills called misoprostol, in my case I was told to insert all of them using a pessary, but some hospitals recommend you take 2 orally and 2 intravaginally. Clinical guidance varies.
I was told by the EPAU that "it would be like a heavy period". It certainly wasn't for me. It was early labour, lasted 8 hours, I was up all night with contractions I didn't expect and didn't know how to deal with them, so I was frantically googling things whenever I could breathe to find out from mums who had been through labour how I could help myself. I taught myself there and then how to breathe and push so that it helps me.

I also had a severe reaction to misoprostol which happens to more than 1 in 10 women, namely I was violently sick throughout the entire team. This meant I had to go through the process without the painkillers and with hardly any water, as I could not hold anything down. The EPAU had no understanding at all and provided no support when my husband was panicked thinking I was going to die. He called them in the middle of the night and they said to use a hot water bottle. We didn't bother with calling them again.

When I passed the sac, however, I knew it happened and felt immediately better, to the point I was standing up and eating about 10 mins later. It was pretty amazing.

The recovery was also very good physically.

I had reflexology after the miscarriage and I'd recommend to everyone as it helped me pass some leftover lining naturally. It may well come out on its own, it does vary between women. That's just my experience.

So, to sum up: for me, it was not what I wanted which was traumatic in itself, no one told me what to do which scared me even more, and no one told me how bad it can get, which was unfair. It can be bad, for me it was early labour with awful side effects. Not much blood overall, but the pain was horrific with no relief.

But. If you read through Mumsnet here, you will see multiple positive experiences, with lots of ladies saying to them it happened gradually like a heavy period indeed. Who didn't have any side effects. Some who bled heavily for a few hours and passed the sac but actually didn't feel so much in pain. You will also see that in about 20% of the cases, not everything is passed naturally, meaning you may have to either take it again, have the op, or try something alternative like me, to help your body deal with it and heal.

Equally whilst D&C seems to be a much quicker and more pleasant (?!) option, there are ladies on herd with difficult stories as it also has side effects - it's a surgery, which bears certain risks (reaction to anaesthetic, scarring of the lining which may cause issues with future pregnancies etc., some say your period returns later on comparison with MMC with misoprostol). It's very hard to tell how you are going to react and what's best for you.

The decision by all means should be yours, but it sounds to me you may have some discussions to have with the doctors first maybe to be absolutely informed.

Whatever you decide, it will be fine. You will go through this. There is a thunder buddy on here for every possible scenario of every possible miscarriage option and trust me, it's doable, even if you're now feeling it may not be.

I am awfully sorry for your loss and I wish you lots of strength to make the best decision for yourself and for the future. It will be bright, and the sun will shine again, I promise ❤️ xxx

Welcome @Ac2984 and @EPSpartyof3 and I’m so sorry for your losses. I think @MrsMGE summed everything up very nicely in terms of pluses/minuses of each option. For me, the D&C was quick and painless, but it did take me two months to get my period back and I wondered if it would have been quicker had I gone the more natural/medical route. It’s a tough choice and no great options really. I hope you both get through it ok and have a speedy recovery.

So I’m officially Worried. I’m seven weeks today and my first scan is on Monday. I feel like my symptoms are too mild for seven weeks - today woke up feeling fine and that’s exactly how I felt the last mmc at 12 weeks. I don’t feel sick enough and I’m so worried. Terrified I won’t see a hb at the scan again. I don’t know how I will cope if I have to go through it all again. Do you think it’s bad that I feel ok at seven weeks? I read somewhere that if morning sickness starts before eight weeks than your risk of mc reduces by one third. I had no morning sickness with my last mmc so even though I have no bleeding I’m terrified. Sorry for the rant! Getting more anxious as the scan approaches...

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way @sadtoday21 and I can understand the concern. Just remember I was very ill from 4 weeks up until my ERPC with severe nausea and sickness. My baby didn’t make it. So the symptoms are not always a good sign. All you can do is keep as positive and optimistic as possible. I really hope everything is ok. The odds really are in your favour this time. Xx

Hi ladies!

@sadtoday21 I know it’s so hard but every woman is different. I’ll be thinking if you the day of your scan ♥️♥️♥️

@EPSpartyof3 hi! I’m so sorry for your loss! ♥️ I had medical management for my mmc at 9.5 weeks, I was expecting twins. I went into the hospital and had the tablets inserted and passed most of the pregnancy out. I continued to bleed for 2 weeks after and then had the all clear at 3 weeks! I have had 2 AFs since but haven’t fell pregnant since!

@sadtoday21, I really feel for you with your anxiety. As @Catconfusion said, I was very sick from six weeks, all day every day and that pregnancy didn't work out. Everyone is different, some people have no symptoms at all and everything is perfectly ok.

The statistics are on your side but I know that won't make you feel any better so just come back and talk to us when you need to. FX for you. xx

Thanks @Catconfusion I know you are right, but it’s hard to stay positive sometimes. I thought once I got my BFP, I could put the mmc/mc behind me, but it turns out you never reallly get out of the mindset. I can never ever talk about pregnancy with someone who hasn’t been what we have been through. Good luck with dtd in this weather and fx you conceive naturally first!! Xxx

@zoomies1 thanks, you are so right about losing faith in statistics. I was trying to just not think about the scan and it worked for awhile, but now I am getting close to the day I’m more nervous. How are you doing?

Thanks @Kiki061190 hope you are enjoying not thinking about ttc and best of luck this month!

@sadtoday21 I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I'd be exactly the same and pretty sure it will be me posting a similar message on here when my time comes. Having said that, I felt very pregnant until I had the physical miscarriage, even though my baby died few weeks before. So having the positive pregnancy signs, much like the girls said before me, was no indication of a successful pregnancy to me either. It's so difficult not to be able to get any reassurance in this whole process, yet everyone is telling you to try to stay calm when you obviously can't after what's happened. I don't think this worry ever goes away completely. All you can do is try your best, distract yourself, lots of TLC and try to get these negative thoughts pushed aside. Equally, don't beat yourself up if you can't, that's completely understandable. Sometimes you just need to let yourself live through this and let them out, and that's OK. It may well help you to be totally open as to how you're feeling. Tomorrow you'll wake up and you will feel better, it will be a new day ❤️ Does your DP and any of your friends know that you're pregnant? Xx

@MrsMGE thanks so much for your kind words, I really needed to hear that. I loved what you said about trying to stay calm, but not beat yourself up if you can’t. Too often I feel people can be very demeaning about pregnancy and mc - I hate how all the articles online, for example, assume that all women have morning sickness and makes you feel like a nervous wreck if you don’t. They make you feel like everyone is having a normal pregnancy except you, which is clearly not the case. Anyway, grateful for you lovely ladies. DH does know now and he’s really quite worried too. He really wants this baby and I know he’ll be crushed if things go wrong again, which somehow makes it even harder for me to think about. No one else knows yet, we are just going to see how it goes. How are you doing? Hope all is well and you are on to a fresh start now. Xxx

@sadtoday21 No problem. Do you think talking to DH about your anxiety might help you a bit?

I talk to my DH every now and then about how we're both feeling and whilst he doesn't fully get it or feels different, it does help because ultimately, we are in this together. I told him exactly how I feel, how I'm scared of watching for all the signs of pregnancy, positive or negative, how I worry things may go wrong again (whether another MC or something different), how I feel robbed from having something very precious in life, i.e. the pure, unhindered joy of nurturing and expecting the new life, how I feel this huge burden of sacrificing my life is on me - being constantly careful what I eat, drink, how much exercise I do, how far I travel, whether I get stressed - we do it before TTC, during and during pregnancy. But we know full well that there may not be a reward at the end of this, we may not have a baby at the end of it. It's happened already and the fear is always there now. This journey takes months or years of our lives. It's hard.

I got it all out of my system and he listened. This has helped me a lot even though I understand no one who hasn't got a vagina is able to truly understand it.

I sympathise with you enormously, I really do. As my friend told me recently, "you have enough in your backpack, and try not to add more to it now". It's easy to slip into the "what ifs" mode. But if you worry about the unknown, there are two options: it may not happen, in which case you worry for nothing. Or it may happen, which would be awful, but still, you'd worry twice as much as needed over the same thing.

I keep telling this to myself. It doesn't always work, but it reigns my mind in when it's trying to delve into the darkest thoughts.

I'm gonna start TTC again literally this week. I'm scared too. But also determined not to end up in a vicious circle of being worried about being worried. Remember, you've been through hell of a lot, give yourself a big pat at the back. You're doing very well, even a superhero would find this challenge hard. Stay awesome ❤️ xxx

@sadtoday21 I totally understand about all the symptom stuff you read online. It’s so hard not to get lost in that stuff and let it get in your head! I’ve not even really bothered about TTC this month. Don’t even know what cycle day I’m on or when AF is due. Haven’t used pre seed or anything either so doubt it’ll happen this month but never say never!

@MrsMGE you’re so right, it feels like a very long journey sometimes, so far without any reward. All I can say is don’t deprive yourself too much along the way - the month I got my BFP I was drinking and enjoying my life, not thinking about ttc or being healthy. I know some people have health conditions and that makes it even harder, but otherwise I would try to treat yourself when you can (saying this also to myself).

I don’t know if it helps to talk to DH or makes me more anxious for both of us, tbh. I’m the kind of person that always tries to go through difficult times alone, so I need to remind myself to let others help me. I have this mantra for this pregnancy that I’m trying to stick to, but it almost equally all applies for the tough months of ttc too. Here it is:

Take one day at a time.
This time is different than last time.
There is no point in being sad.
Happiness is a choice.
My emotions won’t impact the outcome.
Just breathe.
Don’t waste time - focus on more important things than fear.
Don’t put your life on hold - live as normally as you can.
Treat yourself every week.
Monitor closely (every 2 weeks) and have a plan if things go wrong.
Let people help you.

I try to look at this list when I’m feeling low and anxious. I think you have the right approach @kiki061190, just go with the flow and see what happens! It’s a good reminder at any stage in this journey.

Best of luck this month ladies! Fx for all of us for a brighter future. Xxx

Omg! That's such a good idea - why don't we create our list of positive thoughts for days of doom on here so we can refer to it when things get tough - brilliant! I'll bookmark these posts 😍

I really like your list @sadtoday21. I'd add:

• All of your feelings are valid.
• You're never alone.
• Good people won't judge you, they'll support you. They are the majority.
• It is not the same baby, and every story is different.
• Once a parent, always a parent.
• Never, ever give up.
• Every life is a gift.
• The bravest thing to do is to face your fear.
• There's beauty in life that makes it worth living, no matter what.

@sadtoday21 If you feel better not talking to DH and you're more introvert, that's cool. Glad you're opening up on here & hope it helps a little bit ❤️

❤️🌺

@MrsMGE thank you so much for all
Your insight and support - it was tough and super painful tonight is my second round taking it to clear hopefully anything left over - we go in one week for an ultrasound to make sure all
Is clear ..
overall this has been one of the hardest things to bear
We were so happy my first one at 35 all we have ever wanted and then bam - it was taken away
It is so painful
I’m hoping we can get our life back before we got pregnant we’re working out a lot eating very healthy and concentrating on our wedding hopefully that with lots of sex will set up for the perfect storm ❤️❤️🙏🏻

@sadtoday21 @MrsMGE I love that list I need to life by it ❤️

@Kiki061190 I’m sorry for your loss was this your first ? Have you started trying yet again?