First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@Amanda81 Thank you for sharing. Definitely a lot to think about.

I am pretty sure my hormones are now more balanced and I can think straight(ish), unlike soon after losing the baby.

DH and I had a very frank discussion and said it was "easy" for us to conceive the first time (happened very quickly), and we'll give it another go naturally & will continue for another few years. I'm in my early 30s (DH is a bit older than me). However, if it doesn't happen or if we go through several more losses, we'll adopt. It's very important for us to share the love we have with children. But we don't want to lose ourselves in this or allow this to dominate our lives to the point it ruins our relationship. What would we have to offer to our children or to each other then?

I also think that each one of us has some kind of a limit of emotional resilience and there is only so much grief, pain and heartache you can take, especially within just a few years. I don't know what my threshold is.

I think I acknowledge that another loss may happen to me, or even two. I also understand I would then be referred for further tests. It would be very hard for me to deal with more losses, even now, after I know how it feels. But is this the reason not to go ahead? Probably not. We're all at risk with every pregnancy, aren't we?

In the same time, maybe it will never happen again? I hope it doesn't.

There is this anxiety in me because I'm acutely aware things can go wrong. I guess I'm wondering if this means I'm not ready, or whether this is part and parcel of what we've been through and if this feeling just won't go away, meaning that I will never be more ready than I am now. Xxx

Forgot to say that I will definitely book in for as many scans as possible. I think the worst thing is that I went on thinking I was pregnant when I wasn't. I know it's only reassuring at that time but I think I'll need it - I can't go a month thinking I'm pregnant when I'm not... had all the symptoms too :(

@Sunstruck I totally get what you're saying. I'd love to have two as well. And much like you, the process was long for me until I actually miscarried (also MMC, happened at 10 wks through medical management, the baby died few weeks earlier). That is a very good point, if things go wrong again, it takes time. Then it also takes time to recover, try again etc. This to me is a very strong argument not to wait, plus apparently we're more likely to conceive within the first 6 months after the miscarriage - have you heard this too?

It's just a bit scary to acknowledge, I am trying, I may be pregnant soon, how am I going to deal with the anxiety? Xxx

@Sunstruck That's why I went for private scans in my first pregnancy, but my baby died 2 days after a perfect scan, no symptoms at all, I felt pregnant till the very end. And the NHS rescanned me twice and wouldn't look at the private ones which actually made the process longer by about a week. I understand your point, scans did reassure me at first too. When I look at this now, I ended up having the MC at 10 wks whereas if I had waited fir the NHS scan, I'd have it at 13 or 14 weeks at the latest. That is nearly an extra month, yes, but also saves me the awful stress of waiting for my GP, EPAU referral, 4 scans in total, all confirming the death etc., etc. It's not nice to hear the same thing so many times, to me it's really extended the horrible time which could have been shorter. But that was my bad experience, I understand how regular frequent scans may help out too. Xxx

I was the same @SunStruck - baby passed at 10 weeks and didn't find out until 12 weeks. Oddly, I was worried all the way through about Mc, but when I got to 10 weeks I started believing. I am scared that my body will fool me again...I have chosen to have extra scans due to this, but also to help the anxiety. I am so sorry that you have had a hard time of it, it's been a long process for you and I bet you can't wait to get ttc again. Pregnancy is a scary old business and it really is out of our control xx

I think once you have experienced a loss @MrsMGE there is always a worry. I am on another board who have got pregnant again after loss, and each and everyone of them is struggling with anxiety in some shape or form. There is always something to worry about. I didn't fall pregnant straight away (took 9 months after coming off the pill) and did worry that it could take the same amount of time to conceive again. This certainly spurred me on. You are younger, so you have a good amount of time ahead of you. I am sure you will catch again quiet quickly. I do believe that removing all the pressure and stress contributes to a +HPT - we wasn't trying again after the 2nd MC as we wanted to take some time. Like you, I was worried about losing myself in all of this and did feel parts of my personality slipping away. You sound like a really positive person and you really sound that you are ready, but only you and your OH will know when the time is right xx

@Amanda81 such kind words, thank you so much ❤️ It's so reassuring to know this anxiety is normal. I can't even explain. In all of this, you sometimes feel like you're going mad and you don't know what's normal anymore. Thank you ❤️ Are you coping OK with this? xxx

Hmmm I'm coping with the everyday, but when I look far ahead, the negative thoughts creep in. I am struggling at the moment as I am unable to drive down to the scanning place as I am away on holiday. I do however have a bump forming, which is reassuring...but of course, I then start thinking that it's just holiday bloat. It's definitely a bump though as it's solid. I think I am holding back from believing it's happening, just in case it doesn't happen. That's just my coping mechanism kicking in trying to protect me. It's such a mental battle and we are all so strong for continuing. I love that you and your DH would consider adoption due to the fact that you have love to share. I don't think adoption is for my DH, and I haven't given it much thought. We have said though that if it doesn't work out for us, we will do something which will create a new chapter for us, probably a phased self-build xx

@MrsMGE yes I have heard should be more fertile after so hopefully... I think I'm scared it was just a fluke we fell on the first month of trying first time and now it will take a year 😔

At least we will be in the same boat and we can support each other when us ladies fall pregnant... because we will :)

@catconfusion, are you saying that it highlights a problem with progesterone? I had the same thing. Looking back, I started getting ill and it got progressively worse after the baby died. I also had a lot of tummy trouble which has continued. I couldn’t find any info on how you can use BBT to see if you have issues with oestrogen or progesterone.

I have decided to do what I was doing when I got pregnant the first time. I have upped my running mileage and am listening to more podcasts about pregnancy rather than infertility. I just wonder if it will help me stay in a more positive frame of mind.

@MrsMGE I think I would be rather nervous about being pregnant again if I’m honest. I think I have bad memories of my scan and for me that would be the hard part to do again. I lost twins and it was so sad seeing the two of them on the screen so I don’t think I could face another early scan again! I’m just trying to forget about TTC and taking care of myself and having fun which I think I haven’t done since I found out I was pregnant in March. Hopefully when the time comes again I’ll feel less anxious about it!

Thanks so much girls. My friend just told me she's pregnant and due on the same date as I was with my first. I'm happy for her, but God, bawling my eyes out here as this emptiness is killing me right now.

@Kiki061190 oh poor your, that must be so terrible 😔😔 it's so good you're having a bit of fun between TTC, I'm doing the same. Unfortunately that means I do go out and drink wine so I'm worried about egg quality too sigh! Always on back of mind!!

@MrsMGE I know that feeling 😢 one lady in my group of friends just announced 3 months pregnant, she didn't have an early scan... I couldn't imagine that now after what happened to me! I know it's difficult, you are obviously so happy for her but so sad for yourself. It's a really confusing feeling.

This time around I won't be downloading pregnancy apps to follow the growth of the baby, and not book scans early in advance! When I went in for my 10 week scan when we found out the baby had passed, I already had my 12 week scan booked in... was a very sad thing to have to cancel that, felt really stupid for some reason... and naive.

Hi mums, I'm CD 26 post MC. I had brown discharge with had an offensive smell after 2 wks post MC so they gave me 2wks antibiotics course to prevent infection which ran out yesterday. After that the smell was gone. I had my vaginal scan 5 days ago which confirmed I still had product left in my uterus.
The spotting has stopped today and I'm worried that there is still product left in my uterus. I'm worried about infection which can hurt my chances of getting pregnant again.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Thank you

@Sunstruck Thank you ❤️ I've had a shock of my life tbh, she never wanted to be a mum and decided to give it a go in her 40s, her husband convinced her. I'm shocked because she's never been maternal before. Obviously wish her and the baby all the best. It's just that date that hit me like a lightning, I find it awfully sad that our babies won't be brought up together now 😔 I can't sleep after all this.

@Amanda81 & @Kiki061190 It sounds like we're going to have to deal with things one day at a time. I hate that and I know I'll find it hard. I always prepare for the worst, but you can't even do that with pregnancy, you just have no idea what your reactions are going to be, to negative or positive developments.

Isn't this just a lot to take in, TTC, then high hopes for a happy future, then come crashing down, hormones and bodies in disarray, grief, bodies probably not in the fittest physical state, and then you gotta do it all again, pick yourself up, build yourself up and hope for the best?! Sounds insane, right? I still can't quite believe I am that person, living through it, and we all are. Xxx

@MrsMGE life is unfair 😔 we're all in the same boat though, need to keep our spirits up 😁 it WILL happen! Where are you at in your cycle?

@Lizzieeeeeeeeeee I had retained products but not an infection after a d&c. My period didn't come for 6 weeks and I went for a scan, I had some clots still but they told me to wait for my period to come to maybe flush it out. Period came one week later but was super light, and when I went back for a scan the clot was still there. I opted for. 2nd d&c to speed the process up as we want to try again ASAP. This was yesterday.

If you have the option I'd discuss that with them. I feel like I could have waited for xx cycles for that clot to be flushed out if I did wait, so happy I took this route again. It is a very small operation where they just clean it a bit.

Good luck 💐

@Amanda81 sorry didn't see your reply to me! It gives me hope hearing your story, must have been awful for you last time! How far along are you now?

Hopefully I'm in your shoes soon (minus the anxiety but I know I will have it!). Did you fall quickly after your miscarriage? Was it a d&c or natural if you don't mind me asking? X

Hey @SunStruck - my first, the MMC I had an ERPC (similar to a D&C). I had this at 12 weeks, baby had passed at just over 10. I have no idea if there was any signs of baby not developing as I hadn't had a scan until the NHS dating scan. I waited for my cycle to return, then I got pregnant three cycles later. I MC that pregnancy at 5+5 and it was natural...honestly it felt like a heavy AF. My cycle resumed as normal i.e. temps and OPK's etc, and conceived without getting AF. I'm now 17+3 and have had 8 scans. In my situation the scans have really helped with knowing that she is progressing as she should be. However, I am grounded in the knowledge that this doesn't mean all will be well...but the odds are in my favour 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Before I caught with pregnancy I had a really bad cold, I was taking high dose Vit C. That's the only change I made. I was still drinking alcohol and enjoying my favourite (naughty) food.

Your time will come. Did you see my post a few days ago regarding the stats of pregnancy after MC...

@Amanda81 yes thank you, so reassuring! I should ovulate soon (within a week) fingers crossed, so let's see! Just glad to be back on the horse so to speak ha-ha. So sorry to hear about your miscarriages :(

Did your cycles go back to normal quickly after your ERPC?

Fingers crossed for you @SunStruck - I hope your cycles are the same as before. Fingers crossed with O'ing 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

I didn't really track when I ovulated prior to the MMC, but did have a 28 day cycle. The length of the cycle was the same, by I did start spotting a couple of days prior to AF. As I started to understand when I O'd, which was around CD16-17, I had some concerns about the length of my luteal phase (due to the spotting), it was about 11 days...so bordering on the minimum duration. I started taking Vit B complex to help with the spotting, but got pregnant both cycles I was taking it, so don't know if it helped with the spotting.

@SunStruck temping doesn't predict O but it confirms it's happened so we can stop dtd every other day. In longer cycles and after 4 weeks it's exhausting. I'm so sorry you needed another operation. What I will say is I was given the green light to ttc again after my d&c but had another early mc straight away. A different doctor later said it's more likely after d&c and I really wish someone had told me that. Several over ladies on this thread experienced the same thing. The problem is you're more fertile but the lining can take a while to recover. My second pregnancy probably couldn't implant properly. It's up to you because you might be ok and I completely understand about not wanting to wait. In my experience though having two back to back miscarriages really messed my cycles and hormones up so I would always wait for a natural period if it happened again.

@MrsMGE I think it's very difficult to know when the right time is because it's something I think will always be tough. I'm a little scared about pregnancy if I'm honest but time isn't on my side at 40. If I was younger I'd take longer to recover more fully. It's so easy to underestimate how much time the body and mind need after something like this. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It's great news for her but tough for you. Distance yourself if you need to. She'll hopefully understand!

@Amanda81 I'm so sorry it's tough to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Mmc is so cruel and it's not fair to feel this way. I can imagine it's hard wanting to get excited about your baby but feeling you have to rein it back in to protect yourself. I do hope that feeling subsides as you get closer to you due date. Xx

@zoomies1 Your symptoms sound very famialiar. I was very ill too. I don't think it's a lack of progesterone but more a sensitivity to it and all the other hormones. I often feel nauseous and have tummy problems in the two week wait. My charts always show a strong temperature rise when I ovulate which is a sign of good progesterone levels. I'm so sorry you were ill too. It makes coming to terms with it so hard because everyone tells you what a good sign sickness is. I agree, positivity is key. I'm getting better but some days it's tough. Xx

@Kiki061190 I'm so sorry you lost two babies. That must have been horrendous! Big hugs! Xx

As for me another cycle, another failed ovulation. Temps have come right back down again. We're gutted. It's now cd 31 and I don't have a clue what's going on. I've been very uncomfortable with a sharp pain in the ovary. At least my doctor referred me for an ultrasound. I'm starting to feel like all the hormones involved in getting to 12 weeks with the first pregnancy and then losing another one so soon has messed my hormones up and caused a cyst. Hopefully it's not that and just ibs but I've never had it this bad before. Anyway I'll keep you all posted. Xx

@Sunstruck - CD 4 for me today. Seems like my AF disappeared last night after I got stressed out too 😔

Thanks girls. I got to face the world today all puffy and still feeling bad. Happy Monday not 😔 Had a very long chat with DH last night, about mine and his attitudes and fears. We are putting a time limit on TTC until I'm 35 and then we'll reassess where we are. Deep inside I'm scared it might take me years and years and many more losses, and I can't bear it. Putting a time limit on it makes it less daunting in some ways. I hope I won't be here still in 3 years' time. Xxx

@SunStruck thanks for your help. My retained product is around 12mm so not a lot. I would be happy to wait for AF if I got reassured that there is no chance of infection as I'm happy to wait 1-2 cycles do that my hormones settle.
Are you having any spotting after your d&c? Wish you a speedy recovery ☺️

@MrsMGE but how long have you been trying for? Hugs to you, I am sure it will happen much sooner! After 3 losses you get tested in the UK right? Obviously hoping that will never happen, but at least they will do something about it- and 3 years is a long time to give yourselves which is great :)

@Lizzieeeeeeeeeee very little spotting after my first one; literally just bled for that day! Same for this one yesterday. At least all out now and fine to try again :)

@Catconfusion thanks for your advice! My Dr did tell me to wait one period after the first one, so I have waited, ovulated and had one period since then. My d&c yesterday is not really a d&c, it was more like a quick cleaning of the uterus as I had one blood clot left from the first time. It took 15 mins and I was told can try again straight away as I've had long enough recovery time, and yesterday was not rough on the lining. I completely agree with you though, I really wanted to try when I ovulated first of July but didn't as didn't want to go against Dr orders!

@Sunstruck we started TTC for our first one in March, I caught in April, lost it in June. 37 days after medical management I had my AF, but seems it's gone after 3 days. Now I have no idea what's up with this cycle. Apparently it's not a given you will catch again quickly if you had before either Xxx