First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@sadtoday21 I also find it reassuring 😃 and also love to hear how you deal with the anxiety when you get pregnant, because we will hopefully all be there soon! So any advice is welcome.

Good morning ladies! How are we this morning?

You know that feeling you get before AF is due? I’ve got that today! I had a feeling this wasn’t our month. My OH seemed disappointed when I told him considering we’d done everything we could this month. We used pre seed, we dtd during the fertile window, we took pre conception supplements and ate a healthy diet but these things really are down to fate.

I was thinking of potentially stepping back from temping next cycle and seeing if a month without charting might just do the trick 😏

Here’s today’s chart anyways!

@sadtoday21 I think given the stage you are at, you should feel free to come back to talk about your anxieties. You have been on this board a long time and as with @Amanda81, it is lovely to hear your updates.

As @Catconfusion suggests, it is probably a good idea to set up a new board if you want to post photos and have a more detailed pregnancy discussion but it would be a real shame if you felt you couldn't share with us.

I think its only a big problem if there are more pregnant than non-pregnant on the board, if there is a significant flurry or BFPs (which is ironically what we all want but could make some feel left behind) and if we get lots of new people who come on for a month and then post BFPs. Any of those things in small numbers is probably ok and should be celebrated.

Happy for people to disagree though.

@kiki061190 its a real head fu*k isn't it.

I like temping because I can see when I have ovulated (in theory) and it helps me understand my cycle better but you can get a bit obsessed and it can get your hopes up.

In saying that though - fingers crossed AF stays away.

DH is now taking more interest - which means that having done no research, he can tell me that there could be something wrong with my hormones 'because I'm not ovulating ye't. I had to explain that it is only CD10 and we probably have another 5/6 days. Sigh. Does he expect me to pop eggs out on demand?

Thanks everyone for their input - I totally agree with all the comments made! I think you are right @Catconfusion, it's really upsetting to read about pregnancy when you are newly recovering from mc/mmc. I am not sure I am ready for scan pics and things yet either TBH - I looked at the pregnancy boards on here and I couldn't bring myself to join any! It was too cringe-worthy to hear women complaining about morning sickness and stretch marks when that is all I want in the world! I find it really difficult to relate to women who haven't been through the misery of what we have all been through.

I was reading this one thread on MN about a women who is pregnant and didn't know how to announce it to work colleagues because one of them recently had a mc at 12 weeks. Her cluelessness about mc made me want to throw up (I hope that's just the ms kicking in!). I can't even talk to my close female relatives or friends about pregnancy, since they have all just had normal and healthy pregnancies. I try to remind myself that everyone has been through something difficult in their lives, but I still feel really offended when people are so casual about pregnancy.

And you are absolutely right too @Zoomies1 - I was feeling a little left behind just two weeks ago and I don't want others to feel that way! We are a small bunch now, but I have a feeling all of you are close behind and it makes sense to start a thread for everyone to move to gradually as they get happy news!

@Sunstruck I doubt I'll have advice - but I hope to see you on the other end of this horrible tunnel!

@BabyPending and @Kiki061190 thanks also for reassuring me that I am not crazy to wait - I want it to be a special moment and I am also worried about something going wrong, so I just want to have a little more time to process. Obviously it's his baby as much as mine and he also suffered the mmc, but it didn't affect him in the same way as me. In the end, I am going down this physical path again and I am the one that will break the most if something goes wrong. I have to be gentle with myself about this.

And @Kiki061190 your chart still looks really great! Everything crossed for you Xxx.

So, I'll try to work up the courage to eventually start a new thread, particularly if we get more BFPs on here soon (which I think we will!). In the meantime, I promise there won't be any detailed discussions or photos shared. Just maybe some general fears related to the last mmc and cp (which we can all relate to).

We are all going to get there in the end ladies, no matter how difficult it seems. Don't give up hope! Xxx

@sadtoday21 I’m only on this thread as well, I don’t think I could join another one! You ladies have been such a source of support! I took a cheeky Frer this morning which I had left from my last pregnancy and not even a hint of a line but I’m feeling optimistic about next cycle already! I’m also treating myself to a new handbag this weekend because damn I’ve worked hard this month!

@zoomies1 it is a total pain because I’m not even sure how to read charts. I feel a lot of it is down to mentality so I think I’ll try a month off temping and see what happens 😏 men are hilarious when it comes to TTC! My OH asked me if I was pregnant yet 😂 I was like NOPE! Not that easy!

On the debate about a new pregnancy board, I can see that there are loads of pros and cons.

Since I found out I was pregnant again, I have reluctantly shared details on this thread on the possibility of upsetting people. That's the last thing I would ever want to do. There is another board called something like 'pregnancy after loss' or something like that. They also have a board which is for those who haven't yet got their BFP. I have joined the pregnancy board, and they have all been supportive and all share the same anxieties. The one thing I would say about this thread is that you feel liberated to share the pregnancy detail (even the oddest things which have stirred up anxiety) and of course everyone is happy to post a scan photo as they are delighted to have had a good scan. On the other hand, I don't feel as connected with them, as I do with those on this thread...simply due to the investment of emotion I have with peeps on this thread and you where here for me at the toughest time.

I don't know, perhaps there should be a new board for those who get BFPs...but I wouldn't want to lose contact or share experiences/advice/support for those who have not got their BFPs.

It's such a tricky one, but I don't think there is any right or wrong...we all just need to get the support which we are seeking and share experiences and advice to help us through the next steps.

Hi Ladies. I took time away from Mumsnet as I found that at some point it was doing me more harm than good - certainly not through lack of support (which has been amazing), but because it's made me think about baby loss all the time when I'm trying to move forward and be more positive.

I am totally back though. Congratulations to all of you who have successfully conceived again ❤️ You must be so happy. Fingers crossed for all of you.

I am not saying anything about starting a new thread, just do as you wish. There's always an option to follow both threads and stay in touch if that's what you wish.

Personally, I am now that person feeling left behind not so much because of this thread, but because today is 4 weeks since my medical management, still no AF, not even a single symptom of it. I am absolutely no idea where I am in the cycle and I'm having a sh** week emotionally after a really good one when I thought I was coming out of my grief and trauma the other end. Clearly not.

I refuse to become a prisoner of temperature checks and charts (no offence). I get that it helps some of us, and that's OK. I'm organised with every other aspect of my life (lists of lists and Excel spreadsheets) and it stresses me out as it is, so definitely not adding TTC, which is already stressful after the MMC, to it to create an even more vicious circle.

If anyone else here is feeling like a mess, I hear you. You're not alone ❤️

@Kiki061190 go for it, you deserve it! 👸🏻 I think it's great you're so upbeat! Positive thinking is so important for TTC I think.

@Amanda81 I can only speak for myself but I find comfort in your happy stories! Hope to join soon 😄

Hey ladies, I’m going to take a bit of a step back from MN for a bit as my anxiety has erupted again which is a shame as I’ve had a good couple of good weeks. My friend had her baby yesterday and it’s hit me way harder than I thought. We’d planned to spend the summer together pregnant and do nice things with our babies before my mmc. Now her son is here it’s dredged up some horrible feelings. My heart sank when I she sent me pictures of him. I’m so happy for her but sad for me and DH. Coinciding with this I’ve had a big temp rise today which looks very much like O. I should be happy but instead I’m terrified my temp will just go back down again and it’ll be a failed one. Also I have the due date looming in a months time which I was ok with but now it feels difficult again. I just feel like there’s so much pressure. I need to distract myself completely from ttc at the moment and babies and pregnancies. It’s all too triggering. I’m sure it’s an off day and maybe just hormonal due to O but it’s a bit overwhelming. Please know I’m grateful to every one of you for the support and I’ll be back soon when my head’s a little clearer. Xx

@Catconfusion my thoughts exactly, feel for you lovely. Do what is best for you, whatever it takes. Xxx

@Catconfusion I think you’re so strong to be able to be open and honest about how you are feeling. Completely understand you taking some time! Hope you feel better soon ♥️

I defo think my AF is coming early ladies! I’m 10dpo and the cramps are bad and also I had some pink discharge there which I never usually get but I’m assuming means it’s impending. I’m not due till Monday and have never had an early AF before! All new to me 🤨

@MrsMGE the wait is just awful! I was 38 days for AF after medical management and it felt like forever 😫

Hi all - I wondered if I could get your opinion...

This is my first pregnancy and today I had a 9 week scan and saw an embryo but no heartbeat.

The date of my last period was on 4th May, so I should currently now be at around 9 weeks pregnant. However, I am wondering if my dates are off as I have polycystic ovaries so have irregular cycles. I booked a private early pregnancy scan at 6 weeks and saw an empty gestational sac and was told to come back in 3 weeks. I went back today and was told that the pregnancy had progressed since the last scan as there was an embryo, but there was still no heartbeat. I have been told to go back in another 2 weeks to confirm if the pregnancy is viable or not.

The wait is absolute torture. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am probably going to miscarry, but I wondered if there was at all a slight change that my dates could be off?

Any help/advice would be much appreciated x

@Kiki061190 30 days for me today and like I said, no signs.

I need to get a grip and stop eating rubbish ("because I'm feeling sorry for myself") and get back to the gym. Need motivation. The cycle should normalise once I'm back to my pre-pregnancy lifestyle which actually was a lot healthier than now.

Had a second acupuncture session tonight too, and tbh even I was to spend my last penny on this, it's worth it. It makes me feel a lot better, at least for several days but these positive periods are supposed to get longer gradually. Really recommend if you need a me time, pick yourself up time and generally something to help with getting yourself back on track x

Thanks guys, I’m sure I’ll be back soon when I’m feeling a bit better.

@Ellismellie I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have pcos and I went for a scan at 10 weeks and the baby was measuring 6. I did however know roughly when I ovulated so I knew the baby couldn’t be less than 8 weeks. An embryo develops a heartbeat between 5 and a half to 6 and a half week. We went back a week later on the off chance but we knew our baby should have a heartbeat by 8 - 10 weeks so it was confirmed as a mmc.

How long are your cycles usually? Do you know when you ovulated? If so you can go back two weeks from that date and count that as the beginning of the pregnancy. If the number of weeks from then until now is less than 7 weeks there’s a chance the heart hasn’t quite started yet. If it’s 7 plus weeks it’s probably a mmc. I’ve got my fingers crossed it’s just a mix up with the dates due to late ovulation. Xx

@Catconfusion

Thank you so much for your kind reply - I feel like I am going mad with worry and no-one understands :(

My cycles have been all over the place but since January I have managed to keep to an average of 35 days, it has previously been as long as 50 days +

I honestly have no idea when I ovulated. We weren't actively trying for a baby at the time but kind of stopped preventing it because I thought it would take me a while to get pregnant (turns out it only took a couple of months). If i go by a cycle of 35 days that should mean I ovulated between 22nd - 28th May, putting me at around 8 weeks now?

I am devastated that I have to wait another two weeks - I just feel in limbo

No problem @Ellismellie I’d say it’s difficult if you’re not sure when you ovulated. If you’ve had longer cycles it’s possible it was later than a typical 35 day one. If it was and you’re only say 6 weeks it could be too early to see the heartbeat. I’m just wondering if it would be worth calling up and seeing if you can have a scan after one week. They should be able to see if there’s been any developments by then. Two weeks seems like a long time to wait. This is a fantastic thread for support. It’s a tough time going through that wait. I swung from optimism to despair. Know you’re not alone and we’ve all been there. Sadly for the ladies on this thread the worst happened and should you be in that position after the next scan there’s lots of support for you here. Until then feel free to chat and we’ll help if we can! Xx

@Ellismellie I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Really hope you get an answer soon. The wait is heartbreaking, fingers crossed for good news for you!

My AF just started a few hours ago at 10dpo and 4 days early making this cycle only 25 days. I’ve never had AF early! Not sure whether to be happy the next cycle is here sooner than expected 😂😂😂

@Ellismellie Sorry you're going through this. If you have a look on various threads, you'll find out that most (or nearly all) of us who have been through MMC have felt that limbo of waiting for weeks to find out whether the pregnancy is indeed progressing and whether it is, as the EPAU refers to it, "viable". Wish I could tell you something that would take the stress away, but the reality is that this is the only way to deal with it, if you need to wait, you need to wait. It's not easy, and I myself was uber angry and hit the rock bottom when I was told I needed to wait. But if there is a slightest chance the pregnancy may succeed, or they're unsure based on scans so far, they won't proceed and it's the right thing to do. You'll get through this even though now it feels you may not. Wish there was a guaranteed positive outcome for all of us, but sadly there isn't. No matter what happens, we are here for you and we get it. For now, try to distract yourself as much as you can and lots of TLC, you need to look after yourself to go through this xx

Morning ladies!

AF is in full swing now, 4 days earlier than expected making this cycle only 25 days long. MC really does mess with your body! I’m actually quite happy to get it over and done with since I had a gut feeling it was coming!

Think I’m going to stop temping this cycle, go au natural and see what happens ♥️ Wish me luck!

@Kiki061190 Congratulations on your AF Never said that to anyone in my life haha! What a rubbish thing to congratulate on (as in how it feels)?! But totally get you.

Go wild this cycle, go for it whenever you fancy and keeping my fingers crossed for you ❤️😊🤞

Day 31 for me, NOTHING! I might do sit ups and go for 30 mins on a rowing machine, seriously! This always used to bring it forward a bit, or so I think?! 😂

Have a lovely day all xxx

@MrsMGE awww I totally get your frustration! Get on that rowing machine and then a trampoline! 😂 Hoping for AF ASAP for you! ♥️

@Catconfusion I completely understand, take as long as you need - we'll be here when you're ready to come back ❤️

@Kiki061190 I also just got my period! 🥳 never been so happy to get it in my life! Hopefully the rest of the blood clots come out with this period so we can get back to trying, scan next week...

Woop, congratulations @SunStruck ❤️

Thanks, @Kiki061190! I'm going for some rum with DH first tonight, rowing machine tomorrow 😂

As soon as my Nutella craving arrives, I shall tell you, as it's a tell tale sign of AF for me 🤘

Happy Friday to all of you, girls 😘 xxx