First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@bananamonkey I'm so sorry to hear about chemical :( sending hugs xx

@sadtoday21 I am unbelievably happy for you!! Congrats!!! And shows we don't have to be spot on with DTD for it to happen! This gives me hope :)

Looks like my first cycle after D&C is going to anovulatory. I'm on day 22 with no rise when ovulation usually happens on day 16 :( we are not trying this cycle but I hope my body gets back to speed soon for us to try next cycle xx

It took me 28 days to ovulate straight after the op @BabyPending when my cycles before were not that long so it may still happen x

@BabyPending I didn’t ovulate until cycle day 25 after miscarriage so you’ve still got time. Your body won’t snap straight back to normal, you just have to be patient with it. The wait is horrible but it just takes a little time ♥️

@bananamonkey @Kiki061190 thank you ladies it is reassuring. I think I'm more impatient because after my first miscarriage my body got straight back on track and now 3 weeks after my second I'm still getting faint BFPs where the hcg hasn't left yet! I know I need to be patient!

@Kiki061190 keep us updated on your rising chart :)

You are all giving me hope! Xx

Today’s chart ladies!

I’m really busy this week so have lots to distract me. Actually not sure if this is my month but if it’s meant to be it will be ♥️

Hi All. Hope you are all doing well today?

Just got off the phone.....DH doesn't really do emotional chat but started pushing me to book in an appointment with my GP as it will have been six months since the ERPC and there is no sign of anything happening. I was told 'not to worry' at the last one when I raised concerns but I called up today as I thought there would be a bit of a wait to be told SIX WEEKS! Six weeks to see the GP that deals with fertility and that's if she doesn't go on holiday. Blimey - is it this bad everywhere? I'll have to see if she does on the day appointments.....

I am feeling the pressure of my original due date - 16th September creeping up me. I'm planning to take the day off and do something nice. Also already thinking about Christmas when I should have had a three month old. It all feels a bit surreal.

@Kiki061190 - watching your chart with interest. Fingers crossed for you!

My appointment I booked yesterday is 3 weeks away but I don’t know that it’s the fertility specialist @zoomies1 she just said that’s when they next have slots. Sorry that must be so frustrating.

@zoomies1that's bad, I'd ask to see another doctor, if you're over 35 they have to refer you to a fertility specialist if you've been trying for over 6 months. Just say you can't wait that long because all GPs can deal with fertility stuff. How are your cycles looking generally? I'm sorry your due date is looming. Mine is too but I'll strangely ok at the moment. xx

@Kiki061190 your chart is looking good! xx

@BabyPending I'm sorry you're still getting positives. Hopefully that'll change soon after AF. xx

@bananamonkey I hope those few weeks go quickly and you can get some answers soon. xx

I'm on cd 17 and my temps are lovely and low so hopeful O will be here soon. If its not I'll be ok as we should have our fertility appointment soon. xx

@Catconfusion glad your temps are staying nice and low! Hoping for O soon for you ♥️

@sadtoday21 how are you?

@zoomies1its ridiculous how long you need to wait! Hopefully you can get an appointment sooner.

@BabyPending I hope you’re feeling ok today ♥️ Sending love.

Here’s this mornings chart ladies. I only look in the morning and forget about it for the rest of the day! Seems to be working!

@Kiki061190 your chart is looking good. When do you think you’ll test?

I don’t want to jinx it by showing off my chart but it’s beautiful. Temps are flowing lovely and low. Ovusense just brought my ovulation window forward by three weeks to now. The algorithm obviously is picking up on something. I’ve been pretty good at just looking once a week but today I woke up to a load of EWCM and couldn’t help it.

Hopefully this is it ladies. If so I’m back to a normalish cycle. Xx

@Catconfusion EWCM is telling you something! Hope this is it for you ♥️ Your temps seem to be regulating more this cycle which is positive. Your mindset has been fantastic and I’m sure this is helping!

You know I actually don’t think this is my month, I’m not sure why.... call it a gut feeling? Don’t get me wrong, myself and OH gave it everything we had this month so I’m unsure why I feel this way! Something is telling me it’s not my time yet. I’m not sure when to test really, any advice would be welcome!

Thanks @Kiki061190 I think my mindset has definitely helped but I also feel like I’ve been through the grieving process for my two pregnancies over the last few months and come out the other side. My body and mind needed to go through that. I’m not out of the woods yet as with pcos it’s difficult to know but I’m feeling good and O really does feel imminent (I have thought that before and it wasn’t). I’m just staying positive and busy until we have news.

I’d say if you’re 10 days post O you can test anytime from now with an FRER and first morning urine. It’s up to you really. Standard tests likely will be negative for a few days. Hopefully your gut feeling is wrong. You never know. Xx

@Catconfusion I’m 9dpo today so wouldn’t expect to see anything if I tested today. I feel like last time when I wasn’t even trying I just knew I was pregnant and that prompted me to test. I’m going to hold off and maybe just test Sunday which will be the day before AF is due then I’ll know what to expect Monday!

@Kiki061190 that sounds like a good plan. Tbh I’ll probably wait this time. It just gets expensive if not and no guarantees it will show up early.

Your instincts are probably right but it can feel different each time. I had no idea I was pregnant first time yet the second time I just knew from about 7. At least it won’t be long before you know for sure! Xx

*7 dpo

Exactly @Catconfusion it gets too pricey testing every day. I’m busy over the next few days and next cycle is a fresh opportunity ♥️ My cycle looks like it’s back to 28 days so not long to wait until the next fertile window!

Hey @Kiki061190 thanks for asking after me! Your chart is definitely looking like a BFP to me! Good for you for not obsessing over it and waiting to test.

Been feeling a bit overwhelmed with anxiety and "what-ifs" tbh - it is definitely messing with my sleep! I called the gp yesterday for the booking appt and they are going to give me a scan on the nhs at 8 weeks because of the previous partial molar pregnancy. Not sure if I can wait that long, but we are going on a hiking trip anyway so by the time we get back it will be around the end of 7 weeks (assuming it gets that far). @3204ECL and @Amanda81 did you have the first scan at 6 or 7 weeks? How did you deal with the anxiety of it all? I keep having flashbacks back to the terrible scan last February. I want to stay positive, but it's really hard. I'm trying to meditate and rest, feeling a bit more sick with this one than with the last all of the sudden. I have to defend some of my dissertation chapters next week, so trying to use work as a distraction and not get too stressed. I haven't told anyone yet - I'm just waiting to see if it's real still.

@Catconfusion I'm so happy your temps are nice and low this month! Fingers crossed that this is it! Xxx

@sadtoday21 it’s such a shame that we don’t get the same excitement because of the loss we’ve suffered! I would be the exact same as you. Everyone says to take your mind off of it but I know it’s not that easy. How did your OH react to the news? Thanks for being so positive about my chart! I just have a gut feeling it’s a no this month and can’t tell why! But I’ve lots to keep me busy until the next fertile window.

@Kiki061190 amazing chart, keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

@Catconfusion same there, let's hope O is around the corner 😄

@sadtoday21 positive thoughts.. although can be hard of course I know! I bet 8 weeks feels like a lifetime away 🤦🏻‍♀️

@sadtoday21 I had planned a scan at 7 weeks but ended up having one at 6 and 3 days due to some bleeding. We then had another one at 8 and 3 and are planning to have another one at about 10/11. I found having the date for the scan in my head has helped me have a little milestone to reach but I was also too scared to book them until a few days before incase it jinxed it (crazy I know!)

The scans have not only helped to break up the time but given real reassurance if only for a few days afterwards. I've found since the 8 week one I've been feeling a bit more positive.

I have really struggled with the anxiety overall and have found my self symptom spotting all day every day and if for an hour I wasn't feeling sick I was terrified. I've been really
up and down and some days have been worse than others. I drove myself mad with googling every single thing I was feeling early on so had to actively try and stop myself from doing it!

I've been writing my feelings down on the notes on my phone as I've found that has been a helpful release. I may go back over them and pull out some of the memories (the less crazy ones!) for a baby book a bit later down the line.

I totally understand how you are feeling, it's really hard and really sad not to be able to enjoy the pregnancy in the same way as before but it has got easier as time has gone on and I'm sure it will again the further on we get. Here for you if you want to talk xxx

Hey @sadtoday21 - sorry for the late response we travelled to Cyprus today and it's been a very long day. I would like to say the anxiety gets better, but in my experience the anxiety was at its worst from BFP until 13 weeks. It's only until recently where I've started to relay a little as I can feel my belly growing and changing shape. The real hiatus of anxiety for me was when the symptoms reduced at around 11/12 weeks and I just didn't feel pregnant. The way that I have been dealing with the anxiety is to have a shed load of scans. We had our first two with the NHS at 6 and 8 weeks, we then had private ones at roughly 9, 10, 11 and then 12 week scan with NHS and then to further private scans at 13 and 14 weeks (btw the 10 week scan was linked in with the harmony test). Unfortunately for us who have suffered a pregnancy loss, will have anxiety and we need to find a way of coping. No matter what people told/tell me, I still fear the worst. I think it's a coping mechanism whereby I stop myself from getting attached by expecting the worst, hopefully reducing the pain when the inevitable happens. I have now started thinking that this a load of BS I telling myself, as I will be devastate anyway if the worst was to happen. So now, I am embracing the pregnancy and enjoying the second trimester. Needless to say i have another scan booked in for the day after I get back (2 weeks away, where I will hopefully be 17+5!

I also found talking/posting on MN helpful. Please do keep sharing how you are feeling. It's always good to share xx

@3204ECL - sounds like we have been feeling very similar. I am so happy that your mindset has started to accept and have become more positive. It's taken me a bit longer to get there, but it's a much more enjoyable experience once you've allowed yourself to accept.

@Catconfusion - sounds like you are back on track my dear. You've worked very hard to get here and I also loved hearing about what your DH shares on the radio. That takes some guts. So hats off to him. I do feel that MC should be talked about more frequently. People are always tentative around me, but I always say I am more than happy to talk about it...the more we talk the awareness will improve.

@Kiki061190 - your chart is still looking good! Watching with interest...

Right, off to the land of nod now, super tired and want to prepare myself for lazing around on an inflatable tomorrow.

Love and hugs to all xxx

Thanks @3204ECL that's incredibly helpful. I am glad you are feeling less anxious now and able to enjoy the pregnancy a bit. I think I'm going to try to get my first NHS scan at 7 weeks (assuming it lasts that long) because I'm afraid they might not find anything at 6 weeks and I'll be away anyway with DH on a beach/hiking trip. My last baby only made it to 9 weeks, so I don't want a scan at 9 weeks, but I do want one roughly every two weeks (maybe 7/8, 10, 12, 14?). If something is wrong, I just want to resolve it as quickly as possible. I hate that NHS doesn't offer more scans, as I really can't afford to go private, but not sure whether I will have a choice.

@Amanda81 I feel exactly the same way as you, I don't think I'll stop scanning until I feel her kicking! I'm terrified even after the 12 week mark of things going wrong. Just read too many stories on MNs and you really never know. You are totally right though, even if something bad happens it won't help to feel bad and worry before it does. We try not to get attached and get our hopes up, but as soon as you see those lines it is impossible not to start thinking about the future. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and tell myself I am pregnant today, that's all that matters. All we can do is try... Hope you have a relaxing time in Cyprus and cannot wait to hear about the 17+ week scan - it is unbelievable how fast (and slow) time is going! Xxx

@Kiki061190 I haven't actually told DH yet - am I crazy for keeping it to completely to myself?? I'm dying to tell him and have someone to share my anxiety with, but for some reason I'm afraid to talk about it just yet. It just doesn't seem real. I know that sounds weird. Anyway, I thought it might be more romantic to wait a week and tell him on our vacation, if I'm still pregnant by then...it's still really early days at 4 weeks 4 days. Do you guys think this is a bad approach?

Finally, I just wanted to say that I realise it might be insensitive to post about pregnancy here, so I am going to try not to anymore! I know it can be so so hard to think about at any stage of recovering from mc/mmc. I just really needed someone to talk to about my anxieties and I don't want to go to another board - you guys are my peeps! So this is my question to all of you - should I start a separate First Pregnancy After Missed Miscarriage thread for these types of discussions, just so no one is hurt by it, or is it ok to stay on here and talk about these things? TBH, I'm almost afraid to leave because I might just be back here later. Terrifying! You guys decide and I'll respect that. Thanks for all of your love and support Xxx

@sadtoday21 I actually find it reassuring seeing the good news stories on here! Gives me hope and keeps me motivated! I would be the same! I probably wouldn’t tell my OH until I was maybe 5 weeks or so now so I completely agree with you ♥️ Do what feels right!

I can completely understand all your anxieties. I get the feeling it's even worse after a missed miscarriage because there were no signs anything wrong. I would feel exactly the same.

I think its a really good idea to start a new thread under that title @sadtoday21so you can share pregnancy worries without feeling like you might upset someone. It would make it easier for you to share scan pictures and talk more openly. I'm fine with it but I'm just thinking of the ladies who've just joined us or about to join us when it's really raw. Then you can move between the two threads. It also keeps the focus of this thread to ttc. I'm sure all your wisdom would be greatly appreciated by us on here and you can support each other on the other thread. Just a thought but do what you think is appropriate as you started the thread. xx

@sadtoday21 thank you and the other ladies who are conscious about us still trying. But I am genuinely happy for you and like @Kiki061190 says, it's really reassuring hearing your success stories so please don't worry (in my opinion). I really hope your anxiety lessens after the first (or first few) scans, such a shame we lose the excitement due to our past :( I think waiting a week is a lovely idea, I tried to do the same with my second BFP but I have zero will power and gave in haha! If you can wait a week then go for it, it's nice to add a bit of surprise / excitement during this anxious period, you deserve a special moment of revealing to your OH :) wishing you all the best xx